


The Frost Chronicles: Winter's Howl

by JetstreamVik



Series: The Frost Chronicles [1]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Humor, Angst and Tragedy, Attempt at Humor, Blood and Gore, Blood and Violence, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Death, F/M, Possessive Behavior, Possible Character Death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Horror, Sexual Harassment, Sexual Humor, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Survival Horror, The tags have at least one point where they mean something i swear, Violent Thoughts, Well at least it was SUPPOSED to be psychological horror, Yandere
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:01:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 100,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27556540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JetstreamVik/pseuds/JetstreamVik
Summary: You've heard the stories, of vault dwellers that left their shelter and changed the wasteland, of vengeful couriers that made or broke the brightest city in the United States, but all of them were spared, spared the true horrors of the post war world.What about those who witnessed it firsthand? Who had to fight and kill those that they might have called friends a day, a month or even a year ago, what about those people? Those who couldn't even step on the surface without dying from the rads immediately, those who lost their minds and became things that redefine the word monster, those who weren't born into the wasteland.There is no Sole Survivor, rather a simple boy who watched the world burn and had to become a hardened killer, who's seen the worst the new world has to offer...At least he thinks he has.1st Arc: Chapters 1-302nd Arc: Chapters 31-?
Series: The Frost Chronicles [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2142459
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This story is heavily influenced by a series of mods for Fallout 4, obviously Frost Survival Simulator will be the first to come to mind hence the title, the Whispering Hills mod (Because why not, plus the Silent Hill inspiration will come later.) As well as a very heavy Metal Gear influence, but it will mostly be set in Fallout's world, there might be some topics I add to the tags once I make it past this first chapter, it will get very dark later on, it's my first fic that I've started and posted so show me some mercy everyone, constructive criticism is welcomed and expected as I know my writing's not the best but this is something I've wanted to do since 2017.
> 
> This story will heavily diverge from the original Frost "canon" even though there wasn't much of a canon in the original mod for those who've played it, but that's the beauty of it.
> 
> There will be some instances of a character speaking French, I don't know the language and used Google Translate for the most part so it's very very likely the translations will either be slightly off or just completely wrong.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy it and let me know what you think.
> 
> Fallout belongs to Bethesda, yadda yadda legal jargon yadda yadda fair use yadda yadda
> 
> Frost belongs to Naugrim04, he retired from the modding scene sadly.
> 
> "Alex" and most named characters will all be my own creations.

Chapter 1

Prologue

======

Furiously the young man sat at his rotten old desk, scribbling away at a musty black book sitting in front of him, guided only by a dim, dirty lightbulb hanging overhead, the room was filled with the sounds of lead on paper before an abrupt snapping sound broke through.

“Shit…” The man muttered to himself as he held the pencil up, he set it next to the book and opened one of the drawers of his desk, the drawer was full of different tools and pieces of junk that would normally serve no use, he rummaged around the drawer for a moment before cursing again and abruptly slamming the drawer shut. With a huff he stood up and slid his old desk chair into place and went over to his couch, an old, dusty thing and started searching underneath it. “How hard is it to have a goddamned pencil sharpener in a small house?” He said, frustrated as he blindly reached around under the couch. “Ah! Got you!” He said before pulling a small, rusted pencil sharpener from underneath, he stood up and made his way back over to his desk, sitting back down and soon the sound of the pencil being shredded down filled the room, “Gotta sharpen that blade sometime…” He muttered to himself before tossing the sharpener into the side drawer and sweeping the pencil shavings off.

The scribbling started back up, the man’s dark, midnight blue eyes focused intently on the book in front of him.

“5 years, that’s how long I’ve been stuck running the tunnels like a rat in a maze and every day I still fucking hate the bastards that started all of it, and for what? Oil that was long dying out when most of the world was making the switch to nuclear power anyway? Or was the U.S just letting their paranoia about the communists get to them? I’d be willing to bet money that was the case if the stuff was still worth something down here...Sometimes I still can’t believe it, that those idiots really pushed the button not giving a shit about the billions of people they killed, bet they had a nice little bunker to hide in like those stupid vaults, they get to sit in luxury, all the food and water they could ask for a probably a robot that jerks them off just for the hell of it while thousands have to deal with their actions...Or whoever’s left in Boston anyway.

Still can’t believe my dad willingly chose to work for them anyway...Still, I hope him and mom made it to somewhere safe, safer than these shitty subway lines, half of them aren’t even stable anymore...The ghouls are getting worse too, fucking freaks are pouring in from the abandoned stations, I’m not even sure what else is running around up there...Some kind of way to celebrate the anniversary right? Wondering if a horde of those things is gonna try and storm the gate…Honestly I ask myself why we do this...What’s the point? Nothing’s ever gonna be normal again no matter how many bells and whistles they have me attach to this place...Is it just for survival now? Or do people really expect the old world to be a thing again? Whatever I suppose...It’s just another year.

“Warm” regards, Alex” 

With a forlorn sigh he slammed the book shut and opened the bottom drawer of the desk, which was completely empty and he tossed the book in there and shut it with a socked foot, he wearily rubbed his eyes before settling them on the small alarm clock sitting on his desk, a couple bangs of his black, shoulder length hair rested on his temples as he watched the second hand ticking slowly, it just hit 12:05. “I should’ve been heading off for college by now...Or at least graduated high school…” Alex said to himself, quickly following up with another depressed sigh, he had just turned 18 earlier in the month, and had nothing worth celebrating in his opinion, aside from people giving him that old, you should be thankful you’re alive bullshit.“Could’ve met someone, could've had some fucking friends…" His face scrunched with anger, as the constant memories of the last five years began to nag at him. "Can't have friends in this world anyway...Not when they all just end up dying." Brief flashes went through his mind, people he met while trying to survive, those that didn't attack him on sight, all dying at the hands of one of the new world's savage beasts.

Suddenly his eyes darted over to something leaning against the wall, an authentic Japanese katana neatly tucked away in its sheath, and a handmade rifle leaning next to it, made from pipes, wood and some bolts. "Those are the only friends you have in the world…" He said, a phrase he'd often heard his father say after he came back from the battle for Anchorage. "Soldiers have comrades, they don't have friends, their only friends are the gun in their hands, and the grenades hanging around their belt." He could hear his dad's voice say, he was a loner, loyal to the military to a fault, but he never adopted that brotherly attachment most soldiers did.

Alex stood up and walked over to the weapons resting on the wall, he picked the sheath up and just barely took the sword out, the steel shining under the faint light, he had adopted his father's motto very well, that sword was his pride and joy, it was one of two weapons his father owned, the sword coming from his great great grandfather following his travels in Japan, passed down as a sort of family heirloom as he had it specially made. "I wonder if dad ever actually intended for this thing to be used?..." He asked himself before sliding the blade back into the sheath and setting it against the wall, he sat back at his desk and opened the top drawer, inside was a freshly oiled Remington 1858 New Model Army revolver, sitting in there with a box of .44 caliber bullets.

"Never understood why you liked this thing so much...You guys had those laser guns and plasma rifles...And yet you preferred some old Civil War revolver…" He reached in the drawer and took the revolver out, clicking the hammer back and spinning the cylinder. "Then again you always preferred bullets over lasers." Alex chuckled quietly, his father preferred older technology, at least as far as firearms were concerned, and he absolutely hated the commonplace robot guards every place had now, to him nothing beat having a real flesh and blood human doing the job. 

Then, with no rhyme or reason he pressed the barrel of the gun against his temple and casually pulled the trigger, the gun clicked but no bang, he opened the cylinder and the gun was one rotation off from blowing his head off, a somewhat crooked smile came to his face as he whipped his wrist and the cylinder went back into place, silently he set the gun back into the drawer and quietly closed it, he looked up at the rusted scrap metal of his ceiling for a moment, then he casually got up and walked over to the coat rack by his front door, taking down a black hoodie and throwing it on, he picked the sword up and looped the sheath around his back and opened the front door.

The town, or the closest thing to a town, was the leading settlement of the new world, formed by the former Metro Federation turned Metro Coalition after the unification with the Metro Alliance following the death of former leader Marchand, it had several small shack homes, a hardware store that was really just a trading post, a bar and of course a gun shop. Alex stepped down from the platform and let himself be bathed under the warm neon lights from the few signs the shops had, and the yellow glow of small lights all around him, a few people gave him a glance and a half hearted wave as he passed them and approached one of the shops, a bar with a large sign over the door with “Johnny’s Bar” written on it in large green letters, the O had a four leaf clover in the middle of it and there was a neon beer sign next to the door.

He opened the door to the obvious smell of alcohol and cigarettes in the air, about a dozen people were sitting in the booth seats, a full seat of people at the poker table and a couple of guys over by the surprisingly pristine pool table and at the bar there was a man, scraggly beard with long enough hair that the two looked connected, wiping down the bar when he looked in Alex’s direction. “Aye Alex laddie! Good to see you!” The man called out with probably the most cliche Irish accent a person could have, Alex gave him a half hearted grin as he walked over to the bar, taking a seat at one of the stools. “Hey Johnny...Busy night eh?” He asked quietly. “Oh you know it lad...You know how everyone gets this time of year…” Well, aside from Johnny himself actually, the guy was always in a good mood for some reason and people thought he was probably at least half drunk most of the time. “Yeah...Lot of people don’t like to remember it.” He responded, looking over at someone who was sitting at a booth by themselves, presumably passed out from drinking a lot that evening.

Johnny reached underneath the bar and pulled out a bottle of Nuka Cola and set it in front of Alex, who took it without a word and nodded towards the Irishman before twisting the little red cap off and taking a quick drink. “You know you’re the only person I know who walks into a bar and doesn’t drink beer.” Alex just shrugged his shoulders. “I tried it once when I was a little younger, not a big fan of the taste.” There was a brief moment of silence, Alex absently taking drinks from the bottle as his attention shifted over to the guys at the pool table, the loud clacking of pool balls followed by one of them hollering with joy, somehow the place always had that strange energy about it, walking in you’d suddenly have this unexplained rush of happiness, maybe it was the aesthetic. “I see you’ve got that sword of yours on your back lad, you got plans to go out with a hunting party tonight?” Johnny asked, breaking the silence between them. “I wasn’t planning on going out with anyone, probably by myself for a bit and see if I can’t find something to take my anger out on…” Alex responded, followed by a bit of a dark sounding chuckle, he had made hunting ghouls over the years a game of sorts, a somewhat sadistic game of hide and seek where the seeker had a sword, and the hider ended up mulched like it was in a blender.

“Aye, sometimes I think you get a little too much enjoyment out of killing ghouls Al, but you’re probably the only thing keepin’ em from breaking the gates down and snackin’ on everyone.” Johnny said while he was trying to deal with a particularly stubborn stain on the bar, actually picking at it with one of his nails, it was probably dried on throw up or something. “I wish that was the case, still feel sorry for those poor bastards up in Cambridge, seems like they didn’t really have much of a chance.” Alex’s tone was a little darker, the station up there had been completely destroyed by ghouls, only two or three people managed to make it out. He lifted the bottle and started chugging the entire thing down within a couple seconds, Johnny took the bottle and set the cap back on before putting it under the bare with about a dozen other emptied Nuka bottles. “I think I’m gonna head out for the night John, see if I can’t find a pack or two to cut down.” Johnny nodded as Alex did a half spin in the stool and stood up. “Be careful out there lad, make sure you take a gun with you this time, don’t need you having another incident like before.” Alex responded with a casual sounding “Eh” and just shrugged his shoulders before making his way towards the door, not like dying was exactly something he was worried about at this point. He left and on his way towards the Northern gate that separated the town from those lines, he humored Johnny’s request and quickly returned home to grab the rifle that was sitting against the wall, as well as a couple of spare magazines for it.

He approached the gate and made a brief hand motion towards the guard, who nodded in response from the small tower overlooking the other side and with a hand crank the large wooden gate opened just enough for him to get through before the guard quickly shut it behind him, beyond that point there was nothing but darkness, most of the old subway lights had gone out during the war so the tunnels were extremely dark, Alex pulled the hood of his coat over his head and took a small black bandana out of his pocket and wrapped it around his face, it was a little trick he used to blend in with the surroundings, he lost count of how many times he fooled a person or a pack of ghouls just by hiding in nearly plain sight, he cracked his knuckles and underneath his bandana a somewhat evil grin came to his face as he started walking down the tunnel, the guard watching as he completely disappeared in the dark. “I wonder if one of the demons is gonna come get me…” He said with a sarcastic, snarky tone, he heard all the stories that had come up in the years since the war, ridiculous things such as the darkness being alive and slowly encroaching on everyone, waiting for the right moment to strike and consume them, ghost stories about people who saw their dead loved ones and how they would guide them to safety, or others about ghostly subway trains passing through the lines, filled with people with people just going about their business as if nothing was wrong, he didn’t go for that fairytale bullshit, he had seen real horror in monsters like the ghouls or those eyeless freaks of nature, that was real terror, something people should really be scared of, not passing off stupid fairytales to make people scared of the dark.

Minutes went by, a half hour of nothing, not a ghoul, not even another soul, the only things were the sound of concrete pebbles idly settling in the background, accompanied by the sound of an old rusted pipe dripping and the slight breeze quietly blowing through the line, something about this was far more unsettling to him than if he’d ran into a massive pack of ghouls, danger wasn’t foreign to him, silence outside of town however was, something didn’t feel right, Alex found himself actively looking for something, anything that would give a hint of danger but there was nothing, no ghouls, no monsters, it was quiet, disturbingly quiet, suddenly there was a sound, a sound that he hadn’t heard in years, Alex tilted his head towards the concrete ceiling as the sound of a nuclear siren was slowly approaching, it was approaching...Alex froze in place as the sound chilled him to the bone, he could feel his breathing start to hitch, then quickly accelerate, like a damn war veteran it all came back, the day the bombs dropped, the sheer panic and terror that wracked his body that day, the screams of terrified parents and children, followed by the earth rattling shockwave and the sounds of Boston’s sirens slowly dying down.

Most people would’ve said the sound was just an old siren that had started back up, but it was moving towards him, getting louder and louder and soon it was standing right over him, he couldn’t breathe, the sound went from a regular nuclear siren to a dying one, just like all those fucking years ago, every muscle in Alex’s body had stiffened, hard as a rock and he couldn’t take a step even if he wanted to, that damn siren, it wouldn’t stop, alternating between that long rising tone, and the struggling, glitchy sounds of a dying siren, soon the sound began to fade away, as if whatever was making it was slowly moving away, the siren faded away in the distance and Alex suddenly fell to his knees, pulling his bandana down as he couldn’t catch his breath, beads of sweat running down his forehead, his breathing cracked a little bit as he struggled to catch his breath,his body finally released the tension and he stood back to his feet, with a shaky hand he pulled the bandana back up over his face, and started walking again, his steps were sloppy and awkward, still trying to get his bearings after nearly having a breakdown on the spot, instinctively he had his hand resting on the handle of his sword, ready to pull it out and start swinging at any moment, he was expecting that stupid siren to come back at any moment but it was completely gone by this point, leaving him wondering just what could make the sound that loud and be able to move.

Suddenly a shrill, ear piercing shriek broke through the silence, almost on autopilot Alex had his sword unsheathed and ready for a fight, his hands nervously gripped the handle as he quietly made his way against the wall, keeping himself out of sight out of whatever might be ahead of him, he took a deep breath to center himself and slow things down a bit as his heart was pounding in his ears at the moment, he inched himself forward a couple steps before another scream rang through the tunnel, he was fairly certain it was a girl by the pitch, either that or a guy with an extremely feminine scream. There was nothing for a few moments, just an unsettling silence, he kept himself near the wall, slowly inching forward and keeping an ear open, then another sound, shoes hitting the concrete, someone was running in his direction, actually it was more like they were sprinting towards him, he couldn’t quite see the person yet, it was far too dark and they hadn’t ran in front of one of the few really dim lights that were still active. Then he caught sight of someone, a long winter coat flapping in the wind as they ran past the light but he couldn’t see their face, he could plainly make out the person’s figure, clearly a woman but he didn’t see her face, he could hear her breathing though, panicked and just trying to get away from whatever was chasing her.

She was quickly closing the distance between himself and her and he had to think fast, as she was close enough to pass he reached out with one hand, grabbing one of her wrists and stopping her in her tracks, she quickly whipped around, letting out a scream before suddenly pulling a knife from her coat pocket, wildly swinging at him, he let go but she kept swinging, knife getting closer to him, he tilted his sword towards her and with a loud clang her knife bounced off his sword, stopping her brief offense. “You done?” He asked, the girl didn’t respond however, terrified and out of breath from running. “Look, if I was going to kill you I would’ve done it by now, catch your breath and tell me what’s going on.” He obviously didn’t have the patience for this, his own mind was still running faster than she was, she took a moment to catch her breath and nervously started pointing down the tunnel, towards literally nothing, she tried to say something but she was clearly still very afraid as she was just stuttering incoherently.

“S'il te plait ne le laisse pas me tuer...” Her somewhat heavy French accent was stained with fear, on the verge of tears, Alex looked down the line and there wasn’t anything coming, he assumed it was a pack of ghouls, or something along those lines, he couldn’t speak French outside of maybe one or two words but judging from how she was acting something was after her, he held a finger up, silently telling her to be quiet so he could hear, not a sound was coming from the direction she did now. Alex let out a frustrated sigh as he looked at the girl. “The fuck is chasing you?” He asked, it took her a moment to answer, causing him to spin his finger around in a “get on with it” motion. “Je ... je ne sais pas.” He placed his thumb and forefinger on his temples, he wasn’t in the mood for this, he opened his mouth to speak when suddenly a loud, phlegmy sounding growl came from further down the line, the girl suddenly clung onto Alex, about to break down crying in sheer terror at whatever was coming, the sound of large bare feet slapping on the concrete began approaching, along with loud grunts and growls like an animal, a loud scream like growl came next as Alex finally could see what the hell was on its way.

An enormous behemoth of a man, easily over 6’8 and from muscle mass alone looked to be 350 pounds, he was hunched over, sniffing at the air like an animal on the hunt, he was soaked in blood from head to toe, he wasn’t even sure if the thing was human or not, his body was riddled with cuts and boils, he wasn’t even wearing clothes aside from a few loose rags on his body, his legs were completely red from blood, and he had something over his face, a mask of some kind, that looked like it was made from a person’s face, still fresh and twisted in an expression of horror, with dead grey eyes underneath, Alex quickly hid in the dark, whispering to the girl to stay close to him, there was a nearby access tunnel that was completely in the dark and he slowly started inching his way over to it, eyes stuck on the monster the entire time, something looked familiar about it, he couldn’t quite put his finger on it though, the monster looked up at the ceiling and let out a loud, prolonged scream, blood and bile spewing from its mouth as its long fingers twitched, Alex and the girl carefully snuck into the access tunnel, where they were both hidden in the dark and they waited, the monster started walking closer and closer, bare feet smacking on the concrete as it closed the distance, he made a clicking sound of some kind, like the bile in his throat was bubbling, its head wildly snapped around, this thing was clearly hunting, hunting down the girl judging by how she was.

It made it to where they were hiding, it hunched over, curiously looking in every direction, for a brief moment its eyes settled on where they were hiding, it took a step towards their tunnel, they were both tense, a layer of sweat on both their foreheads as the monster grew ever closer, its head poked past the support pillars of the tunnel and suddenly, in a spur of the moment idea Alex swung his sword upwards, slicing through the human face mask and into the monster’s right eye, blood spattered on the ground as the monster reeling back, screaming hysterically and clutching at its injured eye, it wouldn’t stop screaming, it sounded like a murder victim. “Come on! What are you waiting for?!” Alex said as he grabbed the girl’s wrist and quickly pulled her out of the tunnel and started shoving her ahead of him. “Keep going South, you’ll reach downtown and tell them a guy named Alex sent you, now go.” He turned his back to the girl, who was initially hesitant at first to leave him alone with that thing, but she started running down the tunnel, her footsteps fading off into the distance as Alex stood against this monster, he held his sword close to his face and took his stance, he took a deep breath as the monster set its remaining eye right on him, screaming in anger as it charged at him, swinging its long, claw like hands at him, Alex sidestepped and a clean swipe caught one of the monster’s arms, it cried out in pain as its arm was only hanging by a few threads of muscle, it turned its back to him, groaning in pain and what soon followed was a horrific cracking sound before the monster suddenly swung that arm at him, somehow reattached as if nothing had happened, the attack caught him off guard and he couldn’t avoid it in time, the back of the monster’s hand hit him like a brick and sent him to the ground, knocking his sword out of his hands.

He sat up, rubbing his sore chin as the monster came charging at him again, he quickly reached for his gun and a hail of bullets came flying at the creature, bullets ripped through the creature’s flesh but it didn’t seem to do much to deter it, it stopped the charge but the monster refused to die, skin being ripped away by searing hot lead, Alex quickly threw a fresh magazine in, barely giving the monster any reprieve before opening another assault on it, as the bullets ripped through it the monster just screamed at him, a psychotic, animalistic scream that make his blood chill. Two magazines, 48 rounds emptied into this thing and it was still standing, growling menacingly at him, its arms were barely attached still but it let another primal scream and started charging at him, for a moment Alex froze, he wasn’t sure what to do, it wouldn’t die after having enough bullets to kill an elephant put in it, even if they were just .38s it still should’ve done something, he seemingly spaced out for a moment as the monster quickly closed the distance, the flight portion of that fight or flight kicked in as he avoided the thing at the last second, quickly looped the gun back around and sprinted for his sword, picking it up off the ground without missing a step and quickly resheathing it, he broke into a mad dash just to get away from the thing, it was at least a little slower now than before, he just wanted to get away, his heart was pounding in his ears again, for the first time in a long while he was afraid of something…

The monster’s psychotic wailing eventually gave way to silence as he managed to escape, he could still hear it screaming even as he’d made considerable distance from it, his entire body was shaking, he was locked in tunnel vision just trying to get away from the thing, eventually the screaming finally silenced, he was able to stop for a moment and catch his breath, his chest was on fire, a mix from his running and the fact that he was afraid of whatever that was he was facing, he stopped and leaned his back against the wall, taking loud, deep breaths to get his bearings before he slouched to the ground, yanking his bandana down and pushing his hood back, his face was a deep red, hair a mess from sweat, he brushed one of his bangs aside as he took a moment to realize things, he’d seen everything the apocalypse had to offer so far...The ghouls, mutated animals, monstrous creatures that came and went...But that thing, whatever it was, it was something he had never seen before, something he wasn’t planning for, something he wasn’t even sure how to plan for...It was easy to outfight it, the thing was the same as a dumb animal, it couldn’t even speak, but the fact it took two magazines to its entire body and didn’t die, it horrified him, it sent a chill down his spine, he finally caught his breath again, it wasn’t chaotic, he managed to control it and slow it along with his heart rate down a bit, he stood back to his feet and continued the journey back to the town, within minutes the northern gate came into view and the guard flagged him down. “Hey! Who’s the girl?” He asked. “I don’t know, I ran into her out in the tunnels, she was being chased by this....Thing.” Alex wasn’t sure how to explain it. “Thing?” As if on cue the guard was questioning. “Yeah thing...I don’t know what it was, it was nothing I’ve ever seen before.” As he approached the gate he could see the very real look of terror in the guard’s face as he frantically twisted the hand crank to open the gate, after closing it he climbed down from the tower to question him a bit.

“What exactly did you see out there Alex?” He asked, to which Alex just shook his head. “I told you...I’m not sure what it was but it was certainly something that would put the ghouls to shame...I put 48 rounds into the thing and it didn’t die, it barely even slowed it down, now damn it I know these are just .38s but if you shoot something 48 times and you don’t even slow it down much less kill it, then I don’t know what you’d call that…” The guard was unsurprisingly horrified at what he was hearing, Alex pressed his palm to his forehead, frustrated and nervous. "Where did the girl go?" He finally asked. "She went into town, I didn't know where specifically...Should I get some people together to go deal with this thing?" He asked but Alex quickly shook his head.

"No, no I don't know anything about this thing and if we sent anyone out there it'd be blind and most likely suicide if we did…" He said grimly before walking past the guard, “I need to think about this for a little while…” The guard went back to his post as Alex made his way into town, of course as soon as he arrived he noticed the girl, sitting on the edge of the platform in front of his house looking around, as if she’d never seen something outside of a single crappy shack in the middle of the line, under the town’s lights he got a much better look at her, short light brown locks, skin as pale as a pearl and violet colored eyes that bordered on hypnotic, she had some red turtleneck underneath the long black winter coat and some pretty basic black pants, although something felt a little off about her, compared to a lot of people who had cracked skin, chapped lips and looked like they hadn’t seen a shower in months, aside from a few dirt smudges on her face, she was almost pristine if he had to put a word on it, kind of creeped him out how different she looked compared to everyone else, the moment her eyes settled on him a smile came to her face and she popped up from where she was sitting and walked towards him, acting like she was about to hug him but he held a hand out towards her, making her keep her distance. "Est-ce que tu vas bien?” She said, causing Alex to tilt his head with a look basically saying “Can you repeat that?” 

“Uh...I don’t speak French, so I really hope you know English.” He said, to which she nodded her head. “My apologies monsieur, I was asking if you were alright.” She said, she was clearly a little timid, still shaken up from the entire ordeal. “Yeah...I’m fine, since I’m guessing you’re alright just go over to that house over there.” He pointed towards a large two story home on the other side of town, built onto the track with a small gate out front, a couple of turrets and a large flag bearing the Metro Coalition’s symbol on the front. “The guy who runs the place, Madsen, he’ll give you the welcome wagon and a place to stay if you need it.” He stepped up on the platform towards his home, not even giving the girl the time of day before he headed inside, curiously she tilted her head as he slammed the door behind him, she looked towards the large house at the tunnel opening, then back towards Alex’s for a moment, for no reason a bright smile came to her face and she muttered something to herself, gently placing her hand over her chest, then she made her way towards Madsen’s home.

======


	2. Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I the only one who insists on having soap in a nuclear apocalypse? Eh probably.
> 
> Enjoy and as always advice is appreciated.
> 
> "Foutre le camp!" Roughly translates to fuck off and there's a misspelling that's intentional.

Chapter 2

Alone

======

A couple of days went by without really anything, Alex stayed in as he always did, trying to figure out some way to deal with that seemingly immortal monster that was still running through the tunnels, he couldn’t shake that something seemed familiar about it, he could’ve sworn that he’d seen the thing somewhere before but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. The girl had ended up deciding to stay in town and of course with his luck the only house that was available was the one that was built near him, occupied by some passing trader a couple weeks back and no one had ever claimed it, so of course Madsen gave her the home, and since then she seemed to be quite interested in talking to Alex whenever she could, she didn’t come to his house but they’d run into each other when he’d go out for scrap and she would immediately run into him and try to strike up a conversation, something he just wasn’t interested in. He woke up that morning after having a surprisingly quiet sleep, no nightmares as he often did just a black, dreamless sleep, he sat up and rubbed his eyes, tossing the blankets aside and standing up, stretching his arms out as he walked over to his desk, which was littered with yellowed papers covered with different writings as he’d gotten a bit obsessed with finding out how this creature managed to shrug off bullets like they were nothing.

After sitting he reached underneath the desk and took out a small crate full of Nuka Cola bottles, two of which were cherry flavored, he grabbed one of the cherry ones and set the box down, pushing it back under the desk with his foot and popping the cap off, he took a long drink as he looked over some of the papers from previous days. “I just don’t get it…” He muttered to himself. “I’ve never seen something that can just shrug off that much gunfire, or regenerate from their injuries...I mean the ghouls are pretty much invincible from the radiation preserving them but...Even they die if you shoot them in the head or take some limbs off…” He immediately recalled when the monster somehow reattached its almost severed arm after he sliced through it, he had to wonder if it was able to heal from the eye injury as well. He just sat there, staring at the papers as his frustration only continued to rise, with his free hand he clenched it into a fist and grit his teeth. “If it isn’t one fucking thing it’s another...It wasn’t enough that we can’t go on the surface without freezing or irradiating to death, it wasn’t enough that there’s millions, probably billions of ghouls everywhere and lord knows what else up there, but now we have invincible, regenerating monsters from hell....” His face turned a shade of red as he took another drink from the bottle, then suddenly opened the drawer the revolver was in and just like last time, he took the gun out, pulled the hammer back and spun the cylinder around, he took a deep breath as he pressed cold steel against the side of his head and casually pulled the trigger, and just like last time it went off with a click but no bang, he pulled the gun away and let out a sigh, whether it was just he was extremely lucky or the universe didn’t want him to have an easy way out he never seemed to get the chamber with a bullet. He popped the cylinder out and the bullet wasn’t even close this time, he could’ve pulled it another four times before it had actually gone off, he set the gun back in the drawer and slammed it shut before taking another drink from the bottle.

For a moment he was lost in thought, scratching his chin with his free hand as his eyes scanned over the papers on his desk, he couldn’t figure out a definitive answer though, quietly letting out a frustrated growl as his mind just kept going from one dead end to another. “There’s very little if any radiation down here at all so it’s not just a giant ghoul...It seems more like an animal but still less feral than the regular ghouls...So what the hell is it?” He said as he picked up one of the papers, this one was the suggestion that it wasn’t a ghoul at all, that it was another form of mutation that he hadn’t seen before. “Even if that were the case, why would it have the ability to regenerate?...Even the regeneration wouldn’t be an issue if it wasn’t damn near instant...That seems...Oddly specific.” He set the paper down and pinched the bridge of his nose, the constant study had left him with a headache almost once a day since and it was already kicking in today, he finished the bottle off and set it on the desk, annoyed and frustrated he stood up from his desk, and went to a door in between the couch and his bed, which lead to a small room with what looked like a wooden bathtub, lined with rubber inside and a drain in the middle, complete with a shower head, on a side shelf sat a dusty looking bar of soap and a musty white towel. “Thank god we had a plumber in this town…” He muttered to himself, through his scavenging and one guy being able to connect pipes properly they actually had running water, he threw his shirt aside and twisted the two knobs on the pipe, a loud creaking noise echoed through the room as the tank outside had the demand to be useful, then grayish clear water came flowing out of the shower head, filling the room with the sound of water on rubber, he stood there for a moment waiting for the water to heat up a bit before getting inside, he finished getting undressed and stepped inside the tub.

For a while it was less of him showering and him just absently staring up at the ceiling as the water poured on his head, lost in thought again as he tried to repress the fond memories of the prewar world, sure it was just a shower, a basic amenity that pretty much every house in the country used to have but now like a lot of other things, it just reminded him of things that didn’t really exist anymore, he quietly sighed as he started working a few of the knots out of his hair, he’d spent so much time in isolation the last few days that he’d not showered like he normally did, his hair was messy, filled with knots that were a pain to pull out but he eventually did, he grabbed the soap off the shelf and rinsed the dust off before cleaning up, it filled the room with that fresh kind of cliche “manly” smell. He didn’t notice how long he’d been in there until the water suddenly started feeling a lot colder, he switched the shower off and stepped out, quickly wrapping his towel around him before going back into the main room, going back to his desk as per the usual and reading the papers, hoping the shower would’ve helped him think a little bit better but of course he wasn’t making any connections, he threw the papers aside with a growl as he was losing his temper again. “Damn it!” He exclaimed while slamming his fist down on the desk, he was getting angry enough that he could swear his vision was starting to turn red. “I’m smarter than this, I should have been able to figure this shit out by now!” He ran his hands over his face, letting out another frustrated sigh before he finally just muttered “fuck it” to himself and got up again, loudly slamming the chair against the desk and fetching himself some fresh clothes, nothing fancy just a plain white t shit, some jeans and the coat he wore last night, upon getting dressed he left his home in a huff, slamming the door behind him and getting a few glances from some people nearby, who looked at him just for a moment before quickly diverting their attention to something else, he hopped off the platform and headed for Johnny’s to clear his head a bit.

Of course as he walked in the bar there were plenty of people in there, most sitting at their booth enjoying whatever they were eating for lunch, a couple of guys playing poker and about three people all surrounding the pool table, throwing bottle caps down and making bets about who was going to win that game, Johnny of course was behind the bar, chipper as he always was and he gave a kind wave towards Alex, who merely made a brief hand motion towards him as he approached the bar. “Aye good afternoon Alex, you doing alright lad? You got a look that could kill if it wanted to.” Johnny said with a chuckle with that heavy Irish inflection, as Alex took his seat he just noticed the other guest at the bar, the girl from a couple nights ago was there, a warm smile on her face with a small glass of whiskey sitting in front of her, mentally he groaned knowing she was going to try and speak to him as she always did and as if on cue her eyes shifted in his direction and she directed that kind smile towards him, he rested his elbows on the bar, fingers clasped together and eyes shut as he tried to ignore her existence. “Yeah, I’ve been spending days trying to figure out how the fuck there’s a literally invincble monster running around the lines and I can’t get any leads on it, I can’t figure out what it is, where it would come from and what kind of mutation would occur for a human to become pretty much immortal and be able to reattach severed limbs like it’s no problem...So yeah, you could say I’m a little bit frustrated.” He responded, trying to ignore the prying violet eyes next to him. “Lad sometimes I think you work a little too hard, you’re among friends here, so it’s fine for you to relax once in a while.” Alex groaned as he knew where this conversation was quickly going, another damn lecture. “Johnny I’ve told you a million times-” He started. “Aye, but I’m pretty sure everyone here has told you at least once that you need to unwind instead of keeping yourself locked up in that little shack of yours, you come here, drink a bit, chat with me and then it’s off to disappearing again for days.” Alex just shrugged his shoulders, while the girl just casually rested her face against one of her hands, idly listening to the conversation. 

“Yeah but I’ve told you and everyone else that I’m fine the way I am, I stay inside, don’t bother anyone and that’s that.” He said, opening one eye that was staring right at Johnny. ”I’m telling you Alex, you’d be a lot better off if you’d stop being a loner for once, maybe even find yourself a girlfriend-” “No” He cut Johnny off, both eyes open and practically staring a hole through the Irishman, even still that didn’t seem to do anything in deteriorating his persistence as Johnny just sighed and started shaking his head. “Look act disappointed all you want, it’s not gonna change my mind, you should know this with how many times I end up coming in here a week.” He said while absently scratching his temple. “I know lad, I know, I’m just saying you keep yourself locked up in that shack and it’s gonna drive you insane one of these days.” Alex just scoffed at that. “No, making friends and watching a ghoul rip their stomachs out through their ass, that’s gonna drive me insane.” For a moment things went quiet, the sound of pool balls clacking and some guy whooping it up caught their attention, Alex noticed it was the same guy as before, some young looking 20 something looking like he was in a state of denial, along with him was another guy who looked...Sick to say the least, his eyes were sunken in and he looked like he was barely able to hold himself up, as if on cue the man let out a raspy sounding cough before clearing his throat. 

“Aye Penny, are you feeling alright?” Johnny asked the girl, who nodded her head with a kind smile, Alex shifted his eyes in her direction for a moment. “Penny?” He suddenly spoke up as Johnny was reaching under the bar for something. “Lad don’t tell me you didn’t even bother to learn her name when you were savin’ her from that beast.” He asked. “Nope” Johnny let out another, slightly frustrated sigh as he pulled up another Nuka and set it in front of him, staring at Alex like a father disappointed in his son over something as he popped the cap off the bottle, the stare didn’t go unnoticed as Alex returned it for a brief moment before taking a drink. “My name’s Penelope.” She suddenly said, although he didn’t really seem to pay her much attention, only looking over at her through the corners of his eyes before taking another drink, he noticed the smile on her face slowly drained away, she just turned back towards her glass of whiskey with a look of disappointment before taking a drink. There was an awkward bit of silence for a few moments, a noticeable tension in the air that Johnny quickly picked up on as he watched the two go about their business, although he did keep this somewhat disappointed look on his face. Alex didn’t seem to really pay it any mind though, sure they’d be disgruntled for the day but it was better than the alternative, in the spirit of maintaining that strict rule of not having any real friends, hell in his mind he didn’t even consider Johnny so much a friend as he was just an acquaintance, they would occasionally talk when he came in and that was it, nothing more and nothing less, his outlook wasn’t without a few people giving him the stink eye though, most of the town had adopted the pack like mentality, everyone was friendly towards one another, that cliche hippie bullshit in the spirit of survival while he was the odd one out, everyone was all happy and friendly with each while on a good day he'd say hi to you, on a bad day you'd get some sarcasm, it was just fine to him though, at least he wouldn't be brought down when someone kicked the bucket like the town always did. His eyes however shifted over to Penelope again, she looked almost...Dejected maybe? It wasn't like it was his problem though, she'd get over it, not like they were friends or anything anyway.

Although now he was getting to the point where he couldn't stand how Johnny was looking at him every couple of moments, he'd be doing something like cleaning out a used glass or wiping down the bar and his vision would shift in Alex's direction just for a moment, almost like he was silently judging him or something, he wouldn't be surprised, for months Johnny's been on that kick of trying to get him to open up to others, something he emphatically refused whenever the subject came up. He was never going to let anyone in, ever, it was better that way when the inevitable would happen and they'd end up dead, hell it was better that they died thinking he was just some bitter misanthrope than wondering what would happen to him afterwards. Penelope quickly finished her drink and left, not even bothering to say goodbye to Johnny before leaving, Alex watched as some random guy tried to flirt with her on the way out but she promptly snapped at him, saying something along the lines of "Foutre le camp!" Before leaving, although it was clear the guy had no idea what she said, her tone said to leave her alone. "What's her problem?" Alex asked, to which Johnny just let out another frustrated sigh. "You know for a smart lad you do a shit job at picking up people's emotions." Alex raised an eyebrow. "Well maybe she wants to get to know the guy who, out of the kindness of his dear old heart, rescued her from almost certain death and you won't even give her the time of day." Alex quietly groaned, it seemed like he wasn't going to get himself out of this situation. "Johnny, what part of I'm not interested in talking to anyone do people not seem to understand? I helped her, gave her a home to stay in, she's grateful, moving on now." He just wanted to stop having his ass rode about this "bonding" thing, he didn't give a shit if people wanted to bond with him or not, he wasn't interested. "Well laddie you should know that some people just aren't like that, even in this day and age you've got plenty of those social butterflies and maybe she's one of them." Suddenly the guy who tried flirting with her made his way over to the bar, obviously already drunk even though it was barely noon. "Yeah…" He said before hiccuping. "That or... Maybe she wants to suck your dick to thank ya!" He slurred and busted out laughing, he was close enough that Alex could smell the alcohol coming from him, Johnny let out a groan before speaking up. "Or that's a very slim chance...Although I doubt that, she seems like an upstanding lady." The man drunkenly started laughing again. "Johnny...Girls'll blow you for enough caps these days, I bet Alex here is just waitin' till eeryone's sleepin' to pull the tab!" The man went to put his hand on Alex's shoulder when he tightly grabbed the man's wrist to stop him. "Don't touch me…" The man was actually too drunk to notice until he felt Alex tighten his grip on his wrist, he pulled to get free and suddenly Alex let go, the man stumbled back and fell right on his ass, actually getting a chuckle from Johnny as he climbed back to his feet, the man could barely stand at the moment from how sloshed he was and ended up sitting on on the barstool Penelope had been in, he rested his head on the bar and Alex took that as his excuse to leave, the guy was making him feel sick to his stomach anyway, reeking of alcohol and he was pretty sure the guy was going to piss himself at any moment, it honestly disgusted him how a person could get borderline blackout drunk like this. 

As if on cue the man suddenly started heaving, like he was about to throw up. "I know you're aren't about to puke all over my bar!" Johnny yelled at the man, but it was obvious he wasn't paying attention to the angry Irishman, he just kept heaving, hunched over and about to throw his lunch all over the floor, Alex quickly grabbed a nearby garbage can and set it up underneath the man and took a few steps back, he left and could hear the guy puking in the can, causing the entire bar to go silent except for that, Alex cringed even with the door closed behind him, he quickly returned home, taking his coat off and hanging it on the rack, he intended to go down there as a way to clear his head and maybe think of how to deal with this monster but he came back home feeling more stressed out than he was before, he was sick of being nagged by Johnny about bonding with people, especially when he started insisting that Alex try to find himself a girlfriend, there was no way come hell or high water that he'd ever end up entertaining that idea, because he knew what would happen, they'd die, they always did. "I don't know why I even bother talking to that drunken idiot...Seems like he's never going to get it through his thick skull that I don't do friends, and I certainly don't do fucking girlfriends." He sat at his desk, just as irritated when he looked down at the papers on the floor as he was earlier, he pinched the bridge of his nose, a sudden lump his throat growing for seemingly no reason, he took a shaky breath before quietly sniffling, Johnny didn't realize how much Alex actually despised the idea of personal interaction, not in the sense that brought his blood to a boil, rather it just kicked him while he was already down. "Every. Fucking. Time!" He said, smashing his fist into the desk with every word, he could feel tears pressing at the corners of his eyes, quickly wiping them away as he bent over to pick the discarded papers up from the floor, he set them up on the desk and went back to what he was doing earlier, mulling over every possible thought, tactic, or even the slightest hint as to how to deal with the monster. Of course he spent a good couple of hours with nothing, spending more of it mentally cursing himself for not being able to figure it out, every second that was spent not finding the answer was starting to eat away at him. "GODDAMN IT!" He shouted, slamming his fist down on the desk to the point he cracked the wood even more, he started tearing papers up, ripping them to shreds and tossing them to the floor, he sat back in his desk chair, gritting his teeth in anger when suddenly someone came knocking at his door, he got up and rushed over to the door, swinging it open. "What?!" He said before noticing that it was Penelope, a look of concern on her face. "Oh... It's you...What do you want?" He said, obviously sounding much ruder with his already frayed nerves, Penelope looked away from him nervously. "Um, I could hear you yelling and I thought I'd come see if everything was alright…" She said. "I'm fine." He responded bluntly, she didn't say anything else, she couldn't even look at the guy. "Look I'm glad you want to be the "caring neighbor" and all but trust me, I'm fine." Again he didn't even let her respond before abruptly shutting the door in her face, he walked back over to his desk when he looked at the door for a moment, a brief pang of guilt hitting him before he sat back down, to be fair he didn't hate Penelope, and surprisingly while most people got sick of his sarcastic attitude after a couple of hours she was still insisting on trying to speak to him, and even still there was a few moments before he heard her footsteps receding from the house and back to her own. He leaned back in his chair and took a quick glance towards the door, thinking maybe he was being a little bit harsh on her, and admittedly he probably was, even Johnny thought maybe he was being a little out of line.

But in the end his isolation was for the better, the emotional tethers weren't needed.

He spent the next few moments just staring up at the ceiling, lost in his thoughts that ended with him starting to nod off, he quietly let out a deep exhale as he'd fallen asleep.

It was dark, a black dreamless void that he often found himself in when he wasn't having a nightmare, however something eventually came into view, the world slowly beginning to form around him, a tunnel, with a group of people sitting around a fire in the middle of it, about 7 or 8 people all huddled together and in that group was a much younger looking Alex, eyes full of fear, rapidly darting around the vast tunnel around him, in the middle the leader of the group, a guy who looked to be in his mid 30s with dirty blonde hair and a short but scraggly looking beard, had a grate with a few slices of some Cram on top, with a separate pot of just water boiling inside, no one said a word, their eyes set on the pot and the food cooking when in the distance they could hear something, a growling noise from further down the line, everyone immediately rushed to their feet with some weapons drawn, a couple had some lead pipes, another with a pipe wrench, unfortunately none of them had a gun on them. Alex nervously stood to his feet, with his father's sword which he wasn't even that capable of holding at the time.

The growling sounds grew louder and there were more of them now, a chill ran down Alex's spine as they could see them, the telltale glowing, sickly yellow eyes of the feral ghouls as a pack of them came running down the tunnels, at least two dozen of them. "Shit! Get ready!" The leader called out to the rest of the group, Alex staggered a bit with the sword as the ghouls quickly closed the distance, the guy leading the group took down one of them but three of them pounced on him suddenly, then the haunting, literally nightmare inducing scream came from his lips as the ghouls swarmed him like a horde of zombies, ripping his flesh from the bone, blood flying and the ghouls getting soaked in it, those that didn't stop for him attacked the rest, they were vastly unprepared for a pack this size as they continued falling, horrific screams of pain and agony ringing out as the ghouls sank their teeth and claws into them, one of them went for Alex and with a clumsy swing, his sword sliced through the ghoul's head, the screaming went silent and was only occupied by the sounds of the ghouls growling and flesh ripping along with bones crunching, Alex stood there shaking, barely able to hold the sword in his hands, tears running down his face as the ghouls set their sights on him, he couldn't move, he was frozen in place as the ghouls suddenly turned into something worse, their claws looked much longer and their mouths opened twice as wide as normal, their jaws snapping as their mouths opened wide, their eyes switched to a dead white color and the ghouls, all of them, immediately pounced on him as he was unable to move.

He could feel them start ripping him apart, teeth and claws sinking into his skin as he could feel the grip on his sword loosen and his consciousness quickly starting to fade, the world went black then suddenly with a brief yell everything came back, his room was dark, only lit from the lights outside, his chest was tight, he couldn't breathe, his heart was racing in his ears and a layer of sweat coated his forehead, blindly he reached around on the desk for something, a lamp that he quickly switched on and the desk was lit by faint orange, he looked around the house, another lump building in his throat as he suddenly broke down crying, he wasn't able to hold it in anymore as he clenched his fists, almost starting to sob, he just sat there for a few minutes, crying against his will as his unwanted reminder of the past continued to weigh in his mind, minus the part where he ended up dying obviously, he of course managed to survive and escape the pack while they stayed behind, eating the group he'd only known for about a month or so. He got his composure and quickly wiped his eyes clean, the corners still red from crying and his sights set on the front door, expecting someone to come knocking wondering why he was screaming for seemingly no reason but no one came.

Then he opened the drawer that revolver was in, he took the gun out with a forlorn gaze in his eyes, this time however he opened the cylinder and took a couple more bullets out, he loaded them into the gun and snapped the cylinder into place and spun it, he pulled the hammer back and pressed the gun to his skull...But he didn't pull the trigger, for some reason he couldn't, he couldn't even rest his finger on it, he froze up, pulling the gun away and just staring at the barrel, his hand was twitching slightly and he set the gun on the desk, he just spent the next few minutes staring at the gun, he wasn't thinking, just staring at the gun with a blank look on his face, finally he picked the gun up and set it back in the drawer, silently closing it as he got up and went over to his bed, he sat and just stared down at the floor for a few moments, lost in his thoughts, he laid down but he knew he wasn't going to be able to sleep that night.

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	3. Cold Shoulder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Penelope get stuck playing guard duty for a ransacked caravan, Mr Lone Wolf tries to be nice when our angry monster friend shows up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow 12 hits as of this chapter? You guys actually like this? Well thanks, I appreciate it, this is a passion project of mine.
> 
> That small bit of French that Penelope says roughly translates to "Blow that fat bastard" if I recall
> 
> As always, enjoy and advice is welcomed.

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The next morning, as expected Alex was barely able to drag himself out of bed, he had fallen back asleep but he was extremely restless through the night, he just sat at his desk for the first 10 minutes or so he was awake, chugging down one of his Nukas hoping the caffeine would kick his ass awake but he'd drank so many of the things over the years that it didn't even affect him at this point. He looked at the clock which just hit 11:30 when someone knocked at his door, he wasn't shy about how he was feeling as he let out an audible groan before getting up and going over to the door, expecting to see Penelope trying to speak to him again but instead it was one of the Coalition guards, dressed up in their usual scavenging gear, some heavy umpire pads, a large backpack and a handmade rifle. "Yeah? Can I help you?" Alex said with a rude tone. "Well good morning to you too Alex, someone get up on the wrong side of the bed?" The guard asked. "Yeah...Yeah you could say that, anyway what's up?" He cleared his throat and tried to sound less of a complete asshole to the guy. "We got a problem." The guard said grimly, to which Alex raised a curious eyebrow. "We were supposed to get a trader caravan coming into town from up North, from Revere Beach and that caravan was supposed to arrive about two hours ago, the station has no idea what happened and the caravan's been radio silent, Madsen wants us to head up there and find out what happened to them." Alex just nodded his head in response. “So anyone have any ideas what happened? They go off course or something?” He asked. “Well the normal caravan route had a ghoul infestation that was being cleared out at the moment and instead of being patient the traders decided to take a route North….Towards Malden.” That was enough to wake Alex up as his eyes widened in more shock than fear. “Malden? They went towards Malden? Why the fuck would they go up there?” He asked with a little surprise in his voice. “They told the guy running the tracks that they were on a time delay, they had a couple guards armed with guns and my guess is they thought they would be able to handle it if anything came their way.” “Are you kidding me?” Alex abruptly blurted out. “A couple of guys who can barely hold a rifle against those...People?...Goddamn it, and I’m guessing Madsen wants me to go with you?” He asked, the guard nodded his head in response. “That’s right, he said you have more experience dealing with them than any of us here…” Alex held his hand up to stop the guard from speaking. “Fine, fine just let me get ready and I’ll meet you at the gate.” Again the guard nodded and walked away, up the tunnel towards the northern gate as Alex shut the door, a noticeable look of concern on his face as he stood there by the door for a moment, nervously stroking his chin with a bit of a faraway look in his eyes, finally he yanked his coat off the rack and grabbed his bandana, tying it around his neck and switching his jeans out for something a little bit darker to blend in when he went out there, the former citizens of Malden were unlike any other person living in the tunnels, while most people were just trying to survive and only killed because they needed to, the people from Malden were an entirely different beast, they killed because they wanted to, because they were beyond the stage of insanity and were just full blown psychotic, Alex wasn’t necessarily afraid of them, he’d dealt with them a few times in the past, but he knew what they were capable of in comparison to a regular person, they wouldn’t hesitate to kill someone no matter who it was for any reason. He grabbed his sword and rifle and looped both the weapons around his back, he went over to his bed and knelt down, pulling out a small box with a couple locks on the front, with a click they popped up and he opened the box, inside was a rusted flare gun with a few emergency flares along with a couple of homemade explosives, pipe bombs that were stuffed with gunpowder and a cheap fuse, he grabbed a couple of the bombs and shut the box, then slid it back under the bed with his foot as he slipped the bombs in his belt, he stood there for a moment, mentally preparing for what he was going to have to deal with today, he hated the Maldenmen, they were almost as bad as the ghouls if not worse and if he was being honest they would be a lot better off dead.

He took a deep breath as he zipped the front of his coat up and stepped outside, towards the gate there was a small group of guards all armed with rifles and heavy armor, which was just umpire’s gear that they had scrounged together along with some backpacks, as he stepped off the platform he noticed that Penelope’s door had opened up and she stepped out with gun in hand and her own backpack, he raised an eyebrow as she just gave him this cold stare, he guessed that she’d finally gotten it through her head that he wasn’t interested in speaking to her and she was going to be just like everyone else in town...Although he couldn’t help the sudden feeling of guilt that came over him, that bothered him for a moment as he never really felt guilty when people disliked him. “Good morning Alex.” She said almost monotone as she stepped off the train platform and started walking towards the group of guards. “Uh...What are you doing?” He asked her. “Madsen told me that because I got the house for free that I needed to do something to pay it off, rather than souffler ce gros salaud he told me that I was going to have to go out to find your lost caravan.” Alex tilted his head, not sure what she said for a moment there, she let out an irritated sigh. “He wanted me to...How do you say...Blow him.” He couldn’t explain why but that actually made Alex extremely angry, like angry enough that instead of playing guard duty he wanted to go to Madsen and rip him a new one ten times over, he didn’t give her a safe place for every guy here to suddenly think it was an opportunity to get their rocks off. “Oh...God, I’m uh...I’m sorry.” She just huffed at him. “Oh now you suddenly care…” That bit him a little harder than he would’ve liked, that feeling of guilt started nagging at him a little bit more than it should’ve as she started walking away towards the group of guards, he stood there for a moment, feeling a lot worse than he was expecting to, that was what he wanted after all, he didn’t want her constantly stuck up his ass all the time trying to get him to talk to her, then again the way things sounded him and Johnny were the only two so far not trying to get in her pants and he wasn’t even convinced that Johnny wasn’t trying to, he followed her over to the guards where the one who came and got him was telling them what the plan was. “Okay, so the main goal is to just find out what happened to the traders, if worst comes to worst and they’ve died, we’re to collect what we can get and bring it back here, although they’re being optimistic and hoping that the traders are still alive somehow.” Just then Alex spoke up. “If they went missing near Malden we all know that there’s a very slim chance they made it, we’ll be lucky if we even find the corpses much less them being alive.” It was grim and harsh but most likely the truth, the Maldenmen were ruthless, they showed no mercy to anyone who came through there. The lead guard nervously cleared his throat before speaking up again. “We’re aware...But they’re hopeful.” Alex just scoffed, he knew that there was no way the caravan would’ve survived, of course he noticed that Penelope had given him this rather scalding glare, one that both made him feel guilty and much better at the same time, she might hate him but it was probably for her own good, everyone but Alex checked their guns as he just stood there with his arms crossed, they turned towards the gate and the lead guard made a spinning motion with his finger towards the guard on the tower, who turned the hand crank and opened the gate for them, the guards had a couple of cell powered flashlights on their shoulders that they clicked on the moment they stepped through, faintly lighting up the tunnel in front of them as they began the long journey north.

The guards for most of the journey just discussed the likely states we would find the caravan in, of course most of them were grim possibilities, most of which involved the Maldenmen eating them, whether they walked in on it or not was up in the air, Alex just tuned it out for the most part, his focus was shifted on something else, he kept finding his sights shifting over to Penelope most of the time, they had both stayed behind the main group and she hadn't so much as coughed in his direction, just keeping this cold, deadpan stare down the tunnel, this was what he asked for after all, she wasn't talking to him, giving him the time of day, just like everyone else did...So why was he feeling guilty? Perhaps it was just because she had tried significantly harder to garner his attention than most people had, while most had decided he wasn't worth talking to less than a day after meeting him, she had gone about 5 days, why she waited that long even, he wasn't entirely sure of. But it didn't make him feel any less guilty, he cleared his throat for a moment as he was getting ready to say something when one of the guards up ahead suddenly called out. "Hey! Looks like we found the railcar!" An excuse to break the awkward tension was exactly what he needed as Alex suddenly ran towards the group, instructing them to stay back while he would go on ahead to scout things out. "Next time don't fucking yell like that...If they're planning an ambush they might've already heard your big mouth." He scolded the guard as he pulled his hood over his head and bandana covering his face. He went over towards the wall and grabbed onto a pipe attached to the wall, swiftly pulling on it to see the integrity before slowly scaling the wall, climbing up like a damn spider as the guards switched their lights off, making Alex completely blend in with the dark as he climbed towards the car, as he got closer he could smell it, blood and iron in the air and the rancid stench of a corpse, of course that was to be expected, once he got close enough he could see the bodies on the ground, the traders and their guards were all dead, dismembered and organs all over, faces twisted in horror in the last moments of life, however somehow there was something worse. "1...2...3...4…" He just kept counting to himself, there were at least a dozen men and women, dressed in tattered rags and leather armor, faces painted with insane, almost psychedelic designs, hiding in different crevices waiting for anyone to come by, they hadn't heard that stupid guard call out so they were still off their guard, he caught three of them standing a little too close to each other and he carefully pulled one of the pipe bombs from his belt, set up to light the fuse from a pin pull, he yanked the pin with his teeth and the fuse lit, it caught their attention just for a moment before he threw the bomb towards them, they didn't react quickly enough and in a group scream and a flash three of them were killed, the rest swarmed the area, laughing psychotically and screaming at the air, begging for whoever just killed their friends to fight, the metallic sound of a sword unsheathing rang through the air as Alex dropped from the ceiling and with a clean swipe, split one of the Maldenmen clean in two, that terrifying sound of tendons ripping and skin and bones splitting had the rest on him in seconds, the guards along with Penelope charged the rest of the pack, opening fire on them only for a couple to shift their attention off Alex, charging with machetes in hand, gunfire ripped the air as the Maldenmen quickly closed the distance with terrifying speed however most of them ate an unlucky bullet through the skull, however Penelope seemed to choke up, she'd never really held a gun even in the years since the bombs and faced with one of the Maldenmen, she froze up, fired off a couple wild shots that completely missed as the guards wouldn't be able to make it to help, for a moment time came to a crawl as the man reeled back, with a yell he swung his machete and seemingly in an instant, a brief flash of steel and the man's arm from about halfway up his forearm went flying, blood spattered on Alex's face as he had killed the two he was dealing with and managed to make it to her in time, a scream of agony came from the man for just a second before Alex sliced through him with two more clean, vicious cuts across the body, he fell to the ground in pieces as the guards looked on in shock, terrifyingly he had this look of pure, unbridled hatred as he did so, like he was a completely different person. Alex rose back to his full height and flipped the sword over, wiping the dull end in the crook of his elbow before resheathing it, then that angry, hateful look melted away with a quiet exhale and he wiped the blood from his face with the same sleeve, he turned towards Penelope who looked like she'd seen a ghost. "You alright? Again?" He asked, somehow refraining from that usually snarky tone, she stuttered a bit to get her words together. "Um...Yes I'm fine...I um…" He didn't give her a chance to finish as he instructed the other guards to start getting together what they can. "The traders didn't make it so one of us is going to have to be the bearer of bad news, it doesn't look like they took anything, from what I could put together they killed them and then used their bodies as an ambush point, like I said." He said that last bit with a bit of sarcasm directed towards the guard that nearly blew their cover. "I know it's disgusting but it's nothing we haven't seen before." He said while pointing towards the dismembered corpses of the traders sitting by the car. The guards went to work, some grabbing what food and water they could get, another grabbing scrap and junk that they would need, Penelope hadn't went over yet, she looked visibly disgusted by the sight, the smell of death in the air made her stomach turn, Alex noticed she looked vastly out of place. He walked over and untied his bandana, handing it to her to put over her face. "Here, it won't completely block the smell but it'll make it a little more bearable for you." She seemed to be a little confused, rightfully so considering since the other night he was intentionally doing everything in his power to get her away from him, then again she was probably looking too far into things and simple kind gestures came off as foreign, on the opposite end of things Alex felt worse that said simple kindness got this look like he was doing something wrong. 

"Would you rather me get the stuff?" He finally asked, breaking that awkward silence. "Oh! Um, no I can do it." She said as she took the bandana and tied it around her face, she went over and set the backpack on the car, grabbing anything she saw of value. Alex didn't bring a pack as he played scout duty, having a heavy backpack would hinder his ability to scale the walls and effectively hide, while they were getting what they could he was looking over the Maldenmen corpses, noticing a bloodstained piece of paper on the one he almost literally turned into hamburger, it was already yellowed and the blood almost blurred the writing but he could make it out.

"The Angel protects us

The God protects our Angel

As we speaketh his name

He will bring us peace.

Together they bring us safety

Osias."

He didn't even seem to show any reaction, at this point he was used to the insane ramblings of the Maldenmen and this wasn't the first note he'd found referencing some Angel or a God, although surprisingly this was the first where it was named, he paid it no mind though as he just crumpled the note up and tossed it aside. However as he did , something caught their attention, a growling coming from the opposite end of the tunnel, almost immediately Alex went on the defensive as he recognized it off the bat, quickly unsheathing his sword again. "Everyone get back!" Then the sound of heavy feet came sprinting, not walking but sprinting down the tunnel as the monster from the previous night came storming out of the darkness like a bat out of hell, swiping one guard up by the leg before he could even react, desperately he started shooting but the bullets had no effect, the rest of the group opened fire on it but nothing stopped it from grabbing the guard's arm and ripping it clean off, a bloodcurdling, horrific scream echoed off the walls, blood spewed from where the arm was ripped off and everyone stopped dead in their tracks, Alex couldn't breathe, the man wouldn't stop screaming, but what could he do? Then the monster grabbed the man's other arm and started pulling on it, then like the other, he ripped it off, he let out another scream that was somehow worse than the first one, the monster started viciously slamming the man around like a dog that just caught a squirrel, flinging blood all over the walls as the man cried out from each hit before eventually going silent, once he did the beast swiftly ripped his body in half.

Everyone but Alex started to run, he froze, he couldn't move, every muscle in his body instinctively tensed up and he couldn't even walk, out of desperation Penelope tried to speak to him but he didn't even acknowledge her, the lead guard had to pull her away because it was obvious he wasn't going to move, he didn't know why, he wanted to run, he just couldn't, he just stood there as the monster flipped the railcar off the tracks and charged at him, he was swiftly brought back into reality when the monster grabbed him by the throat, almost immediately he could feel the edges of his vision start going black as the beast squeezed his neck, he let out a sudden cry as it felt like a massive vice grip around his neck, the monster screamed at him, the kind of scream that sent a chill down his spine, in desperation he started swinging his sword, managing to slice the monster's arm, he cut deep enough that it let him loose and dropped Alex to the ground, he was gasping loudly trying to get his breath back, he started coughing violently along with it, the monster stumbled back, clutching its injured arm, in a daze Alex grabbed the second pipe bomb and pulled the pin, his vision cleared enough for him to see the monster's face, or rather the fresh face it had just stolen from someone and he threw the bomb, it came within a few inches of its face before a violent explosion blew its head apart, the monster fell to the ground as Alex was trying to crawl away, he could barely breathe, he managed to get back to his feet however and walked away, he couldn't run as he couldn't even catch enough air to do so, he looked back and the monster hadn't moved, he wasn't sure if he'd gotten lucky and killed it or if it was just regenerating, he obviously didn't stick around to find out. He walked until he could find the strength to run, he made his way back still holding his neck.

The monster however, slowly climbed back to its feet, face half missing from the bomb blast but its flesh was slowly but surely starting to regrow in that place, a quiet but bone chilling sound of its bones, muscles and skin trying to regrow, its breathing had become ragged, struggling through the massive hole where its nose used to be, it was wobbly but it started taking steps in the direction Alex went, it wanted to find him, twice now he managed to escape with that girl and it wanted to find them, find them and kill them both and bathe in their blood, especially the boy, the boy who kept somehow managing to worm his way out of his grasp, always having some trick up his sleeve...It angered him, made him keep thinking of new and horrible ways he was going to kill him, maybe blend him up and make him into a nice stew and stick his head on a pike, or maybe...Kill the girl in front of him, he keeps helping her so she should die first…

"Brother…" A quiet, almost ethereal sounding voice called to the monster, it inquisitively grunted as its head frantically looked around, however it stopped and slowly turned around towards the darkness, where someone could be seen just floating there, not standing, literally levitating off the ground just slightly, the person couldn't be seen aside from the ragged bottom of a long black robe and boots along with the green glowing lenses of a gas mask. "Come now brother...You will get your hands on them one day...Patience is a virtue…" The person said as they held a thin, pale grey hand out towards the monster, it contently grunted as it grabbed the halves of the dead guard's body and carried it off into the dark.

Alex had finally made it back long after everyone else had, his mind ripping itself apart about he had let another one die, another person he could've saved but of course he froze up, and another person died because of it...Oh but he was so quick to save that stupid French girl just because he felt bad for her, he nearly tripped just trying to keep her from getting her head cleaved off again because she, like the rest of these idiots, don't have a single functioning brain cell amongst themselves! They have no sense of planning or coordination, they keep fucking dying everytime... The moment the guard caught sight of him he immediately opened the gate and the rest of the group was waiting for him, he walked inside, sword still out and shaking in his hand, with his free hand still resting on his neck, he wouldn't even look at any of them as he walked inside, Penelope practically jumped out of her boots the moment he came in though. "Alex!" She rushed over like she was going to hug him but he pointed his sword towards her. "Don't touch me...Leave me alone…" He said, venom dripping from his voice, she stopped but she didn't back away from him. "Alex I…" She went to take another step forward but he suddenly acted like he was going to swing his blade at her but stopped himself. "I said...Leave. Me. Alone…" He didn't say anything else as he just stormed past the group and made his way towards his house, Penelope stood there dumbfounded, she couldn't understand why he went from trying to be somewhat kind to her, to acting as if he was going to cut her down himself, for a moment she thought she'd done something wrong that she just didn't know about, she had gotten the hint long ago that he just wasn't a people person but he acted like he just outright hated her and she couldn't understand why, and then it started to hit her, her vision blurred a bit as she could feel that telltale lump in her throat building up and she broke down crying on the spot, the rest of the group tried to console her but like Alex she just rushed off and locked herself in her home.

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	4. Not As It Seems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penelope gets a little bit of advice from Johnny, and finds out that maybe there's a lot more to Alex than she thinks
> 
> Also, Madsen is a manipulative jackass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time even attempting to touch the topic of sexual harassment in anyway so I apologize if it's awkward or I just don't do it right.
> 
> As always I hope you enjoy.

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Penelope couldn't believe it if she was being honest, the way he was acting towards her, she had understood that he wasn't exactly the most social person in town from pretty much everyone's own admission but he's never looked at anyone like he did her, that look of...Hatred? At least that's what it looked like to her, his eyes were filled with it, the way he held his sword out like he was going to slice her to bits, she just didn't understand, why was he showing even the slightest bits of kindness one moment, then hate towards her the next? She even recalled how angry he looked when she had told him Madsen had tried to get her to suck him off, almost like he was going to storm over there and kill the man, then when one of the Maldenmen was about to kill her he sliced the man into pieces within seconds, she kept asking herself why he hated her, she hadn't done anything to him, never said anything wrong other than just trying to be friendly towards one of two people in the entire damn town that didn't make her feel insanely uncomfortable, every guy just seemed to stare at her like she was a walking piece of meat or something.

She couldn't understand... Through tear filled eyes she just laid there in her bed, face first in her pillow wondering why the guy who saved her, twice now, seemed to hate her so much. But at the same time she kept finding some excuse not to stay away, even when he made it perfectly clear that he didn't want anything to do with her, he was still someone that she felt comfortable around as strange as that might sound, despite his actions he still put himself at risk to help her when he didn't need to, he still had those very very brief moments where he showed kindness towards her, and he didn't expect her to be some toy for him like half the town had already done.

Her stomach turned realizing just how many people kept giving her weird looks, how many drunken guys came up to her hoping to get lucky and the fact that Madsen was expecting her to service him on demand like some kind of slave, it made her sick to her stomach knowing that every time she left the house she was getting creepy glares from guys who probably hadn't seen an attractive woman in the last couple of years. She finally sat up in bed, eyes a little red from crying and she wiped them clean, she just wanted an answer as to why, why he went from being even slightly nice to her to looking like he would kill her without a second thought at any moment, she got up and covered herself with her coat to put off the stares she was most likely going to get the moment guys noticed her and she left for Johnny's.

As she walked in Johnny gave her his typical greeting, a cheery hello with that heavy Irish accent of his, aside from Alex, Johnny was the only other person who didn't make her feel immensely uncomfortable the moment she came around, he was just kind and offered a listening ear when she needed to vent about some perverted creep mentally undressing her. "Aye Penny lass... It's good to see you, I hope you're doing alright after that bad bit of business with Alex…" He said, as she sat at the bar she adjusted her coat a little, making sure she was properly covered up, although she was probably doing everything but alright when it came to that "Ah, you heard about that?" She asked with an eyebrow raised. "It's a small town lass, things get around fast." He responded, as he often did he grabbed a bottle of whiskey from under the bar and a small glass, it was her drink of choice for some reason and he didn't ask why, he filled the glass about halfway and set it in front of her and she took a small sip from the glass before clearing her throat. "Well...I mean what can I say? The guy who goes from risking his life to save me decides to pull a sword on me for no reason...So I'd say alright isn't the best word to describe it." Sadly Johnny just nodded his head, he should've expected that she wasn't feeling any better after what happened, Alex had never pulled his sword on anyone around town. "Aye…I'm sorry Penny, I know that probably doesn't do much to make you feel better though." He said, to which she just shrugged, of course an apology from anyone but Alex is going to be essentially moot, even then it probably wouldn't do much coming from him, she took another, slightly longer drink from her glass before speaking. "I just, don't get it Johnny...I don't get how he does something like that, did anyone mention that I almost died from one of those Maldenmen and he shredded them like a wood chipper? I don't understand why he hates me but then goes out of his way to make sure I'm safe…" Her voice slightly cracked near the end there, as if she were about to start crying again. Johnny thought for a moment, getting his words together and scratching at his scraggly beard. 

"Alex is...A complicated lad, he doesn't hate you, if anything it's probably the opposite." Penelope was getting ready to take a drink when he said that and she stopped, glass halfway up to her lips and a look of curiosity flickering over her face. "Excusez-moi?" She said, abruptly setting the glass down. "Alex...Well, it's a little difficult to explain but I don't think he really hates everyone like he acts, the lad is just afraid." Penelope leaned in, curiosity fully piqued at this point, her suspicions were turning out to be true after all. "For one have you ever paid attention to the people around here? Most of 'em are in their thirties, or their late twenties at best, me I'm pushing forty two, we all kept our eyes glued to the television knowing what was going to happen..." The ever present cheerfulness that Johnny had was gone now, he was speaking seriously and for good reason. "Alex is barely 18, he was still a kid when all this happened, and honestly lass look at all the full grown adults that have gone batshit insane...I can't even imagine what a young lad like him is going through…" Penelope lightly rubbed the back of her head, nervously looking away from Johnny. "Something wrong lass?" He asked "I...I'm only 17…" She said under her breath but it was certainly loud enough for Johnny to hear as both eyebrows raised in surprise, he knew she was young but the fact that she was younger than Alex was , surprised him, she carried herself well for someone so young. "I had no idea he was that young...He looks so tired and I thought he was older than that." It hurt a lot more knowing Alex was just a year older than her, but had been through so much that he looked a lot older. "The new world's kicked him a lot harder in the arse than a lot of us here…Which reminds me, how have you been so well off?" He asked, addressing a rather large elephant in the room, compared to most people she looked like she was much better off. "Just because I didn't forget how to clean my face doesn't mean I've been doing well…" She said rather bluntly, she hated people saying that she was doing so well off just because she actually washed her damn face unlike a lot of people. "Bad hygiene leads to a higher chance of getting a disease, and since most medicine was vaporized I don't think I can afford to catch something…" Johnny did that "Well you aren't wrong" nod in response. 

"I learned how to steal if you really want to know... I'm not a fighter, I've never been one and so I played to something I thought I could do... I've been able to steal food and water in small amounts to keep myself going…" Johnny let out a quiet chuckle. "Wow, aren't you just full of surprises lass, hopefully you don't rob me blind." He said that last part with a joking tone but she gave him this stern, slightly offended stare, she had no reason to really steal from this place, she was staying after all and Johnny was kind enough that she got things for free just for the hell of it. "Ah but before we get too far off track...Alex is just like all of us, he's been through a lot and he just chooses to deal with it in a different way, but I know the lad and I know that he doesn't hate you...Just he's not used to someone trying so hard to be friendly with him, most people get the hint that he doesn't want to talk after the first hour." He laughed. "Well aside from you he's-" She looked over her shoulder towards the pool table, of course there was at least one guy there staring in her direction, the drunk bastard from the other day, she rolled her eyes in disgust as she looked back at Johnny. "He's not constantly staring at me like I'm some kind of toy…" Her tone full of disdain. "Aye I sincerely apologize for that Penny...Most of these fuckers haven't gotten any in years." He could tell she was extremely uncomfortable around these people, she kept herself constantly covered even though she was already wearing plenty of clothing to begin with. "So what makes you think that he doesn't actually hate me?" She asked, wanting to move to a different subject.

"I just have a feeling about it, in fact I believe he doesn't really hate people at all, he just keeps to himself because he doesn't want to lose anyone else…That's probably why he pulled his sword out on you." As little sense as that last part made at first it did eventually set in, he froze when that monster killed one of the guards, like he completely spaced out on them and then when he came back it was like he was a completely different person, she was getting ready to say something when the door opened and the figure of the town's leader Madsen had stepped in the doorway, a somewhat portly man in a dark grey dirty suit, the man couldn't have looked anymore sleazy if he tried, dark brown hair slicked back and a chin strap going from ear to ear, he made his way over to the bar where his sights set on Penelope just for a moment and he flashed her a brief smile before sitting down, she immediately seemed to just close herself off, if she could she would've retracted into her coat just to get away from the guy. "Well, I've got a lot to think about Johnny...So I'm just going to go okay? Thanks for the talk." She said quickly before immediately hopping out of the barstool just to get away from the bastard. "Oh come now Ms Penelope, why don't you stay for a bit? Drinks on me." Madsen said with a smile and a nicer tone than was needed, obviously just trying to suck up after that debacle that went down in his home. "Oh that's quite alright monsieur, I've already had my fill." She said before rushing out of the building, she couldn't stand being near the man, just him walking into the building made her feel sick to her stomach as she immediately recalled that little stunt he tried to pull last night.

As soon as she slammed the door behind her it felt like she was about to throw up, that smug bastard walking in there and trying to play Mr Nice Guy after what he tried to pull, he’s lucky she didn’t slap the shit out of him right then and there, the only reason she didn’t is because he’d most likely try to spin it around and say she attacked him for no reason and considering she’s only been here for a couple of days compared to him running the place for a good year now...Yeah, that wouldn’t have worked out too well on her end. She held her hand over her mouth trying to bite down that rising sickness, at this point she was questioning whether or not having an actual home was worth the risk of potentially having one of these freaks trying to sweet talk her on a daily, if not hourly basis, then she just went to thinking back about last night, how Madsen essentially tried to blackmail her into fucking him.

“So...Ms Penelope, you’re probably wondering why I called you in here, we have something that we need to discuss.” He said, putting on that fake suave tone trying to act like a leader, the guy certainly didn’t look like one though, more like a sleazy used car salesman. She was a little hesitant at first but eventually walked into his home, slowly shutting the door behind her with this nagging feeling in the back of her head, he motioned for her to have a seat on the couch and she did, slowly but she did. He adjusted the tie of his suit, which she wasn’t even sure why he was wearing the thing to begin with, not like he really had to impress anyone. “Now I know that Alex is the one that brought you here and gave you a home when you needed it but as you probably know by now, no one really lives in this town for free, they all contribute to the community in some way whether that be providing resources from scavenging runs or just owning a shop here in town...So I brought you here to discuss how to pay for your living situation.” There was something a little, off about him compared to before, the first night she arrived he seemed more than glad to offer her a place to stay but now something just seemed different. ‘Why is he acting so smug?’ She asked herself, wondering if he had something planned, he flashed her a smile, one that seemed like it was trying to be was trying to be genuine but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was very wrong here. “Now normally I would give people a few choices, you know, running their own shop, going out on runs, maybe run the water supply on the top floor…” Yeah something was definitely wrong here, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she knew where this was going. Madsen came over and sat on the couch next to her, a lot closer than she would’ve liked. “But I don’t think it’d be right to force you to go back out there…” He tried to say with as sincere a tone as he could put on, she had this sickening feeling rising in the pit of her stomach. “If you’d rather stay here I think we could find something for you…” Then at that moment he rested his hand on her thigh and she immediately recoiled away from him, her entire body tensed up and she nearly felt her heart start pounding out of her chest, she knew that he was trying to get her to do something. “Aw come on Penelope it wouldn’t be that bad...It’s not like I’m asking you to do that much…” She was beyond furious at this point, the bastard really lured her in here just so he could try and make a move on her, she noticed that as she was right up against the arm of the couch that he had scooted a little bit closer to her, she got even more tense as he quickly closed the distance between them, resting his hand on her shoulder and again she recoiled from him, just wanting to get the fuck away from him. "Come on I'll even be gentle for our first time." He insisted, sounding more and more like a teenager trying to get to third base for the first time.

“No! I am not just some cheap toy that you can use for your amusement!” She snapped at him, pale face starting to turn red with anger, she was sick and tired of all these people looking at her like she was some fuckdoll for them. “Oh give me a break Penelope, we’ve been stuck underground for years and you’re really going to get mad because a guy wants to get laid? Besides you don’t really have a choice in the matter here...Because I can easily just kick you out of town without a word and no one would stop me...Especially if I told them all that you attacked me.” His tone had changed dramatically along with that conniving look in his eyes, he was really trying to blackmail her into sleeping with him or he’d send her on her way, it’s not like she couldn’t survive on her own but the fact he was so willing to just throw her out because she wouldn’t sleep with him…

“But because I’m such a nice guy I’ll still give you the choice, you can either stay here, in the safety of our little town and all you have to do is give me a little piece, or you can go out and scavenge for us...Either way you have to pay for that little home somehow...Or I can just say that you pulled a knife on me and tried to slit my throat.” He let out a quiet, dark sounding chuckle as he was glaring at Penelope, obviously this wasn't the first time he had tried to blackmail a woman into having sex with him, she felt sick, wanting to throw up on the spot from how disgusting this man was, she couldn't even imagine humoring his request, the thought made that sick feeling even worse. She couldn't stay in there any longer, she managed to get up from the couch and stormed out of the building, slamming the door behind her and practically running back to her house.

"Penelope? Penelope!" A voice snapped her out of her thoughts, she had ended up completely freezing up when she started recalling last night and she was just standing there in front of Johnny's with this far away look in her eyes, Alex was standing in front of her trying to get her attention but she just kept staring off into space. "Penelope! What the fuck's wrong with you?" He asked, finally she rapidly blinked her eyes and her sights set on him, she noticed something strange about him, his eyes were bloodshot, as if he'd been crying for a while, he had red circles around his eyes and marks on the corners of them, stranger still was the complete lack of disdain he was showing, he looked almost concerned for her there.

"Al...Alex...Sorry, I must've been out there for a moment...My apologies." He just waved it off as he seemed more concerned with her at the moment, wait he was concerned? 'What happened to that hateful anger he was showing earlier?' She asked herself, again he looked like a completely different person than earlier, maybe he finally had a chance to calm down and come back to reality for a moment. "Are you alright?" He asked, surprisingly genuine. "I'll be fine, just I ran into Madsen and...I can't stand being around that trash." That last bit had a lot of extra venom behind it, she started gritting her teeth, just thinking about it made her angry. "He's just like the rest of these people, he's some perverted freak that just wants to use me…"

"I'm...Sorry...I didn't realize that bringing you here would make that happen." She just shook her head. "It's alright I suppose... Honestly it's better having an actual roof over my head than it would be having to live out there on my own...Here I just have to deal with people acting like teenagers, out there has the much higher risk of death." For a moment she saw this look of sympathy on his face. "Maybe, but you shouldn't have to trade one issue for another." She shrugged her shoulders, not like there was really anything she could do about it short of leaving. "It's...Okay I guess, I'll just learn to live with it for now... I'm gonna head home alright?" She said as she made her way past him and headed towards her home, for a moment she caught him staring in her direction, not that kind of creepy staring like she'd gotten from most people, rather he looked very concerned for her, like he was worried about her. She gave him a small smile before disappearing into her home.

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	5. Training Session

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex decides that Penelope needs to learn how to fend for herself to prevent any other mishaps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should've mentioned this like 5 chapters ago but everything is much larger because I don't use a scaled down Boston like the game, this is full on 1:1 scale of the city, just putting that out there and I have to say this probably my most "loyal to the actual game" chapter yet.

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“Penelope? Hey, you up yet?” Alex asked through her door before gently knocking on it again, he stood there for a moment as he waited for any sign of her answering. “Come on it’s like 11 already.” He said, then the sounds of feet shuffling on the floor could be heard, then the door clicked as she unlocked it and opened it enough just to peek her face through the door, she actually seemed a little surprised it was him as she couldn’t recall anytime in the last almost week or so that he had actually come to her door. “Oh, good morning Alex, did you need something?” She asked. “Yeah, get dressed...Apparently Madsen wants me to go on another run today and for some reason he insisted that I take you along with me.” She rolled her eyes and let out a frustrated groan, of course the bastard was just going to make things harder for her in that attempt to get her to come crawling to him. “Okay, give me just a moment.” He nodded towards her as she shut the door, he stood there for a good 5 minutes or so, just watching the rest of the people go about their daily lives, somewhat amazed that so many people could just sit and act like things were normal, that they weren’t stuck underground because of the very real possibility of either getting irradiated to death or freezing to death, possibly even both at the same time.”You need to let go.” A voice suddenly said, like it was right in his ear or something, he snapped his head in the direction where it came from but there wasn’t anyone there, he looked in the other direction and there was nothing, no one was close enough to say that and no one was even looking in his direction at the moment. Penelope came out in her usual outfit, he didn’t know why she insisted on wearing that coat at all times, although given how she noticeably covered up almost all the time it was most likely because she couldn’t stand unwanted eyes peering at her. “You ready to go?” He asked her, she took another moment to make sure her chest was covered up before she put on a bright smile towards him. “Of course, where does...He, want us going today?” Obviously she wanted to avoid saying anything about him. “Just up north to scavenge a bit, apparently College Square has seen a surprising influx of people coming in, not sure how they made it past the ghouls but they did and he wants to see if there was anything left behind.” So as usual the two made their way towards the gate, Alex didn’t even have to say anything to the guard as he opened it and let them both out the moment he saw them coming, Alex strapped a flashlight to his shoulder and with a click the tunnel faintly lit up as the two started the long walk towards Cambridge. 

It was quiet for the most part, the two didn’t really speak much to each other as Alex was still certain they were on very shaky ground after yesterday and he didn’t want to make the situation worse, while she wasn’t able to put together what she really wanted to say, after the conversation with Johnny she had a million questions she wanted to throw at the guy but he would most likely get angry at Johnny for revealing what he probably assumed was personal business, about 20 minutes into the trip they came to a faintly lit up opening between the two lines, another one of the larger maintenance shafts that workers stored their tools in, and were probably used by bums before the war as a quick place to sleep for the night, up against the opposite wall were some wooden cutouts showing a few cliche looking mobsters complete with Tommy guns, Alex switched his flashlight off and went over to a table that had an old 10mm pistol sitting on it. “Come here for a moment.” He said, looking over his shoulder and motioning for Penelope to come over to him, curiously she walked over as he was loading the gun up, he racked it and handed it to her handle first. “Take it” He said. “Um...Alex I already have a gun.” She motioned towards the cheap pipe pistol hanging on the inside of her coat. “We’re not going anywhere.” He suddenly said, much to her surprise. “I thought we were going to-” She started to say before he cut her off. “I lied, I wasn't gonna have to stand there with those freaks staring at you, a cute girl with a gun? They'd be changing their pants in the middle of the tracks there." She felt a rather sudden skip in her heart when he said she was cute, for a moment she was certain he'd done it by accident. "No I had something else in store today, so take the gun.” She figured there was no bad reason he’d be giving her a gun, especially one that most people would consider a step up from the handmade guns that would probably blow apart in your hands, so she took the pistol and he pointed towards the wooden cutouts. “I want you to aim at those for a moment, don’t shoot, just aim the gun at them.” He said, she looked down at the pistol for a second before holding it in both hands like she’d seen on some of those old prewar movies then she aimed down the sights towards the cutouts, her hands were shaking and the sight kept twitching just off the one she aimed at. “No no no, you gotta hold the gun like this.” He went over to correct her hand placement but stopped for a moment. “Do you mind?” He asked and she just shook her head. “Okay so the one on the bottom, you don’t actually hold it like that…” He went to move her hands but they were so tense that she had a death grip on the gun. “Relax, you don’t need to hold it that tightly.” She loosened her grip a little and he stood behind her, looking over her shoulder as he oriented her hands on the gun, ordinarily someone who was this close to her made her feel awkward but she felt much more comfortable with him, admittedly him being that close got a light blush coming to her cheeks. "Okay so you have to make sure the recoil goes through your arms...If you have an opening it'll make the gun kick too hard in a certain direction so-" He stopped speaking as he carefully set her hands up properly. "These fingers over these...Make sure you can't see the grip at all, it might feel a little awkward at first, trust me it was when my dad showed me." He looked over her shoulder again, down the sights and he noticed her hands were still a little shaky. "Calm down, and breathe, if you're this tense just in practice imagine how you'll be when you have to aim at another person." He let go and backed away from her, letting her aim on her own now. "Now just breathe, get your sights set, and pull the trigger." It took her a moment, her hands finally stopped shaking as much and she aimed right at the chest of one of the cutouts, she let out a deep exhale before the sudden loud bang of the pistol rang off the walls, the bullet piercing right through the heart of the cutout. 

A huge smile came to her face and she looked over at Alex, who nodded approvingly at her as he walked over to the cutout. "Not bad for a first shot." He said, pressing his finger near the bullet hole. "That's a clean shot through the heart, I don't care how tough someone is, they ain't surviving that...Which reminds me." He started motioning towards the head, chest and crotch of the cutout. "I know there might be some point when you ask yourself if it's worth having to kill someone and I'm going to tell you right now that if it comes down to it, most of the time you're going to be shooting to kill, so you're going to want to aim anywhere in this area...Headshots are pretty self explanatory, you've got a ton of vitals here in a person's chest and I uh... Probably don't have to tell you what happens if you shoot a guy in the dick." He visibly cringed at that, which admittedly got Penelope smiling against her will, thinking it was kind of funny that the guy who could cut a person to pieces without a second thought was somehow unnerved by a crotch shot. "But yeah, unless you're specifically told otherwise, most of the time you have to shoot to kill, no exceptions because if you make the mistake of...Say, shooting a guy who's drugged up on Psycho and Buffout in the arm, he's probably not even gonna feel it and keep coming and if you only had the one shot...Well, you know what happens from there. But I don't care how many drugs you're on, a headshot is gonna be an instant kill, a shot through the heart may not be instant but it's a kill, a dick shot? Yeah unless you literally have balls of steel, even if your bloodstream was pure Psycho, nah you ain't getting up from that. You understand Penny?" Well he's never directly called her that, she quickly shook her head,very invested in this gun lesson he was giving her, he walked back over and sat in the folding chair next to the table, resting his hands on his knees with his eyes on her. "Okay,I want you to take a few more shots, vary them up a bit, get used to holding a gun.” She nodded and held the gun up again, making sure her hands were in the right place as she aimed the sights towards the head of one of the other cutouts, the loud bang of the gun followed by the bullet casings clattering on the floor as she unloaded the gun into the cutout, then the click saying it was empty, Alex looked over and saw three well placed headshots near the center, followed by most of the shots being in the body and of course she had to land a couple shots south of the border.

“Good good, now-” He stood up and grabbed one of the extra magazines from the table. “Now these are pretty simple to reload.” He said as he held his hand out for her to give the gun back, she didn’t even give it to him for less than 3 seconds before he almost instantly had the gun loaded. “See? Magazine goes in, you pull this little trigger here on the side and it loads the gun.” He then pressed a small button on the grip that let the magazine out. “You can also load it like this.” He then pulled the slide back which popped the bullet currently in the chamber out. “It’s really up to you but I prefer using the trigger on the side to do it, it’s much faster and if you have to keep it aimed at something you can reload without even taking the sights off. “ He picked the bullet up from the floor and lodged it back into the magazine before handing both items back to her, of course expecting her to do it for herself. She took the pistol and easily was able to load it, it wasn’t exactly rocket science after all. “Good good, okay why don’t you take a few more shots over there, it’s not like we’re gonna be running out of ammo anytime soon.” He sat back down and just watched as Penelope let off a few shots into the cutouts, obviously this was more for her benefit than his own, she would learn how to hold a gun properly and she probably had a lot of steam to blow off from what had been going on in town, within seconds she emptied the magazine and grabbed another one from the table, she had like 6 or 7 of the things to work with. Although he wasn’t even sure why he opted to even do this though, it was some spur of the moment idea that came to mind when he woke up that morning, not like it mattered though, what harm was there in showing her how to defend herself? 

He just sat there watching as she was firing off rounds into the cutouts, obviously imagining they were Madsen or just some creep who had been looking at her a bit too long, or himself, honestly he couldn’t blame her for that one. About 5 magazines in she suddenly just stopped, she set the gun down and sat in the extra chair that was nearby, Alex looked over at the cutouts and one of them was looking like it was about to collapse in on itself from the gaping hole that she had blasted through the stomach, one had about a quarter of its head left from how many rounds she put into it, yeah she had obviously been letting off a lot of steam doing that, and she was at least able to hold something to keep herself safe. “I want you to keep that by the way, it’s something you’re far more used to and we have plenty of scrap back in town to make more bullets if you need it, these shitty pipe guns don’t have the same...Stability as a factory made gun does.” He said, absently scratching his chin as he looked over the damage a little bit more, he could feel a pair of eyes prying through him however and of course Penelope was staring at him, not exactly just glaring at him but more casually looking in his direction although he was pretty sure that gaze was meant for him. “Something wrong?” He asked when he noticed her eyes quickly darted in some other direction, there was a very awkward silence there as she obviously did have something she wanted to bring up but was hesitating. “If something’s on your mind just tell me.” He wasn’t stupid however and he had a feeling that she was thinking about what had happened yesterday, she looked away from him for a moment, she looked nervous, extremely nervous, then her eyes settled back on him.

“Why’d you threaten me like that yesterday?...” She finally asked, there was an extremely uncomfortable silence between the two of them, Penelope started thinking that maybe she shouldn’t have asked for fear of crossing a line with him, but she noticed that he didn’t look angry, he didn’t even look the slightest bit bothered by the question, rather it looked like he was thinking about it for a moment. “I don’t want to talk about it...Things just happen alright?” That wasn’t the answer she was hoping for. “But...I don't get you." Curiously one of his eyebrows poked up "Excuse me?" He said. "One moment you seem to try and be genuinely nice to me, and another you don't want anything to do with me...I don't understand." She insisted on trying to get at least some kind of answer from him, he didn't say anything for a moment, going back to looking like he was deep in thought for a moment, honestly how could he explain himself when she…Actually raised a good point? “It’s a long story alright? I don’t want to-” Suddenly he was interrupted by a noise from down the line, the hoarse growls of at least a dozen or so ghouls making their way down the tunnel, attracted to all the gunfire from the past few minutes, Alex took that as an opportunity to get away from the conversation at hand as he nearly leapt out of his seat, reaching for his sword. “Looks like you get to have your first real test already.” Penelope was a little slower to get up, disappointed that their little chat got interrupted but she quickly grabbed the pistol and loaded a fresh magazine into it as the small pack of ghouls stepped under the faint orange light. “Remember, breathe, aim, and fire, at least kill one of them.” He said as he unsheathed his sword, a nice metallic ring echoing off the walls then he rushed the pack, the lead one got sliced clean in half and fell to the ground, organs splattering out of it, another rushed him but with a upswing he sliced one of its claws off then in the same motion swung down and cut clean across it, some split off the pack and started heading towards Penelope, who he was keeping an eye on just out of the corner of his eyes there, suddenly a couple of gunshots rang out as she shot one of them, a couple bullets ripped through the ghouls chest then another well placed shot right in the forehead, popping its head clean off, as he cut down another ghoul he could see she was still extremely tense as she aimed at another ghoul, this time her accuracy was a little off as her first shot missed, the ghoul started screaming as it was about to pounce on her but luckily her second shot went right the ghoul’s eye socket and out the back, with almost no effort he cut down another three of the ghouls, their flesh was weak and each one went down in one swipe like a hot knife through warm butter, they weren’t protected by the surface radiation which made every ghoul significantly easier to kill, another ghoul broke into one of those mad sprints towards her, crouching down to avoid any shots from her, suddenly two loud bangs rang out followed by the sound of metal ricocheting off concrete, she missed both shots and the ghoul was literally a few feet away from her, Alex broke from the pack to try and stop it and much to his surprise, she didn’t freeze up this time, that deer in the headlights look wasn’t there anymore as she reeled back, and with the gun itself, she backhanded the ghoul in mid pounce, it fell flat on its face and she quickly delivered the killing shot right in the back of the head.

With four clean cuts the last ghouls fell to the ground, either split open or cut through entirely, Alex as before flipped the sword in his hand and dragged the blunt end against his arm, wiping it clean before resheathing it, he looked at Penelope, whose hands were actually twitching from the sudden rush, eyes wide from adrenaline and her breathing was shaky, the fact she hadn’t fumbled the gun out of her hands yet was nothing short of a miracle. “You need to relax.” He said, giving her a surprisingly genuine smile, he walked over and rested his hands on her shoulders. “Relax, breathe, and give me this before you end up shooting me.” She hadn’t even noticed her gun was still pointing forwards, finger on the trigger ready for something else to come around the corner, Alex tried to take it from her but like before she had a death grip on the damn thing, so instead he just decided to angle the barrel towards the floor. “Finger off the trigger too, you never hold it there unless you’re ready to shoot.” Slowly, she moved her finger away and rested it on the side of the gun. “Well…” He started as he looked over the three ghouls she’d killed. “3 out of 12 isn’t bad for a first go, with a little practice you could kill the entire pack with a single magazine if you wanted to.” He said. “Good thinking on when that one got too close to you too, honestly I was expecting you to freeze up again like before but you pulled something on the spot so that’s good, you’re learning.” At that point she could hardly stop smiling, he wasn’t being sarcastic or cold towards her, he was genuinely pleased with how well she’d done in her first outing. Well it was either that or the absurd amounts of adrenaline flowing through her at the moment, even though it was just a small pack it was her first real fight and she could still hear her heart pounding in her ears from it. “Don’t worry by the way, once you get used to it you won’t feel like you’ve just ran a marathon killing a couple of ghouls.” He said with a light chuckle, almost like he was reading her mind. He went over to the table and grabbed the last magazine and handed it to her. “Put that in your pocket for now okay?” She nodded and slipped the magazine in one of her coat pockets and hid the pistol on the inside of her coat, he crouched down and started picking up the bullet casings as well. “Another thing is, and you only do this after practice as in a real battle you won’t have time to, pick these up when you’re done, they can be repurposed to use again so we’re not wasting ammo.” Again she nodded as he picked up a few dozen empty 10mm casings and shoved them into his pocket. “Well, let’s go home.” He said with a small grin and started walking towards the tunnel, casings jingling in his pocket like caps with her following close at his side, she was still a little disappointed that she didn’t get an answer to her question but if Johnny was right, maybe he’d tell her on his own time.

Suddenly he stopped for a moment, he didn’t say anything he just stopped in his tracks, looking over his shoulder at her. “Hey um...I’m sorry about what happened yesterday, just at the moment I was stressed with what was going on and I wasn’t thinking clearly.” He didn’t say anything else, really he didn’t even give her a chance to respond to it as he started walking again, she took it for what it was and didn’t bring it up again for the rest of the trip back.

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	6. Inner Turmoil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex has a literal one on one with himself, still struggling between who he was before and after the bombs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, Penelope is finally getting some proper character development started and I'm currently kicking myself in the ass for taking this long to start, it's not easy thinking of a backstory for an entirely OC centric roster lol.
> 
> Also this chapter is a lot shorter than the others, mainly because I got the point in and I didn't want to forcibly pad it out and drone on like I tend to do (Cough cough chapter 1 cough cough) 
> 
> French translations: "I miss you." and "I wonder what you'd think of me now" respectively, google translate most likely screwed these up so those who know French please don't hurt me.

Chapter 6

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Alex and Penelope went their separate ways for the moment, she didn't seem to say anything about his apology out of nowhere, not that he was expecting her to, he just wanted to get it out there and he did just that. He stepped into his little scrap home feeling somewhat relieved, he let out a quiet, calm sigh as he closed the door behind him and set his sword next to the coat rack, he made his way over to a door that was part of the wall, his home was built next to an old collapsed tunnel that he used as extra storage. He opened the door and inside were parts for various robots, weapons and other tech that he spent his down time dabbling in, at the end of the "closet" there was a large wooden chest, he walked over, flipped the locks up and opened the box, inside was yet another box, a glass case with scratched wood and dirty glass and inside was a glove of some kind, he knelt down and carefully lifted the case out of the box and carried it back into his living room, gently and slowly he set the case down on his desk and took a seat, he opened the top drawer of his desk and fiddled around for a moment, moving papers and tools out of his way before taking a key out and inserting it into the lock on the case, with a click the case opened up and somehow even more carefully, he lifted the glove out of the case and set it in front of him, the glove was more like a gauntlet of sorts, with a large barbed hook on the front of it, right behind the hook was a box with a metal wire connecting it to the hook, and behind that was a fusion cell, attached to the glove itself with some wires.

Alex smiled at his little creation, something he'd been working on for a few weeks now. He reached into the drawer and pulled a screwdriver out and unscrewed the top of the box, inside was a winch of sorts, metal cable wound up inside, he gently flicked the cable with the screwdriver, testing its integrity before grabbing the hook and with the push of a small button the hook slowly came out, accompanied by the sound of the winch clicking, he pressed the button on the opposite side of the box and the hook suddenly retracted back into the glove, a grin came to his face as he set the top of the box back on and screwed it into place, he then carefully flipped the glove over and on the palm and fingers were electrodes, wired into the rubber of the glove, he sat there examining them for a moment, making sure everything was still attached considering that he had put it together from items he scrounged around, when he was sure it was still in one piece he slowly slipped the glove onto his arm, buckling it on and then he slowly clenched his hand into a fist, when he did the glove started crackling as electricity started flowing through it, suddenly his hand had red lightning coursing around it, he kept his fist clenched and a pleased smile on his face as the glove continued generating its electricity, he released and the electricity had quickly faded away, the glove quietly sizzled and there was a distinct smell of burning rubber in the air, an unfortunate side effect as he wasn’t exactly an expert on throwing items together on a whim. His nose scrunched and with his free hand he waved around to clear up a little bit of the smell then unbuckled the glove and slipped it off, suddenly he had a weird feeling come over him, a chill running down his back for seemingly no reason at all and a heavy sense of dread filled the room. “Are you really going through with this again?” A voice that sounded much like his own called out, however it sounded far more callous than his own. “This is how it starts isn’t it? You can’t help but find that little bit of kindness in your heart and you try to help someone because you refuse to let that one little part of you die like the rest has.” The sense of calmness he just had moments ago was shattered by an ever present sense of fear on his shoulders. "You've already let everything else die, anything that tied you to who you used to be died with the first sword swipe...And yet you insist on going out of your way to show even a modicum of kindness towards people you think deserve it... Knowing that the moment you do, the same thing will happen as it has before." The grip on his screwdriver tightened as the words in his head felt like one drilling into his skull. "Tell me, or rather tell yourself, what is it about this one? Do you really feel THAT guilty about what you did that you're willing to deny everything you believe just to make it up? Are you that idiotic that you're willing to go down this path again knowing exactly what it's going to end at?" The voice was mocking, grating on his nerves as it ate away at him. "Surely a cute face isn't worth that, oh is that what it is? Silly little Alex meets a cute girl that he wants to be nice to…" Alex started gritting his teeth as his eyes settled towards the couch, and there, where only he could see it, was himself in a sense, a twisted, corrupted version of himself, created by his own mind over the years and often berating him for decisions he wasn't sure of, just lounging on his couch with a condescending smile on its face. 

"Oh now wouldn't that just be cruel? What is it? The eyes? Or perhaps that sweet little accent of hers? Does hearing it now blind you to the inevitability of hearing it when she's calling for you to help? Only for you to not be able to answer like everyone else?" Enraged he jammed the screwdriver into the desk, his own head was berating him for just being a kind person. "I can't just try and be a good person for once? I'm not just some cold-hearted killer after all…" He finally said through gritting teeth. "No you can't, and you know you can't because you know what happens when you do, you show that kindness, they get attached, they die in some horrible way and who's left to pick up those pieces? Who's left alone? It's damn sure not them…And I think the number of people you've killed with that little sword over there begs to differ...I wonder what Penelope would think if she knew how many bodies you've stacked up, how many times you've forced yourself to dissociate so you could kill without guilt…" Alex was glaring at the figure now, hatred boiling behind his eyes as it continued to mockingly stare at him, casually resting his chin against his hand.

Penelope was looking down at the gun Alex had told her to keep, it was in surprisingly good condition aside from a few scratches, it felt strange in her hands still, cold steel that she'd never even thought about holding at any point in her life, she pulled the slide back although the chamber was empty, she slipped the gun underneath her bed and just sat there for a moment, her mind drifted as it often did when she had a moment to herself, she let out a forlorn sigh and reached into the top of her turtleneck, taking out a small silver locket that she kept hidden, it was on a long enough chain that it could rest in her hand and with a click the front of the locket popped open and inside was a photo of herself when she younger and three other people, an older man and woman and a boy that looked a couple of years older than her in the photo, she just stared at the photo for a few moments, eyes filled with sadness and starting to turn glassy. "Tu me manques" She whispered, voice starting to crack as she was on the verge of tears, her hand clenched around the locket as a few tears ran down her cheeks. "Je me demande ce que vous pensez de moi…" She closed the locket and carefully hid it back in her shirt, she wiped her eyes only for more tears to take their place moments later, she hated this, where she was living, the fact she was alone, it was ironic, in a sense she was the opposite to Alex, he wanted to be alone, to be by himself, she wanted the opposite, she wanted to be around people who made her feel safe, although she wasn't really feeling safe.

She started thinking maybe that's why she was clinging to him, he didn't creep her out like a lot of the other people did, he didn't stare at her, lust running wild like an unhinged teenager, and underneath that hardass exterior he showed he obviously cared to some extent, she figured if he was willing to teach her how to actually protect herself he has to care somewhat. 

Suddenly she nearly jumped out of her bed when a gunshot rang throughout the small building, followed by the sounds of people screaming and panicking outside, she nearly fell just getting out of bed and rushed outside, people were clamoring towards Alex's house and she felt her heart suddenly drop as she rushed over, she was closest and she didn't even bother knocking as she busted in through the door and there he was, that revolver of his aimed towards his couch, smoke off the barrel and a violent, rage filled stare directed towards the couch, there was a bullet hole right in the center of one of the seat cushions. She got a look at his face and she could see how angry he really was, his face was red, face twitching in a sneer, the hand holding the gun was twitching and he slammed it down on the desk and his sights set towards the door. "Haven't you ever heard of knocking? It might the apocalypse but have some common manners damn it!" He snapped at her, he spun on the chairs swivel and noticed that Johnny had also shoved his way past everyone to see what had happened. "Are you alright boyo? What happened?" He asked, accent causing him to step on his words. "I'm fine Johnny, I'm still alive aren't I? Just had a gun misfire was all." He said, obviously lying and he directed his eyes on Penelope, wordlessly telling her to go along with the lie, Johnny turned towards the large crowd that had gathered around the shack. "Calm down,calm down everyone, the lad just had a gun go off, everything's fine so go back to your business." The crowd quickly dispersed after that, and Johnny returned to the bar while Penelope stayed at Alex's for a bit, she had this faraway look in her eyes for a moment.

"Are you alright?" She asked the moment she was sure no one was within earshot, the tone behind the question was deadly serious and she looked like she was about to have a panic attack. "I'm fine." He said without even looking at her. "Are you sure?" She asked, somehow sounding even more serious. "I'm fine Penelope, don't worry about it and just go home alright?" He insisted and she didn't leave immediately, she just stood in the doorway for a few moments before finally leaving, hesitantly closing the door behind her. She had immediately imagined the worst the moment she heard the gunshot, she was afraid she was going to walk in on him with a bullet through his head, walls spattered with blood.

About 30 minutes later Alex received a knock at his door, he let out a frustrated sigh as he got up from his bed and opened the door to see the frame of Madsen standing there in the doorway with that smug, shit eating grin on his face that he always carried. "Madsen. Can I help you?" He asked. "Ah no no, I was just coming by to make sure that my top soldier was doing fine." Immediately Alex's face scrunched in irritation.

"Don't call me that." He said, venom hidden under his tone. "Call me a scavver, a scrounger, but I am not a soldier." He absolutely despised being referred to as a soldier, he wasn't a programmed and trained killer like that, Madsen scoffed and scratched his chin for a moment, looking away from Alex just for a second. "Well, you're more competent than a lot of the guys in our ranks, I don't see my actual soldiers turning the Maldenmen into hamburger." Alex grit his teeth, the muscles in his temples pressing against his skin, he didn't take his ability to kill as a talent.

"What do you want?" He asked again, more insistent that Madsen tell him or get the hell out of his sight. "Nothing Al, like I said I heard about what happened and I just had to make sure everything was alright." Alex also hated that Madsen was trying to act casual around him, as if Penelope hadn't already told him about how he tried to pull some perverted shit with her yesterday.

"You seem like you're doing alright though so my business is done here, just make sure that gun of yours isn't loaded the next time you're messing with it, we don't need the whole town stopping for a misfire." He said before turning away and making his way back towards his home, Alex watched for a moment before slamming the door shut, that man's presence made him sick to his stomach, he always had a sleazy air about him but after what Penelope had told him, he felt physically ill around the man now.

He picked up the case that he'd put his gauntlet back in and carefully took it over towards the closet door, he inched the door open and carried the case over to the large chest and slowly laid it inside before shutting the chest and locking it. He slammed the closet door behind him and sat on his bed, face resting in his hand when the sudden feeling of dread came over him again. "Yeah, we wouldn't want his best soldier to get hurt now would we? He'd never hold this place together if you were gone." That mocking, callous voice of his other self spoke to him, Alex looked up from his palm and on the couch, with a small bullet hole in its chest, was that corrupted self.

"Come now, we know that's all you are at this point, you're a soldier just like dad was, same age when he started in the military anyway...You know how to kill, and you don't care what the consequences are…" With a sickening cracking sound the bullet wound closes up and it lets out a sarcastic yawn. "Oh that's even better, you hate Madsen now because he tried to make a move on precious little Penelope." Alex didn't say anything though, he knew that his reasons for disliking Madsen were his own, he was genuinely disgusted by the fact he tried to take advantage of a girl like that, and then forced her to fight not knowing if she actually could or not. “You didn’t teach her to use a gun to protect her out there, no you did it in case Madsen tries to get handsy with her didn’t you?” It asked and he found his opportunity. “And what’s wrong with that? Should I just leave her to be defenseless because my own, unstable mind wants to try and find something that’s just not there?” He shouldn’t have had to consider a personal accomplishment against his own head but he did. The corrupted version of himself just leaned back against the couch, a confident smile still on its face. “Since when do you care about another person’s well being though? How many women have come through here that you didn’t even give a sideways glance but in comes Penelope and suddenly you want to be a nice person.” 

“Because I pulled my sword against her for fuck’s sake! I at least owe her something for that instead of acting like nothing happened!” He snapped at nothing, he was stuck here yelling at nothing, there was no one there and he was just talking to himself, it didn’t say anything to him though, it just looked at him with this confident, yet cold stare, as if it was trying to see right through him, it just laughed and rested its arms behind its head.

"Once you realize who you really are Alex, I'll always be here." The other him said followed by a confident laugh and it just seemingly disappeared, leaving him there in the silence, he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, he wasn’t trying to pull anything, he was just a nice person at heart, it was the only thing that he had left from his old self before the bombs and he was going to try his hardest to make sure he kept a hold of that.

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	7. An Open Book

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex has a nightmare and decides to go on one of his nightly walks, however he probably would've preferred just dealing with the monsters in his sleep than what he had the luck of finding tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeez this chapter took me way longer than it should've, there's something about it that bugs me but I can't quite put my finger on it, maybe it just drags on I dunno, there's some plot but it's mostly Alex being a sword slinging badass, damn you DMC you did this to me.

======

"Alex…Why'd you let us die Alex? Why didn't you save us?..." A distant voice called out to him in his sleep. "Why didn't you try harder? Why didn't you help us?" He stirred in his sleep, face scrunching in discomfort as the voice in his dreams continued to ask him why. His dreams were mostly black for that evening as they often were but something was slowly starting to come into view, a group of people, a rather large group of people.

"Why didn't you save us Alex? You could've saved us but you didn't... Because you weren't strong enough…" His breathing picked up and his forehead was soaked with cold sweat as he shifted uncomfortably in his bed. "You were too weak to save us, too weak to protect us, and you'll still be too weak to keep her safe." The group of people came into view, all with grey skin and their faces were strangely missing their features, except for their eyes, wide and bloodshot and glaring a hole right through his soul, they were all staring at him, not blinking, not moving a muscle, just staring into his soul.

The people then started screaming, it was muffled at first but the space where their mouths would be started ripping open, the sound of flesh tearing echoing through his mind as their mouths ripped open letting out high pitched screams, still staring at him without blinking. 

"You're too weak! You're too weak! You're too weak!" They just kept saying it, like a broken record the words pounded against his skull. Suddenly his eyes snapped open as he took heavy breaths, eyes darting around the darkness of his room as the voice receded into silence. 

He sat up in bed, sweat running down his head and chest and he tossed his blanket aside, he leaned over the edge of his bed, face in his hands and trying to get his bearings, he could feel his heart pounding against his chest as he tried to catch his breath, his body wracked with chills from the cold sweat formed over his body, even though he was awake he could still faintly hear those last words in his head, telling him that he was still weak. He tried to shrug it off and stumbled his way over to his desk, his eyes still hadn't adjusted yet and he could barely see what he was doing at the moment, his hands sloppily moved around the desk before they felt the cool glass of his lamp, he turned the switch and the area around his desk was bathed in light, his eyes squeezed shut from the suddenly brightness and he took a moment to let them adjust, wearily he rubbed his eyes from another night of restlessness and unneeded stress, he pulled the chair out and sat down, still lightly rubbing his tired eyes, he could barely keep his eyes open but he was too anxious to even attempt to fall back asleep, oddly enough his nightmares had been growing worse since Penelope arrived in town, they were already bad before but now he found himself constantly waking up in the middle of the night from one.

Hastily he threw a black shirt he had lying on the floor on and grabbed his combat boots from next to the door, perhaps a nice late night stroll would help him get to sleep sooner he though, he sat there on the edge of his bed for a few moments, still rubbing his head and trying to put his thoughts together before he went out, he grabbed his usual preparations, his gun, sword, some spare magazines for said gun and a light and he was out the door.

30 minutes in and he was nowhere close to even being remotely tired again, the dark silence of Boston's vast tunnels gave him plenty of time to hang on his dreams, recalling every vivid detail that he possibly could and putting all his thoughts into them, how the voices constantly mocked and berated him for not being able to protect them even though he thought he could, how every bitter failure was thrown in his face almost every time he laid down to sleep, the twisted visages of the people who came into his life then were brutally ripped away from him.

He couldn't figure out why the nightmares were just getting worse though, ever since Penelope had been around his nights had gotten even more restless, and she wasn't even part of it, it just seemed to be pure coincidence that as soon as she chose to live in town his attempts at sleeping went even further out the window. Suddenly a noise snapped him out of his thoughts, he wasn't sure what it was at first, but a few moments later he heard a gruff male voice from further down the tunnel, he couldn't make out what he said so he moved closer, the voice let out a loud, gravelly laugh then another voice broke through.

"I bet these bitches will get us some serious caps!"

"Would've had another one to sell if you didn't insist on getting your rocks off with her…"

"Oh fuck off, I've had nothing but my hand for the last five years and you think I was gonna pass up the chance to get some?"

"Then she tried to run and you shot her in the back of the head, yes that seems like one hell of a success."

"Hey, I offered you some." 

"I think I'd rather whack off in the corner than take your sloppy seconds." The other man just scoffed at that statement.

"We're surrounded by dirt and shit and you're "offended" to get second fuck? Give me a break man."

Alex had just tuned them out at this point, he had that look in his eyes when he cut himself off from seeing his kills as human, that violent, hateful scowl came to his face as he put his back to the wall and started fast walking in the direction of the voices, gun already out and ready to fire on sight, they went silent for a moment before one of them spoke up again.

"You know we still got two of 'em, I doubt the boss would have a problem if one of 'em came in..Slightly used, if you know what I mean eh?" Alex's pace picked up as he was quickly closing the distance between himself and them.

His finger was already on the bolt shaped trigger, something his father would probably lecture him about if he'd seen it but Alex was ready to shoot these two on the spot, no questions asked.

"Eh, fine whatever…"

There was a brief pause, however Alex didn't slow down, further up ahead he could see the opening between the two lines and the shadows of a couple of people standing there in the light, as well as two other figures that were much shorter, which he assumed were prisoners.

"Slavers? I thought we dealt with those bastards a long time ago." He thought to himself as his pace slowed to a crawl, closely watching the shadows in front of him.

"I guess the blonde one's pretty cute, and she looks like she's never been touched before...Guess I'll just have to break her in before we take 'em back right?"

The man currently assessing his evening fling was sporting a bald head, completely shaved down and a scar over his right eye, a smug grin on his face and a head full of dirty thoughts about the girl in front of him, a young blonde that looked like she wasn't even 18 yet, ember eyes full of terror at the current situation as the man looked over her like she was just a piece of meat, he knelt down in front of her and roughly grabbed her jaw, tilting her head to one side then the other, like he was assessing her, he stuck his thumb in her mouth and forced it open, she gagged from the dirt and grime on the man's finger.

"Oh that's not the only thing you're gonna choke on tonight…" He said with a dark chuckle and a brush of his thumb over her bottom lip.

"Oy! I know your ass isn't gonna sit here and watch me do this, nah you go find something to fuck around with!" 

The other man, a portly man with a long beard and messy brown hair, he just rolled his eyes and started making his way in the direction where Alex was hiding, the other man unzipped his jeans and held the girl's head in place, she tried to struggle or at least keep her face away from him considering she was tied up, the man suddenly grabbed her hair and yanked on it, causing her to cry out.

"Now listen here sweetie, you're gonna get me off and you're not gonna struggle, you're not gonna scream and you're sure as fuck not gonna bite me, cause if you do…"

The man suddenly pulled a razor sharp knife from a holster on his right side, the blade gleaming under the faint light as he held it close to her neck.

"I won't hesitate to slice that pretty little neck of yours open in front of your friend here…" He carefully brushed the tip of the blade along her cheek and slipped the knife back into its holster.

"Now, open your mouth." He demanded, the girl just scrunched her face and looked away from him, something that obviously didn't sit well as he snapped and slapped her in the face, her cheek immediately turned a bright red and was stinging from the hit.

"I said, open your fucking mouth!" He was yelling at this point, the girl started crying as tears ran down her cheeks, suddenly the loud bang of a gunshot caught both of them as the man immediately snapped his head towards the tunnel his friend had gone down.

"Tommy? Tommy what's going on?" There was no answer, only an unsettling silence, the man quickly zipped his jeans up and pulled his knife out, slowly making his way towards the darkness when the barrel of Alex's rifle came poking through, aimed right at the man's head as Alex stepped out, a small spatter of blood on his cheek from shooting the other man at near point blank range, the man with the knife immediately raised his hands and slowly started backing away from him.

"Whoa...Hold on a second man, we can talk about this…" Alex just shook his head.

"No talking." Then without hesitation he pulled the trigger and another bang rang out as the bullet pierced his head, lodging right into his brain, the man's knife clattered to the ground as his body fell lifeless, a small pool of blood forming around his head. Alex went over to the two girls and immediately held a finger to his lips, making a quiet shushing sound, he was seeing if there were anymore nearby that had been attracted by the gunshots, about a minute or two went by after that.

"Okay...I think we're okay, you can talk now if you want to." 

The blonde just went off thanking him like crazy for the first minute or so, her friend, some brunette with long hair past her shoulders thanked him as well although she seemed to be a lot quieter than her friend, more or less just muttering a thanks towards him, they were both terrified and aside from thanks, were speechless at the moment, they had that deer in the headlights look about them, they were shaking and they were obviously scared out of their wits. Through a little bit of poking he managed to get where they were from out of them, they were from another station up North near the Charles, they had escaped from a pack of slavers that invaded the station and the two guys he killed were the ones after them, he didn't ask if they had a friend with them as he didn't want to bring that up when they were already in a fragile state, he offered to help take them back and deal with the slavers himself, the trio began the long quiet walk back to their station, the two obviously weren't up for talking given their ordeal and Alex was just fine with that.

The trio came to an old subway car that had been detailed when the bombs fell, the inside was dark and full of skeletons littering the floor, people who had been trampled and killed in the initial panic, old unclaimed suitcases were still sitting in place, zipped shut with old clothes that had yet to be claimed, Alex pulled the door open and stepped inside with the two practically clinging to him from behind, dead silent aside from their collective breathing for there were still more issues besides any pursuit from the slavers, at any moment a ghoul could pop up from underneath the seats, or throw itself through one of the windows the moment it caught wind of them, not to mention Alex never confirmed if that monster, whatever the hell it was supposed to be, was actually dead or not and its very possible threat was still lingering in the air. They went through one car into another, still more skeletons and unclaimed bags everywhere, he kept his finger close to the trigger for even the slightest hint of movement that wasn't their own, he wasn't a fan of travelling through such a tight, confined space, the handle of his sword actually got close to hitting the overhanging bars that people used to hold on with. As they stepped out he suddenly switched the little light on his shoulder off and told the two girls to shush, far off in the distance he could see the lights where the station was and the shadows of people walking around dancing on the walls.

"How many of them were armed with guns?" He whispered to the blonde.

"I...Don't know, I saw a couple of them with pistols but that was it."

"Great...Makes this a little bit more fun for me...Now I want you both to wait here for me, I'm gonna go see if I can deal with this and if I don't come back, assume I'm dead and run okay?" Both girls nodded and he moved up ahead on his own, out of their sight he immediately returned to that cold, violent look in his eyes and dipped into a side tunnel leading up to the station, there was a door with a man standing outside of it, no gun but he was carrying an old baseball bat, a faint sheen of blood on the end of it, showing that he used it recently. Alex stood there in the entryway, back pressed against the wall and peeking around the corner at the man, he scratched the back of his head and let out a slight yawn as Alex knelt down and picked a large rock up from the ground and when he noticed the guard looking away he threw it onto the ground, the man's head immediately snapped in that direction and he hastily made his way over there, Alex snuck around the pillar as the man looked through the first entryway, then as he moved to the second, Alex snuck into the first.

The man didn't have a chance to respond to the sound of his sword unsheathing before ice cold steel piercing through his body, he tried to scream but it was muffled as Alex buried the sword in the guy up to the hilt, he fell to his knees as his vision started to fade away, Alex roughly twisted the blade in his back and the man just went limp, he let go and yanked the sword from his back, the man fell to the ground dead, he quickly resheathed the sword and looped his rifle back around as he moved towards the door, he was standing right next to it now and could hear the sounds of people crying on the other side, some were quiet, others were sobbing almost hysterically followed by the sound of a man yelling over the group.

"Shut the hell up before I put a bullet in your head!" 

Alex peeked up just a little bit to catch a glimpse through the small round window on the door, it was dirty but he could make out about 6 people huddled on the floor, three men and three women along with two other guys guarding the room, they hadn’t noticed him peeking in through the window yet, they were armed with a couple of large 2x4 boards but nothing else that he could see, although he assumed one had a gun from the fact they threatened to shoot the group, for a moment he thought about how to approach the situation, he unsheathed his sword and abruptly shoved the door open, sneaking back as he did and the two guards snapped their heads in that direction, and as expected they both rushed over to the door, one stepped out into the small hallway.

“Hey! What the fu-” The man was suddenly cut off as the sudden sound of cold metal through his chest, he stumbled back against the wall as Alex yanked his blade out, the man slumped down to the floor and Alex caught sight of the gun hanging on his belt but only for a second as the other one tried to attack him, a quick block and two swipes, a spatter of blood against the door and the man fell to the ground just as dead as his friend was, Alex quickly shushed the group so they wouldn’t give him away and resheathed his sword, opting to use his rifle for the next part, in the main area of the station there were no people but he could hear some guy upstairs barking out orders to his friends, something about cleaning some mess up later, he could feel his stomach start boiling at whatever that was supposed to mean, he ascended the stairs guided only by dim yellowed lights from overhead and down the hallway towards the bathrooms, he had just caught a glimpse of one of the slavers walking around a corner as he came close but luckily he wasn’t seen, he carefully checked the door to the men’s bathroom as closed, unattended doors were often booby trapped but they didn’t seem to be too smart this time around, he slowly opened the door, cringing at the slight squeaking noise it was giving off as he did and he slid past the door, the bathroom was empty, aside from trash all over the floor and what looked like vomit in one of the stalls, the place reeked with the expected smells of feces and lord knows what else on the floors, if he wasn’t so used to how awful things smelled normally he’d probably be gagging already, he checked the first aid kit that was commonly placed in just about every bathroom in the city and as expected there was nothing inside but a pair of bandage scissors, not like he didn’t have a million of those anyway.

He slipped out of the men’s room and carefully made his way across the open hallway towards the women’s bathroom, again checking the door, however this time something was different, before he even opened the door there was a rancid smell in the air, something was telling him not to open the door but his curiosity got the best of him and he cracked the door open, the smell just got worse as he finally slid the door open, he nearly dropped his rifle in shock at what he saw, a naked woman lying dead on the ground, body riddled with cuts, blood pooled around her and her throat was slit, eyes still wide open in a permanent state of terror, her skin still had some color to it, showing that she had died recently. Alex felt beyond sick at this point, he could feel that he was about to throw up at any moment but he couldn't find the strength to leave the room. Suddenly that sickness in his stomach faded away, slowly turning into something else that hit him.

Anger, pure untamed rage flooded his body, his teeth grinding hard enough he was surprised they didn't crack on the spot, he reached behind and slowly unsheathed his sword as his vision turned a shade of red and he turned away from the body, he yanked the door open, causing it to loudly slam against the concrete wall which, as expected attracted the attention of the slavers down the hall, he had originally considered using his gun, it would've been quick and clean, but they didn't deserve that now.

"The fuck was that?" One of them said as the sudden sounds of shoes hitting concrete quickly approached him, however Alex seemed unfazed by it, merely walking right in front of the open hallway.

"Where'd he come from?" One asked before promptly getting slapped in the back of the head.

"You fuckin' moron I told you to tie all of them up!" The one that slapped him shouted.

"I did! He must've been hidin' or some shit."

"Well go get him!”

They didn’t even get to take a step however as Alex broke out in a full sprint towards them, he wasn’t just running, he started sprinting towards them recklessly, one of them had a gun and pulled it out but the sudden rush threw his aim off and the shot went whizzing past Alex and into the wall, he closed the distance and a single slice through the guy’s chest brought him to the ground, another one had the blade go clean through his stomach, he stumbled back as blood and his split stomach spilled onto the the ground, without even missing a step Alex brought the blade through the other man’s chest, two others rushed him with switchblades but had just as much luck as the first two did, one ended up losing his hand before Alex killed him, within just a few moments he had killed 4 men without even batting an eye, seemingly oblivious to their cries of pain, the guy who led the group ended up trying to run away, throwing his last man to Alex in some attempt to distract him which was fruitless as in a flash of steel and blood the man was dead within seconds, Alex grabbed the gun that was on one of their corpses and started chasing after the leader, he made it past the ticket reception and tried to run downstairs into the main station but with the familiar bang of a gunshot, a .38 went right through the back of his calf, bringing him down, desperately he tried to crawl away towards the empty subway car that went into the tunnels but he didn’t get very far before steel pierced through his other calf, he screamed in agony as he couldn’t even move now, even if he got away he wouldn’t be able to walk very well if at all, the sword was removed from his leg and he looked over his shoulder at who effectively crippled him.

Alex almost didn’t even look human at this point, his eyes were cold and filled with malice, face stained with the blood of the almost 10 men he’d killed already and his sword was just as bloody, seemingly out of pure cruelty alone he stomped on the man’s calf, causing him to let out another pained cry, he could swear he saw the man crying at this point. 

“Please, just let me go man....Look it wasn’t me who killed her, I swear it was one of them! Just don’t kill me…” The man pleaded in a desperate, pathetic whimper, but that just seemed to make Alex even angrier than before, he harshly stomped on the man’s calf again.

“Really?! You take these people hostage, murder them in cold blood, how many times did that woman rotting in the bathroom right now beg YOU for mercy only for you to laugh in her face?! Why should I give you the mercy that you didn’t give her?!” The man was silent, he couldn’t even think of an answer.

“Answer me!” Alex yelled as he viciously stomped on the man’s calf again, another agonized scream echoing throughout the station.

“That’s right...You can’t answer because you don’t have an answer...Because you don’t deserve mercy.” He stood over the man and suddenly reached down, bringing the blade end of his sword against the man’s throat, pressing it harshly against his neck, the man tried to struggle but it was pointless as in a single quick motion, Alex’s sword sliced through the man’s throat, he fell on his face, clutching at his throat and desperately trying to take in air, blood poured out of his neck eventually replacing his attempted gasps for air with a horrific gurgling noise, the man finally went limp after several uncomfortable seconds of him slowly dying, Alex stood there for a while longer, hands shaking with rage as his vision shifted back to normal, his breathing started picking up, he felt short of breath for some reason and could feel his heart pounding in his ears, he tightly shut his eyes from a sudden, pulsating pain in his skull and when he reopened them, he suddenly dropped his sword in shock, that look of pure anger and hatred had completely melted away into one of shock and fear, he looked over at the man’s corpse, then down at his hands which were almost completely stained with blood at this point, his fingers were twitching, whether it was adrenaline or terror he wasn’t sure of.

He killed them, he killed every single one of them without a second glance, slaughtered them all like they were nothing more than cattle, he tried to tell himself that they would’ve killed the whole station or worse if that was possible, if he had let them live they would’ve retaliated or done something even worse than that, that’s what he told himself, they would’ve killed possibly dozens more if he didn’t deal with them, but as he picked up his sword he couldn’t shake this feeling of dread weighing on his shoulders, like he’d just done something horrible. He didn’t say anything to the rest of the group as he merely resheathed his sword and left, he met the two women where they were still waiting by the empty car and ordered them to return home.

“Things are fine, the slavers are dead, you can go now.” That was all he said, without even stopping, without even looking at them, he just walked past and back into the car to make his way back home. However as he made his way through the car he couldn’t shake that dread, that and the feeling that something was following him, closely following him but when he would look over his shoulder there was nothing there, he stepped out of the car and that feeling of being watched only intensified tenfold, he stopped for a moment, shining his light on every potential area that someone or something could be hiding in but there was nothing, nothing but himself and the cold silence of the tunnels, he kept walking but that feeling still never left him, then almost barely out of earshot he could hear the sound of a pebble behind him and he caught it, there was a person, just floating a few inches off the ground, not standing, they were floating there, he couldn’t exactly tell what they had on besides the long hooded robe stopping just before their feet and a gas mask, with glowing green lenses locked in his direction, he felt his blood run completely cold when he locked eyes with this guy, he wasn’t sure if it was a real person or if he was finally losing his mind and seeing things. 

“So...Are you proud of the things you’ve done Alex?” Almost immediately his hand was on his sword, there was no way this thing should’ve known his name.

“Do you really tell yourself that you’re some kind of hero? A hero wouldn’t do the things you’ve done…”

“I...I protect those that can’t protect themselves…” He said, still not sure if he was talking to the air or not.

“Who are you? How do you know my name?” 

“Oh Alex….Trust me, I know everything about you just by taking a look at you...And I can see through that twisted wreckage you call a mind, I can see everything clear as day!...I can see all the sins you’ve committed, the violence you’ve repressed ever since the beginning...I can pick all of it apart with ease…So tell me, what’s it like living in a world of denial like you do?”

“I don’t! I’ve only fought to protect those that weren’t able to protect themselves!” 

“Isn’t that what they’ve all said? The lie they’ve tried to tell themselves since the very beginning? That all the people they’ve hurt was to protect their own? That all the blood on their hands was for a greater good? You filthy humans continue to lie, you’ve lied since the days of the old world and you’ve continued to lie in the years of the new world and it makes me sick! You are a monster, just like everyone else down here, except you’ve been able to keep the facade up longer than most have...You’ve been able to tell yourself that you don’t enjoy the sight of one’s blood on your blade, or witnessing their last moments on this earth...But you know you do, you enjoyed watching that man die, and why?....Because you believed that he deserved it? Who are you to make that kind of judgment? Who are you to decide who lives and who dies?”

“That group mercilessly killed who knows how many innocent people you idiot! Since you’re apparently so good on keeping tabs on me you should’ve been able to plainly see what I saw, are you going to try and tell me that woman deserved to die like that? Naked and in a pool of her own blood?”

“But was she truly innocent like you believe? What if she was a killer? What if that entire group were nothing more than killers and the ones you killed merely brought them to justice?” Alex sneered in disgust at this...Man. 

“Then I doubt they would’ve been unarmed like they were.” 

“Ah that is what you tell yourself isn’t it….Hmm…” With a brief hand motion in his direction the man suddenly let out a borderline hysterical laugh.

“AHA! So that is why you showed so much rage towards them...You were seeing someone else in that position were you not? Ah it’s that little French girl isn’t it? You see her as some excuse to redeem yourself don’t you?” The man broke out into another hysterical laughing fit.

“I can read you like an open book! I can see the inner turmoil you suffer from, the urge to fight back the fact that you are a killer, just like everyone else! You kill and you enjoy every second of it! No matter how much you try to tell yourself that you aren’t….With every kill I can see it, you become more and more comfortable with it...And it is only natural, I can see the rage that boils within you, the hatred and the desire to strike back at this new world…” 

“You’re wrong, I don’t care how much you try to play these mind games, I know who I am and some freak with a mask and a psychologist’s degree written in crayon isn’t going to change that.”

“You still doubt my power?! Ah, to be so naive again...Very well then….Brother!” 

He didn't even know where it came from but that monster, the same one from before had suddenly appeared behind the man, healed as if nothing had happened, he just stood there for a few moments, heavily breathing and waiting for a command.

“You are going to learn what true power is and then my brother here is going to rip Penelope apart right in front of you!....Ah you are already thinking about it aren’t you? Focus on that last little scream before she dies...Jack, destroy him!” Alex quickly unsheathed his sword as the man in the mask seemed to just disappear into the darkness, leaving this monster with him, he was too close to make the run back to town without this thing charging through the gates and it would be a massacre if that happened, he had to fight and this time he had to make sure he killed it, this time however the monster came with something else, an enormous cleaver that would be far too heavy for any normal human to carry, this fight was going to get ugly and he knew it.

The monster came charging at him, cleaver in hand and he needed two hands just to guard the huge downswing it had, he sidestepped and the cleaver hit the ground with a loud metallic thud followed by the sounds of steel going through flesh as Alex frantically sliced through the monster’s chest, hoping to do some kind of damage, the beast stumbled back, blood pouring from its body and Alex didn’t let up, this time he charged at it, still swinging for the best, each cut made it stumble but it refused to go down, heavy clashes of steel on steel continued to ring through the tunnel as Alex was barely able to avoid the monster’s enormously wide swings, one wrong move, one misstep and he’d be missing a limb, or get cleaved clean in two, the monster however was riddled with cuts all over its body, blood pouring from each open wound but it still seemed to be largely unfazed, it was still somehow healing some of its injuries but he was inflicting them faster than it could heal, that was his only option at this point, literally hit it until it dies, his arms were on fire from having to hold back the heavy swings though and he had to start dodging the attacks at this point otherwise one solid hit would completely break his guard, his arms, or both, he’d lost track of how long the fight had been dragging on, sweat was pouring down his forehead and just standing was starting to become a chore for him, but this thing showed no signs of giving up.

The sporadic sound of steel on steel continued to ring out, intermixed with the sounds of the monster screaming hysterically, blood continued to paint the floor as Alex managed to keep landing hits, but none of them seemed to really be of any effect, the monster would stumble, scream at him some more and immediately jump back into the fight as if nothing were wrong.

“Why? Why don’t you just die already and get it over with?!” He shouted at the monster, which did nothing but let out a roar in response before it charged at him again, raising its arm for another downswing, suddenly he saw it, right there, an opening, for him time seemed to slow to a crawl as it brought its arm down, with a quick sidestep and an upswing, the added momentum caused him to slice the monster’s arm off at the elbow, in another quick, clean move he went low and sliced it at the knee, the leg was cut through clean like paper, the monster let out horrifying shrieks of pain as it fell to the ground, Alex started wildly stabbing his sword through its back, it was all or nothing at this point and he knew it, the monster kept screaming though as Alex went from stabbing its back, to the back of its head and neck as well, he bared his teeth as he kept driving the blade into the creature, but it refused to die, he finally sliced right through its neck and the monster suddenly went limp on him, the screaming silenced finally but he knew that if he didn’t finish it now this would come back to haunt him, he lifted the monster’s head up and with a single swipe, sliced clean through its neck, decapitating the creature and he threw the head to the ground, he stumbled back, every part of him soaked in blood at this point, his muscles were on fire, he was in pain, he couldn’t sit down because he knew the moment he did he wouldn’t be able to make it back, with a sore arm and shaky breaths he slowly resheathed his sword and forced himself to continue the walk home, or it was more of a limp at this point, luckily he wasn’t too far away from town and would be there within minutes.

However what he didn’t notice, was the man in the mask, watching from the shadows the entire time, he slowly floated from his dark corner over to the remains of his brother, his feet gently tapped the ground as he landed and he knelt down next to him, gently placing a pale grey hand over one of the couple dozen sword wounds on his back, he didn’t say anything, for a few moments there was only the disturbing sound of the man’s breathing through his mask.

=======


	8. Coping Mechanisms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the most normal looking people have their own demons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been a couple days, and I finally got some flow going I think.
> 
> My idiot ass finally learned about writing characters outside of the main's presence! It's a freakin' Christmas miracle.
> 
> Also TW: Self harm is very very much implied if not outright stated in this chapter so you were warned.

======

He could barely limp himself past the gate at this point, his body worn, beaten and sore and he nearly collapsed just waiting for the guard to open the gate.

"Alex come on man, we need to get you to the doctor, you can barely stand…" The guard urged him, to which he just waved it off.

"I'm fine... Nothing's broken, I'm just a little bit sore…" He insisted.

"Listen you're just going to feel worse if you don't get yourself some help."

"I said I'm fine, just let me get home and lay down and I'll be fine."

"What the fuck happened to you anyway?"

"That...Thing attacked me again...And if it gets up again I don't know what to tell you other than it can't die."

"Whaddya mean?" 

"I cut the fucker's head off." A very brief look of shock flickered across the guard’s face before he shook it off.

“Yes, before you ask, I’m pretty sure it’s dead this time and if not, then nothing short of a literal nuclear bomb would kill the thing...Now can I go clean myself up?” He didn't let the guard really answer the question before he started limping off again, the guard insisted once again that he go see the town’s doctor to make sure he wasn’t seriously injured but once again Alex said he was fine and to just let him go take care of himself, the guard hesitantly accepted this as he let Alex make his way back towards town, watching as he struggled just to hold himself up at the moment, but he finally made it back, luckily due to how late it was, very few people were actually out and about and he was able to make it back to his home without having people stare at him wondering why he was stained with blood nearly from head to toe, now there was just one last obstacle he had to make it past, he stood there staring at the now monumental step onto the platform before reaching his home, it should’ve been a simple step up but both his legs were on fire and he could barely lift them off the ground, for a moment he pondered which one would be worse off here and decided to try his left leg first, he struggled and felt his leg nearly go out on him but he managed to push himself up, again nearly losing his footing as he stepped up on the platform with his other leg, it was almost pathetic how much a simple step became a chore though, he limped his way over to the door, slowly pushing it open and just letting it close behind him, he stood there in the middle of his home for a few moments, piecing everything that had happened in the last hour or so, he looked down at his hands again and suddenly felt a strong feeling of disgust come over him, the sight of blood soaking his hands made him sick, then there was the rest of him, coated in blood from that monster and the men he ended up killing, suddenly he felt his heartbeat start racing, he quickly threw his sword and gun aside and rushed into his bathroom, wasting little time in shedding the blood stained clothes he had on, he just stood there staring at his toned body in the mirror, patches of blood stained his stomach and chest, his face was bloody and his hair was messy and clumped from it, he felt disgusting, he hated the fact that he let himself be that overcome by rage, for a split second the thought of ramming his head into the mirror came to mind but he kept himself from doing so, although that didn’t stop the words from the man in the mask from echoing in his mind, he had never seen that man before, never even caught a glimpse of him, but he was almost effortlessly beating him down mentally as if he’d known him for years, like he was some kind of psychic, even scarier was the fact he was referring to that monster as his own brother.

But Alex knew who he was, at least he was fairly certain he knew who he was, he wasn’t going to let some floating freak try and make him believe that he was just some cold hearted monster, that he was just some crazed killer like so many other people had become, however he took a look at himself in the mirror again and his appearance once again betrayed his intentions, the dried blood on his face, the stains that covered his body, the only thing that gave him even the slightest normal appearance were his eyes, he didn’t carry those cold, unsympathetic eyes of a killer, they were just like anyone else’s, hesitant, unknowing, afraid, that was the sign that he was still human in a sense, something that freak wouldn’t be able to deny, he finally pulled himself away from the mirror to turn the water on, the pipes let out their usual squeaking and rumbling sound before water slowly started falling from the shower head, he gave it a few moments before he stepped underneath the lukewarm water, he let it be a little colder than normal, in a weird sense the chill relaxed him more, he looked down as the somewhat grayish water quickly turned a dark red as it swirled down the drain, he frantically started scrubbing his hair, trying to get the blood out of it, it got tangled in his fingers and it became painful for him to start breaking through the bloody knots, it took a few minutes but he finally got his hair as clean as he'd be able to, he got most of the knots out and his hair was loosened up, he grabbed the soap bar and like with his hair, he started frantically scrubbing the rest of his body clean, just wanting to get that disgusting feeling off of his body, the bar stained a faint red color along with soapy red swirling down the drain.

"You're a monster...Just like everyone else down here." He could hear that man's voice in his head although he tried to ignore it at first.

"You enjoyed watching that man die, and why?...Because you believed that he deserved it?" Of course it was justified in that case wasn't it? That group murdered who knows how many others and no one knew their intentions, the kills were justified, he's not a monster for killing those that are monsters.

"You were seeing someone else in that position were you not?...Ah it's that little French girl isn't it?" That one he couldn't explain however, he wasn't even sure where it came from but for a split second she did flash into his mind although he wasn't sure why, it just happened and then that switch flipped. 

Finally his body was clean enough for him, it was a long, meticulous shower having to clean just about every inch of his body but he couldn't stand having even a drop of blood on him, it made him feel sick, he shut the water off but still stood there under the shower for a few more moments, letting the water roll down his body before stepping out.

“You are going to learn what true power is and then my brother here is going to rip Penelope apart right in front of you!....Ah you are already thinking about it aren’t you? Focus on that last little scream before she dies…" He didn't even say anything but for another brief moment the visual of that thing ripping her apart, limb from limb, flashed in his mind. In a sudden burst of anger he ended up punching the scrap iron wall in front of him, a loud clang followed by him wincing and clutching at his hand, which now had a fresh cut on his knuckles.

"God damn it...Why did she even have to come around in the first place?...Wish she'd take the hint and just leave me alone…" He grumbled a little then stepped out of the shower, grabbing his towel from the rack and quickly wrapping it around himself, he took another rag and started cleaning the cut on his knuckles, there was a small first aid kit next to his sink, he opened it and took out a alcohol pad and a gauze wrap, he treated and wrapped the cut within moments, now he was starting to feel the soreness in his arm from the sudden usage, he didn't even bother getting dressed as he just went over and sat on the edge of his bed, patiently waiting for his cut to stop bleeding before he'd actually try to go back to bed, although a quick glance at the clock had him questioning it as it was already 5 in the morning, he'd end up sleeping well into the afternoon if he fell asleep now. He tiredly rubbed his eyes when he heard a light tapping on his door, he stopped himself from almost answering the door in nothing but a towel, he wasn't entirely thinking straight given the evening he's been through but he stopped himself and grabbed a pair of old pajamas and a t-shirt before answering the door, being greeted by the tired violet eyes of Penelope, she looked a tad bit concerned as well and it didn't take him very long to piece together that she most likely heard him punch his wall and it caused her to come over to see what was wrong.

"Uh...Good morning Penelope, can I help you?" She seemed a little off, she kept fiddling with the left sleeve of her gown she had on for some reason, she looked away for a moment, something didn't seem right about her at the moment, he couldn't put his finger on it but something wasn't right.

"No monsieur, I was just woken up by something over here and I was making sure you were alright…" Her eyes were somewhat sunken in, he could swear her skin was a shade paler than it normally was, she was obviously extremely tired still and probably would've been better off just staying in bed, he noticed she had faint dark circles under her eyes and tugged at her left sleeve again.

"I wish I was…" He quietly muttered to himself.

"I'm fine, sorry about that." He flat out lied to her, she looked up at him, he could practically see the curiosity in her eyes as she was looking over his face, paying attention to the slight bags under his eyes, the restless gaze and his own dark circles.

"You haven't slept." She said, to which he just shrugged.

"Eh I never really slept before the war anyway so it doesn't bother me...Look, don't you worry about me, you look like you're about to pass out just standing here so how about you head back to bed okay? I'm fine." He tried to put on this convincing smile for her, she was tired enough so maybe she wouldn't argue about it, she returned the smile with one of her own. 

"You just got out of the shower...Your hair is still slicked back…"

"Uh... Yes?"

"Why would you shower at 5 in the morning?..." She asked, raising her eyebrow inquisitively.

"Because? Do I need a reason?"

"No... Just it seems a little strange." He could tell that she wasn't even half awake at this point and started urging her to head on home and sleep a little bit more, she started scratching at her wrist a little before following up with a sudden yawn.

"Penelope you should head back home, I'm fine, you don't need to worry about me." She finally gave in and decided to head back home.

"Do try to get some sleep Alex…" She said before gingerly making her way back towards her own shack, he patiently watched as she opened the door and disappeared inside before letting out a slight sigh of relief and closing his own door, luckily she was too tired to ask why he had his fist taped up or where he'd been for the night, he wasn't even sure how he'd be able to explain what happened tonight to her or anyone else for that matter, they'd probably look at him like he was crazy or something, if he went off talking about the floating psychic who somehow knew exactly what was going on in his head, and he certainly didn't want to mention to her that he was having random moments where she'd be popping into his head for seemingly no reason.

He laid back, rubbing his temples because he could feel a headache coming on, he was asking himself why he got stuck with this girl in the first place, she hasn't done anything but caused him problems and unnecessary stress, but at this point it didn't seem like she was going to be leaving anytime soon. He let out a yawn and rubbed his eyes, finally starting to feel significantly tired for the first time tonight but he was a little afraid to let himself fall asleep, the man in the mask was still fresh on his mind, every word he said still grating on his brain, plus he couldn't shake the feeling that he was being watched, the fact that the man had known so much about him, despite never meeting him, left him on edge, feeling uneasy that at any moment the guy was going to pop out from around the corner.

He just laid there for a while, staring at the ceiling as sleep pressed at the corners of his eyes, finally against his will he slowly started nodding off, his eyes drooping a bit before he would try to force them back open but they would quickly start closing on their own, he rolled into his side as his eyes ended up closing and he fell asleep.

Penelope however was still very much awake, weakly bobbing her head back and forth, she looked down at her arm for a moment before rolling the sleeve of her gown up, it was bandaged, with patches of blood seeping through that in her mind it was lucky that Alex didn't notice it initially, she'd done it a little too deep this time around and she was certain she had managed to knick the vein, she felt light headed, her vision had dark corners popping in her eyes, she was so weak at the moment, this wasn't the first time she'd cut a little deeper than normal though, she knew she'd be fine after a couple of hours, he was a nice distraction from her own head for a brief moment, she'd overheard some loud bang coming from that direction and it snapped her out of her thoughts and without even thinking she went over there as an excuse to switch gears in her head, admittedly she thought he looked kind of cute with his hair pushed back the way it was, then again she wasn't sure if that was because she was half conscious at the moment or not.

She looked over at the small knife sitting on her nightstand, coated with a thin layer of blood over the blade, she could feel tears start welling in her eyes and she started crying again, she gently placed her other hand over her wrist, it wouldn't stop itching but she couldn't scratch it, she was pretty sure the moment she took the bandage off she'd start bleeding all over the place, all she felt at the moment was this emptiness and guilt.

Like she always did, she'd feel empty, she'd think about her family and she'd start falling apart, she'd suddenly feel helpless and alone, like a switch would flip in her head and this would snap her out of it. It was how she seemed normal around everyone else, how she managed to carry that smile of hers around, she didn't dare think what they would say if they found out she was doing this.

It wouldn't stop itching, it wouldn't stop burning, she just wanted to rip the bandage off and scratch the rest of the skin off, she was struggling at this point, nervously digging her fingernails into the bandage to bite back that urge, maybe she could just make an excuse to go talk to him again, it would take her mind off things, but she was so woozy at the moment that she would surely end up doing something that would expose her little secret, she didn't want to think what he would say, he'd probably just consider her even more of a liability, probably thinking she'd blow her brains out the moment she was alone.

She could, it's not like she didn't still have the pistol he gave her, it wouldn't be that difficult, she'd be with her family again and she wouldn't have to deal with the world the way it is anymore, but she told them that she wasn't going to die, as easy as it would be, she made a promise that she'd try to live for them.

Wearily she rested her hand on the corner of the bandage, she carefully pulled up, just wanting to check. The bandage peeled back revealing the ugly cuts underneath, still stained with blood pressed over her arm, as expected the moment she removed it the cuts started seeping blood again and she quickly pressed the bandage back on, it was still itching, she couldn't scratch it though, this wasn't anything new to her though, the guilt would recede along with the pain and the cycle would start up again the moment her mind drifted off, recalling fond memories that were long gone, and she'd do it again, just to make things be silent. The guilt would come back and leave as it has before.

She reached over and picked the knife up from her nightstand, the blood on the end was starting to dry and she could feel herself getting ready to cry again, she bit back a sob and suddenly tossed the knife to the floor, the thing felt dirty to hold, it made her feel sick, she actually could feel the bile rising in her stomach just having the thing in her hands, she knew it wouldn't be permanent though.

She just sat there in bed, absently staring at the walls with a faraway look through clouded eyes, she was so tired, she was barely starting to recover from that lightheadedness but she still felt weak, she was mentally berating herself for letting it happen again but at the same time she knew it had become a part of her life, it was the only thing that let her seem normal, it kept her from losing herself and eventually following through with it.

It still didn't stop her from hating herself when she was done, she'd end up spending the rest of the night berating herself until she finally passed out from exhaustion.

======


	9. Conflicted Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is continuing to deal with the issues from last night, boy the guy can't seem to get a break from this crap.
> 
> Johnny keeps playing plucky helpful bartender and Madsen's just annoying as ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly there's nothing I can really say for this chapter aside from finally exploiting this magical ability called "Having characters develop away from the main"

======

Alex managed to drag himself out of bed the next morning, every limb he had was sore and he woke with a pounding headache, to the point it felt like something was try to press his eyes through his sockets, the lights of town coming in through the holes in his walls and causing him to squint in pain, he sat up, forcing one eye open and getting himself out of bed, his joints popped like he had an extra 40 years added to him overnight.

His morning started with him getting together the clothes he'd been neglecting recently, a small wooden bucket filled to the top with his clothing that he took out and to the side of the small building, there was something covered up with a sheet and he pulled it off to reveal an old washing machine, rusted and barely held together with a crank and motor attached to the thing, he weakly set the makeshift basket aside and opened the washer, lazily throwing handfuls of clothing in, some shirts, pants, underwear, the usual stuff, letting out a yawn as he picked a small box of Abraxo cleaner up from next to the machine, he dumped some in the machine and slammed the lid shut, turning the dials like a normal washing machine, then he had to brace himself for the part he was dreading, hand cranking the machine and getting enough energy for it to run on its own, he grabbed the crank with one hand and slowly started rotating it, of course of all days it had to be giving him resistance, through the pain in his arm he managed to get the machine spinning enough for it to run on its own power for a while, he leaned his back against it with his arms crossed for a while.

He spent a while recalling the events of last night, he couldn't get that floating man out of his head and the things he had said, the way he truly had read Alex like a book without even a bit of effort, well, as far as his opinions towards Penelope were concerned, there was one thing Alex could guarantee and it was that he didn't enjoy killing others, it made him sick to his stomach when he had to take the life of another person, they were just people like him, most of them were at least, they were just trying to survive just like he was, trying to eck out some kind of existence in this new world, he was never one to really start a fight though, more often than not it was someone attacking him that caused him to kill them, didn't make it any easier for him though.

But that man, he knew that Alex hated killing and he tried to play it against him, tried to make him seem like nothing more than a psychopath with a bloodlust but he was nothing like that, he wasn't a monster, although with how he came into town last night coated in blood he certainly looked monstrous. He zoned out for a moment standing there, he wasn't really paying attention to the world around him, lost in his own thoughts and trying to make sense of last night, his vision shifted when he noticed Johnny walking down the track towards his home, but he was only paying half attention to him, his eyes moved somewhere else as the irishman stepped up on the platform.

"Aye, good morning lad, you look like you haven't slept a wink." He said with that usual Irish cheerfulness.

"Do I ever look like I sleep?" He responded without even looking in his direction, his mind was far too focused on that strange man to be having conversations with anyone at the moment, yet Johnny didn't seem to be taking the hint as he didn't act like he was going to be leaving anytime soon.

"Aye you have a fair point about that one...Say, is something on your mind lad?" Johnny could tell something was bothering him, the guy had been around for 40 years and knew how to read people pretty easily and the post nuclear bartender job only gave him more lessons in figuring a person out, plus he knew when Alex would be in one of his moods, where'd he would even further isolate himself for hours, maybe even days at a time, he'd just stay alone, living in his thoughts for God knows how long until he would just start speaking again like nothing was wrong.

"I'm fine." He said, the expected answer, but he knew that something was bothering him, he could tell by that distant, calculated stare he was displaying

"You sure lad? You got that look in your eyes that you usually get before you end up missing for a couple of days." 

"Yeah, I just didn't sleep well last night, I'll be fine though." The fact he wasn't really paying attention to Johnny and was very absent minded in the way he spoke was more of a giveaway that he was completely focused on something else at the moment, his focus was completely locked on the man from last night, from the time he had arrived home until that moment that was all he could focus on at the moment, in fact he had the intentions of heading out later to try and find the man himself and figure out more about him and just how he seemed to know such personal details despite never even meeting the man before then.

"Oh I'm sure, you know one of the guards came into the bar this morning and said you looked like you'd been through three wars over, said you could barely walk past the gates and you had about three gallons of blood on you." Alex visibly winced as he was still feeling the soreness from last night and he really didn't want to to into details about the night's events, everything was too much of a mess for him to put together at the moment, from the time he ran into the two girls from the station, to going into a near blind rage and slaughtering the slavers, to that man...He still couldn't shake the feeling that something was watching him now, he felt like any moment he was going to look into some dark corner and see those green lenses peering at him, watching his every move.

"Yeah." Was all he said, still not even giving Johnny a passing glance, he was used to this, it was still more than he'd probably say to anyone else at the time. The washing machine suddenly clicked off and Alex had to deal with the stupid hand crank again to get it running and it wasn't like the thing loosened up during its use, no he had to deal with the same stress every time he started it, which normally wouldn't be an issue but when he feels like his arms are about to fall off at any moment.

Johnny noticed the very obvious struggle he had with getting the machine running again, he was patient though, aside from Penelope he was probably the only other person in town who had the patience to deal with Alex's insistent isolation. The machine finally started running on its own power again and Alex just went back to leaning against it, arms crossed and that absent stare on his face.

"He said you ran into that monster again, you say this time you've managed to kill it? At least you're pretty sure you did?" Johnny tried to continue the conversation but he knew at this point he wasn't going to get much outside of short answers and more likely just grunts in response to anything.

"If you can name me a creature that survives getting its head cut off then I might say no, otherwise it shouldn't be coming back." He responded, cold and monotonous. While others might show signs of frustration by this point, Johnny was so used to this that he merely shrugged the indifference off and just went about the conversation as normal.

"Aye, it must've given you quite the run for your money if you were limpin' your way back home, you sure you didn't break anything out there?" Alex just shrugged, he could still walk and function fine for the most part so minor injuries weren't really a big deal to him, a few days off and those sore muscles would go away like nothing happened, although he was fairly certain he wouldn't have a few days off.

"Did you need something Johnny? Normally you don't leave the bar unless you do." He said and looked in Johnny's direction for the first time, although just from first glance he could tell that Alex wasn't really paying attention to him, something just seemed off about him at the time, his gaze was cold, distant, as if he weren't really there at all, the look actually concerned Johnny a bit and he was reconsidering the favor he was going to ask Alex for.

"Uh, Aye lad I did but right now I'm more concerned with how you're looking at the moment." That usual cheerfulness was gone now, replaced by a stark concern for his friend, even if it was considered a loose term.

"Don't be, I'm just still tired from last night, I already wasn't sleeping well and all that shit from last night just made it harder for me to sleep..I’ll live though.” Johnny wasn’t stupid though, he could tell that there was something else bothering him, that faraway look in his face was contemplating something rather than just him being tired, but he knew how Alex would get if he started pushing the issue, he’d end up just ignoring anything he said and shut down as he often did.

“Anyway, did you need something?” He asked again, just trying to get whatever Johnny wanted out of him and get it over with.

“Aye, with everyone coming into the bar to celebrate Halloween, I’m running a bit low on food and the next caravan isn’t coming into town for another couple of days so I was hoping that if you decide to go out at some point, if you wouldn’t mind picking up a little bit of extra food to keep the shelves stocked until then?” Mentally Alex let out a sigh, it hadn’t even been a half hour and he already had to go back out at some point in the next day or so, he knew he wasn’t going to get a break at any point. He wearily rubbed his eyes before actually answering Johnny.

“Yeah, sure, if I can drag myself out there I’ll see if I can find you anything.” It wasn’t like he could really say no, it was kind of an unspoken agreement between them, Alex would occasionally help keep the place in check in exchange for Johnny giving him free drinks whenever he came in, he didn’t ask though, it was more Alex just doing something to make up for the fact.

“I appreciate it lad, there’s no big rush or anything though, I can tell you aren’t really up to standing at the moment.” Alex didn’t respond, his mind still far too fixated on the man from last night, he probably would end up forgetting that Johnny even asked him to go out, he didn’t even notice that Johnny hadn’t left yet, rather he was watching Alex’s face, almost like he was studying him for some weird reason, he eventually noticed it and gave him a bit of a sideways glance.

“Have you seen Penelope at all today?” He asked, seemingly out of the blue.

"No lad, why do you ask?"

"She came over last night for no reason, something seemed off about her but she was so tired she could barely hold herself up." Well this was something new, Johnny was a little surprised that he seemed somewhat concerned about her, however he didn't say anything else, there was a bit of an awkward silence as Alex could feel Johnny staring at him, trying to figure out just what was bothering him, although he knew he was getting nowhere fast and just thanked Alex for taking up his favor and left for the bar, Alex peeked out of the corner of his eyes for a moment before wearily sighing and shutting his eyes for a moment, waiting for the machine to inevitably stop to crank it back up.

"You kill and enjoy every second of it!"...Those words continued replaying in his head constantly, almost mockingly, he knew that deep down he never enjoyed the killing, he hated when it would need to be done but over the years he had taught himself that it was needed in the new world, that some people wouldn't listen to reason and words alone and some people needed to be dealt with using violence and if they had to be killed for the greater good then so be it, he didn't enjoy it though, unless the person rightfully deserved it, like the slavers from last night, they deserved it, anyone with a single functioning brain cell would've seen that, they were monsters, they deserved to be put down.

That didn't make him a bad person, that didn't make him a killer, if anything most people would look at that as being some kind of hero, although he didn't want that burden on his shoulders, too many lives put in his hands and expecting him to bail them out of every situation and then comes the guilt if he's not quick enough to save them. It was simple, he survived just like everyone else was, just he had his own way of doing it.

He noticed at the gate in front of Madsen's home there was a podium being set up, for another one of Madsen's long winded speeches about unity and how everyone was going to survive this new world together, it had become a weekly thing, everyone would get all riled up by his words and Alex didn't understand why. Madsen normally just sat at home while everyone else did the heavy lifting, he just gave out orders and sent people into the face of doom while he sat around doing nothing but making awkward moves towards every semi attractive female that walked into town, he wasn't a complete psychopath like Marchand was before him but he was just a sleazeball that didn't give a shit about his job and just tried to use it as an excuse to get laid. Once most of the town had pooled in front of his gate Madsen came out, waving towards everyone like he was some actual mayor and the moment he stood at the podium he started going on and on about unity and loyalty and how everyone was in it together, Alex didn't know if his life before the bombs but he was fairly certain he was either trying to be a politician or a salesman because the only thing he was good at was sucking up and speaking incessantly, and of course these people bought it, he was certainly well past Marchand's level of smooth talking, he soon had the crowd in an uproar, making his usual promised of prosperity and the closest thing to a normal life since the bombs.

Like that was ever going to happen, no matter how many bells and whistles they added to the place it would never be like a regular home, he let out a quiet sigh of disgust as he went back to dealing with his laundry.

Johnny was listening to the speech from the doorway of the bar, casually leaning against it with a drink in hand and his eyes set towards Madsen, like Alex he didn't exactly see eye to eye with Madsen after the day that Penelope came in and was visibly shaken by him being there, he knew about Madsen's tendency to try and make a move on anything that was warm and breathing and he was certain that he tried with her and it made her uncomfortable around him, then again he never really cared for the man to begin with, he just saw him as a lazier, less psychotic Marchand, at least he wasn't cutting vital food supplies off like the crazy bastard was.

"And through your perseverance! And your determination! We will survive to bring forth a new generation that will continue the fight to rebuild and reclaim civilization from those commie bastards that took it away from us!" The small crowd of people exploded in an uproar of cheers and applause, acting like Madsen was feeding them something different than the man before him did, Johnny couldn't hide the sarcastic chuckle and grin that came to his face as that was a line ripped right from one of Marchand's old speeches, right down to the commie bastards line, he downed his drink in one large chug and headed back into the bar as Madsen wrapped his speech up, a couple of guards took the podium away and the crowd quickly dispersed, of course rejuvenated by Madsen's words as they often were.

Alex finished hanging up the last of his clothes on a clothesline, he didn't have the luck of putting together an old dryer as he hadn't found the parts for it yet, so he just had to bear with the fact it was going to be a while. He hung up the last shirt before heading back towards his front door, however he noticed something, normally now was the time that Penelope would come out, she'd usually come outside, say hi to him or at least go to Johnny's to speak with him for a while but she was strangely absent, he figured she was just keeping to herself for the day or maybe she didn't even get out of bed yet, for a moment he was tempted to go over and make sure she was alright but if she was sleeping he wouldn't want to bother her, so he just headed back into his own home. As he shut his door though he couldn't shake that something was off, something was wrong and he couldn't quite put his finger on it but something was very wrong.

======

Meanwhile in the darkest parts of the subway system the still dismembered body of the monster is laying next to a faintly glowing pool of water, stained a sickly green, the separate parts are struggling to pull themselves together, dismembered limbs slightly twitching as if trying to move and reconnect themselves to the main body, from a darkened hallway the man in the mask slowly floats from the darkness, slowly approaching the body, with a light tap his feet gently land on the concrete, he kneels down next to the body and carefully scoops the monster's head in his hands, he holds the head in his arms, gently stroking the top of it, then holding it up with an unseen calculated stare through the lenses of his mask, the head was quietly groaning, like it was brain dead at this point, he gently set the head back in its place and stood up, his head slowly tilting as he scanned the body, watching the limbs loosely move towards the torso, he slowly levitated off the ground and turned back towards the dark hallway where he disappeared into the shadows, he floated down the hall for a moment until a faint light came within sight, the man enters an empty room with filthy, water stained walls and a single dim light hanging overhead and in the corner there's a rocking chair with a person sitting in it, the place stunk of mold and mildew and the unmistakable smell of death and decay in the air, the man promptly planted his feet on the ground, then with the click of a few straps the man's mask comes off, his face still obscured by the shadows of the room however, instead of floating he slowly walks over towards the person in the chair, who doesn't seem to acknowledge him at all.

"Mother?...Jack is doing quite well…" The man's voice was surprisingly raspy, as if he'd been a smoker for years, the person in the chair didn't respond to him however.

"Yes...I should be able to revive him from this...It is just taking longer due to the extent of his injuries…" Again he was receiving no response except he seemed nervous around this person, he flinched as if he was being shouted at by something but the room was dead silent.

"M-my apologies mother but I can only work so fast, his damage was extensive and my power only goes so fa-" He suddenly recoiled again in the silence, letting out a surprisingly fearful whimper against nothing, the person in the chair didn't even flinch, suddenly the man stood back to his normal height, straightening his back and squaring his shoulders.

"Yes mother...I understand." He said, adopting a sudden monotone before looking down at the dirty floor, he slowly slipped his mask back over his face, the straps clicked back into place and he started levitating off the floor, he turned away from the person in the chair and slowly started floating down the dark hallway once again.

======


	10. A Very Strange Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so maybe Alex does have some more... Intrusive thoughts regarding his neighbor, what's that matter? There's bigger issues to deal with than whether or not he gets laid Johnny!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be a bit of a change in pace from the usual, but Fallout has always been a wacky series and Alex might be a teenager in the post nuclear apocalypse, but he's still a teenager :P

======

Alex stepped into Johnny’s bar, being greeted by the familiar and ever present smell of smoke and alcohol in the air, as always there were people at the booths enjoying a beer and whatever food they could order, a couple of guys betting some caps at the poker table, one of which sucking on half a cigarette in between his lips, and two more people at the pool table, enjoying a casual game, the sound of pool balls clacking together soon rang out, the old rusted jukebox in the corner was on this time around, playing the song “The Wanderer” through a crackling speaker.

Johnny was at the bar as always, cleaning out a glass with a dusty rag and he gave Alex a smile and a brief wave as he approached the bar.

"Aye, afternoon Alex, you want the usual?" He asked with that cheery accent, Alex just nodded his head in response, Johnny reached under the bar and handed him a bottle of Nuka-Cola, the sticker was peeling off but the sweet carbonated liquid inside was still good. Alex took the bottle and with a quick, solid twist, the cap popped off the bottle and he took a drink, savoring the burning carbonation down his throat.

"So lad, have you seen Penny today? She hasn't been in today and she normally comes in around now." Alex raised an eyebrow in suspicion, admittedly her absence was a bit alarming to him.

"She hasn't come in?” He asked, eyebrow raised inquisitively.

“Nope, it’s a tad bit concerning as well, she usually comes in by now and chats with me.” Admittedly Alex was feeling half and half about the situation, while part of him, as much as he’d rather keep it down, actually was concerned that she was absent, he also just saw it as a nuisance, something that he couldn’t be bothered with because he knew what it would lead to.

“She’s probably just staying home for the day Johnny, she came over last night and she looked like death warmed over, she was that tired.” He said nonchalantly, hoping to move the subject on.

“Aye? What was she doin’ at your house so late lad?” Johnny asked suggestively, immediately earning him a stony glare from Alex.

“I don’t know, nor is it any of my concern, she looked awfully tired last night though, either she hadn’t slept or she caught something cause her eyes had those dark circles underneath them,” And of course there was that sudden, unwanted urge to make sure she was alright, he was getting sick of having these urges to actually give a shit about her, bitterly he took another drink from his Nuka as Johnny let out a sigh.

“Lad, when are you gonna quit with this “I don’t like anyone” attitude? Come on anyone with a brain could see that you’ve got a soft spot for the lass.” He insisted and of course Alex’s stone face turned into a borderline venomous stare, it was only Johnny who kept insisting on this damn issue when everyone else had learned by this point not to bring it up to him.

“Look, making sure she doesn’t get herself killed and actually liking her are two very different things, honestly if she left now you wouldn’t see me go rushing out to go find her, I took her off and showed her how to competently use a gun because I don’t want to have to bail her out every time she gets herself into a minor situation.” He said, disdain evident on his voice which just got him a sarcastic scoff from Johnny, of course he wasn’t buying it for a moment.

“Lad, I’m 40 years old, I was 35 when the bombs fell and you don’t think I’ve been around and I can’t see these kinds of things.” Alex just rolled his eyes in frustration as he took another drink from his Nuka.

“Yes, and things are a lot different now, just because I give the girl a vital skill for surviving out there doesn’t mean I like her, or want to fuck her, or whatever else is on your mind." Johnny just humorlessly laughed at that, matching Alex's defiant gaze with one of his own.

"Aye lad I know that second one is a lie." Alex followed up with a humorless scoff of his own, followed along with a somewhat surprised flicker in his eyes.

“Oh are you really going to tell me that I’m wrong?” He continued. “She’s certainly better looking than a lot of the lasses we have passing through here and she only seems to want to really speak with you and you’re going to look this old man in the eyes and say you haven’t thought about that at least once?” That very unwanted blush came to Alex’s face, damn natural human instinct wasn’t going to let him get out of this one, as far as a purely based on looks scale he actually did find her attractive and aside from the potential emotional connections that come along with it, he certainly wouldn’t pass it up if she suddenly threw herself at him out of nowhere. 

“Okay so yeah, she has looks, it’s not like I can lie and say I think she’s ugly but what does that have to do with anything else?” He bitterly retorted, knowing he was on the losing end of this argument.

“Aye so why not ask her how she feels? Who knows you might finally get lucky and considering I’m as Irish as they come, I’m pretty sure I know what I’m talking about when it comes to luck boyo.” Again, Alex just rolled his eyes as he took another drink from his Nuka.

“Why do you even care?” He finally asked, annoyed.

“Because you’ve been spending too much time locked away lad and you really need to get out and...Hell, find anyone for that matter.” Alex let out a frustrated sigh, he’s already been through this conversation a million times with the same fucking guy.

“Johnny I-” He was suddenly, and rudely cut off by Johnny.

“Alex you’re sitting in a bar with the survivors of the damn nuclear apocalypse, literally everyone sitting in this building right now lost their friends, families and everything in between and you don’t see none of us isolatin’ ourselves like you do, it’s not been easy for any of us, but we’ve done our best to move on and make what friends we could and some of us have even found someone new to settle down with and it’s about time you do the same.” That normal cheerfulness he had was gone, Johnny was speaking as serious as a heart attack now and had this stone faced look in his eyes, really trying to hammer the facts into Alex’s head.

Alex groaned and rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, he was so sick and tired of these lectures like he was some kind of idiot who didn’t understand that people went through the same damn apocalypse as him.

“You know, did you ever think that maybe, I just don’t want friends? Maybe I enjoy being alone? You know maybe I just enjoy being to myself rather than having to worry if my friends or god forbid if I actually got a girlfriend, go off and get eaten alive, or stabbed to death or maybe they’ll get kidnapped, raped, strung up and their throat slit and left to die in some filthy shit covered bathroom! Great things to think about eh?” He didn’t know exactly why he went right to that one point from last night, perhaps it was leaving a bit more of an impression on his memory than most things? But it’s not like he was wrong, that was a very real possibility and knowing his string of luck that’s exactly what would happen.

“You know that’s probably something everyone here thinks about at least one time or another lad, the difference is a lot of these people don’t let it consume their thoughts.” Now it was Alex’s turn to interrupt him.

“No, the difference is I don’t drink myself nearly into a coma every day and act like everything’s gonna be just fine and we’ll all hold hands and sing kumbaya into the next generation...Why do you think I tune the fat bastard out every time he gives one of his little motivational seminars?” Finally he chugged down the rest of the Nuka in a few seconds and set the bottle aside, he spun around in the barstool and hopped off.

“You know you can’t just walk away every time I try to speak some sense into you lad.” Johnny said with a sympathetic glint in his eyes.

“Of course I can, not like it hasn’t worked for me every other time.” Alex responded sarcastically before leaving the bar and heading back towards home, however he stopped on the way and of course his eyes set on the front door of Penelope’s shack, he let out another irritated sigh as he knew no matter how much he bit his tongue, how much he told himself to just keep walking and go home, he knew exactly what he was about to do at the moment. He walked up the like, two or three steps up to her front door and gently knocked on it, mentally kicking himself for doing exactly what he told himself not to do.

But he wasn’t that apathetic to people yet apparently.

The door unlocked and Penelope peeked her head around the door and gave Alex a small smile, she opened the door all the way and he noticed she looked much different from last night, her eyes weren’t as sunken in, the dark circles were still there but not nearly as prominent, her eyes were strangely bright and she looked considerably less paler than she had last night, then again she was naturally pale so it was more she just didn’t look nearly gray, her lips were somewhat rosy again compared to last night. She had on that red turtleneck she always wore as well. 

And of course now that he’d openly said it outloud she started looking a lot cuter than she should’ve, but he’d just have to grit his teeth on that one.

“Oh, good afternoon Alex, to what do I owe the visit?”

Goddamn that accent.

Suddenly his mouth felt a little dry, was she really having that kind of effect just off her looks? And was he seriously that bothered by it long after the fact?

“Johnny had mentioned that you hadn’t shown up like you normally do and I just...Thought I’d check on you to make sure everything’s alright.” He abruptly cleared his throat after that, Penelope was looking at him like he’d grown an extra limb.

“You, decided to check on me? Are you feeling alright?” That little hint of sarcasm was to be expected, then again he himself couldn’t believe that for once it was him knocking at her door rather than it be the other way around. 

“I’m fine, I just like to do random acts of kindness from time to time because why not?” He responded with sarcasm of his own, to which Penelope just gave him a chuckle.

“Give me a moment monsieur, I have to get a pen and write this moment down.” She turned away and literally went over to her nightstand to grab an old notepad and a pen, while she was over there Alex could unfortunately for him, notice his eyes drifting a little further south than he would’ve liked, he made a mental note to bash the next Nuka Cola bottle he had over Johnny’s head the next time he went there, almost against his will he found himself looking over her figure for the first time since they'd met, thanking whatever God existed that she was wearing long pants at the moment, even still she was almost absurdly attractive for someone stuck in the post war world.

"What day is it?" She suddenly asked, voice a little bubblier than normal.

"Uh...I believe it's the 2nd? You've been here over a week." To his surprise she literally wrote this down on one of the notes, again now it was just something that was unintentionally cute when she did it and it added another mental kick to the rapidly growing list.

She scribbled it down and gave him a bright smile, rosy lips with cute dimples, it was genuine and as much as he was fighting it, that definitely chipped away at the wall a bit.

And he hated every moment it was, he didn't want to even find her attractive because he knew where it would lead.

"I didn't think you were actually going to write it down…" He said with faux disbelief.

“Well of course, it just gives me an excuse next time you try to put on that tough guy act.” He grit his teeth but kept as neutral a face as he could put on, he wasn’t sure if she was mocking him or just trying to mess with him.

“Just because I decided to check on you doesn’t exactly change things between us you know?” He insisted, putting on that sudden stone face that he always carried around her, the smile on her face slowly faded away and she went and tossed the notepad back into her nightstand drawer.

“Right, I guess I shouldn’t expect that though…” She said, now frowning towards him.

And he felt a lot more guilty than he should’ve.

His eyes settled on something else as well, an opened first aid kit sitting on a desk, his eyes flickered with curiosity.

"Did you hurt yourself?" He asked, if it was possible Penelope probably would've snapped her own neck with how suddenly she turned around.

"Huh? Oh yeah I just fell last night, it's just a few scrapes." She practically snapped at him before rushing over and quickly shutting the kit, Alex pursed his lips, trying to figure out what she was really using the kit for.

The reaction was almost a dead giveaway that she was lying about it, he wasn't stupid after all.

"Are you sure?" He asked, methodically watching as the girl tossed the kit underneath her bed.

"Of course Alex, I'm fine it's nothing to worry about." She convincingly said, putting on another smile.

That smile that both enticed, and terrified him at the same time. He hated how just a simple grin, a flicker of her eyes, just that alone would make him stop dead in his tracks, she shouldn't have that kind of power over him.

"I expect you to tell me if something's bothering you." He finally said to break that somewhat brief silence between them.

"Oh you "expect" me to?" She responded, with a defiant gaze in her eyes.

"Yes, if I'm going to be making sure you can survive when you're not at home, I need to make sure you aren't going to have any mental breakdowns in the middle of a battle." She noticed that he hardened up again, became cold and distant as he often was, speaking to her as if she were just a burden to him.

"So if you've got any issues, I'd prefer to know about them upfront now before they hinder you down the line." She didn't like his coldness, his eyes almost made him look like a different person when he was like that.

"I'm alright Alex." She repeated, determined to get his mind off of it, she was mentally kicking herself for doing something that stupid.

He slightly narrowed his eyes, almost like he was studying her, watching for telltale signs of lying, but Penelope kept a straight face.

"Very well, since you're still alive I guess that means I don't need to spend any more time here." He said before abruptly just leaving, he didn't even say goodbye or give her a chance to respond, he just shut the door and left and made his way home, she was actually a little hurt by his sudden departure.

He practically slammed the door behind him as he stepped into his little shack, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. In reality he just had to get away from her, making the somewhat uncomfortable discovery that he did indeed have something for her, while it might have just been something physical, he still didn't want that hanging over his shoulders, but he knew it wasn't just something that was going to disappear on its own, she wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

Out of all the things he thought would cause him trouble, basic human instinct was certainly not very high up on the list, he had been relatively fine caring more about his survival than getting laid, so why was it coming up now?

Maybe it was the accent, or perhaps the eyes, maybe it was just the figure, or it was all three, or it was just simple curiosity finally deciding to rear its very ugly head now.

He just stood there in the middle of his living room, nose still pinched and quietly groaning in irritation, he wanted to just ram his head into the wall and maybe beat some of those more persistent thoughts right out of him, the ones that were currently asking questions like

"I wonder what she looks like under that sweater?"

Running a somewhat shaky hand through his hair, moving those two hanging bangs from his temples, he was furious with himself.

"Why am I even giving those thoughts the time of day?" He hissed at himself, actually stunned that he's even remotely entertaining the concept of being with that woman.

He was disturbed, angry with himself that he was letting his guard down this easily, he'd just have to occupy his mind with something else, it wouldn't be that hard after all.

======


	11. Human Nature

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ....Alex hates nature
> 
> Alex REALLY hates nature
> 
> Also, Alex hates Johnny for making him admit to nature.
> 
> He also hates Penelope, very very much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it was time to get away from the constant angst and sad boi writing, everyone needs a good laugh once in a while and that laugh comes in the form of Mr Solitude realizing he's still a human being.
> 
> A human being, with regular human desires, even if it's aimed at a certain French girl.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy :3 These shorter, but meatier chapters are doing me wonders I think

======

Alex just sat on his bed with that old Remington revolver in his hand, idly spinning the currently empty chamber with his other hand, it had been a couple days since he last held the thing, and the last time was when his head was going wild and berating him, the still present bullet hole going through his couch cushion was testament to that, oddly enough of course he hadn’t had that strange desire to see if he’d get lucky enough to accidentally blow his brains out, not since…

Of course it had something to do with Penelope, seems like that girl was causing him even more trouble than he was thinking, he still found it somewhat amusing however, out of all the issues she could’ve possibly brought him, the inexperience when it comes to fighting, the constant need to be in his presence for God knows what reason, or some other third thing that hadn’t even come up yet but he was sure it would.

It would be his own human desires that would end up being the first real problem he had, out of everything it was simple lust, the most basic and primal of human emotions and of course it had to hit him now, he was normally very well off at hiding his feelings, either only showing them when he was by himself or just keeping them repressed, to him it was a little bit humorous that this one of all of them decided to rear its ugly head, of course he expected this to come along someday, most of the women that came through town weren’t exactly attractive, at least not to him considering he wasn’t exactly looking, then suddenly in comes the cute French girl that manages to get even him taking a glance, he could at least rest assured that his attraction to her was purely a physical thing rather than an emotional one.

He just dreaded the very real possibility of it turning into one.

He wasn’t stupid, he knew how the human mind worked to some extent, what starts as a simple night of stress relief turns into an unwanted attachment that results in one or both sides dying in the end.

The very idea left him sick to his stomach, the first half was fine, he couldn’t care less about that, the second half however was a different story.

He popped the chamber of the gun open, jokingly thinking maybe he could literally blow those thoughts out of his head because at this point they were only starting to get worse, the more he tried to distract himself or at least just laugh it off, the more he started to actually imagine that scenario.

Peeling each layer of her clothing off, getting to be the first to see everything she was hiding underneath, how she'd probably beg him to take her in French, he'd be more than glad to oblige that request. He could only imagine how those admittedly captivating violet eyes would look once they were flaming with desire, desire specifically aimed towards him. How she would go from that timid yet adorable shyness to possibly pouncing on him like some kind of animal. How cute it would be to watch her crave every inch of him for herself, she'd be his little plaything just for a night.

The very idea made him shudder.

He suddenly froze for a moment, a thin layer of sweat starting to appear over his brow, before promptly swinging the gun and the cylinder snapped into place, then he cocked the hammer back and put the barrel to his skull, pulling the trigger in vain as the only bang came from hammer on cylinder, he held the barrel in front of him and actually started biting down on it, escalating the term "Biting the bullet" to "Biting the barrel of the damn gun" then he just tossed the gun onto his pillow. Why was he suddenly becoming such a horndog over her? A week ago he barely would've spoken to her now he suddenly has the overbearing desire to fuck her?

Well the answer was pretty obvious, he was an 18 year old man in the prime of his life, in the normal world he probably would've been heading off to college with his high school sweetheart like it was some cheesy soap opera, and while those plans might have changed, human nature hasn't and nature was definitely calling when he'd get a good look at her, in the form of a very unwanted tent popping in his pants, it frustrated him, made him angry with himself that he was feeling that much weakness regarding her, he'd spent years isolating himself from the rest of the world, only associating if he absolutely needed to and all it takes is some cute girl with an accent to have him caving in on himself like that? He was beyond that, this would pass and things would go back to normal before the end of the week, he just needed to keep himself distracted and repress those unwanted emotions. After all he knew why this was happening, he never really found people attractive, for his teen years he spent that time to himself so of course the first person he genuinely thinks is cute, his body is going to react to that sudden demand, however it would pass through his own determination.

Although it was a lot easier for him to tell himself that than it actually was to act on it, especially considering at the moment his mind was already immediately starting to go back to imagining her in a rather compromising position, he rubbed his eyes, letting out a quiet groan and popped off of his bed, he crouched down and slid a small box full of different tins of food from underneath and he grabbed one, looking over it for a moment before switching it out for another one, he figured maybe something to eat would at least try and take his mind off of her.

It obviously wasn’t but there was no harm in trying now was there? 

In the same box there was another, smaller box of some plastic utensils, along with a can opener but he didn’t really need it for the can as he could pull the top off, he grabbed a blue plastic spoon and with a quiet grunt he yanked the top of the can off, and stuck the spoon inside, it was just a can of some pork and beans, nothing really fancy and he started wolfing it down in some vain attempt to distract himself from his neighbor, a couple spoonfuls and that can was completely empty, he licked the spoon clean and tossed the can in some bin that was by his desk.

This was ridiculous, in a world with psychokinetic freaks with mutated brothers, armies of irradiated zombies roaming the surface, a literal nuclear apocalypse, base desires should be taking a very far back seat.

As expected it did literally nothing but occupy his mind for about a minute or so and then that bothersome girl started taking center stage again, minus that constricting outfit she wore.

He started messing around with some of the old robot parts he had stored in his closet, there were plenty of them to work with and he still had to address the issues with his gauntlet so it wasn’t like he didn’t have a large plethora of options to choose from, he had the glove out and sitting on the desk within moments, although that was as far as things seemed to go with it, he had it sitting out but he was just staring at it for a while, lost in his thoughts, he was frustrated, Penelope was crawling under his skin like a damn bug that he couldn’t scratch off when it shouldn’t have been a problem, this just served to prove his point even more however, this was just a physical attraction and she was already taking up almost every part of his mind, there was no love, beyond that primal desire he couldn’t have really cared less about her but she still wormed her way in like a parasite sucking the life out of him.

He immediately felt ashamed as soon as he made that mental comparison, his mind wasted no time turning it into something dirty.

With a sigh he rested his face in his palm, he looked down at the glove but really had no idea what he was even going to do with the thing, he just ended up putting it back into the glass case it was in and setting it under his desk, not even bothering to put it back in his closet, he got up and over the couch was a shelf with a box set on top of it, he took the box down, which had some old pre war comics inside, he sat on the musty couch and started flicking through the assortment with his fingers, little puffs of dust coming up from the spaces in between, he settled on an old issue of Grognak The Barbarian, set the box on the floor and leaned back on the arm of the couch, dusting off the cover and flipping open the comic and again, hoping this would provide a suitable distraction from his raging thoughts.

Of course three books in that was proving to be a very unsuccessful venture as she was still burrowed deep in his head, he just threw the third book on the floor in frustration, face starting to turn red from a mix of irritation and his own blushing from the fact he couldn’t stop envisioning the naked French girl.

“God this is pathetic…” He said to himself, practically smacking his palm against his forehead, at this point it felt embarrassing that he had let her get in his head this much.

_ “I’m better than this, I’m not like the rest of these sex starved freaks, I didn’t need her before and I certainly don’t need her now.”  _ He started just repeating that last bit in his head, that he didn’t need her, he didn’t after all...The guy fared well on his own before she was even a thought and he’d gone pretty much all of his teen years repressing the hormonal issues that come along with them, so why was it so difficult this time around? He was fairly certain he could’ve gotten one of the other women that either lived in or just made their way through town so why the hell was she wedged in his mind like this?

He could feel a slight headache coming along, it probably would’ve been easier to just lay down and let his mind run wild for a bit, it wasn’t like he wasn’t already doing that long before she came around anyway, it would certainly be a preferable alternative to forcing himself to repress it like this.

But something was nagging him, telling him that it wouldn't exactly put those thoughts away.

He just groaned with his face in his hands, he was supposed to be beyond these pitiful teenage desires by now, this was the apocalypse there was no time to be getting concerned about sex or anything of the sort!

Suddenly and thankfully someone came pounding at his front door, Alex popped up from the couch to answer it and one of the gate guards was there, freaking out for some reason.

"What's going on?" He asked.

"Uh, Alex you might want to bring a gun, we got a big problem" The guard said, concerned.

Down the tunnel Alex could hear the sounds of ghouls screaming, a delightful sound that made a small grin perk at the corners of his mouth, if there was still a God it was obviously listening to him.

"I can hear that." He said with a little more glee in his voice than was necessary, he was just thanking God for some form of distraction. "Give me a few moments and I'll be right out"

Thank God for convenient timing.

======


	12. A Welcome Distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh would you look at that? Massive convenient ghoul attack to help Alex get his thoughts back on track, great he can go deal with that and come back to that previous conversation never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No notes, just a good old fashioned ghoul killing fest to break things up a bit.

======

There were dozens of them, at least three, foaming and frothing at the mouth and screaming as they clawed and smacked their hands at the gate, glowing sickly yellow eyes going off into the darkness.

Yet Alex couldn't hide the somewhat unsettling smile that came to his face as he looked down from the guard tower. This was unheard of up until now, the ghouls never packed themselves this tightly into a decent sized horde, more often they were just small packs here and there.

"We've never seen anything like this before...And I have no idea what we're gonna do." The guard standing next to him said grimly, Alex cleared his throat and his smile disappeared into a serious frown.

"They're starting to learn it seems, a pack this big would tear through anything else within seconds." He said before gingerly making his way down the ladder, still sore from last night.

"Luckily, we aren't like anything else, we can handle this easily." He said confidently.

"Easily? Alex man this is a literal horde of ghouls, what about this looks easy to you?!" The guard raised his voice which only riled the ghouls up more as the scratching and banging on the gate got louder.

"And do you forget that down here they're a lot weaker than on the surface? If we we're up there then I'd give your worries some clout, down here it's like shooting wet toilet paper." He said.

"Okay, you three, get yourselves ready." He motioned towards a few guards that were standing by, rifles in hand. "Those automatic?" He asked.

"No, semi." The guard responded. "Yeah replace those real quick, you're gonna need them for what I have in mind." As he was directing traffic, out of the corner of his eyes he noticed Madsen making his way down the tunnel, he didn't really pay him any mind, his head was more focused on his little plan.

"Alex, what's going on?" He asked, concerned.

"I don't know if you're deaf but on the other side of that gate right now there are about...Three dozen ghouls or so, ready to come in here and rip everyone apart, and we're gonna let them in." Madsen's eyes nearly went as wide as dinner plates when he said that.

"I'm sorry you're going to fucking what now?!" He shouted, causing the ghouls to rile up more.

"Relax, it's simple, me and the guys here are gonna line up with rifles, let them in and then mow the entire pack down like a firing squad." Again he had a bit of an unnerving grin poke at his lips when he discussed his plan, something about killing ghouls just brought out the worst in him apparently.

He was fine with that, after all to him the ghouls were getting a mercy killing.

"You're gonna let that horde of freaks in my town? And what happens if your plan fails eh?" Alex almost looked offended at the suggestion. "When have any of my plans for this place ever failed?" He asked with a confident smirk on his face, of course Madsen didn't have an answer.

"Exactly, now go let everyone know not to start freaking out when the tunnel lights up like an old 4th of July party." He was fairly confident in his ability, hell in any other circumstance he'd probably try to take the ghoul horde on himself and win.

"And what about the gate huh?" Madsen asked, motioning towards the only thing keeping them from being eaten alive.

"What? You don't have any spare scrap metal to fix the thing?" Alex responded with a slight hint of sarcasm, to which Madsen went silent.

"Okay, so are you three ready?" He asked the guards who had just returned with their new automatic pipe rifles, often automatics were only used in absolutely dire situations.

He was pretty sure this would be classified as a very dire one.

"Okay when I give the signal, you two open the gates as fast as you can, I want to reduce damage as much as possible and our bullets aren't going to be very effective if they're getting stuck in the gate." The two guards on the towers nodded and held on to the hand cranks.

"Everyone line up, we've only got one shot at this... Don't screw it up because if you do, either you or someone else is gonna end up with their face being ripped off." The guards didn't say anything, they just nodded towards him as they all stood in a row  _ "Please God don't let these idiots screw up…"  _

Alex didn't have a lot of faith in his fellow townspeople, they'd screwed up other, simple jobs in the past.

"Are you all ready?" He asked, to which the guards aimed their rifles down the tunnel, he joined along with them.

For some reason his heart was pounding in his ears, thumping painfully against his chest, why was he suddenly so nervous? He could swear his heart was getting ready to beat right out of his ribcage with how hard it was going.

_ "You enjoy every second of it."  _ The man's harsh voice hissed in his ear, of course it decides to start up again now of all times.

" _ You're a monster, just like everyone else down here."  _ A monster for killing other monsters though? That didn't make sense…

_ "They're better off dead anyway"  _ He told himself before raising a hand in the air for the guards, furiously they spun the cranks and the gates quickly opened up, the ghouls started flooding in.

Time slowed down for a moment as the pack poured in, bloodthirsty, mindless shrieks and wails and the sound of clawed fingers on wood and steel as they pushed past each other, then the echoing sounds of automatic gunfire rang out as all four of the opened fire on the pack, bullets ripped through flesh, pierced through skulls, blood spattered on the ground as the ghouls let out dying screams of pain, some broke into a sprint towards the quartet but were easily taken down. Limbs started flying off and blood stained the walls as the pack was torn apart by gunfire, the collective growling turned into dying shrieks that eventually whittled down to nothing. 

Alex couldn't help the smile, killing ghouls became a pass time for him and in a way, he enjoyed it.

They deserved it after all, for what they did.

One took a bullet to the knee and collapsed, screaming in agony as it tried to crawl towards them.

The gunfire ceased just for a second as they all reloaded a magazine, there were only a few left and they were soon taken down by a couple well placed shots.

The last one, the one that was crippled, of course Alex insisted on killing it himself, he had this creepy, almost twinkle in his eyes as he did so, a small grin cracked on his face as he pressed the barrel of his rifle to the ghoul's head, watching the back of its head split open earned a rather cocky sounding "hmph" from him.

The only thing he was a "monster" in doing, was killing other monsters, ghouls deserved it, they were feral creatures that would just eat and kill whoever and whatever they came across, akin to those "zombie" films they started making before the war.

"Okay, let's get the bodies together and dispose of them." He said, grabbing the ghoul he just shot by both arms.

"Wait, you're actually gonna help us this time?" One of the guards said with a bit of sarcasm.

He didn't want to, but he didn't want that loathsome girl interjecting herself into his thoughts again and he knew the moment he was alone, she'd start creeping into his mind. He just wanted the distraction.

"Yeah, I helped kill them after all, now come on, let's get them into a pile." He started dragging the corpse outside the gates, this would make a great way to keep himself occupied.

It took about 45 minutes to get the ghouls dragged far enough away for them to burn the bodies, bits and all, Alex's hands were stained with ghoul gore but he didn't seem to really mind it at the moment, he tossed the last ghoul in one of three piles and they started soaking them in lighter fluid, they threw some extra wood on to make sure they burned completely.

It was pretty much the only thing they had to burn aside from gasoline and that was already in short supply, the corpses were soaked and then set ablaze, the smell of rotting, burning flesh soon filled the air as the skin started melting away, Alex and the guards just stood there for a moment watching the embers dancing in the air.

_ "You need to let go."  _ It was another strange voice, right in his ear, instinctively Alex snapped his head in the direction.

"You alright man?" One of the guards asked him.

"Did you say something?" He asked.

"Yeah I asked if you were alright." Alex rolled his eyes.

"No I meant before that." He insisted.

"No, why?"

"Oh...Just thought I heard something was all." He muttered, great he was hearing voices in his head for no reason, as if this couldn't have found a reason to get worse.

_ "Just let go Alex, let go of your chains, embrace the world, embrace your freedom."  _ Again that damn voice was right in his ear, it was unusually calming, soothing in a way he hadn't ever heard before, was it just his own mind playing tricks on him or something? The voice didn't sound normal either, it sounded almost... Ethereal in a way, it didn't sound human.

Which made him feel stupid for asking one of the guards if they said something because there was no way it would've been one of them.

Nervously he started scratching the back of his head, starting to think he was just losing his mind or something, not that it would've been a surprise, he was certain he'd been losing it for a while now.

"Alex, you sure you're doing okay?" The same guard spoke up again, concerned. "Yeah...Yeah I'm fine." He insisted. "You sure?" The guard asked yet again. "I said I'm fine." He finally snapped at the guard, irritated that he wouldn't be left alone for 5 seconds, why did it matter to some random he'd never speak to again anyway, he couldn't see the guy's facial expression under that stupid umpire mask they all wore, surely he was probably pissed off.

"Hey, why don't you head on back? We can finish up here." He finally said, Alex wearily rubbed his eyes and took the advice, leaving for home while they dealt with the corpses.

=======

The moment he got home he went straight for the bathroom to clean the ghoul blood off his hands, stained white porcelain turned red from bloody water as he washed away the gore, having to dig some of it out from underneath his fingernails, once his hands were clean he splashed a couple handfuls of water in his face, taking a moment to look at his reflection in the mirror.

God he always looked so much older than he really was, he was supposed to be 18 but he had the tired eyes of someone in his 30s or maybe even 40s. He was surprised his hair didn't start turning gray yet, or he started having wrinkles all over his face.

He admittedly longed for a time where he could be called handsome, not being looked at like he was some blood soaked killer.

They were always that deep blue though, they never seemed to look any more dull, at least he had something worth having a little pride in.

_ "Just let go Alex...The key to happiness, is to just let go, be free."  _ That same strange voice hit his ear, he didn't snap, he didn't even really pay it that much attention aside from just barely peeking over his shoulder, expecting something to be standing there, but of course there wasn't, why would there? He was probably just going crazy and hearing things, just another problem to add to his already lengthy list of issues.

The voice wasn't that bad though, it wasn't demanding or harsh, it was gentle, calming in an odd sense, almost as if it were trying to guide him.

But what was it trying to make him let go of? The walls he'd built up? There was about a snowball's chance in Hell of that happening, he spent too much time building them up and isolating from everyone to have a stupid voice in his head try to tell him otherwise.

He was fine being alone and he had no problems dying alone either, he didn't need people, he didn't need to let go of a damn thing, except maybe the bothersome biology that had him lusting after Penelope.

Of course he felt his cheeks start getting warmer, whether it was embarrassment or that girl was going to start digging into his mind soon. He detested this new feeling, the idea of being with another person physically, sure it was natural, especially for someone of his age, but the fact it hit him so abruptly, and within moments has him blushing like some middle schooler with his first girlfriend.

It made him feel weak, like she had some kind of power over him.

And no one has any power over him.

======

"Brother? Can you hear me? No no, don't try to get up just yet...Your muscles are not yet fully attached, you could very well ruin the limbs if you force yourself…" The familiar voice of the strange man came through his mask, using one hand to keep his monstrous brother down, the body looked almost pristine at this point, the limbs were reattached, the deep cut marks gone, the beast's breathing was shallow and slow but he was alive somehow.

"MUST...KILL...THE BOY!" The violent, angry voice of his brother went through the man's head.

"I understand Jack...But you must rest for now, your body is still very fragile and I almost couldn't save you this time."

"SLAUGHTER!... SLAUGHTER AND FEAST!...ON THEIR FLESH!" The monster's voice angrily screamed into his mind.

"Soon, you'll get your chance soon brother...Just be patient…" He said, consolingly.

"...KILL...THE GIRL FIRST…" 

"Well of course, we'll deal with her first and I'll make sure he bears witness to it...Then we'll see just how long he can keep that little lie up." The man said, followed by a sinister sounding chuckle.

======


	13. Dead Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No summary, just read

======

It was amusing in some sick, twisted way, the girl he wanted nothing to do with right off the bat, that he'd snapped at, essentially told off, even pulled his own sword out against…

Was now occupying almost every corner of his mind for one of the most insignificant reasons he could imagine, he didn't ask for this, he didn't even want anything to do with her, he wanted her to go away, he made it clear when she would try to speak to him, try to associate with him, the only time he ever went out of his way was when he took her to learn how to competently use a pistol...And he apologized for his actions.

He probably shouldn't have done that, he should've just let her continue thinking he utterly despised her, maybe she wouldn't be living in his head rent free if he hadn't chosen to be kind for that one moment.

But in reality he didn't exactly hate her, he had no reason to hate her, she never personally wronged him, in fact she openly sought his company for reasons he couldn't understand, why would she even want to speak with him? Knowing that he wants nothing to do with her.

Perhaps she shared that same unfortunate urge, although that was probably wishful thinking on his part, she was probably just a kind person looking for a friend to keep her safe. She was the opposite of him in every way it seemed, he was a hardened, isolated survivalist that could probably handle anything the wastelands could throw at him, he didn't need anyone, he didn't want anyone. Her? She could barely hold a rifle and probably would've ended up as that freak's snack that night had he not come around, but she was kind, and unusually bubbly for someone in this world.

He grimaced in disgust, he'd been just laying in bed staring at the ceiling, his intrusive thoughts soon taking hold not too long after he returned home, the idle chatter and noise of the people outside gave way to that voice.

That lovely little accent saying just the right things to make a chill go down his spine, sweet nothings in her native tongue, it all seemed to fall together perfectly in his head and he hated it, for God's sake he wouldn't even understand it if she started dirty talking in French, but of course some part of him enjoyed the concept. Enjoyed and both utterly detested the idea of it.

He should've been a lot better than this, he shouldn't be letting some girl wreak havoc in his head like this, he should've just kept acting like he was before, never should've apologized to her and just let her keep thinking that he hated her, it would've been so easy.

He could've just let her die that night, ignored her desperate pleas for help and just let her meet her fate at those monstrous hands, he never would've seen her again, he never would've thought about her another day in his life, he wouldn't be laying here right now wishing she was there, he would be going about his business without a single thought about her.

He quietly sighed, knowing that he was just lying to himself at this point and he probably would've been eaten alive by guilt had he not done anything, after all he wasn't some cold, apathetic sociopath just yet, distant? Of course he was, there was no denying that, but he wasn't uncaring for some God awful reason.

Although sometimes he wished he was, wouldn't be the bitter, angry borderline nihilist he is now if he was just able to keep himself at a distance before, would've saved him years of pain had he just kept to himself from the beginning, but he was just a scared little kid back then, desperate for any kind of protection.

He tugged at the collar of his shirt, suddenly starting to feel anxious out of nowhere, his throat started feeling dry and his body felt restless, he sat up and brushed the back of his hand over his forehead, it was coated with a thin layer of sweat. This wasn’t exactly what he had in mind when he wanted a distraction from that annoying girl, so with his luck it was either the intrusive, very unwanted sexual thoughts, or he was stuck thinking about the past that got him to where he was now, there was never an inbetween, there was never just blissful silence in his head, no it always had to be something that annoyed him, something that angered him, or something that made him want to break down on the spot. He kept tugging at the collar of his shirt, that alone was starting to feel constricting around his neck, he couldn’t have one moment.

Just one moment to himself where his head wasn’t constantly tearing itself apart for some stupid reason or another, it was always a constant maelstrom of violence, anger and rage, ironically despite the fact he hated the thoughts, at least having Penelope on his mind was something entertaining, probably impossible by all means but entertaining nonetheless, it was that one ray of the closest thing he could call beauty amongst a torrent of suffering.

He finally stood up from his bed and went over to his desk, a neatly stacked set of papers with a few ideas of his written down along with some simple math equations that were needed for things such as programming the different robots, those were mostly useless until he actually got his hands on a fully functioning robot besides the protectrons outside, he pulled his chair out and sat, resting his elbows on the desk, thoughtfully scratching his chin for a moment, thinking of something to occupy his time when his eyes settled on his sword leaning up against the wall.

It was kind of stupid in the moment but he randomly thought about the fact that he hadn’t cleaned or sharpened the blade in a long while, he asked for a distraction didn’t he? 

He rolled over to the sword and picked it up then rolled back over to his desk, he took the papers and shoved them in the middle drawer with everything else and neatly set it down, as he pulled the blade from its sheath a small grin came to his face, he rather enjoyed the sound it made, it was somewhat tingly in a strange way, he set the sheath gently against the desk and carefully laid the sword down, despite what it had been through over the years he was rather gentle with it when he wasn’t in combat.

It was the last thing he had to remind him of his father after all, and probably the last thing he had that reminded him of his parents in general, he didn’t have any photos or anything they had really given him, all of it was probably either disintegrated when the bombs fell or completely unrecognizable sitting in what’s left of their old home on the surface. So of course he was going to treat the one thing he had with as much respect as he possibly could.

He often wondered what his dad would think, or his grandfather, knowing that he had used their sword to kill innocent people, in self defense obviously but innocent regardless, his dad would probably be disappointed in him and tell him how even in the most dire of situations that killing civilians was wrong and that it never would’ve slid by in the military. But were civilians even a thing anymore or was it just every man for himself? Would what’s left of the army actually give a damn about war crimes or would they just start shooting anyone they saw on the spot and ask questions later? 

They had reason to obviously, they had armor, laser weapons, access to whatever was left of their arsenal, people would certainly risk trying to steal from them if they thought they could pull it off so why wouldn’t they kill on sight? There weren’t any rules anymore to stop them, anyone and everyone was a target now.

A part of him did hope that somewhere, probably in one of the dozen or so bunkers in the city, his father was waiting, maybe even with his mom but he didn’t really have any high hopes for her, the last thing he remembered was that she was still home at the time, maybe one of the neighbors let her hide with them in their bomb shelters?

He let out a quiet, forlorn sigh as he swiped an oil soaked rag along the sword, he often wiped it down after fighting but hadn’t taken the time to clean it in a while, there were still smudges of dried blood presumably from that monster, it was strange but the sword gave him a sense of nostalgia.

It reminded him of how the world used to be, the warm orange and yellow colors of fall rolling in, the piles of leaves from the trees as Halloween was right around the corner, the nice tingly crunch from those leaves under his feet, that smell of fresh autumn air.

Back when things were simple, pure, there were no monsters outside of the ones you heard about on the news and even then no one really believed things would come to what they did. Back in those days he spent more of his time watching his father actually training with the sword, most of what he did now was a very loose, sloppy emulation of what he did. 

He missed those days, which is why it disturbed him when people tried to emulate them, because there was no bringing them back.

It was cheaply made wood shacks, water that may or may not kill you, and beasts around just about every corner. Friends and family were still gone and there was nothing bringing them back, people just deluded themselves into thinking maybe they could bring some semblance of civilization back but there was no way in Hell that was going to be happening, not any time soon at least. But if he told anyone else in town that they would just look at him like he was insane, or tell him to stop being so pessimistic.

At least he was dealing with real life rather than trying to tell himself that cheap made booze and running water was just like the good old days, everyone else seemed pretty content to drink themselves into near comas every so often and act like everything was alright.

Something else also came to mind for no particular reason, he hadn’t thought about it in a couple of days, it was just another random fleeting thought that he let take precedence over the rest for a moment.

That weird nuclear siren from the night he ran into Penelope, he only heard it play once, but hasn’t heard it again since, perhaps it was just his mind playing tricks on him? That was the only logical explanation as it seemed like no one else but him had heard it, and it was only that one time, it was probably just due to his lack of sleep that night, just another addition to the already long list of things that spent their time haunting his mind.

The voices, sounds, everything from the past 5 years would spend time clawing away, scratching at the walls he’d built up, begging for him to finally slip into insanity like so many people around him had done, they either lived in denial or just went insane, but not him.

He wasn’t going to let himself turn into something like them.

He held his sword up in the light for a moment, it was as smooth as butter at this point, every smudge wiped away and he could nearly see the reflection of his eyes in the blade, for the briefest of moments he could see his eyes as a child, bright, full of life and wonder, a time when he was actually happy and had a reason to look forward to every day.

Too bad that was long gone now.

He set the sword down, blade pointing up at the ceiling and he carefully ran his thumb along it, testing to see how sharp it was, of course it was still sharp enough that it could slice through his finger without any trouble at all, he didn’t have a grindstone or anything along those lines, rather out of personal preference, he just used a regular smooth stone, he stood up and went over to his couch, kneeling down and pulling a small box out from underneath it, he was a bit too orderly about the different items he had but he didn’t really care. Inside the box were a few items for taking care of his sword, rags, things to clean the blade with, and of course the stone he used for sharpening it.

He barely scraped the blade a few times before he was interrupted by someone knocking at his door, with a frustrated sigh he set the stone aside and answered it.

Of course, it just had to be her didn’t it? Out of every person that asks him for something or decides to knock on his door, it just had to be her.

“Can we speak for a moment?” That accent was going to be the death of him.

======


	14. The Argument

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penelope and Alex get into their first argument, aw they're bonding, how precious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've actually written like 3 other chapters past this one, jeez I've been on such a kick lately it's ridiculous...I know I've turned this way more into a "budding romance" story than it needs to be but I promise the horror and the good stuff is still well into the plan for this story, I'm not even halfway done with the thing at this point, I'd say I'm probably not even a quarter into the story yet.
> 
> And yes, I do also wish I could get out of this weird obsession of having a slow burn while seemingly make the characters utterly hate/love each other and just get to the good stuff.
> 
> If you're still reading up to this point I appreciate you and I really hope you're enjoying this :3

======

Alex felt his heart pound against his ribcage, she wanted to speak to him? What in the hell could she possibly want? He didn’t dare let his mind come up with what she could _possibly_ want.

“Excuse me?” He said, eyebrow poking up in curiosity, his eyes narrowed slightly, a cold, smoldering gaze almost as if he were waiting for her to try something at any moment, admittedly he wouldn’t be too adverse if she just decided to throw herself at him right now, of course he knew there was no chance of that, just more wishful thinking on his part.

“I wanted to talk to you…” She seemed a bit nervous, she was good at hiding it but he could read people pretty easily by this point, she had this nervous glint in her eyes that he couldn’t figure out.

“You want to speak to me? Why? What’s wrong?” He was cold, asking the questions more like an interrogator than someone who was genuinely concerned.

“Nothing...I just wanted to talk to you for a little while, is that such a problem?” She asked, frustration starting to come out.

“Given that you know exactly who I am and the fact that I don’t sit down and have casual chats with people, yes it kind of is a problem.” He just wanted her to take the hint already and leave him alone, what was with her and wanting to talk to him constantly anyway? It’s not like he had anything interesting to brag about, and he certainly wasn’t going to go off and tell her his life story on a whim. He noticed she seemed a little hurt by his coldness, good maybe she was starting to finally get the point.

So why was it bothering him so much?

“Look, is there something you needed? A favor?” He asked, resigned because of course he just had to still feel guilty, she just shook her head at his question.

“No...I just wanted to talk to you.” This was confusing, he couldn’t understand just WHY she wanted to talk to him, why him specifically? It wasn’t like she couldn’t just go over to Johnny’s and speak to him if she was bored.

“Why?” He asked, trying to poke an answer out of her. “Because I just want to okay? Do I need a reason to want to speak to someone?” Her voice rose a bit in frustration, he’d never say this out loud but her accent when she was getting mad was kind of cute, of course he proceeded to mentally kick himself for thinking that but at this point he didn’t really care. “Most people don’t talk to others without a good reason for doing so…So what’s yours?” He was just poking for an answer at this point, digging around for a greater meaning that just wasn’t there. “I don’t have a reason, I just wanted to come over and speak to you now can I do that?” He felt like at this point regardless how he answered the question it wasn’t going to make her leave, that nervousness she came over with was replaced with an unwavering determination.

“Fine, since you seem so inclined to be here, what pray tell, would you like to talk about?” He finally asked, he didn’t want to do this but it was obvious she wasn’t going to leave otherwise. “May I come in?” She asked, to which that cold gaze of his turned into surprise, hesitantly, because he didn’t want to hear her complain at him anymore, he stepped aside and let her in, he shut the door and immediately went back over to his desk, not paying her any attention as he went back to sharpening his sword, she however just casually sat on the bed, looking in his direction for a moment, she was working up the nerve to ask a question that she was sure would probably set him off the moment she got it out.

“Why do you hate me?” She asked, although it came out more of a mumble, the scraping sound of stone on steel came to an abrupt halt as he looked over his shoulder at her for a moment, then back towards the desk. “I hate everyone Penelope, just most people get that point rather than barking up a tree that isn’t going to give them anything.” Then the scraping sound started back up again.

“No, you talk to other people, you talk to Johnny all the time like there’s nothing wrong, but you always feel the need to remind me that you want nothing to do with me and I don’t understand why.” She suddenly jumped when she heard him slam the stone down on the desk.

“Because like I said, most people understand the fact that I don’t want to speak with them, meanwhile you keep doing things like this where you insist on talking to someone who doesn’t want to be spoken to.” He snapped at her, getting extremely frustrated that she wouldn’t take the damn hint and just leave him alone like he’s asked her a million times already. The next time he looked over at her she could see a brief flicker of anger behind his eyes.

Although as much as he hated to admit it, looking over and just seeing her sitting on his bed was all the fuel those unwanted thoughts needed to start playing the scenario out in his head. “Goddamn it…” He muttered to himself as he looked away, the scraping sound of the stone suddenly getting much more aggressive than before. “What?” She asked, irritated. “It’s nothing, nothing you need to concern yourself with anyway.” He insisted, suddenly having his mind go wild with thoughts about her, even with as annoying as she was, as much as he insisted that she go away.

If she asked right then and there he'd take her in a heartbeat no questions asked, and he absolutely hated that fact.

“It’s something about me isn’t it?” As if on cue she asked that, maybe just telling her what was actually on his mind would make her shut up and leave him alone, knowing that he thought about her the same way that probably every guy in town did, the only difference being he was able to control himself because he wasn’t some sleazy jackass, he could easily just turn around and say the already dozen or so fantasies that have played out in his head just in the last couple of hours and she’d probably leave. “If I hate you so much...Why do you still seek me out? Why do you insist on being in my company knowing that I don’t want you here?” The questions were ice cold, as blunt as a baseball bat to the skull and right to the point.

“You know how I feel about you, and yet you still do things like come over here and try to start up a conversation with me...Why? There’s nothing special about me, I’m no different than anyone else aside from the fact I don’t drink myself to death to cope with reality…” There was a heavy silence in the air, the weight pressing down on both their shoulders as Alex was hoping the questions would back her into a corner and make her actually think about why she wanted to be around him. “I...I don’t know…” She finally said in a quiet mumble, the answer was actually quite surprising to him, he expected something cliche like she had a crush on him from the night he saved her, just for the sake of adding another issue on his plate.

“So does that mean this conversation is over?” He asked, matter of fact. 

“You have no reason to hate me…” She said quietly, suddenly she was angry, she got up from his bed and stormed over to where he was sitting, he didn’t seem at all bothered by the girl standing over his shoulder right now, casually just looking over his shoulder at her for a moment, eyes still as cold as ever. “I’ve done nothing wrong to you, all I’ve done is try to be kind to you...All I’ve done is try to be a friend to you when everyone else would’ve given up by now!” A sarcastic smirk along with a scoff was all his reaction was at the moment.

“Well, maybe you should take a hint from everyone else and leave me alone when I’ve asked you several times to do so, besides you’d be a lot better off not bothering me anyway, seems like it’s just causing you unnecessary stress.” Why was she so hurt by this? The coldness had been a long standing statement that he wanted her to leave him alone but something just kept her around, maybe it was what Johnny said? That the coldness was just an act to keep himself away from everyone but now? It looked like he genuinely didn’t care for her in anyway, he wasn’t interested in even being friends, in fact he was looking at her right now as if she were nothing more than just a nuisance.

Oh if only she knew what was actually going through his head at the moment.

“You know I actually do have a reason for why I’m here.” She said, to which he just responded with an eyebrow poking up.

“And what is that?” He responded sarcastically.

“Because I know that you don’t really enjoy living like this, being alone…I’ve been like that since the beginning of this and I hate it! Not having anyone to make sure I was alright, always wondering if I was going to wake up to a ghoul trying to rip me open, never having someone to at least tell me that things were going to be okay, that at some point they were going to look up!” Alex set his sword and stone on the desk and just started chuckling, that coldness in his eyes disappeared into something else, that sarcastic grin and that surprisingly malevolent glint in his eyes.

“That’s the difference between me and you “Penny”...You know I’ve been alone too, and I’ve been able to live with it, I’ve chosen to be on my own while you apparently need the company of other people, as much as you might want to say otherwise, I actually don’t need anyone else, I don’t want anyone else because you know what happens?” There was a very brief moment of silence, she noticed the grin on his face disappeared and he looked...Angry.

“They end up dead, so sorry I wasn’t exactly welcoming you with open arms and a smile, and sorry I’m not exactly jumping up at the opportunity to talk to you.” His sights set back on the sword and he went back to aggressively scraping the stone against it, hoping the noise would just drown her out at this point.

“So Johnny was right wasn’t he?” Alex finally just gave up hope on being able to finish anyway and just tossed the stone on the floor, setting his gaze back on her, still with that brief flicker of anger. “And what did Johnny tell you this time? Did he give you that old story that secretly I’m just dying for some form of affection but I’m too scared to let anyone in? You know, the one he tries to tell me just about every time I’m around the guy for more than 5 minutes? Why is it so hard for people to accept that I’m a lot happier being alone than I would be with someone else?” He asked, trying to not look her in the eyes anymore.

“Because anyone can take one good look at you and know that is a goddamn lie!” It was a weird thought, but it was strange hearing her curse, that accent just added something to it. “What about the other night? When you had the entire town barging through your door after you shot a hole through your couch there?!” 

“And what does that have to do with anything? The gun simply misfired while I was cleaning it.” He should’ve known she wasn’t going to fall for that lie.

“You were aiming it at the couch!” She said on cue.

“I was checking the sights.” He lied yet again, he had to admit that he did admire her defiance, the fact she refused to accept anything but a straight forward answer from him.

“You were not checking the sights Alex, I don’t know why you think I’m stupid but I know you weren’t doing anything with that gun that could’ve been good…” He sighed, feeling her eyes pressing at the side of his head, impatiently waiting for an answer, finally he stood up from his desk, standing right in front of her and even though he was only a few inches taller than her, he could pretty much tower over her due to his stature, he noticed the moment he stood up she seemed to back down a bit.

Was she actually afraid of him? He didn’t want fear, he just wanted to be alone.

“Look, I’m going to say this one more time and after this, the conversation is over and whether you choose to stay or go is none of my concern, but I’m fine, and I don’t need any friends and I especially don’t need some girl constantly vying for my attention, gives people the wrong idea...I like being alone and I’d prefer to stay alone, so no matter how many times the drunk guy running the bar says “Poor Alex just needs a friend.” just realize, from the man’s mouth himself, I don’t. Want. Friends. Are we clear?” Almost immediately he saw that defiant spark fade from her eyes, the sign that he was finally getting through to her, he could see the dejection starting to build up behind them and was just waiting for her to finally leave.

But almost immediately he saw that spark suddenly reignite, she balled both her fists up like she was ready to come out swinging at any moment. “ You know you’ve been the only person I felt like I could trust around this God forsaken town! You’ve been the only one that doesn’t sit there and eye me like I’m some piece of meat and your pathetic excuse of a mayor probably would’ve raped me if he thought he could get away with it! That’s why you’re the only one I go out of my way to try and talk to because you’re the only one I feel safe around for more than a minute!” Oh he could shatter that little delusion right now if he wanted to, he certainly wouldn’t try to take advantage of her but he wouldn’t deny those thoughts he’s had about her today.

“Why did you even bother saving me that night? Why didn’t you just leave me to die because it sounds like you would’ve if you had the chance…” He didn’t take his eyes off her for a minute, studying her with this cold, calculating gaze, he could see the warring emotions on her face, the anger, rejection, sadness, all of it.

“Because I still have a conscience...I may not want friendships, or anything of the sort...But I’m not going to let someone just die.” He said coldly, almost like he didn’t even mean it.

She turned away and started walking away from him, she stopped as she opened his front door. “Maybe you should’ve just left me out there, it’s better than dealing with this place…” Then she slammed the door shut behind her, he just stood there for a moment, staring at the door with that cold gaze, resigned he shut his eyes with a sigh and sat back at his desk, bending down to pick the stone up from the floor and went back to sharpening his sword without a word.

This was what he wanted after all, no more wondering if she was going to try and speak to him, he could finally have the silence he was desperately asking for...And those annoying thoughts finally started to leave his head.

======


	15. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penelope decides to pack things up, thinking she'd probably be better off out on her own than dealing with the town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure there's something scary that'll come up at some point, I dunno where but it's coming...Maybe...Remember when this was supposed to be horror?

======

She couldn’t understand, she tried to be nice to him, she tried to speak to him unlike anyone else really did and he still treated her like she was dirt, she wasn’t going to get an answer from him and she didn’t know what to do, she’d just gone back home and immediately felt that lump in her throat, she wasn’t sobbing hysterically or anything like that, just sitting at her bed trying to hold back tears that were welling up in her eyes, she was confused, his attitude towards her kept flip flopping all over the place and she couldn’t figure out why.

One day he would be kind to her and act like he seemingly cared about her but the next he would snap at her and tell her to leave him alone, she was angry, confused, she was hurt and admittedly felt a little betrayed by the way he was acting, she thought about how he went out of his way to save her that first night, he was distant but at the same time she could still tell that he cared, then in the first fight with the Maldenmen he could’ve easily let her die and chalked it up to a casualty on the field but he still saved her, after that he actually showed her how to properly use a gun and then apologized for the way he acted towards her the day before that.

So why did he act like he hated her? Of course judging from what Johnny told her, Alex has been through a lot over these years but so has everyone else, even she’s lost her entire family to the goddamn thing, she could understand coping but he didn’t have to treat her like she was garbage. She started thinking that maybe it would’ve just been better off had she not stayed in town, the one person she really trusts hates her and everyone else looks at her like she’s nothing but a cheap hooker, she hadn’t put it past one of them to break into her house while she was sleeping and have their way with her.

The thought of that happening made her sick to her stomach and it made her ask another question, would Alex go out of his way to help her in that situation or would he just act like nothing was happening and just ignore it? She suddenly had this burst of anger flood her body, her cheeks even turning a faint shade of pink from it, she was angry at him for being so stubborn, for refusing to give anyone even the slightest chance to help him. She grit her teeth and wanted to go back over there and yell at him, scream about how he was a stubborn, selfish prick and that she just wanted to help him, because unlike him she actually cared about how other people felt, she didn’t care because she felt obligated to, she was just a good person at heart and she wanted to believe that he was too, but he did nothing but confirm that he was some apathetic sociopath. Even though he blatantly said that he wasn’t she was questioning that with the way he was always acting, but he still did help her on three separate occasions, he didn’t ask for anything or expect anything from her afterwards, he helped her and didn’t expect her to do something weird like have sex with him.

_ “Why is he so damn confusing?!”  _ She thought, or more like yelled at herself in her mind.  _ “Why do you even care this much? He’s right, it would’ve just been easier to forget about it and move on, or just leave already and get it over with.”  _ It would’ve been better than dealing with this, dealing with wondering if one of the creeps around town was going to try and get her alone and better than dealing with his stubbornness.

She thought about it for a moment, she was able to use a gun now, at least a lot better than she could before, and the ammo for it was easily craftable around here, she could easily get a small stockpile together and leave without a word, he’d probably be happier off anyway, she could probably find another town, maybe with less perverts trying to flirt with her at every turn, she reached underneath the bed and took her 10mm pistol out, it had a thin layer of dust over it as she hadn’t moved it since the day she learned to use it.  _ “That’s still an option…”  _ She thought, this time it was much darker than the rest.

It’d be so easy still, put it to her head and just close her eyes, it would only hurt for a moment, maybe even not at all if it was instant, she wouldn’t have to deal with any of this anymore, her kindness wouldn’t be taken advantage of anymore and she certainly wouldn’t have to deal with the very real possibility of people taking advantage of something else, it would just be so easy...One pull, and maybe she’d be with her family again too? Then she thought about how Alex would react if she did it, would he blame himself for it? Thinking that he was the one who pushed her over?

Suddenly she nearly tossed the gun across the room and immediately blocked that thought out of her head, she wouldn’t do that to him, something told her that he was already carrying a lot of guilt on his shoulders and she wouldn’t add to that by doing something like that, besides she already promised to stay alive for her family, why would she throw that away now? For her a better question was, why did she still care what he thought? Her head was stuck with so many warring emotions at the moment, she wanted to hate him like he wanted, but at the same time she wanted to be understanding of why he was so reclusive, she got up and picked her gun back up and shoved it underneath the bed, pondering what her next move was going to be, she weighed up a few options in her head, she could go back over and try to speak with him again although that would probably do as much good as the first time, then she set her sights on a backpack that was sitting at the foot of her bed, it was something that came with the run they did the other day and she was just never expected to give it back, she kept it in case she would’ve needed it.

She scooted over to the edge of the bed and picked the pack up from the floor, it was some old forest green with dirt specks and a small hole on the side of it but it was still useful, that’s when the idea hit her, she could just leave, she was capable of defending herself now and she could take some food with her and leave, that’s probably what he wanted after all, her to just not be there so he’d never have to see her again. She unzipped the pack and looked inside, of course it was empty but it looked like it would hold a decent amount of food, some water, ammo for her pistol and probably the gun itself, she set it on her bed and reached back underneath for her gun and carefully set it inside the pack, nestling it in the bottom of the pack with plenty of room to spare.

That was it, she had made up her mind, she was going to get her hands on as much as she could take with her and leave later on, she wouldn’t say goodbye to anyone except maybe Johnny and she’d never look back, there was a small box sitting by the front door that had a small stash of food that was given to her, a couple of cans of Cram, some pork and beans, two boxes of Fancy Lads Snack Cakes and a box of mac and cheese, it would do her in the meantime until she could scrounge together more, something she was quite good at doing, she went over and picked the box up and brought it back to her bed, she started with the canned foods first, then the boxed foods on top, she still had to get her hands on some fresh water to keep her going for the first couple days she would be gone, and ammo, both of which shouldn’t be too hard to get since the town has a way to nearly mass produce both, she zipped the pack up and set it back at the foot of her bed and started planning her exit, she would avoid any contact with Alex for the next day or so, letting him believe that she had become like everyone else, not wanting to be around him and giving him the isolation he pretty much demanded while she scrounged together what she needed to take with her, she’d say her farewells to Johnny and she’d leave without a word otherwise.

The idea sounded easy in her head, but why did she feel so hurt for wanting to do so? It was easy to plan, she was more than capable of getting her hands on what she needed to leave, and it wasn’t like she was really comfortable being around here anyway with all the people staring at her. She really didn’t have to ask herself that question though, she knew the answer, she still had a part of her that wanted to have the hopes that maybe the person who went out of her way to save her on two separate occasions would maybe change, maybe stop being such a stubborn, reclusive jerk. 

Oh who was she kidding? There didn’t seem to be any way that was going to happen, he was far too set in his ways, and she’d probably have better luck trying to get Madsen to stop awkwardly flirting with her every time the man walked within 20 feet of her, it was just better to get away from him, the town, and everything else, maybe she was better off alone anyway, not having to deal with being hated by someone she wanted to consider a friend, not being sexually harassed by every guy with even a single heartbeat, outside she just had to worry about herself and what she was going to be eating for dinner that night, it only served to reaffirm her desire to leave, she had to get her hands on a few empty cans or some old bottles to fill with water for the trip and some bullets and that was it, she could pack up and leave and maybe find another town, that or just continue living the life alone she was before.

That night she spent a good amount of time on the other side of the station where the ammo was produced, it wasn’t anything large or fancy, it was a simple machine with a small conveyor belt that lead to a box where the bullets would fall into, usually they just picked an ammo type, supplied the metal and gunpowder needed and the machine did the work for them, she offered to take the shift for the guy that would normally be there, a brief flutter of her lashes and a cute little bit of teasing behind her tone and it didn’t take long for the guy to be willing to bend over backwards for her, she might have hated the way people came onto her but she was a day or two from leaving so why not use her looks to her advantage? 

Subtly she would occasionally slip a few 10mm rounds into her inside coat pockets when she was sure no one was really paying attention, she hadn’t really had to take anything since she’d moved in but it was evident her skills hadn’t degraded at all in the last almost two weeks, her pockets were nearly full and if she walked fast enough one would hear the rounds jingling in them, she’d managed to get her hands on a few empty magazines as well because the rounds would be useless otherwise, this was coming off much easier than even she would’ve guessed, the fact they literally don’t question someone relatively new still being around one of their most valuable assets, then again she could probably rile the whole town against Madsen just with her looks alone so maybe she was just the exception to the rule.

That thought both amused and kind of creeped her out at the same time, the fact that a lot of these people were so easy to bend just through a few cutesy glances, yet the one she actually wouldn’t mind falling for that cute charm hated her the most, she couldn’t help but mentally chuckle at the idea that maybe that was why he was so hostile towards her in the first place, he sees a girl that finally makes him feel something and he gets mad over that, she’d probably die laughing if she found out that actually was the reason, the isolated hardass realizes he can still have feelings for people. For a moment she actually considered dropping her original idea and just asking him if that was why he couldn’t stand her so much, but quickly disregarded it as it probably would’ve just made him angrier if it weren’t the case.

Still, it was kind of cute to imagine, she’d only seen him in two ways, that cold, stoic almost dangerous in a sense side, where his eyes had that unnerving sharp gaze and it was like he just dissociated from everyone, and she’d seen where he was angry, disturbed by something in his head, for a moment she tried to imagine all of that just melted away, maybe how he would’ve been under different circumstances, if there was no war and things were normal, he was probably really outgoing before everything, he probably would turn into a blushing mess if she had even slightly implicated that he was hiding something for her. She quickly removed that thought from her head otherwise it would’ve probably started trying to convince her to stay, to keep looking for a side that just wasn’t there anymore, again he probably would borderline explode from anger if she even hinted that towards him. Suddenly the loud buzzing of the alarm clock near the machine got her out of her thoughts as it hit midnight, meaning this was around the time someone else would come by and shut the machine down for the night to conserve power so she was free to go whenever she pleased, she carefully checked her pockets to make sure no one would notice them jingling and quickly thought of a lie to get her out of the situation.  _ “Just lie and say they’re some caps, that’ll work.”  _ She thought and she walked away from the machine as another guy came by to shut it down.

Through either sheer luck or just from how late it was she managed to make it back home without getting any weird sideways glances from people, aside from the occasional guard checking out her ass which made her even more determined to get the hell out of this town before one of them tries to have their way with her. She emptied her pockets on the bed, dozens of fresh rounds spilling onto the blanket along with a couple magazines to put them in, it was a simple but really tedious manner of filling each magazine with 12 shots a piece and a surprisingly amount of effort to force the rounds into them, but she had about 4 spare ones to take with her as she couldn’t take more empty magazines with her, she was left with 12 rounds, it shouldn’t be difficult at all to get her hands on another magazine before the end of tomorrow.

_ “Maybe he really does care and just doesn’t want to admit it…”  _ A faint voice said in the back of her head, great now she was already trying to convince herself of something that most likely wasn’t true.  _ “Maybe that’s why he’s been so harsh recently, maybe he does care and he doesn’t know how to?”  _ No that was stupid, why was her head trying to convince her to stay around this hellhole of a town? “He doesn’t care and that’s that.” She said out loud, trying to reaffirm what her mind was trying to deny, she had made up her mind, she was leaving and she wasn’t going to let herself say otherwise, she took the magazines and put them in her backpack and got herself ready for bed.   
  
_ “Someone who’s spent so much time isolating themselves is obviously not going to react properly to newfound feelings.”  _ Of course the moment she lays down it immediately starts up again.  _ “He probably does care”  _ She started gritting her teeth together in frustration, damn it she just wanted to go to sleep for the night and her head was getting restless over someone who doesn’t give a shit about her.  _ “He’s still a person at heart.”  _ Well of course he’s still a person, why would she be telling herself that? He was just a person who didn’t want anyone’s company, why was that so hard for her to accept?

She let out a sigh as she knew this was going to be another long, restless night.

======


	16. Second Thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, sorry about the slight absence from posting, I've been rather busy for the holiday season, got Cyberpunk just waiting for me right now so you guys (If there are any) may never see me again heh :3 
> 
> Anyway, here's the next chapter and it's more plucky Irish bartender to the rescue! I swear he's more of a main character than the main characters at this rate.
> 
> I SWEAR the horror is coming, I don't know where but it's coming once I'm out of this awkward teen romance phase that shouldn't even be a thing -_-

======

It was at least 3 AM before Penelope managed to fall asleep, kept up almost all night by her mind second guessing and rethinking things but she woke up with the same decision in mind, she was still leaving and today she needed to get her hands on some bottles or cans and at least two of those with fresh water in them, that shouldn’t be too hard, just find any empty bottle and fill it up with the bathroom sink or something. She sat up in bed, eyes set on her alarm clock on the nightstand which was about 5 minutes till 11, of course she manages to wake up early despite being up all night. She wearily rubbed her eyes and dragged herself out of bed, she just wanted to get the bottles and get them filled so she could make her plan on where to go exactly, she could go back to the little cove she had before actually running into Alex, unless someone else found it by now it would still have some of the items she left in it before moving, or maybe find another camp with less creeps running around, but there weren’t many towns quite as large, they were more like isolated camps all over the Commonwealth. 

She made her way into her bathroom to splash a little water on her face to wake her up quicker, she noticed how perpetually exhausted she looked in the mirror, her eyes while still as bright as ever, had the telltale dark circles of tiredness underneath them, even with 8 hours of sleep she managed to look tired, probably because her mind was restless and she couldn’t sleep well, she rummaged around the small home for a little bit, looking for any spare bottles from literally anything, beer bottles, Nuka Cola bottles, any of them would do, she’d have to clean them out to get the original taste out of them but that wouldn’t be a problem. With a little bit of luck she found one intact beer bottle stuck underneath the bed, kind of mentally kicking herself for not checking under there when she first moved in, she didn’t see the point initially. She immediately went back into the bathroom and cleaned the bottle as thoroughly as she could, she filled the bottle up and used one of the dozen or so caps she found in the house to shut it.

There was no luck in finding any more around the house though, and she didn’t want to go out and start digging through trash piles to try and find another one and a thought came to mind, she could see if Johnny has any spare bottles that he’s not using at the moment and take one of those, she already planned to tell him goodbye before leaving so he was going to find out anyway, this just makes things a little bit easier for her. She threw her coat on and made herself look a little more presentable before heading for the bar, as she walked in Johnny gave her a smile and his characteristic wave as she closed the door behind her, admittedly she was going to miss the guy, he certainly had a lot more charm than just about everyone else in town and he was a genuinely nice person, not making awkward advances at her whenever he got the chance and even kicked a few guys out for coming onto her and making her uncomfortable but one good thing in a town full of shitty people wasn’t going to convince her that staying was worth it, she’d miss the guy but it certainly wasn’t going to have her coming back anytime soon, and the evidence came from quite a few guys giving her glances the moment she walked in and they weren’t exactly shy about it either, some of them were literally eyeing her like she was a piece of meat they were ready to grab, it made her skin crawl and she couldn’t even acknowledge them without feeling sick to her stomach, she took her seat at the bar and Johnny greeted her as cheerful as ever.

“Aye good mornin’ lass, you look like you had a bit of a rough night, everything alright?” He asked with concern. “Oui, I just didn’t sleep well but I’ll be alright.” She responded kindly, giving him a small smile. “Well, what can I get you today?” He asked, returning the smile. “Ah, well...Uh...I have a bit of a strange question but, do you have any spare bottles that you don’t plan on using anytime soon?” The question gave her the response she was expecting, Johnny raised an eyebrow and the confusion in his eyes was evident.

“Aye…? Is there something you’re looking to use them for?” He asked but for some reason her response was delayed, of course she was so close to having everything she needed and now she was starting to unnerve herself, immediately she started saying everything that might make her reconsider leaving, most of which centered around how Alex was going to be after she left. “Um….Yes I’ve uh...Made up my mind about where my place is around here…” She noticed Johnny’s face turn stony, almost like he knew exactly what she meant by that, he let out a heavy sigh and nervously tapped his fingers on the bar. “So...You’re movin’ on?...I heard about what happened last night, some of the guards heard you and Alex arguing.” Penelope just rolled her eyes in frustration, apparently any sense of privacy was nonexistent in this town. “Oui, I tried to speak to him for once and he just snapped at me...I guess that he really is happy being alone.” There was a brief silence although she could tell Johnny was thinking of something to say, at least someone with a little wisdom was here to help instead of spreading the news like it was some big deal.

“You know, I’ve honestly never seen that boy to a point where he was like that, he’s been livin’ here for the last 4 years and he’s never been like that, I know it probably won’t change your mind but I still think he’s just puttin’ up a front…” Johnny thought about it and wondered if he should mention that little admission he got from Alex yesterday, although he wasn’t sure how she would react, it might have made her end up feeling worse knowing he was thinking of her the same way a lot of others probably have, not to mention if she did get angry, word would probably get back to Alex and he’d be furious about it.

But, he decided that the risk was worth the reward, he would just word it a little bit different.

“Lass, you know he came in here yesterday and I found out a little somethin’ that I don’t think he would appreciate me telling you about…” Penelope humorlessly chuckled at that, thinking there was no way that Johnny was going to spin her some story that Alex actually did care he was just acting like he didn’t, it would’ve been far too coincidental at the moment. “Oh? And what, pray tell was that? Does he have some soft spot for me that he just doesn’t want to talk about?” She said sarcastically. “Well, I suppose you could say it like that.” She couldn’t stop herself from scoffing at that, there was literally no way that was possible, not a coincidence like that. “Johnny I already considered that as a possibility but the way he was acting last night,...I highly doubt that it wasn’t something he just told you to get you off his back about the subject.” She said bitterly, admittedly this thing with him was bothering her a lot more than it really should’ve. “I dunno Penny, the blush he had on his face talking about it probably would say otherwise.” That certainly caught her attention. “Oh surely you’re just trying to get me to stay here aren’t you?” She asked, trying but failing to hide the small grin that poked at one corner of her mouth.

“As much as I enjoy your company lass I’m fairly certain that the lad would more, by his own admission at that.” Surprisingly this conversation was going much smoother than he’d expected, but Johnny had been trying to look out for Alex for a while now, and he figured if anyone would be able to break that hardass act he carried around it would probably be Penelope, after all she certainly had the determination to do that. “His own admission hm?” She asked. “Aye lass, I told you it was just an act he was putting on.” Despite how close she was to leaving this was admittedly starting to sway her in the opposite direction, the fact that supposedly he admitted that he had something for her, although she was curious what exactly that entitled. “So what did he tell you?” She asked, genuinely curious.

“Well…” He started, turning away to grab something off the shelf behind him. “Let’s just say the lad’s uh, carrying a shillelagh for you.” He said, trying to hide the laugh that was coming up, it was hard coming up with some Irish saying to explain that one, of course he looked over his shoulder to see a look of confusion on her face. “Quoi?...” Johnny let out a somewhat tired sigh as he really had to explain this to her. “The lad has uh...Nature knocking at his door when it comes to you.” It took a moment but he was pretty sure the realization set in when Penelope’s face turned as red as a tomato from blushing, if he was being honest that reaction was quite surprising considering she was immensely uncomfortable with everyone else who seemed to think that way. “W-wait you mean he...Oh mon Dieu I...I didn’t think he actually thought of me like that.” She stuttered out, stepping on her own words, even she was surprised by her own reaction at this, unlike with guys like Madsen where she felt disgusted just to be around them, now she was sitting here blushing like a schoolgirl because the guy who supposedly hates her, actually very much does the opposite. “Oh aye, apparently even in the midst of the apocalypse a teenager’s mind still thinks the same way.” He said with a laugh, oddly enough the strange dynamic between the two was probably the closest thing he’d seen to something normal in the years since the war, with ghouls around every corner, murderous raiders patrolling the tunnels looking for caravans to take out, it was a refreshing change of pace to see what was just some normal teenage relationship popping up from nowhere.

“And he...Told you that?” She asked, now fully invested in the conversation. “Aye, if I had to take a guess I’d say that’s what got the two of you arguin’ last night, it was probably easier for him to act like he didn’t care when he didn’t admit to it the first time.” He said rather confidently, he knew from the beginning that things were going to work out between the two, it was just a matter of time at this point now.

Judging from the immense blushing fit that Penelope was currently stuck in, that time limit just grew a lot smaller, now he was just waiting for the impending moment when Alex would come in and verbally assault him for sharing his business the way he did, then again it wasn’t the first time he had done it and it probably wasn’t going to be the last, after all the ends very much justified the means here and if it helped get Alex out of that damn shack and maybe crack a smile that was involved in killing ghouls for once then the verbal assault would be worth it. As for Penelope she was even more stuck than she was last night, on one hand she knows Johnny would never lie to her especially about something like this, but on the other she was so deadset on leaving, she had almost everything she needed to leave and not say anything and now, not even a damn day later she was already reconsidering it and for what? Just because the guy she’d been trying to get speak to her was apparently eyeing her up in a far more subtle way? Why wasn’t she just as disgusted with him doing it as she was the others?   
  
_ “Well, the obvious answer would be he’s actually cute in comparison to the rest of these creeps…”  _ Almost immediately that answer popped into her head and it somehow made her blush even more. “Gee lass, you keep that up and someone’s going to try and plant you in the ground hoping for some tomatoes to grow.” Johnny said jokingly, of course he had no objections to this reaction, whatever had the happiest ending he supposed. “I-I’m sorry I just wasn’t expecting to walk in here to that.” She said, this threw a huge wrench in her plans. “Welcome to the apocalypse lass, you never know what you’re gonna hear on any day.” He responded with a quiet chuckle, giving a small grin to the profusely blushing girl. “So are you still plannin’ on leavin’? He asked, although he probably already knew the answer.

She didn’t say anything though, she had this huge smile on her face and it was still beet red at the moment, she was pretty much speechless here, she was a little skeptical at the timing but at the same time she was nearly ecstatic at the idea, she preferred it be him fawning over her than someone like Madsen. “Well while you think about the answer to that question, would you like anything to drink?” Johnny asked, to which she just nodded her head. “Um...Just get me a Nuka or something, I actually wasn’t planning on getting anything when I first came in…” She was so flustered at the moment, although she wasn’t even sure why. Abruptly Johnny snapped her from her thoughts by setting a Nuka on the bar in front of her, even twisting the cap off before giving it to her. “Aye of course you pick his favorite drink.” He jokingly said as she was taking the first drink and nearly did a spit take from that, of course she just had another coincidence, he broke out laughing as he went to cleaning some used glasses while she just sat there, thinking about what to do next, it was easy when she had it all planned in her head and was just going to leave without saying anything but now she had this news sitting on her shoulders, the fact that he had...Something for her, whatever it was, it was kind of heartwarming, it made her smile knowing she was at least getting somewhere with the guy.

“I guess maybe I can stay a little while longer…” She muttered, it literally didn’t even take a day.

======


	17. You Need To Let Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2021 everyone! Hope your new year went well. I'm hoping to get back on a regular posting schedule as the holidays had drained me creatively.
> 
> I haven't said it in a while but PLEASE if you see something you think should be changed or just have some general advice you want to throw out there please please don't hesitate to do it, I don't bite.

======

Penelope left Johnny’s bar with a smile but at the same time she couldn’t help but feel kind of stupid, she made all these plans to leave, packed what she could take and immediately abandons them the moment she finds out that Alex is hiding something for her, she was asking herself why she even cared to begin with, it’s not like he was ever going to tell her that, as if on cue on the way back to her home she noticed him, by the tunnel opening fiddling with one of the guard robots, stone faced as he was moving something that was inside the robot’s back plate, she just watched for a moment as he was working, eyes sharp and focused on the task at hand and he didn’t notice the prying violet eyes from further down, she could see him suddenly retract his right hand from the robot, shaking it out like he’d just gotten pinched by something but he soon went back to working without a problem, he stopped for another moment and his head suddenly tilted in her direction, to which she immediately turned away and tried to act like she wasn’t just watching him for no reason, again blushing furiously against her will as she stepped up the platform and quickly disappeared inside her home.

_ “Was she just staring at me?”  _ He thought for a moment, but just shrugged it off as he went back to working on the robot, the stupid thing had died overnight and none of these people have the first clue how robotics work, some of the wiring had decayed and disconnected from the main power supply, which in itself needed to be recharged because whoever was meant to let them out last didn’t connect the damn thing to the charging pod properly and it was almost dead, he let out a frustrated groan as he tried to wire the thing back together, already shocking himself once, finally the robot stirred a bit and powered up again, he placed the back plate on and turned towards the guard who was patiently waiting for him to finish. “Okay, so since whoever was meant to put the things up didn’t hook this one up to the charging pod right so you’ll have to let it charge for a while but other than that it should be fine.” He said, bored out of his mind and patting the dust from his hands.” Alright, thanks Alex, appreciate the help man.” The guard responded before having the robot follow him to one of the charging pods, Alex loudly yawns before starting to make his way back towards his home to wash the oil from his hands, however out of the corner of his eye he caught something familiar.

A man, with a yellow raincoat, and a gasmask with green lenses and a disturbing toothy smile painted over the front of it, he was hiding by a door to one of the access tunnels below the town, he was staring right in Alex’s direction and as if on instinct he bolted in that direction, cutting past a few people and even shoving one of them aside he stepped onto the platform and the man immediately disappeared through the door with Alex hot on his tail, he sunk into the darkness of the access tunnels hunting this guy down, the man had already had a head start, sprinting down one staircase and disappearing down another hallway, Alex following the sounds of the man’s frantic footsteps on the concrete, he was closing in then heard the abrupt sound of one of the metal doors slamming, he followed it and ended up in another long hallway towards one of the neighboring train tunnels.  _ “God could they have made this place anymore like a goddamned maze?!”  _ He hated the subway tunnels, sprawling labyrinthian hellholes that twisted and turned in every damn direction but straight and that was before the bombs dropped, adding on the cave ins and empty train cars on some tracks and it was even worse.

He could barely make out the silhouette of the man running down the tunnel towards another door and he ran like hell for them, the man seemed to stop for a moment to look back in his direction, staring right at Alex through that mask and then disappearing through the door, Alex quickly managed to close the distance and probably would’ve ripped the door clean off the hinges if he were able to, the door opened into an open hallway that led out into one of the subway tunnels, without even thinking he stepped out into the open, one direction had been blocked off by a cave in and the other just went off into darkness. “Damn it!” He shouted into nothing, he didn’t know why he even bothered to chase the guy anyway, it was stupid because he didn’t even have a weapon at the time, if this ended up being a trap he was pretty much defenseless at this point. “That wasn’t even the same guy…” He finally realized that, the mask was different, the outfit, the man could’ve easily used one of his powers or something along those lines, now he was just standing here looking like an idiot in front of no one because he thought he saw the same guy, as he turned back to enter the hallway he was greeted by the same man, standing there right in the opening, Alex stumbled back a bit as the man just stared at him, saying nothing but casually tilting his head to the left. The man didn’t move a muscle, he didn’t flinch, he just stood there, staring a hole through Alex’s head without saying a word, a chill ran down his spine as while he couldn’t see them, he could feel the man’s eyes peering into him.

“You’ve got about 10 seconds to explain just who the hell you are before I open your neck like a Christmas present!” He finally said but the man still didn’t respond, he just kept staring, God this guy was creeping him out, he wouldn’t move, he just kept staring at him like he was studying him, eyeing him up, he was expecting the man to try and pounce on him at any second. “You need to let go child.” The man quietly said, almost like a whisper, for some reason that made his blood run cold, he froze up, this had to have been the guy from before, there’s no way he would’ve known what Alex has been hearing unless he could somehow read his mind. He reached down and picked up the sharpest looking piece of metal he could get his hands on and pointed it in the man’s direction. “So, you’re following me at home now? What’s your game? Who the hell are you?!” He demanded, the man just tilted his head in the opposite direction, his posture slumped slightly, making him look only slightly less threatening and more curious in nature. “You hear it too don’t you boy? The Voice?” He asked.

“What voice?” Alex snapped at him. “The Voice my boy...The Voice that beckons, calling for our freedom…It wants you to Let Go...You hear it don’t you?” Oh, how delightful, the first person besides himself hearing weird shit in his head and it turns out to be yet another freak in a gas mask speaking in some cryptic riddle bullshit. “The Voice means no harm child, I’ve heard it since the beginning and I will hear it at the end, it merely wants you to Let Go...Let Go of what’s holding you back, forget all that you know now and embrace your freedom.” Alex could feel his hand shaking, he shouldn’t have been this nervous, he’d seen far worse than some creep blathering about letting go, but something didn’t settle right, his stomach was in knots and he felt short of breath. “Forgetting everything...Would just make me weak...It would leave me open and I REFUSE!...” His voice echoed off the tunnel walls. “To let myself be weak…” He could feel anger boiling in his stomach, he wanted to stab this guy in the neck and just get it over with because he was sick of getting lectured by freaks in masks, the man just chuckled however and stepped out from the hallway opening and out into the tunnel. “Boy, Letting Go will not make you weak...In fact, it will make you stronger than ever before...Ah, I see it in you, your eyes, they carry a heavy burden on them...You allow the past to continue to control you but you must Let Go…” The man kept stepping forward, by this point he was close enough that Alex could’ve easily stabbed him in the chest without a second thought.

But he hesitated, keeping his eyes locked on the man, silent fury boiling behind them but he didn’t make a move, he could easily take this guy if he wanted to, he wasn’t exactly built, he was lanky, the coat and everything else he had on merely gave him the appearance of looking large, Alex could have overpowered him if he really tried, but he couldn’t, something was stopping him and he wasn’t sure what, the man stopped just short of pretty much touching the point of the metal he was holding, he looked down at the makeshift weapon just for a moment before looking back up at Alex. “You understand do you not? That is why you hesitate...My words have meaning to you and it keeps you from fighting.” He said, very matter of factly, in reality he wasn’t just going to stab the man when he had made no actual threatening actions towards him, he spoke and that was all, there was no reason to kill him unless he threatened him. “You give yourself a little bit too much credit there, why don’t you make a move and see if that statement still stands eh?” He said back, rather confidently, waiting for even the slightest movement. “I have no reason to boy, I mean you no harm, rather I mean to sympathize with you, for The Voice calls out to you, but you deny it out of fear.” Alex scoffed at that.

“Fear? You only wish it was, sorry but I only deal with facts and the ramblings of some crazy guy in a mask don’t exactly do a convincing job.” He defiantly spat at the man. “But you hear The Voice do you not?” The man asked, the question threw Alex for a loop, while he was certain whatever he was hearing was the byproduct from years of restless nights, constant death and he was probably losing his mind, there was no denying that whatever it was spoke of the exact same things this man was, he didn’t answer, he wasn’t sure how to answer, the man looked down at the metal just barely pressing against his raincoat and he took a single step back, the man without a word turned to his side and started walking away, towards the darkness but he stopped just short of it, looking over his shoulder in Alex’s direction. “There is no fear of Letting Go child, you would be far better off doing so.” That was the last thing the man said before just walking off into the darkness, for a moment he considered following the man but again found himself hesitating for some reason, he just listened as the sounds of the man’s footfalls on concrete eventually faded away, he stood there for a moment longer, trying to process everything that just happened but realized that standing out in the open like an idiot was probably a bad idea and started making his way back towards town.

======

As he stepped past the door back into town he had this splitting headache coming on, he wasn’t expecting to get lectured again and he was sick of hearing it, sick of people telling him to let go or accept the fact he was a killer or some other philosophical bullshit that he didn’t have time for. He violently slammed the door behind him which caused someone that wasn’t even by the door to suddenly jump from the slam, it was some random person that was sitting by the tracks, they looked over their shoulder just long enough for him to come storming past them and heading for his home to let everything settle in his head for a moment, again he viciously slammed his door behind him and pretty much plopped down on his bed, rubbing his eyes in frustration, he was almost glad about his argument with Penelope last night because if he still had her on his mind he’d probably be driven insane by it along with everything else at this point. “Then again I’m hearing some magic, disembodied voice in my head telling me to let go...So yeah, I’m probably already insane.” He voiced his thoughts out loud, he got up and went over to his desk, opening the middle drawer and taking out his little black journal, then the bottom drawer where he still had a couple of Nukas stashed because these things were like Jet to him, he took one out and flipped the book open to a blank page, a lot of his entries since last week were mostly rants about the current situation and...Admittedly one page that was more about Penelope than anything else, he was never going to let her see this book a day in her life because she would lose it if she ever read that one.

He blushed a bit and wanted to rip the page right out of the book, the fact that he was literally writing out some of his more personal desires about her almost felt wrong in a way, and he’d never hear the end of it if she somehow managed to get her hands on the book and found it, he had the book open but didn’t write anything down, honestly how could he even explain half the things that have happened in the last week? At this point he was just waiting for a meteor to hit the Earth or an alien death ray raining down hellfire from the sky, he just slammed the book shut and threw it back in the middle drawer, taking another swig from his Nuka as his head started feeling like it was pulsing at this point, he rubbed his eyes accompanied by an agitated groan, things just kept getting more awkward and more strange every day it seemed like, just a week ago things were relatively simple for the nuclear apocalypse, go out, collect food, maintain the town, make sure the shithole didn’t fall apart while Madsen took all the glory, it was short, sweet and to the point and now he was stuck dealing with massive ghoul hordes, psychokinetic freaks, random voices in his head and even more freaks in masks talking about said voice...Then there was that girl.

“Jesus Christ I’d like to have one normal day.” He said to himself then taking another drink from his Nuka when someone knocked at his door, he sighs and goes to answer it, “Yeah?” He says to the guard that knocked. “Alex, Madsen wants to see you for some reason.” The guard says, Alex raises his eyebrow, curious, what’d the fat bastard want to do with him? “Really? You know why?” He asked, to which the guard shook his head. “He didn’t say, just said he wanted to speak to you about something, it wouldn’t say what but he said it was pretty urgent.” Alex clearly wasn’t wanting to speak judging by the slightly angry glare on his face but it quickly resigned. “Fine, whatever, I’ll go see what he wants.” The guard nodded and went off about his business, Alex soon after made his way towards Madsen’s home, a scowl written on his face as the guard outside opened the gate and let him in, the turrets that he actually set up for the guy were idly clicking as they lulled back and forth on their stand, the brand new flag of the Metro Coalition hanging high over the front of the home, at least that was one the guy got right, he put the stupid, pointless war between the two sides aside and the remainder of humanity was better off for it, resources could be diverted to things that actually benefit people’s survival, people didn't have to worry if they were suddenly going to be thrown to the front lines and potentially die because of the constant need for manpower.

He walked up to the door and didn’t even bother knocking and just walked in, Madsen was sitting on his couch with a plate of food and a glass of what looked to be whiskey, there was literally nothing else in this house besides a chair, a couch, the coffee table and a rug, the guy obviously wasn’t keen on interior decorating. “Gee Alex you can’t be bothered to knock before coming in? What if I was busy with someone?” Alex didn’t respond to that question, although in his head he had the very sarcastic response that Madsen would have better luck getting a ghoul to bang him than anyone around here. “I heard you needed me for something?” He asked, Madsen wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his suit before standing up and straightening out his suit. “Ah yes, well I’ve been thinking about it and it’s come to my attention that given the events of yesterday, if we have the threat of large ghoul packs running around, we’re going to need to cut those numbers down before they get too large because yesterday it was just a couple dozen, what happens if we get a hundred? Or even a couple hundred?” He kept going on and on. “And you want me to go out there and start hunting down ghouls because you know how much I can’t stand those things right?” Alex interrupted him, Madsen clapped his hands together and pointed at him with a grin on his face. “Not just you bud, but you and a squad of some guards are gonna go pack hunting every so often, just till we can trim the numbers down enough so they aren’t too much of a threat to us.” 

“Okay? Is there anything else?” He asked, just wanting to get this conversation over with. “Oh and take that French girl with you while you’re at it, she still needs to pay off that house she got.” Almost immediately Alex grimaced, his face turning quite angry at that idea, whether it was because he was going to be stuck with her, or if it was because Madsen was just throwing her in harm’s way because she wouldn’t fuck him, either way it almost immediately pissed Alex off to no end. “You sure that’s a good idea? She JUST learned how to use a gun and you want her to go ghoul hunting? Especially with packs this large?” Madsen just nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders, of course it was easy for him to not give a shit about sending someone into danger without a second thought, not like he ever had to get off his ass and do something. “She’ll be with you and about 4 or 5 other armed guards, she’ll be fine.” He said without really caring, which just served to grate Alex’s nerves even more, he knew exactly why he was doing this. “You’re just sending her out there because she wouldn’t sleep with you right?” Alex asked rather bluntly, Madsen just grinned and laughed it off. “Of course not! You said it yourself, she doesn’t know how to fight properly so maybe some experience on the field will help her out.” Like that wasn’t the most glaring lie ever spoken in his presence. “Riiiight…” Alex didn’t believe this shit for a minute. “Is that all you wanted from me?” Madsen nodded and sat back down on his couch. “Yep, I’ve already spoken to everyone that’s going to be going out with you so it’s up to you guys to make your plans and whatnot.” He waved his hand dismissively at Alex, of course he wouldn’t know shit about planning anything considering he never drags his fat ass from his house except to make moves on any woman that’ll breathe in his direction, or give the people some more bullshit courtesy of his mouth.

The conversation didn’t go anywhere after that, Alex took his leave trying to figure out how he was going to explain to Penelope that she was stuck having to go with him for these ghoul hunts.

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	18. Troublesome Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Alex, the guy just can't seem to catch a break with his new feelings, dude really needs to stop acting so tough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, I'm still alive and still writing this, I've actually got a HUGE chapter dump planned for this story, I've got like 10 and things are DEFINITELY moving along here 0-0
> 
> Be a sport and leave a review if you like.

======

This was a bit much for him to take in, the cryptic ramblings from that masked freak, Madsen suddenly wanting him to go on massive ghoul hunts and drag Penelope along because he still has an issue with the fact she wouldn’t sleep with him, it was like the universe was deliberately trying to throw him a different curveball every hour or so, he was just waiting for something else to happen at this point, and to make matters even worse he could hear that voice again, that nagging little whisper in the back of his head, even amongst the crowded bustle of town as he was making his way back home he could hear it as plain as day.  _ “You need to let go….You’d be so much happier if you would just let go....”  _ That faint, ethereal voice quietly speaking in his ear, soothing yet still unnerving because he couldn’t find the source, it was practically beckoning to him at this point, to release his worries into the air and let go of everything.  _ “Let the chains go child...Embrace your freedom...Find your happiness”  _ He wanted it to stop but at the same time it wasn’t a harsh voice, it wasn’t violent, it wasn’t demanding, it was unusually kind and probably one of the most soothing voices he’d ever heard, it was different, but the idea of listening to it sounded crazy, it sounded absurd, listening to it even for a moment would mean abandoning every ideal he’s adopted up until now. Those ideals are what’s kept him alive this entire time, they are what have kept him sane throughout the years, the distance, the isolation, as mentally taxing as it might be to some, it has been his lifesaver throughout this time and he wasn’t just going to abandon it because some voice probably brought on by all the insane events from the past week told him to, he wasn’t going to abandon them for some girl he only knew for a week and didn’t care about beyond just having a night with her, he couldn’t afford to, not when he was already teetering on the edges between sanity and complete insanity. 

The day wasn’t even half over yet, he stepped into his house, eyes weary and mind full of racing thoughts that he couldn’t seem to control, the already dim light hanging from the ceiling seemed unbearably bright, everything felt like it was closing in around him, conflicting emotions running wild and he couldn’t control them, that voice, while soothing was nothing but another nuisance, those thoughts about Penelope, while he thought they were gone, only seemed to return in full force just at the mention of her name, he wasn’t going to let Madsen see that though, knowing him he would try to use it against him at some point if he even slightly hinted that he cared about that girl in any way, it honestly disgusted him how petty and pathetic that man was being over her, of course she rejected his advances because no human being in their right mind would ever even consider giving that perverted freak even a minute of their attention much less themselves, and because of that he was being bitter, a petulant child throwing a tantrum because he wasn’t getting his way, forcing her to go out and risk life and limb knowing damn well that she’s nowhere near as experienced at fighting as someone like himself but he didn’t care, he was going to try and get her to come crawling back to him and give in to his demands. He couldn’t help but smile at something though, another one of those stupid thoughts he wished he could block out but this one actually made him smile, one of those cocky, shit eating grins that would make you want to slap someone. He thought, what if he got her first? How angry would it make that bastard the moment he found out that Alex laid his claim to her first? Even if it was just for a night, he would still be the first one and it made him smile knowing how red faced Madsen would get.

He sat on his couch, casually leaning back and grinning from ear to ear against his will because it was just that funny to him, funny that even now he was having those annoying, intrusive thoughts about her even after their argument, funny that now he was thinking of ways just to piss off Madsen regarding her because he just knew the moment it did happen, suddenly his thoughts came to a rather abrupt halt. The moment it DID happen, look at that he was already using it in the sense that the two of them were just destined to end up doing SOMETHING sooner or later. That smile on his face soon disappeared though as a look of contemplation came over him, it was going to be extremely awkward to go over there after what happened last night, even if it was just to tell her that Madsen was throwing a fit and forcing her out into the field, he wouldn’t be able to look her in the eye without either recalling the awkwardness from last night or having his mind go somewhere else. He pressed his palm to his face with a look of disappointment accompanied by an agitated groan, no matter what he still thought this was pathetic how much he was thinking about her when she should’ve been the furthest thing from his mind, he thought about it for a moment and figured out what to do, no talking, no casual conversation, just tell her that Madsen wants her to go with them on the ghoul hunts most likely because he’s mad that he wasn’t getting any from her. He stood up, taking a few breaths to steel himself for this impending nightmare of a conversation, well, it would be less of a conversation and more of a just telling her something and getting the hell out of dodge scenario.

He stepped outside and made the short walk over to her front door in a rather quick fashion, fast walking the entire time because he didn’t want to spend more time than was needed here, however once he approached the door he hesitated for a moment, he really didn’t want to deal with this at the moment, he didn’t even want to speak to her but he knew that Madsen would lose it if he didn’t do this, not that he cared what the bastard thought but he didn’t want him dragging Penelope into it when she really didn’t do anything. He stood there for a moment, pondering if he should just lie to Madsen and say she was sick or something, then again he probably wouldn’t care and expect her to drag herself out there even if she was dying, against his will he grimaced at the thought of that. With a heavy sigh he forced himself to knock on the door, then he crossed his arms and looked away as if he wasn’t really paying attention, moments later she opened the door and of course he couldn’t even look at her, if he did he would’ve noticed the subtle blush on her face before quickly making herself look disinterested in him being there. “Oh...How can I help you Alex?” She asked with a very bored sounding tone, of course he made sure to not even really acknowledge it. “Yeah hi, um...So I got some bad news.” He said, without breaking face she just raised an eyebrow. “Madsen told me he wants some groups to start going out on ghoul hunts to help trim the packs down and uh, I pretty much already know the reason why but he apparently expects you to go with us.” She just rolled her eyes and sighed. “Of course he does, he’s still mad that I wouldn’t sleep with him right?” She asked, to which he nodded, he didn’t need confirmation for that one, the guy made it pretty obvious that he was more than a little disgruntled by the fact she rejected his advances and he was certainly going to make things harder for her if it meant he’d have even the slightest chance of getting laid. “How come no one says anything to him?” She finally asked, the question was enough for him to actually look in her direction, she looked hurt, this uncomfortable gaze in her eyes, he actually had to think about that one for a moment, it was a perfectly logical question, Madsen was a little more up front than everyone else and there was that one really awkward incident at Johnny’s about a year ago where he was grabbing on some woman who just came into town, sure everyone else were a bunch of perverts that weren’t exactly shy about taking looks at people but Madsen was a little more unnerving than the rest of them.

“I guess it’s because they fall for those bullshit speeches he likes to give them every so often, guy comes out and talks about how we’re gonna make it and how civilization is gonna rebuild itself and gets everyone all riled up and full of hope and I guess everyone turns a blind eye to the fact he’s...Well, he’s pretty rapey otherwise, guy gives me the creeps whenever I’m around him anyway.” He said, it was actually sad to see how uncomfortable she was speaking about the guy, like she was actually expecting him to try and break into her house one night and have his way with her.

**_“I’d fucking kill him for that”_ ** ****  
**  
** He suddenly seemed shocked by that sudden, extremely violent thought about Madsen, sure he hated how creepy the guy was but the thought of killing him never crossed his mind, but it just set off, like a switch in his mind, he’d probably kill him without a second thought if he tried to do that to her, and he wouldn’t make it quick, he felt a little disturbed by that if he was being honest, not the fact that he would kill him, of course anyone with a sense of decency, however twisted, would at least help her in that scenario, it was the fact that even then, just standing there, he knew he’d end up drawing out every moment of it, not for enjoyment, just for the fact of making him suffer for something like that. “Alex? Are you alright?” Penelope’s voice caught his attention, he blinked a couple of times and for a second seemed utterly lost in his thoughts. “Eh?...Oh, yeah, sorry about that I just got distracted by something for a moment.” She actually looked a little bit concerned for him, he didn’t notice it but he wasn’t staring off at anything, he just sort of zoned out after speaking and it made her a little bit nervous, especially when he had a look that could kill a person for a brief moment. “Are you sure? You weren’t even looking at anything, you were just staring at nothing for a little bit there….Are you alright?” She asked again, that face of disinterest quickly giving way. “Yeah, I’m fine, I was just thinking about something.” She couldn’t help but immediately connect it to her, of course why wouldn’t she? They were talking about how creepy Madsen was with her and that’s when he spaced out, she had to bite her cheek to hide the small grin that started coming on, he inadvertently showed even the slightest hint of caring about her and it just somewhat reaffirmed what Johnny said earlier, although someone who just found her attractive wouldn’t get a death glare just because someone else was being a creep towards her.

“Anyway, I should probably give you some time to get ready, I’m sure you’re probably not too eager about having to stick your neck out for that prick.” There was a little extra venom behind that one, he wasn’t even trying to be subtle about the fact he hated the guy now. “He’ll probably expect us to get up extra early too so you might want to try and get some sleep tonight, I’ll just come get you when we’re ready.” He didn’t even let her really get a word in after that, quickly looking for an escape to get away from her because he felt like an idiot, he knew, he knew that she’d seen through that little lie that he was just distracted and that he was actually showing some concern for her and he wanted to get away hoping she wouldn’t be able to see that, it didn’t really mean anything though, it was just because the thought of Madsen seriously doing something that deplorable, that disgusting, it made his stomach churn in both sickness and anger. As he reentered his home and slammed the door behind him though, he couldn’t help but want to kick himself, he knew Madsen was a creep and sure he wanted to punch him in the mouth on more than one occasion.

He never even thought about killing the man though, despite how many times he’s been accused the thought of killing him never came to mind, not until it was specifically her involved in the scenario, then that sudden, unusually violent bloodlust flipped on and made him want to literally tear Madsen’s head from his body.  _ “Am I just lying to myself at this point? Is there really some part of me that actually cares about her? No, no that can’t be it, I can’t be that weak for just a pretty face, she’s not the only pretty girl I’ve seen.”  _ His thoughts were starting to run now, he didn’t want this, he didn’t want to care about her as anything more than some late night fling that came and went.  _ “That’s all it is right? It’s just nature, running its course, physically I feel attached so it’s making me more territorial right? That’s all it is, it’ll pass eventually.”  _ But still, the fact that for even a moment he thought about killing Madsen over a girl he’d know for just over a week, and a girl he had no real attachment to besides mentally undressing her a couple of times a day, it didn’t feel right, it made him shudder knowing that he was getting far too ahead of himself and laying claim to a person that for the past couple of days he’d been desperately trying to make hate him. It should’ve been much easier, he could’ve just sweet talked her a little bit although he admittedly had no idea how to, but he could’ve tried, they could’ve had their little fling and been done but something kept him from that, the fear that in the moment things would escalate, things would start meaning more, lust would turn into something else, and he couldn’t have that, he refused to let that happen, so it was the more viable option to tough nature out and just distance himself from her. Maybe he was just paranoid, assuming that either he or her would end up catching feelings for the other, after all neither of them really had reason to do so but more impossible things have happened, and that very small even minute possibility was more than enough to have him wanting to cut all ties with her. He sat on the foot of his bed, tugging at his shirt collar, things were feeling so tight on him recently, like everything was just trying to strangle him.

_ “You just need to Let Go...Do you understand?...That pressure you feel, it is your chains squeezing around your neck, let them go, just Let Go.”  _ He smacked his palm against his forehead, that voice, it always seems to pick the times when she’s on his mind to come in and say something, only more proof that it was just his mind playing tricks on him.  _ “Just Let Go Alex, Let Go and be free.”  _ It almost seemed to be begging him, pleading with him to let go of some nonexistent chains that he had around his neck but he knew what that feeling actually was, he was getting flustered over Penelope and it was making him uncomfortable, he felt pathetic, seemed like he had been doing a lot of that lately, all because she had managed to worm her way into his head because of god forsaken human biology. Although he felt comfortable knowing that it was just simply how humans functioned, there was nothing else behind it, no outside forces that were making him feel this attraction, and they could easily be waited out and they would eventually pass on their own, there was no letting go of anything, there was nothing he needed to be free from aside from these stupid urges and they would go away on their own.

======


	19. The First Hunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welp, time for their first run, what could possibly go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of a long needed chapter dump, I might put a few more up today or just say screw it and drop literally everything I've written for this at this point.
> 
> As always, reviews are appreciated :3

======

The next day everyone was up near the crack of what used to be dawn, it was about 7 AM when Alex dragged himself out of bed and managed to get the squad together for their first hunt, the guards along with them didn’t seem interested in the job and looked more like they were forcing themselves to get out of bed, they kept yawning and were generally disinterested in things, to be fair Alex couldn’t blame them, this idea was stupid and didn’t even need so much manpower when he himself was more than capable enough to deal with this on his own, he stood there for a moment, waiting for the last member of their little squad to come out as he’d already stopped by her house just moments prior, she looked just as tired as ever, obviously she didn’t get any sleep last night judging from the dark circles under her eyes, it concerned him a bit but didn’t think it was something worth nagging her about. A little bit later the door of her home opened and she came out, dressed in her cat as always and brandishing her 10mm pistol and pockets stuffed with magazines for the gun, she looked utterly exhausted at this point, for a moment he considered just having her stay home rather than force her to go out knowing she wasn’t fully awake but he was certain Madsen would ride his case about it if he did that, she tried to hide how tired she was by having a little more pep in her step but that desire for sleep obviously outclassed that. “Okay, so is everyone ready for this?” Alex asked, to which the guards mumbled the word yes, some sounding a little more irritated than others, obviously not wanting to do this, Penelope just enthusiastically nodded, trying to put on a smile for the moment, it wasn’t working though, her tiredness was still coming out, he let the guards go to the gate while he stopped her for a moment to make sure she could go out there. “Um...Penelope, are you sure you’re going to be able to handle this today? You look like you haven’t slept at all and if that’s the case you’d be better off just staying here, if you want I can take Madsen’s bullshit and you can go back home if you want.” There wasn’t really any caring in his voice though, it was more cold and militant as it often was, his eyes were practically scanning her at this point, basically picking apart every bit of her that was half awake, she wearily rubbed her eyes for a moment before giving him a smile. “I’m fine, I just didn’t sleep well.” She said, that excuse sounded just like something he would’ve come up with oddly enough. “Are you sure? Because you’re putting yourself in danger going out there tired like this.” He insisted, tone still somewhat cold, eyes still scanning her face. “I’ll be alright, I’ve got you and about 4 other people to make sure I’m fine.” She said, looking up at him with those eyes, those oddly hypnotic violet eyes.

He let out a slightly agitated groan, even when they were dead tired she still somehow had cute eyes. “Fine, but don’t expect us to bail you out of every possible situation, if you’re going to learn to protect yourself, you have to be able to do it without my help because there’s going to be a time where I’m not going to be there to help you.” He said coldly, he knew she was going to need help at some point if she didn’t outright pass out during the hunt, they started towards the guards which were getting impatient with the wait, one lifted his mask off for a moment to rub his tired eyes and slipped it back over his face. “Okay so we all know how this works right? We stay together, keep your eyes open for any hint of movement and if you get separated and you run into a pack you are not to engage them on your own, you find us and we deal with it together, we don’t have enough manpower to spare if one of you guys kick the bucket, and I don’t feel like delivering any bad news today alright?” He didn’t look in Penelope’s direction as he was giving out orders, which made her think that he just wasn’t concerned about her, he glanced over his shoulder at her for a moment. “You stay close to me alright? At least until you’re more awake” He said quietly, to which she had a small smile come to her face. He walked between the guards with her standing pretty close to him and towards the gate, motioning for them to open the gates and the group stepped out into the darkness, flashlights having on their shoulders as they disappeared into the dark.

She was pretty much clung to him the entire time but he wasn’t really paying much attention to her, the ghoul hunt had been unproductive as far as finding the massive packs, it was more like they would find one or two or maybe three in a group and that group wouldn’t exist anymore, this was more frustrating than anything else, the group hadn’t even really spoken to each other, too focused on every sound they would hear, suddenly Alex stopped for a moment, hold his arm out to stop everyone else, his light caught something in the distance lying on the ground, he couldn’t see it fully but he could see the blood all over the ground. “Stay here.” He muttered before moving up on his own, rifle aimed down the tunnel for even the slightest bit of movement, as he got closer he realized what was on the ground, a person’s body, ripped and torn to shreds, blood was everywhere, what was left of the person’s face was twisted and contorted into a look of terror before their untimely demise, whatever had killed them was definitely looking for shock factor, disturbingly he could see that most, if not every vital organ was still around, they weren’t in the person’s body but they were torn out, splattered on the walls, smashed on the ground, the air was foul with the smell of death and decay, the body was already rotting, the sight just made him gag. He stood up, looking over to where the rest of the group were standing, he thought about it for a moment, normally ghouls kill and eat their prey, they don’t just mindlessly rip and tear, they eat whatever they can rip off the bone and sometimes eating the bones too, this person was just savagely torn to pieces by something else, the idea of what it could’ve been sent a chill down his spine, if that thing was somehow still alive they were in even more danger than before. He froze in place, letting out a quiet, shuddering breath as the very real fear that this monster could still be lurking around every corner left a sickening feeling in his stomach, he quickly fast walked his way back to the group just to keep tabs on everyone.

“We might have a problem.” He said grimly, eyes somewhat widened, he was trying to stay calm because freaking out wasn’t going to do them any favors, by this point the group was close enough to the body to see the gore all over the walls, Penelope looked just as terrified as he did but he couldn’t make out the guard’s reactions, although judging from the fact that one of them looked like he was trying to keep his breakfast down gave him a good idea of everyone’s mindset. “Jesus, you think the ghouls did something like this?” One of the guards asked, his voice actually cracking a little bit in fear, Alex shook his head. “No, this was something else, the ghouls never leave this much behind and a single one wouldn’t make such a mess.” He said, he had a very strong feeling he knew what was behind this but he was hoping his guess was wrong, nothing short of an actually monster would do this much damage. “There might be something else running around here besides the ghouls, if I’m right, and I’m hoping that I’m not, there might be something a lot worse than the ghouls to watch out for.” His tone was cold, grim, there was no fear but there was a hint of seriousness that put everyone on edge, he stood a little closer to Penelope, something she picked up on almost immediately, he glanced over at her just for a moment and he looked almost nervous? They continued, they couldn’t even look at the corpse that was on the ground, it made their stomachs turn just thinking about what could’ve done something like that, the smell of death in the air was still prominent even after they’d left the body behind, they occasionally shined their lights on the walls and the ceiling waiting to see more patches of blood, more body parts sitting somewhere but there was nothing, they reached the point where there was a train car buried in a somewhat caved in tunnel, Alex immediately remembered this spot as the area where he ran into the monster and his brother the other night, again he held his arm out to stop everyone as he went forward and investigated, this area left a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach, waiting for that freak to come floating out of the darkness again. 

He shined his light around but there was nothing, no movement, no bodies, not even a single ghoul that would help break the very uncomfortable silence that filled the tunnel, he opened the door of the car and shined his light inside, it was even more dark and foreboding than before, filled with an impenetrable dread that he couldn’t explain, the skeletons looked even scarier than they did before and he was nervous to even attempt stepping inside the car until he caught sight of something, someone was hiding inside the car, hiding underneath one of the seats that started trembling the moment he shined his light on them, carefully he stepped into the car, motioning towards the group to stay in place until he came out and he took a few steps towards the person. “Hello? Are you alright?” He asked and the person started crying, it wasn’t loud but he could hear the person start whimpering until they started crying, they looked awful, their clothes were stained with blood and torn in various spots, he knelt down next to them and barely caught a glimpse of their face, it came as a shock when he realized it was one of the women from the other night, the blonde girl that almost ended up getting raped by one of the slavers, she was horrified, her eyes were wide with terror until she realized who it was. “Y-you’re the guy...From the other n-night…” She squeaked out. “Yeah, yeah what happened to you?” He asked, she was silent for a few moments, then she suddenly started crying again, curling up even more into a ball under the seat. “You’re okay...You’re okay...Just tell me what happened…” He said consolingly, trying to soothe the woman’s mind but he could tell that was a wishful thought, she was absolutely terrified at this point. “T-the station...Was attacked…” She managed to say, which immediately caught his attention. “Who attacked it? The slavers?” The woman aggressively shook her head, she only wished it was something as simple as the slavers. “Okay come on, come out and get your head on straight and you can tell me then.” He offered out his hand for the girl, who nervously reached out and crawled from underneath the seat, he helped her out of the car and towards the group, the guards rushed over to help her while Penelope wasn’t sure what to do, Alex allowed the girl to sit down somewhere else for a moment and collect her thoughts, she was still shaking with terror and she had this almost permanent deer in the headlights look on her face, she just looked so scared and honestly it was kind of heart breaking, seeing someone with so much fear in their eyes. It kind of reminded him of the first night he saw Penelope, how terrified she was of that monster coming to kill her, she was scared out of her wits and most likely would’ve died that night had he not been there. “Alex? You alright?” One of the guards asked him, to which he just nodded his head, his eyes shifted over to her for a moment, she still looked so tired, and all the walking wasn’t doing her any favors. “Okay...Are you ready to talk now?” He asked the woman, who was hesitant but nodded her head at him. “So, just start where you feel comfortable.” He said, patiently leaning his back against a wall with his arms crossed, the girl cleared her throat before speaking. “We...We were attacked by this….Thing, I don’t know what it was…” A chill immediately ran down Alex’s spine, he had a feeling he knew what it was but was still hoping it wasn’t true. “What did it look like?” He asked, still hoping she wouldn’t describe the thing to a T. “It was huge, it looked like a person but it...Wasn’t a person, they didn’t even have eyes...Their skin was covered with boils and they looked like they had been around too much radiation...It killed everyone…” Alex let out a heavy sigh at that.

“I barely managed to get away...It...It killed everyone else.” The girl couldn’t get anything else out as she started crying again, this didn’t settle well in his stomach, all that work he’d done, killing those slavers without a shred of mercy, making sure those people were safe...Again people he took responsibility for ended up dead because he didn’t finish the job, anger immediately flooded his body, turning into a raging inferno within moments, Penelope could see him practically fuming at this point. “Alex are you alright?...” She asked, concerned by the somewhat terrifying look of pure hatred on his face. “God DAMN it!” He suddenly yelled before bolting off from the rest of the group. “Alex wait! Where are you going?” She called out to him but he was already in the train car, vision blurred by anger, without thinking she chased off after him to try and stop him. “Um...You guys, just stay here with her alright? Make sure she’s okay!” She said to the guards before running off after Alex in the car, he was moving so fast that she was having trouble keeping up with him, he busted through the door on the car back out into the tunnel and suddenly stopped, whipping his head around to turn in her direction. “Why are you following me?!” He suddenly shouted at her, his eyes flaming with anger. “You need to be careful monsieur...You don’t know what you could be running into.” She said with concern, to which he just rolled his eyes at her, too angry to care at this point. “I think I can handle it, if anyone should be worried about being careful, it’s you, you should stay with the rest of the group while I deal with this.” He said before turning his back to her and continuing his way towards the station, of course she followed him. “I told you to go back, I refuse to be responsible if you can’t protect yourself!” He suddenly snapped at her, he didn’t even turn around, more so just looking over his shoulder at her. 

“I’m not letting you go by yourself, you don’t know what you could be getting into and you might need someone to make sure you’re alright.” She responded firmly, determined to make sure he at least had someone watching his back, he let out a frustrated sigh, not wanting to deal with this. “Look, I’ve been doing this stuff for years, if it’s what I’m thinking it is, I can handle it myself.” He just wanted her to take the damn hint and leave him alone, he went to walk away but of course she insisted on following him, he finally had enough, with his free hand he suddenly unsheathed his sword and pointed it in her direction. “Go back, now.” He said, his face twisted in anger, he was doing this for her good though. She froze up, genuinely unnerved by the violent glare in his eyes, she’d only seen him this angry one other time, that’s when it set in, he recognized that woman, they had met before and presumably he’d been responsible for the station she was talking about. They were all dead and it suddenly set in, he was having another moment like before, she couldn’t hear the angry cacophony of voices in his head screaming for vengeance, but she could see the anger in his eyes. But she still stood her ground, facing down the edge of his sword because she knew he wouldn’t use it against her. “I’m not letting you go and face that thing by yourself.” She said, giving him a defiant glare, there was a moment of silence before she noticed him grimace, he sheathed the sword and turned his back to her. “Fine, but I will not be responsible if anything happens to you” He responded coldly before continuing his walk towards the station, she let out a sigh of relief as she followed after him.

======


	20. True Power

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex gets a little more than he bargained for when he fights Jack for the 7 billionth time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually plan on wrapping the first "arc" up by chapter 30, if you can call it an arc that is.
> 
> I have something big planned for the big 3-0

======

There was a distinct smell in the air when they stepped out of the train car. The smell of blood and iron in the air, death filled their noses. “Stay behind me.” He whispered, holding out his hand behind him. Penelope kept herself close to him, practically standing right behind him as the two inched their way down the tunnel. The smell of blood and death in the air slowly got stronger as they got closer to the station. 

There weren’t any corpses oddly enough, no blood, not even a hint that there was something wrong. But one could literally smell the death in the air, they approached the same entry tunnel that Alex used when he originally came here, one of the bodies from the slavers was actually still lying there, missed by the rest of the station due to the location it was sitting in. The color was drained from his skin from being dead for so long. Alex stopped and looked around for a moment, making sure there was nothing around that could sneak up on them, his eyes slowly scanned the area for any signs of movement. He looked over his shoulder and motioned for Penelope to follow him as they stepped into the tunnel, the door to the side room was left wide open and the smell only got worse, it was bad enough that their stomachs started churning. 

Alex immediately had a bad feeling in his stomach when he laid his eyes on the open door, he peeked over at Penelope for a moment and could see that she had a similar feeling, she looked afraid to even step towards it. He was the first one to start walking forward, that door felt like it was the farthest thing away from them, they felt an unusually heavy weight on their shoulders as they reached the doorway. Alex poked his head in and his eyes went wide with shock at the sight, bodies littered the floor, all in various states of decay and dismemberment. Some were missing a couple of limbs, others had been completely eviscerated, ripped open and insides torn out. Alex covered his mouth as he gagged and had to keep himself from throwing up, Penelope heaved a bit once she saw what he did. Gore stained the walls, what was left of people’s faces were twisted in horrifyingly wide expressions of terror before their death. The bodies were left in a pile in one of the corners of the room, Penelope heaved again but managed to keep from throwing up.

They forced themselves to enter the room, it wasn’t often that Alex found himself disgusted by something in the new world but this was something that made his stomach churn with anger and disgust. They quickly made their way through the room, keeping their eyes diverted away from the bodies and focused on the door to the main station area. Alex noticed something moving through the filthy round window of the door and immediately moved himself and Penelope from in front of it. They quickly moved to the wall right next to the door and Alex carefully peeked around the window, trying to catch whatever was moving around the other side. He felt a chill run down his spine when he saw what was on the other side, he could recognize the massive, hulking frame of that monster, that one that he was sure should’ve been dead. His breath caught in his throat when he saw it, he couldn’t believe that it had somehow survived their last fight and it looked even more dangerous than before.

Then he noticed the monster’s brother floating in front of him, his back was turned to the beast and the door but suddenly his head tilted as he looked over his shoulder, he turned around and looked up at the monster for a moment, Alex could see his head tilt downwards. He was looking right in their direction, staring right at the door but there was no way that he could’ve seen them, but he was staring right at the window. Alex felt an enormous weight pressing on his shoulders, a sense of dread pressing at the back of his neck the longer the man seemed to just stare in his direction. He finally turned away and that dread immediately seemed to recede. “Okay, Penelope I want you to stay back alright? There’s no-...Penelope?”

He looked over at her and she had this faraway look in her eyes, they were sort of glazed over, she took her pistol out from her coat pocket and pulled the slide back. “Penelope what are you doing?” He asked her urgently, she didn’t say anything though, she leaned away from the wall and walked past him towards the door, he grabbed her arm and tried to hold her back but she seemed determined to walk through the door. “Penelope what’s gotten into you?” He asked again, she still didn’t answer, she absently looked down at her pistol for a second, then up at him, her eyes were completely devoid of any emotion. That distant stare in her eyes was disheartening, she looked so hopeless in the moment for no real reason. Her eyes drifted over to the door and she suddenly swung her pistol at it, metal smacked on metal and let out a loud ringing sound, then Penelope suddenly went limp, nearly collapsing to the ground if he weren’t there to make sure she didn’t fall to the ground. It only took seconds for him to hear the thudding footsteps of the monster and he was stuck with a suddenly unconscious girl in his arms, panic struck him as he saw the door suddenly swing open and the frame of that monster was standing in the doorway. He scooped Penelope up from the floor and ran away from the door, the monster was trying to squeeze his massive frame through the door, he got to the otherside of the room and set Penelope against the wall, the monster was about half way through the door, huge cleaver in hand ready to kill the two of them.

_ “Protect her, no matter what it takes.”  _ He said to himself as he pulled his sword from the sheath, he took a deep breath and readied himself as the monster squeezed its way into the small room. “This time big man, I’m gonna make sure that I take you down...Even if I have to slice you to atoms!” The beast let out a roar and started making his way over to Alex, he couldn’t see where the masked man was at, he had two issues at the moment. If he wasn’t careful the other one could sneak around and grab Penelope. The monster attempted to stab with his cleaver but Alex rolled out of the way, trying to get the monster away from her, two clean swipes added fresh cut wounds to the monster’s stomach, he screamed in pain and stumbled back a step before roaring in anger towards Alex. Another attempted swing barely missed by a few inches but Alex managed to get himself on the other side, towards the door leading out into the main station, his goal at the moment was to lure it away from her and get the other one back in his line of sight. For a split second he looked over his shoulder and a small wave of relief hit him when he could still see the other man, just standing there floating in the air without a care in the world, he wasn’t even looking in their direction.

It took some quick moves but he managed to get the thing out of the small room and back into the main station, the other man still hadn’t moved from his spot, still not even looking at the fight breaking out. The change of space gave the monster plenty of room to swing that massive cleaver around, he took two wide swings and whiffed both of them, leaving an opening for Alex to give three quick slices across his side, the blade even cutting through the arms some. The monster was mostly unaffected though, ignoring the wounds and blood pouring from them, he charged again, two wide swings and an attempted stab that barely missed him, actually managing to cut through the sleeve of Alex’s jacket and cutting his shoulder, he winced but still took advantage, two cuts of his own and plunging the blade through the monster’s stomach. He ripped the sword out and the monster stumbled back again, still unaffected by his injuries. Alex’s mind was a blur, the paranoid fear of even one hit, one well timed swing, one screwed up move and that was it. He’d be sliced in two and dead within moments, he’d die and then Penelope would be defenseless. 

Minutes of baiting and hoping to land a decisive hit went on as he outmaneuvered the monster at almost every turn, blind swings of rage and screams of anger rang out as the masked man seemed to not be paying attention to things. The monster was weakened by this point, body riddled with deep cut wounds and it could barely hold its large cleaver, it made one more attempt at swinging at him, bringing the cleaver crashing into the concrete, the monster still had enough strength for the blade to actually get embedded into the concrete, with a single swipe Alex sliced through the monster’s arm, cutting it clean off. He used the cleaver as a small stepping stool to kick off of as he jumped towards the screaming monster, with a yell and another swing he brought his sword down, the blade cleaved through the monster’s head, right down the middle. It cut down its neck and halfway down its body before it stopped, it was too thick for a clean cut through, Alex stood back as the monster stumbled before falling to its knees, he grabbed the handle of his sword and pressed his other hand on the dull end of the blade as he started forcing it downwards. A sickening squelching sound came from the monster’s body being literally split in half, finally a loud clang as Alex pushed the sword all the way through and it smacked into the concrete.

The masked man finally turned around as the split halves of his brother fell to the ground, Alex stood and twirled his sword before wiping the blade in the crook of his elbow. “You know, after the last three encounters it stops being dangerous when it does the same damn thing every time. Got any new tricks up those sleeves of yours?” He said with a smirk, the man didn’t respond immediately however. “Yes...My brother is very...Predictable. I assure you that I will not be the same way.” The masked man responded coldly. 

He turned to face Alex and stretched his arms outwards, large pieces of broken concrete lifted off the ground and began to float around him, the lenses of his mask seemed to almost glow in a way. “Ah...You live for this don’t you? I can see the excitement in your eyes, I can read it in your thoughts…” The man said as a few large rocks flew next to his head. “Yeah, I enjoy killing monsters like you, now let’s skip the psych eval and get to the part where I jam this sword in your neck. You murdered all of these people, what I’m going to do to you right now is more than justified!” Suddenly a rock was flung at him and with a clean swipe he cut it aside, sparks flared from the clash of metal on stone. He charged at the man as he had to close the distance between the two of them. 

That was much easier thought than done, the man seemed to know every move he was going to make before he even did it, he would try to make a step and almost instantly the man would respond right on the letter, it finally caught up with him as one of those large stones ended up hitting him right in the shoulder, his left one luckily so his dominant arm wasn’t injured. The shot ended up knocking the feeling right out of his entire left arm, it tingled from the sudden shock.

“Have you not figured it out yet Alex?” The man finally spoke up. “I can read your thoughts, I can read every move you attempt to make the moment it comes into your head, nothing you do will slip past me.” He took a few steps back, shaking out his arm and trying to plot his next move, although that was seemingly impossible to do. The man made a brief signal with his right hand and started chuckling. “How amusing, there is no way to get past my abilities, I can read your most prominent thoughts like an open book. You can’t hide anything from me, just like you couldn’t hide that you and that bothersome girl were hiding from us, I found it quite enjoyable watching you try and stop her from alarming my brother.” He said mockingly, Alex grimaced as he realized something. “You can control minds.” He said, that sudden realization hitting him in the chest.    
  
“Yes, along with the ability to read almost every mind I come across, I also possess the ability to influence those who are mentally weak, which in this world is a very common thing...Everyone is mentally broken, scarred from the experiences that they have suffered, it makes controlling them take virtually no effort to do so! I must say that Penelope has quite an interesting mind...You would be surprised to hear the things that go through it.” The man made a curious sound as his unseen eyes set dead on Alex’s face. “Oh...You’re angry now aren’t you? How quaint, don’t worry though, after I finish killing you I’ll be sure to send her your way.” Alex shot off towards the man after that, the sudden burst even caught him off guard. He threw a couple rocks his way but he effortlessly sidestepped them, he quickly closed the distance and the man instantly floated away from him, just barely getting out of reach of his sword.    
  
He couldn’t seem to land a hit, even through his frustration the man still seemed to counter everything he had and he could get close but barely and the moment he did the man would just float out of his reach and hurl more chunks of concrete at him, it was almost like he was taunting him at this point, letting him think he was close only to drift just out of reach. Then he took one of those concrete rocks right into his knee, he dropped down on his stomach and couldn’t get himself back up, his knee felt like something was broken and the man casually levitated just in front of him. 

“How amusing, you could kill my brother without even breaking a sweat but you can’t even lay a finger on me...Yet you seem to fancy yourself as some kind of hero, protecting those weaker than you when you are really no stronger than them.” The man lifted one of his stones from the ground and was getting ready to bring it down on Alex’s head, this was it, he was going to be beaten to death with a rock by some guy with psychokinetic powers, not really the way he imagined going out. 

Then there was a gunshot, the man’s left arm recoiled and he screamed in pain, Alex looked over and noticed Penelope standing there in the doorway, gun in hand and set on the man, she looked like she was struggling to keep herself up though. The man however didn’t take long to recover from the bullet in his arm, he looked over at her, his other hand resting over the wound. “Well, perhaps I allowed myself to be distracted too long, I didn’t even notice you standing there dear girl…” He said with a dark sounding chuckle as he casually levitated over towards her, Alex fighting like hell to force himself to his feet before he could do anything to her. “Damn it! Don’t you- don’t you lay a hand on her!” He shouted, to which the man merely looked over at him for a moment before setting his sights back on her. “Oh I don’t have to do that…” He said calmly.   
  
Penelope suddenly got that faraway look on her face again, she was barely holding her gun before she just lowered her arms, staring at the man in front of her who moved to the side. “Now Penelope, I want you to walk over to him…” He said, Alex could almost hear the grin under that mask of his. Without a word she started to walk over to him, her steps were slow and lifeless and she wasn’t even looking in his direction. She just stood there, now that she was closer he could see something though, she was terrified, her face didn’t show it but her eyes were filled with fear, she had no control over what she was doing and she knew it.   
  
“Now, take that pistol of yours and blow your brains out! Make sure you look him in the eye while you do it.” Alex went into panic mode and started pushing himself back up to his feet, knee screaming at him in agony but he didn’t care. He could already see her getting ready to put the barrel of the gun to her head. “Ah why are you trying to stop her boy? She’s wanted to die for years now! I’m just giving her what she wants.” She had the gun pressed to her head but her eyes were telling a completely different story, she was trying to fight his control, she was afraid and her hand started shaking. 

He barely managed to knock her pistol from her hand, the sound of the gunshot rang out as he knocked it to the ground, the man let out a quiet sigh as a few more rocks started floating around him. “Why would you stop her? I was giving her something she’s wanted for a long time now...How could you be so selfish.” The man asked in a mocking tone, Alex was seething at this point, enraged at the man, he could see his vision starting to turn red again, just like the other night. The man seemed interested in what was going on, for some reason his reading on Alex’s mind started getting cloudy, he couldn’t make his thoughts out aside from a burning rage and desire to make sure that bothersome girl was okay. He found it amusing that he was trying so hard to protect something that would most likely end up killing itself.   
  
Then he noticed something else, Alex wasn’t limping anymore, in fact he was standing upright as if nothing had happened. His thoughts were cloudy, eclipsed by anger and something else? Something he couldn’t quite make out but it was rendering him unable to read the boy’s mind. He looked down at the pistol right next to Alex’s foot and he was going to try and bring it over to him with his mind but the moment it moved an inch the boy placed his foot on the gun, holding it in place.   
  
Something wasn’t right here, he quickly released his control over the girl, who fell to all fours rather than going completely unconscious like before, she was panting, struggling to catch her breath, she looked over at him for a moment and noticed the death glare he was giving the man. If looks could kill the man would’ve dropped dead on the spot. The man suddenly hurled a couple of rocks at him and with two clean swipes he split them down the middle, they were already weak and crumbling anyway. He then charged the man, who couldn’t read his moves this time, narrowly avoiding wild, angry sword swipes that caught the fringes of his robe. 

Then he felt his breath suddenly leave from a solid, sudden left hand to the gut, it was short handed. The first hit he landed and it was solid enough to get the man coughing before he quickly retreated away, levitating out above the subway tracks. “Insolent boy...Why can’t I read your mind?” He asked himself before his eyes shifted over to Penelope, who managed to get to her feet and took cover behind one of the support pillars, he could still read hers somehow but he couldn’t pick anything up from Alex. He let out a growl as he started lifting all sorts of fallen rocks around him, Alex seemed mostly unimpressed by the display. “Now before you die, let me show you what true power looks like!” 

A barrage of concrete was flung at him, rocks smashed into the floor as he sidestepped each attack, the man seemed to be growing more and more frustrated with each miss, his sudden inability to read the boy’s mind coupled with his sudden will to fight was infuriating, he threw everything he could at Alex, only to be met with miss after miss.

Until one hit him right in the collarbone, Alex cried out as his sudden rush was quickly cut off by a brutal hit, the shot sent him to the ground and before he could even react another, much larger rock came down on his right leg. His scream could’ve curdled blood, he couldn’t move as the rock had pinned his leg to the ground. The man then slowly lowered himself to the ground, approaching where Alex was, oddly enough he still couldn’t read his mind though, that rage that was clouding it only seemed to grow after being taken down. It was evident on his face as well, the death glare only got more violent as the man levitated over him, silently gloating at him.

“Now then, where were we?” He asked as he looked towards Penelope. “You leave her out of this! This is between me and you!” Alex suddenly shouted at the man, who merely chuckled as he set his sights back on him. “You truly are pathetic, you are so blinded by your own desires that you find yourself defending a woman that you once wanted nothing to do with, I do wonder what she would think if I shared your more...Shall we say, personal thoughts about her hm?” Why was this the topic of the evening? On instinct he grabbed a nearby rock and threw it at the man with what strength he had left but he didn’t even need to lift a hand to actually catch it, the rock stopped just short of his mask, he let out another quiet chuckle as he just let the rock fall to the ground.    
  
“Hey!” Suddenly another voice called out, the guards that were part of the hunting pack came out of the tunnel, guns turned on the man. “Penelope stay down!” Alex suddenly screamed then the gunfire started, four rifles all raining automatic fire in the man’s direction as he frantically scrambled to escape them, he shot for another train car that was stuck in a caved in tunnel, he flew down the tunnel as the guards continued opening fire in that direction, bullets ricocheting off metal as the man vanished in the darkness.   
  
“Shit! Alex are you alright?!” One of the guards called out as the four of them hopped onto the platform, they obviously couldn’t smell the death through their masks, they ran over and two of them quickly moved the rock off his leg, it was bloody and he couldn’t even attempt to move it. “Yeah I think it might be broken…” One of them said grimly. “Come on and help him up.” Two of them grabbed under his arms and helped him up to his feet, he couldn’t put any weight on that leg now. “Where’s the other girl?” Alex asked. “She’s alright, she’s by the train waiting for us, come on we have to get you back to town and get that leg checked out.” The group started to make their way back, Penelope grabbed his sword and her gun and quickly followed them. But before they left he suddenly stopped them.

“Wait! Wait...Before we leave, we have to burn that.” He motioned with his head towards the cleaved in half corpse of the man’s brother. “I don’t know how he keeps bringing it back but I’m gonna make sure it’s dead this time, find something to burn it with and turn the thing to ashes, we have to make sure it stays dead this time.” The guards gently set him against a nearby wall as they scrounged together a few items to burn the monster’s corpse with.  
  
  
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	21. Put On The Shelf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, looks like our boy might be stuck on the shelf for a while, also he finds out about Penelope's "problem"
> 
> CW: This chapter does reference self harm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Changes made: Changed rating to Explicit (For the blood, violence and o t h e r things in the future), added three tags. 
> 
> I usually add tags depending on where the story goes, if anyone actually reads this far, go ahead and recommend which tags I should add or remove, I seriously don't bite if you have suggestions. :3

Chapter 21

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The doctor’s office they had in town was a mess like everything else, it was anything but sterile, made of metal that they polished to give the illusion that it wasn’t dirty like everything else but the tools that were left out, the general clutter, it was still filthy. There was a bed set up on a gurney that had its wheels taken off, some shelves with various pieces of medical equipment, and of course the ever cliche dull fluorescent lighting overhead. They got lucky actually, the doctor was actually a former Metro Alliance citizen, they moved into town after the war was ended.   
  
“Hey, are you alright?” Alex asked Penelope, who was currently sharing the small two room office with him, they were being treated for their injuries, Penelope was mostly alright, she didn’t suffer any actual injuries during the meeting, Alex wasn’t as lucky however. His collarbone was bruised and his leg ended up being seriously injured by the man, the doctor did what he could, a splint and a pair of crutches were stuck with him for the next few weeks, he got lucky that the leg was only fractured, not completely broken. “I..Don’t know honestly…” She said, he could see that she was clearly very disturbed about today’s events, she had been mind controlled by some freak and there was no telling what it did to her mentally.

“You want to talk about what’s going on in your head?...” He asked her kindly. “I..I’ve never felt so helpless before…” She said, her voice cracking slightly. “I could see everything, I felt like myself but at the same time I couldn’t control anything...Like I was watching things through someone else’s eyes.” She quietly sniffled, trying to hide the fact she was about to break down crying, he couldn’t blame her for how she was feeling though. She was only seconds away from blowing her brains out on the spot, if he wasn’t there or he wasn’t strong enough to push himself up, she would’ve died right then and there. He would’ve failed to protect yet another person and he didn’t dare imagine what would’ve happened had he seen that.

“I’m sorry, I had no idea he was capable of doing that otherwise I wouldn’t have let you get involved…” He said solemnly, feeling guilty that she was only put through that because he didn’t put his foot down enough on it. “If I wasn’t there you would’ve ended up dying though, if I hadn’t shot him.” She responded, he nodded his head in agreement. She did save him at one point there. “Yeah, I guess, it’s not often that I find myself in a situation I can’t get out of but I’m pretty sure I’d have ended up getting beaten to death by a rock.” He said, he couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at how silly that sounded. “What’s so funny?” She asked. “Oh it’s just kinda funny when you think about it, I’ve fought hordes of ghouls, lunatics that wanted to gut me and the closest thing I’ve had to dying was being beaten with a rock.” He replied, scratching the tip of his nose with his thumb. “To be fair, whoever that is wasn’t exactly your normal everyday person…” She was a bit nervous sounding as she said that, for obvious reasons. “Yeah…” He said, feeling a little guilty that she was dragged into that, he was still kicking himself for not putting his foot down on that subject a little bit sooner. 

There was a short bout of silence between the two as she was picking up on how he was feeling, blaming herself for insisting but at the same time she was glad she did otherwise he’d be dead right now. There was something else on his mind as well,  _ “She’s wanted to die for years now!”  _ That line from the man wormed its way into his head, why would she want to die? He wasn’t sure if the man was just saying something to get into his head or if there was actually some merit to the statement.

“Penelope, I have a question for you.” He finally said, she perked up in his direction as her eyes had been wandering the small room. “Yes?” She asked. “What that guy said earlier, about you wanting to-” He was interrupted by the sound of the doctor knocking on the metal door before coming in, he let out a frustrated sigh from the doctor coming in at the worst time. “Okay so I’m going to put a word in with my supplier, of course Stimpaks aren’t exactly a common thing these days and he hasn’t had any luck but if he finds one, you'll be first in line for it, otherwise you’re gonna have to keep yourself off that leg for a little while. I’d give it a month at least.” Alex nearly threw himself off the bed when the doctor said that. “A month?! Doc I don’t know about you but I can’t just sit around for a month and do nothing. Not with that psycho still roaming around.”

“Well you surely can’t go back out there when you can’t even walk on your own power. You should be feeling lucky that it’s just a month and not longer, and besides if my supplier or anyone he knows manages to get their hands on a stim, it won’t be a month, that’s just assuming that he doesn’t find one.” Alex let out another sigh, he couldn’t afford this sudden delay, not when there were more issues running around. “Fine, is there any way I can speed this up?” He asked, irritated. “I’m afraid not, the best thing for you to do right now is stay home and stay off that leg, like I said unless I get some stims in at some point, you’re stuck with that leg for the next month.” 

Alex grabbed the rusted crutches from next to his bed and forced himself onto his good leg, Penelope got up to help him as well. He struggled a bit, having to get used to walking on one leg and propping himself up with the crutches.

He couldn’t help but chuckle at himself, he could wire a robot back together but had trouble walking around with some crutches. 

“Are you going to be alright Alex?” Penelope asked him, she was very clearly concerned for him. He looked over at her and gave her a warm smile. A smile that somehow melted her on the spot.

“I’ll be fine, I guess I’ll just go home and spend the next month finding out a way to deal with that freak.” He said, he was bound and determined to make sure he would kill that man, he murdered an entire station of people for nothing, innocent people were slaughtered and he was going to make sure that man would pay for what he had done. She noticed his face harden again, that warm smile turning into a cold gaze as he left the office. The doctor took a moment to make sure that everything was alright in Penelope’s head before letting her leave, making sure there were no leftover impressions in her mind, anything that would make her dangerous to others or herself.

He felt weak, having to rely on crutches to make his way out of the small building, he felt like people were staring at him. The man who could fight against anything, rendered seemingly defenseless by an injured leg.

He had to sit down and inch himself off the platform as he couldn’t just casually hop down, his face turned bright red in embarrassment, this was humiliating for him. He hated showing weakness in any form even if it was against his will, he couldn’t shake the feeling that people were staring at him, silently judging his weakness. 

“Alex!” He finally managed to get off the platform when Penelope called his name out, she hopped down and stood in front of him, making sure that he was alright.

He’d never admit it, but her concern did warm his heart a little, despite what she’d been through she was still making sure he was alright. He quietly chuckled, “Penelope, I’m fine. You don’t need to keep worrying about me, all I have to do is just sit on my ass for a month.” She didn’t look any less concerned, he leaned against one of his crutches and rested his other hand on her shoulder and gave her a smile.

She immediately felt her cheeks flushing, he gently squeezed her shoulder and the kind gesture caught her off guard. “You did fine out there Penelope, you don’t have to make sure I’m okay if you’re feeling bad.” He said kindly, there was something off about it though.

He was never really nice to her, always preferring to show the coldness or disinterest but he was just being nice now. It had her mind flipping itself upside down and trying to keep itself together. “You know we’ve already said it like 10 times but you realize if you weren’t there I’m pretty sure this leg would be the least of my issues.” His tone changed, accentuating the serious implications if she weren’t there. 

She felt his hand slip from her shoulder as he propped himself up on his crutches, he continued to wear that warm smile on his lips, his eyes had softened considerably. Then against her will she suddenly hugged him, nearly knocking him off his feet. Her arms quickly and tightly wrapped around his waist, a quick exhale from the side of her head bumping against his chest. 

He didn’t recoil though, not like he could. But he didn’t seem to react in the way that she was expecting, he didn’t stiffen up, he didn’t throw her off, he just stood there, relaxed and calm.

What he actually did surprised her even more. He leaned his right crutch against him and gently returned the hug with one arm. It wasn’t an overly sincere hug, it was more like a half hug. But it didn’t dull that warm feeling she had, a huge bright smile came to her face before she let him go, not wanting to push her luck and she was fairly certain people were staring after that. He gave her a smile and propped himself up on his crutches. “Go relax a bit Penny, I’ll be fine.” He said before carrying himself off.

She insisted on following though as he made his way over to where his home was but now he had to climb onto the platform again to reach the door. He leaned against the edge and set the crutches above him on the platform, then with his good leg he heaved himself up, almost actually jumping with one leg onto the platform using the crutches as support. He notices the look of surprise on Penelope’s face.    
  
“What? I might be injured but I’m still capable of taking care of myself.” He said, a determined glint in his eyes, he refused to show weakness. Even when he was crippled and barely able to walk he wasn’t going to let anyone see him in a state that might be considered vulnerable, he was still going to be strong. 

Especially in front of her.

======

He set the crutches against his bed as he sat down, his mind running to try and think of some kind of plan. Nothing was going right, he wasn’t supposed to get injured on his first job like this, not with the expectations of that bastard over his head. At any moment now he was expecting him to come knocking at the door to inform him that he still expected another run or worse.

He expect Penelope to take the reins and lead that crappy little group by herself.

There was no way in Hell that was going to happen, she was nowhere near experienced enough to be out leading a group, and she was certainly not in any mental position to be ordered around by that prick. He couldn’t help but be concerned for her, what if that guy was talking to her in her head or something along those lines, he was already telling her to kill herself right in front of him.   
  
_ “She’s wanted to die for years now!”  _ Again that line was stuck in his head, he mentally kicked himself for not asking her the moment they had left the doctor, he was such an idiot for that. The idea of her being suicidal wasn’t something too out into the realm of fiction, plenty of people wanted to kill themselves during the apocalypse, even the previous leader Marchand was found dead when he shot himself. 

His eyes directed towards the drawer with his father’s old revolver in it. Even he himself had on many occasions, put that gun to his head hoping that one day he would be lucky enough to get the loaded chamber.   
  
So why did it bother him this much? He had seen and been in that position more times than he would care to admit. He immediately regretted giving her a loaded gun, if that man had any merit and he couldn’t believe that he was actually considering it, but if he did have merit there was the very real possibility that Alex would’ve walked in on her blowing her brains out.

Then he felt his heart drop, he remembered something from the other day. The first aid kit that she had sitting on her desk, the one that she seemed very hesitant to even talk about when he noticed it. His mind immediately went to the worst, it wouldn’t be very hard for her to get her hands on a knife, she’s always wearing that coat as well so it wouldn’t be difficult for her to hide any wounds. 

He felt himself getting short of breath, his throat was dry. He grabbed his crutches and pulled himself to his feet, his mind started racing and he made his way to her house. His knocks even were much more frantic than they should’ve been. He knocked and only waited for about a second before he started knocking again.

Why was he so paranoid? 

She opened the door, she hadn’t even changed her clothes yet and was still dressed in what she went out with, that damn coat was still on. “Alex? Are you alright?” She asked, she could probably see the very obvious panic in his face, he wasn’t exactly trying to hide it at this point.

“Let me see your wrist” He demanded, there was no question, no wondering, he needed clarification, he needed to know if she was doing this. His heart was pounding in his chest, caught in a whirlwind of panic. He could see the color in her face drain away when he told her to show her wrist. “Did I stutter?! Let me see.” He demanded again, this time with even more insistence, he was going to find out. “W-why? What’s wrong?” Then without warning he abruptly grabbed her wrist, the exact one that she often used. She jerked her arm from him in panic.

That only served to make his suspicions even more valid, he made his way into her house and with one arm, slammed the door shut behind him. “Alex what’s gotten into you?!” She asked him, clutching her wrist with her hand and making sure to keep it out of his reach.

“Why did he say you wanted to die?” He asked, panicked and even...Afraid?   
  
She could tell, he was afraid, he wouldn’t say it but she could see that he had panic written on his face. “I don’t know…” She lied to him, for even though he was afraid and concerned about her and in a strange way it warmed her heart to see that he was actually caring.    
  
But she couldn’t tell him about that, she couldn’t share that because she was terrified of how he would respond. He was showing that he cared right now but would he still care if he had seen just how bad things actually were?    
  
He didn’t need that on his shoulders though, is what she was telling herself. He just got his leg nearly broken and had his own issues to deal with, he didn’t need to be involving himself with her personal problems. It was heartbreaking to see him like this if she was being honest, he was barely holding himself up at the moment, his eyes were filled with panic and he was breathing heavily. She was sure that his heart was about to pound out of his chest at this point. “He said that you wanted to die...Why did he say that?” He asked again, his voice cracking from the stress.    
  
“I don’t know...I think he was just trying to get in your head.” She lied, she made up her mind that she wasn’t going to tell him, she wasn’t going to put this stress on his shoulders. She walked over and gently rested her arm over his shoulders, he was tense, shoulders stiffened up and he was very noticeably unnerved. However she didn’t notice his eyes directed at her wrist.

She regretted it as he suddenly grabbed her wrist and started pulling the sleeve of her coat up, getting sight of a gauze bandage wrapped around her arm, a faint blood spot on it. He felt his stomach drop and his skin went pale, his face sunk as his suspicions were confirmed. Penelope recoiled from him and quickly covered her wrist, but the damage was already done, he’d already seen it and there was no hiding it now.

“Wait Alex I-I can explain! It’s…” She stepped on her own words, she was caught and by the one person she wouldn’t want finding out. “Alex I…” Her voice cracked, she could see how hurt he was. “I...I’ve...I’ve been like this for years okay? I’ve been like it ever since the beginning…” She sat on her bed, and before she knew it she started breaking down, she began crying in front of him, at first it was just a few sniffles, small trails of tears running down her cheeks but it quickly grew into her sobbing in front of the man. He made his way over to her and sat next to her, placing his crutches against the bed and in a surprising act he laid his arm over her shoulders. “Please...Tell me.” He said, it was kind and warm and...In a way it made her feel safe, certainly far safer than she had felt recently.

“I’ve been struggling with things ever since this happened Alex...Every night I have nightmares of seeing my family dying, I don’t even sleep through the entire night most of the time. That one night I came over and just started talking to you, I was in the middle of a break down, I needed something to pull me out of it and I heard something thump over there and I ran over to you hoping it would work...” That hit him hard, that night she was possibly at her worst and he was too stupid to see it. He felt immensely guilty for not picking up on it, or at least inquiring a bit more about why she was randomly speaking to him so late at night.

“So...The first aid kit I saw sitting on your desk.” He asked and immediately she started nodding her head. “Yes...I had forgotten to put it away the night before and I wasn’t expecting you to notice it or really ask any questions.” She admitted through her tears.

He wasn’t expecting this if he was being honest, things had escalated so quickly, it only took a few moments for him to get the answers he was looking for from her and now she was sitting here, sobbing her eyes out because of something that he could easily relate to. “I can’t be alone if that makes any sense...It’s funny when you think about it, because I’ve been alone since everything happened...But when I’m completely by myself, my mind starts playing these stupid tricks on me, I can’t stand being alone...It just makes things stop for a moment, it gives me something to focus on and it blocks everything else out for the time being…I...Never plan on actually dying from it, but I’ve gotten close on a few occasions…” A feeling of dread weighed on his shoulders when she said that, the visual of her dying from that, lying somewhere and bleeding out forced its way into his head, knowing that he could’ve even seen that very recently chilled him to the bone. 

The idea scared him, finding her dead in any sense made him feel sick to his stomach.

“You know that night, when you and everyone else ended up at my house because you heard that revolver going off?...A couple seconds before that, I actually had the barrel pressed to my head, I was a trigger pull away from death...Because I’m the same way honestly. I’ve seen so many people end up dying, people that I’ve tried to protect...I don’t even know what happened to my own family, at this point I’ve just accepted the fact that they probably died years ago. It might sound insane but I’ve had so many nightmares about those people, even heard their voices seemingly out of nowhere. I’m probably losing it but what can I do really?” He was spilling everything to her, every word had a cold edge to it, but at the same time he could feel a weight being lifted off of his shoulders.

He never found anyone that he felt comfortable enough to speak to, but now he was just casually sharing his own experiences with her just because he didn’t want her to feel alone.

“That’s why I insisted that you stay away from me, because I’ve had so many people come into my life and get attached to me, only to end up dying and join that list of nightmares and I see the same thing happening with you.” He said coldly, he didn’t mean anything harmful behind his words. He just stated the facts, his very real and very justifiable fears. His fears that just a few days ago he never would’ve even considered telling her about .

“I’ve never hated you Penelope, but I’ve just wanted to protect myself.” He finally said, it was blunt but at the same time almost liberating in a strange sense, to come around to the fact that he never truly hated her, never detested her like he spent so much time telling himself, but rather it was out of his own fear that he acted like this towards her.

He didn’t even know why he had chosen to reveal this, it wasn’t even about him, this was about her own personal issues and he’d inadvertently hijacked the conversation from her. But something just clicked and it was something he had to get off his chest, and he was more than glad he did, he didn’t have to keep the act up around her now.

_ “You need to let go”  _ That faint voice started in the back of his mind, however the moment it did something happened, his mind started thinking of the worst scenarios to come from this, the likely possibilities of death, the pain, the long list of night terrors that would come if and when she were to die. That voice ironically triggered those even though it wasn’t meant to. “I need to leave.” He said suddenly, much to her dismay as she actually wanted him to stay now, listening to him speak had calmed her down and she was actually intent on listening to him. 

He grabbed his crutches and pulled himself up and rather quickly made his way to the door, however he stopped for a moment and set his eyes on her covered wrist, he let out a quiet sigh and left her home, she’s left there confused, unable to figure out what just happened.

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	22. Kindness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is actually being nice to Penelope
> 
> SOUND THE ALARM!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To anyone that might be curious, Penelope actually suffers from a real phobia, she has autophobia meaning she has a crippling fear of being alone. She's very dreadfully scared to be by herself.

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_  
“Why don’t you just let go?”   
_  
That voice continued to beckon to him as he managed to make his way into his house, leaning one of his crutches against him as he slammed the door shut. As he once again sat on his bed he could feel himself suddenly getting short of breath again, that stupid voice in a single phrase sent him into a panic. He couldn’t just “let go”, it wasn’t that easy, people don’t just let go of things they’re afraid of, they don’t just cast them off for the hell of it. That’s what it was asking him to do, to let go of his fears of losing people close to him.

But he couldn’t do that, he could at least let her know that he didn’t hate her but it could never be anything past that point. She could never get close to him, for her sake and his own, right now he was in this strange stage of wanting to make sure she was safe, he wasn’t complacent and he was always on guard, she’d be much safer that way. The moment it turned into anything more he knew what would happen, he’d let his guard down even for a moment and she’d end up just like everyone else.

Dead in some gutter somewhere and there would be nothing he could do about it. Nervously he brushed his forehead with the back of his hand, a layer of sweat coated his brow, he was anxious, on edge.  _ “Just let go boy.”  _ That little voice once again spoke to him, it was still kind, never demanding like he was eventually expecting. It was always kind, always patient with him, but still wanting things that he just couldn’t do. He pulled himself up to his feet and made his way over to his desk, reaching for the old radio that he had sitting there and he flipped the switch, a light inside illuminated the different radio frequencies and he set it to a lower end one. The signal was fuzzy for a moment but soon the song “Atom Bomb Baby” came on. A small smile came to his face as he leaned his crutches against the desk and sat down, it was a little annoying to do so as he couldn’t bend his leg at all.

_ “ _ _ Got a doll, baby; I love her so _

_ Nothing else like her anywhere you go…”  _

He leaned back in the chair and rested his hands behind his head, idly listening to the music with a small smile on his face, tuning that little voice in the back of his head out. Thank God for the guys up at Postal who started a tunnel wide radio station.

_ Atom bomb, baby, little atom bomb _

_ I want her in my wigwam _

_ She's just the way I want her to be _

_ A million times hotter than TNT.”  _

He tried to relax a bit and enjoy the song but something felt off, he couldn’t put his finger on it but something just felt really wrong. He felt bad for some reason, the smile on his face disappeared, turning into a somewhat bitter scowl. Whatever it was that was bothering him it really started scratching at the back of his head, like a parasite that started digging into the back of his skull. He let out a quiet sigh as he realized exactly what it was, of course it wouldn’t take very long for him to realize.    
  
He left her alone, literally moments after she just told him that she didn’t like being alone, he pinched the bridge of his nose, how could he be that much of an idiot? How could he do exactly what she was afraid of? He didn’t even hesitate as he turned the radio down just a bit and grabbed his crutches, climbing up to his feet and making his way to his door. The very short trip to Penelope’s was already filled with him mentally berating himself for doing something so stupid, he approached her door and didn’t even bother knocking as he abruptly opened her door.

He really started wishing that he had actually taken the time to knock though.

“Alex! Merde, qu’est-ce que tu fais?!” She screamed at him as he’d just walked in while she was changing her clothes, currently just standing in the middle of her living room in nothing but a black tank top and some very revealing panties of the same color. He just slammed her door shut, face turning a bright red in embarrassment, he pressed his palm to his face, he couldn’t believe that he just did that. He sighed rather loudly and shook his head before knocking on the door this time, he actually wasn’t expecting her to answer this time after that little mishap.   
  


To his surprise she barely cracked the door open, he could see her face and it was just as red as his own at the moment, she couldn’t even look him in the eyes right now after that, he couldn’t blame her for that though. “Uh...Sorry about that.” He said awkwardly, the color refusing to drain from his face after seeing that, he tried to not stare at her for a moment but that was much easier said than done. 

“Why didn’t you knock?!” She quickly asked, she was embarrassed and she couldn’t even attempt to look at him right now. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think you would be taking your clothes off the moment I leave the house.” He admittedly tried to make that sound dirty as a joke, just to lighten up the awkwardness of the moment, it clearly didn’t work as she blushed even more and now had her eyes directed to the ground. “You should always knock before entering a lady’s home!” She said, eyes still directed away from him. “What do you need?” She asked him.

“I came to ask if you would…” He suddenly froze up for a moment, he had never thought to invite a person into his home before. “If I would what?” She asked, he could swear she was trying to sound a little coy but he was fairly certain it was just in his head. “If you would...Like to come over to my house for a bit.” He said quietly, it was more like he mumbled it to her. Her door opened fully now, she was dressed now with some long light grey pants and a plain white T-shirt, well as white as one could get in the world currently, he caught a slight glimpse of the spot around her wrist, the spot that was covered up with some gauze and tape.

Unsurprisingly he felt his stomach drop when he saw it, it made his mind wander far too much, making it play out that moment even if he’d never actually seen her do that. She noticed that his eyes were directed towards her arm and she just hid it behind her back. But his eyes didn’t move from that spot, they were still staring towards nothing now, like he was lost in his thoughts for a moment. He blinked like he just snapped out of them and his eyes met hers. “Well?” He asked her kindly. “Are you alright Alex?” She asked him, one of her eyebrows poking up in suspicion. “You said you didn’t like being alone, so would you like to...Spend time with me?” The question came off as awkward, obviously due to the fact that he didn’t associate with others very often. 

A warm smile came to her face and she nodded her head. “I’d love to.” She said sweetly, with that he made his way back to his home with her behind him, he let her in first and she casually took a seat on the couch while he went back to his desk and turned the radio back up, the song “Crawl Out Through The Fallout” was playing, this time he found himself being able to relax a lot easier knowing she was within his eyesight. He didn’t have to worry about her being alone, or god forbid her doing anything to herself, she leaned over, eyes studying his facial expressions. She was trying to figure out why exactly he had her come over, while she enjoyed being around him, there was no real reason for him to have her be over.

He opened one eye, immediately cocked in her direction. “Is something wrong?” He quietly asked, she looked down at the floor for a moment, then back up to where his one open eye was still staring at her, curious. “Why did you want me over here?” She asked, he let out a sigh and scratched the bottom of his chin for a moment. “You said you didn’t like being alone, so I was making sure you're not alone.” He said, giving her a brief smile before closing his eyes again, but even with them shut he could still feel Penelope’s almost like she was analyzing him. He lets her come over for a bit so she’s not by herself and she can’t even just enjoy it, then again he was always giving her an attitude for wanting to be around him so he couldn’t really blame her for being skeptical.

“You still seem like something’s bothering you.” He said without opening his eyes this time, she leaned back against the couch, she wasn’t bothered. But rather she was merely curious about why he suddenly changed his attitude so much. “Why are you being so nice to me?” She asked with a confused sounding tone. “Because I have no reason to pretend I dislike you anymore.” He said rather matter of factly. 

She didn’t say anything for a while after that, honestly what could she say at the moment? Things flipped on their head so fast it was making her own spin in circles, he went from hating her, to tolerating her, to willingly asking her to come into his home just because he didn’t want her being alone.

He cleared his throat a bit before grabbed his crutches and getting up from his desk chair, he went over to the couch and sat next to her. “Let me see your wrist.” He said, this time it was far more kind than before, but she was still hesitant to do so. “I just want to see it.” He said, still not even sounding slightly agitated, nervously she held her arm out to him. With one hand he gently held her arm in place as he removed the taped down gauze, however he only got it half off before she suddenly jerked her arm away from him, still far too afraid to actually let him see it. 

“It’s okay...I’m not mad at you, I just want to see it.” He said calmly, almost like a doctor in a strange sense. She held her arm out to him again, her heart was pounding in her chest as he removed the gauze to reveal the very fresh cuts over her arm, made up of varying lengths, the area around was a bright red, the skin was scarred. She started breathing heavily, she was nervous because he was staring down at her arm, her legs started squirming as she’d gotten restless.    
  
Then he just sighed, whether it was disappointment or not she couldn’t actually tell but when he looked at her she could see everyone in his face, he wasn’t disappointed, but she could see sympathy, sadness, almost like it physically hurt him to see this. “So...When did you start this?” He asked solemnly, she took a moment to answer it. “I...Started after my family was killed…” She said, her voice slightly cracked.

“Hm…They were down here with you?” He asked, she nodded her head. “Yes...I was with them for the first week before…” She trailed off there, that sad look in her eyes felt like a kick in the chest for him. “You don’t have to say anything else if you don’t want to.” He said kindly, it was taking her a little longer than she would’ve liked for her head to wrap around this, looking at him now it was hard to believe that just a couple of weeks ago he wanted nothing to do with her, he was always giving her hateful sideways glances that immediately told her to just stay away from him.

But she always insisted on going against that, despite how he acted she always felt comfortable around him, she felt safer around him and for her own sake she willingly put up with his attitude towards her. “Here, let me see if there’s anything I can do for that.” He said before getting his crutches and pulling himself up to his feet, he quickly disappeared into his bathroom for a few moments. If she could be honest with herself, it was admittedly somewhat jarring to see him acting so differently about her, the way he was able to put on that facade of hatred so convincingly only to suddenly drop it. He was almost two completely different people now, although she wasn’t going to say no to him being a lot more kind than before.

He came back into the room with a small box scrunched in between himself and one of his crutches, she was about to get up and help him when he used one hand to wave that notion down. “No no, don’t worry I’ve got it.” He insisted as he propped himself on his good leg and set the box on the couch between them before making himself comfortable again, of course it was a first aid kit, why wouldn’t he have one of his own?

She immediately felt embarrassed when he was offering to take care of something he really shouldn’t have known about.

But at the same time she couldn’t help but appreciate that he was so kind about it, most people would’ve looked at her as some kind of freak, a liability, someone that would eventually end up dying on their own because they made a stupid mistake. Him? It was a completely different story then.

“Okay...Let me see.” He asked before holding his hand out for her to rest her arm in, she was still hesitant but rested her arm in the palm of his hand, carefully he took an alcohol pad and gently dabbed it against her wrist, she slightly recoiled her arm from the sudden burning feeling going through it. 

Strangely he was better at taking care of her injuries than she was, most likely because when she would do it, it was often in the middle of a breakdown and she was unable to hold her hands still long enough to focus. He was slow and methodical, she couldn’t read any emotion in his eyes. He carefully added a few small strips of some cream from a bottle and layered a bandage over her arm. Then he took a small light brown wrap from the box and tightly wrapped it around her arm, a little tighter than she would’ve liked actually.

After he was finished he neatly set everything back in the box before closing it, then they just sat there for a while in silence, Alex seemed to just drift off into space like he was thinking about something and she couldn’t help but wonder what was going through his head at the moment, things had to be just as confusing for him as they were for her, he wouldn’t look at her for some reason, he wasn’t deliberately avoiding her but it looked like something was on his mind. 

“Alex? Are you alright?” She asked him quietly, he didn’t say anything however, rather continuing to stare off in silence. But then he cleared his throat and got her attention.

“I...Don’t know how to act around you.”

======


	23. A Favor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madsen's a prick, Johnny's a nice guy and Alex finally shows he has some feelings.
> 
> Remember when I wanted this to actually be scary?

======

“Excuse me?” She said, eyebrow poked up in curiosity. He didn’t know how to act around her? What exactly was he supposed to mean by that? He sort of chuckled to himself, the statement was absurd in its own right, how could one not know how to act around another person? He leaned back against the couch, looking up at the ceiling and idly scratching his chin as he tried to form the words in his head. The statement still sounded stupid in his own head as well.

“I don’t know how to act around you, what’s not to understand about it?” He said, hoping that she would put it together in her head and he wouldn’t have to spend time explaining it, of course things couldn’t be that easy though as she still looked confused, he quietly groaned as even he wasn’t quite sure how to put it. “You...Confuse me, if that makes any sense.” 

“Oh? How so?” She asked, trying to hide the small grin that perked up, hoping he didn’t notice it.

“I mean you just confuse me...You make me so angry sometimes.”  
  
  
“Well, you’ve never been exactly shy about showing that.” She said with a hint of sarcasm.

“That first time I met you out there I didn’t think much of you if I’m being honest, I just saw you as another person who was in danger and I chose to help you, after that I didn’t really care about what happened past that point, you were fine here and I could go about my business as normal.” He stopped for a moment, taking a moment to think of what to say next. “But then you kept trying to speak to me, even after I told you that I wasn’t interested, most people by that point usually took the hint and would leave me alone, but you insisted on trying to talk to me, and that’s not something I’m really used to.” He said, nervously directing his attention to something else, his head was screaming at him that this was a bad idea, that he shouldn’t even entertain the idea of them possibly being friends.

He could just drop everything, make another excuse to be by himself and get her away from him, say he was tired after how the day started out, make up anything just to get her away. But at the same time he couldn’t let himself just leave her alone, if her problem really was that bad that just being alone would cause her to have panic attacks he couldn’t in good conscience do that to her. Of course it had to be him stuck in this situation, keep her around for her own sanity or isolate her for his sake, he had two choices but he had already picked one in his head. 

“So I just reacted in ways that I was hoping would push you away, I tried to get you to maybe cling to someone else and, well, you saw how that went.” He said with a somewhat lighthearted chuckle, to be fair this wasn’t all bad, at least he had someone to talk to besides Johnny now. He just made a mental note to keep this as somewhat distant friends, nothing more and nothing less. 

“Do you wish you hadn’t?” She asked him, to which he didn’t respond with anything more than an eyebrow raise. “I mean do you wish you hadn’t helped me that night?”    
  
“What? Oh god no, not at all…” Of course he didn’t regret that, he would’ve felt a lot worse had he actually left her out there. 

“I just...Wasn’t expecting things to go the way they have you know? I expected you to kinda just settle down here for a bit, enjoy not being chased by a giant murderous psychopath for a while and only come to me when you needed something like literally everyone else does, you know, same old same old, I really wasn’t expecting you to-” He was interrupted by the sound of someone knocking at the door, apparently even when he was hurt and could barely walk he was going to have people at the door. With a slight groan he grabbed his crutches and got himself to his feet and gingerly made his way over, opening the door to some blonde guy with long hair in that weird beatnik style, guy had a fivehead instead of a forehead. 

“Can I help you?” Alex said. “Yeah I’m one of the guys from the hunting pack earlier, Madsen wanted us to give a report on how things went and when we mentioned what happened to you...Well uh...He’s kinda pissed off and he said he needs to talk to you right now.” Alex grimaced, of course he wasn’t going to get a break from this and now he was going to get his ass chewed off because of the fact he can’t work to the bone for a little while. “Fine, I’ll go see what he wants, probably wants to complain to me that I can’t go out every single day like he was hoping for, I swear the man is trying to get me killed.” The blonde guy stifled a bit of a chuckle at that statement. “Hey, don’t forget he expected us to always go with you too.” He responded before he slowly peeked his head around Alex’s shoulder, noticing Penelope sitting on the couch, she gave him a small smile and a quick wave. Suddenly the man had a sly look come to his face and he jokingly nudged Alex with his elbow. “Ohhh, I see you’re finally deciding to make your move eh?” He said suggestively, followed by yelling out accompanied by the sound of plastic cracking as Alex smacked the man in the shin with one of his crutches, the sudden hit caused Penelope to jump a little while the man bounced on one foot for a moment.

“Jeez man can’t you take a joke?” Not when in the very very far back of his mind he still had certain nagging issues that were only made somewhat worse by having her around, admittedly he felt kind of ashamed to still be thinking of her like that. He looked back at her for a moment before giving the man a half glance. “Is there anything else he needed?” He asked. “Nope...Shit...Said he just wanted to talk to you and he didn’t seem very happy about it.” Alex let out a sigh as he looked back at Penelope again. “You want to come with me?” He offered, he didn’t really need her to tag along with him but he didn’t want to leave her alone even if it was just for a few moments now, he was still extremely paranoid she’d end up breaking down again. 

They didn’t even get into the building yet before they were met with Madsen’s scowling face, Alex met it with one of his own, he was in no mood to deal with Madsen at the moment and he was going to make that known when he walked in, unsurprisingly the moment that he noticed Penelope come in with him that scowl turned into a small smile, something Alex immediately took notice of. “What do you need Michael?” Alex said, using Madsen’s first name. “Ooh are we on a first name basis now?” Madsen bit back. “Did you call me here just to chew me out because of this?” He asked, lightly tapping his bum leg with one of his crutches. “No but I do find it rather convenient that you somehow manage to injure yourself for the first time after never having this issue before.” He said, was he seriously trying to insinuate that Alex was faking his injury?

“Really? After I’ve done nothing but support this place you really want to sit there with a straight face and say I’m making this shit up?” 

“I don’t know, according to the reports and your own claims you were attacked by a-” He put his fingers up to act as air quotes. “”Psychic guy in a gas mask who could fly and literally throw rocks at me”...Now I’ve been down here a long time, and I’ve seen a lot of shit but never once have I seen anything like that.” 

“Maybe if you dragged your ass out of this house once in a while you’d see more than just the occasional ghoul attack.” Penelope was a little surprised to see the two almost immediately at odds the moment that they walked in, normally they were just business around each other but Alex seemed like he wanted to bite the man’s head off.

The animosity in the room was ripe as both men continued to share their disdainful glares towards each other, Madsen merely brushed the situation off with a quiet chuckle and a dismissive wave. “I’ve got far too many issues here to deal with than doing that kind of legwork.” He was effectively dismissing the people who actually risked their lives while he got the comfy home and the closest thing to a cushy job people could get these days.

“Like what? Wondering which unlucky woman will finally give you the time of day and sleep with your ass?” Alex was going for the throat at this point, almost like he was trying to goad Madsen into saying something he’d regret.

“Like making sure YOUR ass gets the stimpak you need for that leg of yours to be right in a week, making sure her ass has a place to stay and in case you didn’t realize, I make sure those Federation and Alliance fuckers don’t decide to start busting each other’s heads because they step on their shoes by accident!” Madsen was incensed, his face turning red from anger before he took a deep breath to compose himself, admittedly it was kind of amusing to see the man that angry.

“Look, I don’t know what’s gotten into you Alex, but I didn’t call you here for a petty argument, I called you here because you are still supposed to be the one to lead the hunting group and with you currently on the shelf there’s the matter of who takes your place for the time being.” Alex immediately felt his throat start drying up at what was coming next, he could just feel it boiling in the bottom of his stomach, he knew EXACTLY who Madsen was going to expect to go out there. He watched for a moment as the man turned his back and walked over to his couch to have a seat.

“And how convenient that you’ve actually brought the first candidate for the job along with you.” Any sense of joy that she had from Madsen getting angry was immediately replaced by dread, Alex looked like he wanted to beat the man within an inch of his life for even considering that. Truth be told he actually did have another rather violent thought of just taking one of his crutches and whacking Madsen in the side of the head with it.   
  
“No, not just no, but hell no.” Alex asserted, he wasn’t going to let her go out there knowing how inexperienced she was.

“You have to be out of your mind if you seriously think sending her out there with a group that would probably rather spend their time staring at her ass than actually following orders from her is a good idea.” Madsen wasn’t bothered by the slight raise in Alex’s voice as he merely shrugged his shoulders at the man. 

“Hey it’s not my problem what they do in their spare time.” Alex started gritting his teeth, trying to bite back the urge to tell Madsen to fuck off.

“She’s not going out there with them, end of story.” He said, Madsen however just chuckled a little bit, a shit eating grin on his face as he took a moment to scratch his chin.

“Yeah, you see the thing is though, you're not the one making the rules here, I am and I say that it’s about time she started putting in her dues for this place rather than having you do it all and just have her tagging along, so yes, she is going out there tomorrow and you’re going to stay here and rest, and if she has a problem with that, the gate’s right over there and she can leave.” He was trying to get under people’s skin now, although this was well beyond how Madsen normally reacted when a woman rejected his advances. He’d be a little bitter, go to Johnny’s and get himself drunk and go home but this was different, he was being outright cruel and forcing her to be put in harm’s way.

“No, she’s not-”

“Alex. I can handle it.” She finally said to interrupt the two of them bickering, she could see that Alex was getting angry, his face turning a faint shade of red and if she didn’t get him out of that house he might start swinging one of those crutches for the hills.

“Penelope I’m not letting you go out there on your-” He replied but was quickly cut off by her. “I said I can handle it.” She asserted. Madsen of course sported that same shit eating grin directed right at her. Alex was going to say something but the look in her eyes said that she wasn’t going to be convinced otherwise, she probably knew that Madsen was going to pull something and was already prepared for it ahead of time.

“See? She’s a big girl, she’s made it this long and it’s about time she got some experience under her belt.” Madsen said with a faux cheeriness, which just earned him an irritated, sideways glance from Alex.

“She was getting that when she was out there with me.” He said, clearly biting his tongue and trying to refrain from verbally assaulting Madsen on the spot. 

“Is there anything else you wanted? Or can we leave?” He asked impatiently, Madsen merely waved the two of them out of the house and they were more than glad to leave. As they approached the gate that separated his home from the rest of the town Penelope could hear Alex muttering something under his breath.

“Are you alright?” She asked, he didn’t respond, they walked past the gate and he quickly made his way over to Johnny’s, who gave them the usual greeting and happy smile he gave every other customer who came in, the place was a little busier than normal, the booths were packed with people enjoying whatever food had been scrounged together while there were 4 people around the pool table.

“Aye lad, you lookin’ a little worse for wear.” Johnny said as the two approached the bar, however Alex didn’t really feel like humoring the man.

“You feelin’ alright? I mean, I’m sure that leg of yours must be sore but you got a look that could kill.” Alex shrugged his shoulders as he leaned his crutches against the bar and took a seat.

“Madsen’s expecting Penelope to go out there and lead that stupid hunting group, knowing damn well she’s nowhere near ready to deal with those people.” He responded before resting his elbow on the bar and propping his head up with his hand, Penelope sat rather politely, not even setting her arms on the bar.

“All because he’s mad that she wouldn’t sleep with him, I swear the man’s about one wrong sentence away from me beating his head in with one of these.” He continued, holding up one of the crutches and setting it back down, Johnny quietly chuckled.

“I don’t think anyone would stop you if you tried lad, you’d be surprised the number of lasses come in here saying our lovin’ mayor got a little too..Handsy with them.” Johnny said, putting up air quotes around the word handsy, Alex rolled his eyes in disgust but didn’t say anything else, he was actually trying to come up with a way to make sure Penelope was at least in some form of good company rather than her being out there with total strangers.

“Hey Johnny, you used to be part of the Federation’s army for the first year or so right?” Alex asked, raising a curious eyebrow.

“Aye, spent a lot of time out there I did. Why?” 

“Would you mind doing me a favor for the time being? At least until I’m able to walk on my own again?” Johnny didn’t look the slightest bit curious, he already knew what Alex was going to ask him.

“Of course lad, do I even have to ask what it is?” He said cheerfully.

"I guess not if you already know what it is, I’m sure you’re aware I want to make sure she’s at least in the company of someone she knows rather than a bunch of guys that’ll spend most of their time gawking at her rather than doing their job.” 

“Aw see lad, I knew ya cared.” Johnny said jokingly, complete with a little sing song tone. Alex quietly groaned, covering his eyes and looking down to hide the slight blush coming to his cheeks. Penelope couldn’t help but chuckle herself at his embarrassment, it was hard to believe that it was the same guy who a couple of weeks ago acted like he absolutely hated her.

“Look, do you mind making sure she stays safe for me?” He finally asked, sounding somewhat irritated at Johnny’s teasing.

“Oh certainly lad, I’ll have someone else run the bar for me in the meantime and I’ll make sure your girlfriend doesn’t have any trouble.” Johnny immediately smiled as Alex suddenly slammed his fist on the bar, rattling the couple leftover glasses that were sitting there, the Irishman couldn’t help but bust out laughing even though he knew that it was going to get under Alex’s skin, Penelope was no better as she was sitting there chuckling with a face that was as red as his.

Johnny soon gave them a couple of drinks to let them unwind for a bit, despite the constant embarrassment and joking from Johnny, Alex couldn’t help but enjoy the moment for what it was, something unsurprisingly rare those days.

======

  
  



	24. Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More bonding time between our favorite misanthrope and his favorite (?) French girl
> 
> And of course more taunting from the Irishman...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to take the time to say thanks to all those who got me up to 200 hits, I dunno whether you're loving this or hating it (I certainly hope it's the former x3) but this train is still going and I'm hoping to wrap up this first "act" or "arc" or "saga" or whatever you want to call it by chapter 30.
> 
> Also huge thanks to Eruch for being the first person that I don't actually know for saying they like this. :3

======

Two weeks went by and things were starting to get colder than they already were, the constant chill of nuclear winter was met with the cool winds of fall and even underground it could be felt through the open stations. Alex had spent most of his time at home working on projects that he’d let himself get behind on recently, he had to admit that he might have been stuck with a bum leg but it really opened his schedule to deal with his own things at the moment. Johnny had been making sure Penelope was alright out there and she made a note to come by once they returned home, it had become a daily thing where she would drop by, talk about how things were going and they would just talk for a while. 

He wouldn’t say it to her but he was starting to enjoy her company, she always greeted him with a smile and it was getting to the point where it was starting to become contagious for him, he actually couldn’t remember the last time he would smile at people. He couldn’t help but be amused at the fact that he actually enjoyed her coming around now, when before the very idea of her being around made him nervous, put him on edge and had him snapping at everything with a heartbeat.

On his desk in front of him was one of his more neglected projects, that glove that he only started working on again recently, it looked more like a huge gauntlet at this point than an actual glove. The wires were now neatly tucked into place, hidden underneath metal plating, the fusion cells were neatly nestled under their own plates, the thing was ready for field testing but there was no way he’d be doing it at the moment. 

His eyes set on the clock sitting in front of him and a small grin came to his face, it was getting close to the time when Penelope would come knocking at his door, he focused on dealing with the last few loose screws of the gauntlet. As if on cue there was a knock at his door and he made his way over to the front door, he only needed one crutch by this point to get himself around, his leg was still hurting but it was far more manageable at this point.

He opened the door and was greeted by Penelope’s smiling face and bright violet eyes, a sight he’d been getting very accustomed to lately. 

“Afternoon Alex, are you feeling any better today?” She asked him, as she’d often done the last few days.

“Well, it’s more of the same, still can’t wait when I can actually use my leg again...How was the hunt?” He asked, but she just shrugged at the question.

“Well, aside from being bored out of my mind, nothing...At this point I’m hoping we find something just to break up the boredom...All we do is find a couple of ghouls every so often…” Alex seemed to be pleasantly surprised at her reaction, she really was learning on her own out there, she was constantly bragging about how she had become a much better shot over the last two weeks than she’d been in years. In a way it was actually kind of terrifying, from her own claim she was more than capable of popping a ghoul’s head off with ease, and there was no doubt she was still just as sneaky as she was before. She could probably kill a person without them even knowing she was in the area with them, something about that was actually absolutely terrifying.

“Jeez I remember when just a few weeks ago I had to explain just how to hold a gun properly to you heh, you’re really coming along aren’t you?” She slightly blushed and just nodded her head at him, mentally kicking herself for blushing at the slightest compliment from him.

“How’s Johnny doing out there? He making sure that the rest of them know their place?” Although it probably wasn’t really needed at this point, a lot of the guys around town had stopped gawking at her like they were when she first arrived, thank god for that, she seemed much better when they weren’t staring at her like she was a piece of meat. Although the staring had been replaced by something else, some very not so quiet rumors that someone already had her under lock and key.

That someone obviously being him but said rumor merely earned people a death glare from him.

“Well he doesn’t really have to do that much recently...Not with everyone assuming that uh…” She kind of drifted off, taking note of the slight blush on his own face and his attempt to put on a stony glare, then he slightly stumbled a bit before turning back and making his way back towards his desk. 

“Please, come in and have a seat if you want, I need to sit down myself.” He was actually glad that he had an excuse to get away from that subject, she was more than aware of people assuming the two of them were a thing. She went inside and shut the door behind her before taking a seat on his couch, watching as he leaned his crutch against the desk and got comfortable in his seat. The everyday visits weren’t exactly doing much to disprove the rumors going around, even Johnny started getting in on the jokes, teasing her about “visiting her boyfriend” after they would return home, to which most times he’d get a blush followed by a joking punch in the arm.

“Oh! Uh, before you make yourself comfortable, would you mind doing me a favor and letting me check your wrist for a moment?” He asked while holding his hand out towards her, it had been a few days since he last checked on her but she’d been doing well ever since the two of them started spending more time around each other. She’d made so much progress and it hadn’t even been a month yet, he couldn’t help but feel a little proud over it. She got up from the couch and rolled the sleeve of her coat up, it still had a wrap over it, more so as a protective measure rather than anything else, with one hand he gently held her arm in place as he unwrapped it. He set the wrap aside and took a moment to look over her arm, there weren’t any fresh marks, the ones she still had were mostly healed by this point, however there were quite a few scars left over from the years.

She noticed his expression change, that cold, somewhat angry glare behind his eyes. He let out a quiet, forlorn sigh.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, but he didn’t say anything, his eyes were fixated on her arm. She could feel his grip tighten around her wrist, not enough to hurt, it was just a slight squeeze before he abruptly let go of it. It was strange for him to explain to her, but he was feeling angry, angry that he had let this go on without noticing, that he was so cold to her when he could’ve walked in on her dead on the floor at any point. It left a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, wracked him with a sense of guilt that he hadn’t really felt in a long time, it was strange to him, actually feeling bad about the way he acted towards another person after he’d been the isolationist for years now. Now his stomach was in knots over a girl he’d barely known for a month if that. Although she asked, it didn’t really take her long to take a guess as to why he suddenly changed his expression like he did.

“It’s okay Alex, I understand why you wanted to be by yourself…” She said kindly, flashing him a small smile, it was the kind of smile that was trying to say that everything would be alright, but for some reason things didn’t feel alright to him, everything felt surreal now, out of place, he felt extremely out of his element given the recent events. She still made him feel on edge, made him nervous, as much as he didn’t want to admit it they had a certain bond of sorts, they were getting attached when he didn’t want to, it was happening just as he was expecting it to. 

He didn’t want that, he dreaded it, more than dying even. He dreaded the idea of letting himself bond with a person and he was going against that right now. But at the same time it was something he couldn’t find himself really resisting against, he couldn’t put his finger on it but something just made her stand out, she was different and the more she was around him the more he could feel himself opening up to her.

That damn smile of hers, it was managing to creep its way into his head.

“You’d be the first one honestly, most people just think I’m an asshole or something like that, except for Johnny but I’m pretty sure there’s only like one person in this whole town that he actually dislikes.” He said, trying to direct his eyes away from her face, there was no distracting him from that smile though, he could feel it starting to crawl its way under his skin even at that moment. Those bright violet eyes pressing into the side of his head with her ever present curiosity.

“Well that’s just because they haven’t really taken the time to get to know you like I have.” She said very matter of factly, it was something he did sometimes regret, letting her know as much about him as he did. 

Through what seemed like a bit of luck he found a distraction coming in the form of someone knocking on his door, Penelope was going to try and get it herself but he insisted that he could do it, he got up and made his way over to the door, upon opening it he was greeted by the town doctor who was holding something behind his back, he had a small grin on his face.

“Looks like you’ve got a little bit of luck on your side Alex, my supplier just came in about a half hour ago and he managed to get his hands on one of these.” The doctor showed the item that he was holding, a small syringe with a red liquid inside and a small gauge on top, it was a stimpak, the things that were as rare as gold at this point. Alex nearly yanked the thing from the doctor’s hand, he had never really seen the things in person, only hearing about it from his father, who said it was some weird borderline magic medicine that could heal broken bones within minutes.

“Where’d you manage to find it?” He asked, looking over the stim for anything that might be wrong with it.

“Turns out the old station underneath Mass Bay had a few hidden away, probably by a few doctors who were trying to escape when the bombs were being dropped.” Alex just absently nodded, still looking at the filled syringe in his hand, he was curious how the thing even worked, what strange mix of drugs they used to create a syringe that essentially heals almost every possible injury a person could get, if he didn’t need it he probably would’ve kept the thing to study it later.

“Now, when you inject it into your leg, do not immediately assume that you can get up and walk as normal, the medicine still needs to make it to the bone and repair everything, since your injury wasn’t too severe it should only take a couple of minutes before you can walk normally.”

“Right, right…” Alex was only paying half attention to the doctor, still enamoured with curiosity over how the miracle needle worked its magic.

“Now, I assume you want to get yourself back on your feet properly so I’ll leave you to it.” Alex nodded as the doctor walked away and he stepped back into his home, Penelope had sat back down and made herself comfortable, shedding the coat she used to constantly wear around him, after a couple of days she’d become comfortable enough to not wear it all the time around him.

He’d never mention how certain curves stood out far more without her coat covering everything. He abruptly cleared his throat as he sat at his desk and set the stimpak down.

“What is that?” She asked, her own eyes brimming with curiosity over the item on his desk.

“It’s a stimpak, the thing that’s gonna have me up and walking before the end of the hour.” He said, her eyes seemed to brighten a little bit as they shifted from him to the stimpak, he grabbed the stim from his desk and situated himself to where his injured leg was exposed and he held the needle over it, he didn’t really care about the pants he had on at the moment, he certainly wasn’t going to take them off in front of her. He hesitated for a moment as he held the needle just a few inches above his leg, he actually hated needles with a passion, one of those weird phobias he always had and it just never went away. Needles just made him very squeamish in a world where everything else didn’t seem to bother him.

Finally he hitched his breath and plunged the needle into his leg, letting out a slight wince as it broke through the skin and instantly injected the medicine into his leg with a loud hiss, it was ice cold and his leg started tingling from the medicine flowing through it, it was almost like he could feel the medicine flowing through his leg, feel the bone somehow working its way back together with little to no effort at all. The pain he was once feeling before eventually receded as his leg essentially just healed itself almost instantly, his leg tingled for a while longer before it eventually faded away and he found that he was able to extend that leg again. He pushed himself up to his feet and carefully set his weight on his leg, it held without any problems. Penelope looked like her eyes were about to pop out of her head at this point, she’d never seen a stimpak used before, she didn’t even know that kind of medicine even existed, something that could restore a person to full health like it was nothing. Alex lightly stomped his foot on the floor a couple times to test if his leg was really going to hold, it worked like nothing had ever happened, he took a few steps around the small living room and was able to walk without a problem.

“You...Look like nothing had even happened.” She said almost in disbelief, the guy who had to walk around on crutches for the last two weeks was now able to stomp his foot on the ground without even flinching. 

“Yep, I guess my dad wasn’t kidding when he said these things could make even the worst injuries seem like nothing. My leg could’ve been completely broken and it still would’ve healed it like it was just a little scrape.” Curiously she tilted her head at him.

“He used to tell me about those things, how the soldiers had at least three of them if they got shot during combat, to be honest I always thought that they were kind of farfetched and I had never really seen one in person until today. No wonder people are trying so hard to get their hands on them though.”

“Do they just cure everything?” She asked, eyes glinting with curiosity.

“Not that I know of, they don’t do anything for radiation sickness and they don’t cure diseases. As far as I know they only fix physical injuries, still really useful if you ask me.” She nodded in agreement.

“Now that I’m back on my feet we can probably go tell Johnny that he’s relieved of duty for the time being, besides I’m sure you’re probably getting sick of him teasing you about coming over every day.”

======

“Ah, that’s a shame lad, I was actually enjoying being back out in the field, been way too long since I really got to get out and stretch these old legs a bit. But it’s good to see you’re back on your feet, poor Penny here just couldn’t stand not having you around.” Johnny said teasingly, again earning him a slight glare from the two of them, he was going to beat this horse even after it died. Alex notices the brief smile and slight blush on Penelope’s face at the joke, he honestly wondered what she was thinking about the joking.

“Well, you can always come with us if you want, I usually don’t care for the other people that come with us.” Alex said, sure that at least one of his hunting partners was in the building and heard him.

“I’ll think about it a bit lad, to be honest I had half the town wondering if I was giving the old place up to go out all the time, warms my heart knowing that everyone loves the jolly old Irishman” Johnny said with a laugh, it was genuine, he was obviously quite happy that people didn’t want him going anywhere.

“So, what’s your plan from now? I know you been sittin’ in that house of yours cookin’ somethin’ up.” Johnny asked as he was idly wiping the inside of a glass with his rag.

“Well, for now it’s just humor Madsen’s request, I’m sure he wants me back out there after I’ve done nothing for the last couple weeks.” Alex responded flatly, not really wanting to deal with Madsen who most likely got word by now that he was up and about again, at this point he was waiting for the man to bust in through the door and demand he do something.

“I finally finished that one little project of mine that I had been working on for a while too, so I get to do some field testing finally.”

“Aye? Is it that weird glove thing you been workin’ on so much?” Johnny asked, to which Alex just nodded.

“That’s right, I finally figured out how to get past the issue of the cells dying so much.” He said proudly, sporting a somewhat cocky smirk on his face.

“Oh you hear that Penny? The lad’s obviously good with his hands.” Johnny said with a very sly undertone, almost immediately making both of them blush immensely from it. Alex covered his face and let out a very exasperated sigh to hide things, he still wasn’t enjoying the fact that the mere implication was enough to worm its way into his head.

Her reaction wasn’t helping things either, almost as if she were having the same thoughts as him. He could feel his throat quickly starting to dry up from that idea.

“Johnny, mind if we get a drink?” He asked to cut the awkwardness out of the conversation, Johnny of course obliged and took a Nuka from his seemingly unending supply of the stuff and set it on the bar. Alex took note of the very suggestive look he was giving while subtly nodding towards Penelope, something he chose to ignore for the time being.

“And what would you like lass?” He asked her kindly, she snapped her head up like she’d just been brought out of her thoughts, again Alex couldn’t help but be a little curious as to what she was thinking.

“Oh! Just um...Give me what he has.” She said and Johnny pulled out another Nuka from under the bar and gave it to her, she took a bit to actually get the cap twisted off but the bottle eventually let out a pop as the cap came right off.

_ “Why don’t you just let go?”  _ That little voice suddenly said as Alex was about to take another drink. His eyes nearly popped out of his head as it called out to him, he set the bottle down trying to block it out.

_ “Just let go boy, your mind’s freedom is merely a seat away from you, let go. _ ” He let out a quiet groan as he pressed his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose, something Johnny took note of pretty quickly.

“Aye, you alright Alex? Got a bit of a headache comin’ on?” He asked, Alex just nodded his head.

“Yeah, you could say something like that…” He answered as he gently rubbed the bridge of his nose, he didn’t need this, not now. He took another long drink from his Nuka, downing half the thing within seconds.

_ “Let go child, release your demons into the wind and embrace your freedom.”  _ Alex started gritting his teeth, that voice while kind, started grating on his nerves. It was becoming an uncomfortable constant in his life, even while he had spent his time at home every time that Penelope was around that little voice was guaranteed to be right in his ears, telling him to let go of something.

“I think I’m gonna head home for a bit, I need to get myself ready for tomorrow.” He said as he quickly finished the Nuka and set the empty bottle down and left without a word, Johnny picked up on things pretty quickly though, the man wasn’t stupid. He could see that something was on the boy’s mind and there was a pretty good chance it was involving her.

  
  


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	25. Let Go Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex makes a bit of an awkward move...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consider this my Valentine's day gift, uploading the last 5 chapters of the first arc of the story...I got something special for the end ;) 
> 
> Penelope says "That's not what I heard" when Alex says he's not interested

======

He was home for a bit and that somewhat annoying voice in his head had gone silent as it often did when she wasn’t around. This was nothing new for him, to abruptly cut off any form of contact when it would start up. He just didn’t understand what it was still telling him to let go of, he was already allowing her around him more than he did anyone else, breaking every rule he established for himself, what did it want from him?

He sat at his desk, taking a moment to enjoy the silence before it was already interrupted by a knock and the sound of Penelope’s voice calling out to him, he let out a quiet groan as he stood up and opened the door to her, she looked very obviously concerned about him.

“Are you alright monsieur?...” She asked, eyes beaming with concern towards him. Those eyes of hers were just as bad as her smile.

“I’m fine, I just need a little time to myself.” He said quietly, but she was able to see through it.

“Is it what he said?” She asked rather bluntly, admittedly it caught him a little bit off guard with how sudden the question was.

“Excuse me?” 

“Don’t think I haven’t been paying attention...Every time someone makes a joke like that, you immediately find a reason to run off and hide for a little while.” She said very matter of factly.

“And? Maybe I just don’t feel comfortable with people joking about that, even after I’ve told them a million times that I have no interest in a “relationship” with anyone.” He felt himself getting slightly angry for no real reason, not at her though, he wasn’t really angry at anything.

“Ce n'est pas ce que j'ai entendu…” She muttered under her breath, her accent always accentuated when she spoke her native language.

“Do what?” He asked, one of his eyebrows poking up in curiosity, eyes steadily scanning her face in an unusually methodical fashion

“Nothing.” She said, sounding a little bit frustrated.

“No, what did you say?” He asked again, much more insistent this time.

“It’s nothing, not like it’s a big deal anyway.” That wasn’t going to get him to stop questioning it though, the look on her face said it actually was quite a big deal and she just wasn’t talking about it. She turned her face away from him, feeling his eyes peering at her.

“Seems like it’s a big deal judging from the way you’re acting.” He continued watching as her expressions continued nervously shifting, she was hiding something and he was going to find out what it was. “Please, tell me what’s on your mind.” His tone made a complete 180, sounding much kinder and genuine.

In a surprisingly kind gesture he reached forward and gently took her hand into his, it was strangely warm, his touch sent a sudden jolt through her. He softly squeezed her hand and his thumb was making small circles around the top of her hand.

Her words suddenly got caught in her throat, he’d never really done a personal gesture like that before.

“I…” She was a little embarrassed that she was this speechless just because he held her hand, sure it was a very personal gesture that he’d never done before but there was no reason for her to not be able to speak from it. “I said...That’s not what I heard…” She managed to squeak out.

That’s when she noticed his expression subtly change, he pursed his lips and she noticed his jaw very slightly set in place, he didn’t seem angry though, more just genuinely curious by what she meant. “Care to explain?” He said quietly, she still couldn’t get her words out.

This was pathetic, she was stopped in her tracks just because the guy grabbed her hand, it was as bad, if not worse than when she’d start blushing every time someone paired the two of them together.

“I’ve...Heard things.” That was all she managed to get out, she nervously looked over his face, expecting him to be angry that someone was sharing some of his personal thoughts. But she was surprised to see that he didn’t look even slightly disgruntled. “From who?” He asked.

She was going to answer but he had cut her off before she’d even gotten a word out. “Hold on let me take a guess, Johnny said something to you?” He asked, voice lowering slightly. She nodded her head and he let out a sigh. “That man just can’t keep someone’s personal business to himself can he?” 

“You don’t seem very surprised by that.” She squeaked out, only to be surprised by him quietly chuckling to himself. “No, not really...The guy’s been trying to hook me up for the last two years or so.” He was acting much differently than he used to, he was so calm, almost relaxed in a sense. She noticed he had a small grin poking at the corners of his lips.

He’d never tell her how a certain part of him enjoyed her slowly finding out his feelings, that part that was consumed by thoughts of her.

“So what has he told you?” He asked, the grin on his face growing just slightly. She couldn’t speak though, she started blushing and couldn’t get a word out, she heard him chuckle again and it just served to add on to her already hefty embarrassment.

“Um, that you, well…” She kept stepping on her words, she couldn’t even get a sentence out, certainly not about that subject.

“He just said that you’ve apparently taken quite an interest in me.” She finally said, omitting that one detail that she just couldn’t find the strength to bring up. 

“Well...I mean if I’m being honest, I’ve never had someone actively pursue my company like you have, you know the story already...Just it’s kind of interesting that even after everything you kept trying..” He said that but there was something else behind it as well, something he wasn’t sure if he would be comfortable admitting to her right now.

That ever since they first met he’s had this strange, overwhelming desire to protect her. It was something he couldn’t quite understand or even hope to figure out in his current state, it just hit him, like someone threw a brick right at his skull.

“I mean, if someone pulled a sword out on me I’d be a little wary of them but I mean that’s just me after all.” He said with a joking tone, managing to get a laugh out of her.

“We both know you wouldn’t hurt me.” She said rather confidently, unexpectedly her eyes met his and he could see the slight glimmers of her defiance in them, she knew that he’d never harm a hair on her head.

_ “Now is the time, for you to let go boy.”  _ That little voice came back just as quickly as it had left, but something was different this time.

He didn’t want to resist it, for the first time he found himself really thinking, wondering what it was trying to make him let go of. He took note of the small grin that was painted on her face, her eyes were gleaming, in a sense she was beautiful.

“Of course I wouldn’t” He said, unusually sweetly, he hadn’t planned for any of this.

_ “Freedom is within the palm of your hand, you just need to let go.”  _ The little voice said to him, his gaze directed downwards, to where he was still gently holding her hand. Then it hit him.

Of course that’s what it meant, letting go meant doing something he told himself he was never going to really do, letting go meant to let her in.

Accept his feelings even though logic was telling him otherwise.

_ “Just. Let. Go.”  _ He suddenly felt his heart pound against his chest, convinced that if it was quiet enough she would actually hear his heart beating. She had this hopeful glint in her eyes, like she was expecting something to happen.

“Is something on your mind?” She asked him, getting him out of his thoughts for a moment. “I...You could say that.” He muttered.

_ “Let Go boy.”  _ The voice sounded a little more insistent this time, he stood there with a faraway look on his face for a moment, his gaze settled on her face and everything around him felt like it was starting to slow down.

He thought about it for a moment longer, but he’d already made the decision.

In a swift move, in front of everyone, his free hand gently cupped her cheek and he pressed his lips to hers, she let out a surprised grunt initially and she stiffened up from the sudden kiss. She quickly relaxed but he pulled away shortly after, he was reading her face, trying to gauge her reaction. Already second guessing his decision.

Immediately he felt something else, a wave of regret hit him out of nowhere, crashing into him and sending him into a panic. He let go of her hand and took a step back, to which she actually reached towards. “Alex wait, it’s-”

It was far too late, he backed away and abruptly shut the door in her face. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t understand why he just did that.

This went against everything he stood for, every wall he’d built up in the years since the bombs were not going to be brought down by her. Part of him did want to give in, it did want to entertain the idea of being with her, but he knew better, he knew what would happen the moment he let his guard down.

Even though he did care about her, despite trying to tell himself otherwise. It wasn’t worth the inevitable.

She just stood there for a few moments outside his door, she was still trying to grasp what just happened. He kissed her, on his own volition, it was brief and it was out of nowhere but it wasn’t short on shaking her to the core. It was electric, a simple kiss and it had her mind spinning. “Alex…” She muttered before gently knocking on his door, trying to get a response from him.

That wasn’t happening though, she saw the look on his face, the sudden wave of regret that washed over him, the fear that hit him like a sack of bricks. “Alex it’s okay, just talk to me.” She said, knocking on his door again but receiving no response. It reminded her far too much of when they first met, how he isolated himself from her as much as he could.

She didn’t want to go back to that, not after this. But it was clear that she wasn’t going to get him out of that house anytime soon, but she didn’t want to just leave him.

She’d come to terms with the fact that the man was going to be difficult when, whatever they had reached this point, she accepted and was willing to bear with it as long as she needed to. It was laughable in a way, a man who was still by this point a stranger, barely known for a month, still had her standing at his door, willing to deal with his own problems. 

He could hear her still standing outside his door, she lightly knocked and called out his name again but he wasn’t going to answer her, as much as he might want to, he had to preserve his own sanity somehow. She knocked one more time but got no answer and it stopped after that.

_ “She’s just going to die. _ ” One of those harsher voices snapped at him, it wasn’t soft and comforting like the other one.

_ “Just like everyone else, she’ll die and it’ll be you left to pick up the pieces.”  _ Of course he didn’t need reminding of that, he was already well aware of the consequences.

But part of him didn’t want to solely think about that, part of him was telling himself that it wasn’t like before, he was a lot stronger now, far more capable than he was years ago. He could protect her, he could keep her safe against anything the new world could throw at him.

However his eyes glanced down at his leg, he’d spent two weeks out of commission, it was the first time he’d really been injured in years and it served as a harsh reminder that there were still things he wasn’t ready for. So how was he going to keep her safe?

He wouldn’t be able to, there are still things that he can’t win against, not yet at least and until then he couldn’t open himself up, he could never let go until he was able to defeat everything.

======

  
  
  
  
  


  
  



	26. Protective Instinct

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gee you would've thought it wouldn't have taken him 26 chapters to realize that he actually very much cares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no notes for this one, I just hope everyone who reads enjoys it, I'm so glad to finally be wrapping this first arc up

======

_ “She’s just going to die, just like everyone else who’s tried to come into your life.”  _ That voice continued to snap at him, just as it had done since he made his decision.

“No she’s not.” He said to the air, as he was almost obsessively working on something he had added to his gauntlet, outfitting it to put out more electricity in its attacks, it wouldn’t be easy but he found himself overcome with some strange motivation.

That desire to protect, to make sure she was safe, something had kicked it into overdrive, his eyes were heavy, bloodshot from the fact he was unable to fall asleep. It was well into the late hours of the night and he found himself still meticulously working.

“Not this one, not this one.” He said to himself, he just kept muttering it under his breath as he continued working on the gauntlet's electrodes, suddenly a wrong press caused an arcing bolt to shoot into the ceiling, narrowly missing him by a few inches.

He still smiled even when he was able to feel the heat off the bolt. “Well, I should be careful not to do that again.”

_ “Why are you trying so hard? She’s just going to die like the rest of them.”  _ The voice snapped at him again.

“You’re not going to stop me, after a while I’m just going to stop listening.” He said once again to nothing but himself.

“ _ No! You WILL listen, you’ve never been able to protect a single person you’ve met in your life so what makes you think this stupid fucking girl will be any different? What, is it just because she gets your dick hard so she’s special?”  _ He bit his cheek for that one, who was he really supposed to snap at in that case?

_ “You’ve always failed, time and time again you’ve failed to protect the people you supposedly care about, she will be no different, just because she gets you hot doesn’t mean you can keep her safe.”  _ He continued to bite his tongue and kept working, he wasn’t going to let his own insecurity win over him this time. Eventually he blocked that voice out of his head, met only with blissful silence.

He set his gauntlet aside for the time being, most of the work on it was done aside from any little upgrades he’d want to do in the future and tomorrow was going to be its first test, he couldn’t help but smile at the little project he’d spent a long time working on.

“Not this one.” He said once again, he just kept saying it, to reassure himself that this time things were going to be different.

His eyes shifted from the gauntlet over to his sword in the corner of the room, it hadn’t been moved since his injury, the lacquered wood had a sheen underneath the faint lightbulb overhead.

His thoughts shifted to her then, more specifically he was stuck on how her lips felt. They were soft, unusually so, a drastic contrast to his own and he could imagine she probably felt the same way.

But he’d be lying if he said he didn't feel his heart soar for the brief moment he made that decision, in any other situation he would’ve been glad to stay there like that, an infinite second where he felt something other than bitterness and fear and there was only that strange sense of joy that she managed to bring him.

If it wasn’t so late he probably would’ve found himself over there, trying for another taste, another chance to feel that same almost euphoric feeling. But he knew that he couldn’t.

It couldn’t go any further until he was strong enough to protect her from everything, to guarantee that he wouldn’t lose her like everyone else, until then he would have to go back to how he was before. Keeping her at a distance, he wouldn’t enjoy it but for now it was what needed to be done.

He opened the middle drawer of his desk, where his journal was sitting, he took the little black book out and set it on the desk and flipped it open to a blank page. He reached into the same drawer and took a pen out.

The sound of pen scribbling on paper soon filled the room, by this point his journal was much more full of notes about her than he would care to admit.

It was just all his thoughts concerning her, personal desires and things he would most likely never tell her.

He stopped writing for a second, his head was full of second guessing and uncertainties. She was at the heart of everything.

The girl he told himself that he was never going to let in, wormed her way into his head, like a parasite that left him itching every moment. He quietly sighed as he shut the book and tossed it in the drawer.

He was so tired, but he couldn’t fall asleep. His mind was racing and he couldn’t catch up to it, it was so much more simple when the worst he was dealing with were the monsters of the wasteland.

There were no emotions, his thoughts were clear for the most part and he was only focused on his own goals, no one else’s. 

Then she came along, she just happened to run into him, and at first he wasn’t sure what to make of it. She was just some girl, some stranger that he thought he would never speak to again.

But she kept coming back, she kept knocking, asking to be let in to something that most people didn’t want to be around. Slowly, but surely, she’s been inching her way past the door ever since.

Now things were anything but simple, it was easier when it was just him, how could he let such a simple girl affect him the way she has?

Logic could easily explain it, human beings are wired for social contact, they need to be around others or it affects their mental state. 

But she was different, this wasn’t just human nature anymore, it would be easier if it was because he already spent years denying that. She had some kind of influence over him that he still couldn’t fully understand, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to, if he was really willing to take that risk and find out.

He felt like an idiot, he was stuck in a post nuclear hell and he was sitting here wondering how to deal with his newfound affections. 

He stood up from his desk and went over to his sword resting in the corner, he slowly picked up up and barely popped the blade from its sheath, the light overhead cast a gleam over it. He just stood there for a few moments, thinking, dark blue eyes stuck in an ocean of unknowns and questions he couldn’t seem to find the answers to.

He wanted to let go, just as that little voice had beckoned him to, just as it had pleaded with him to do on so many occasions. It should be that simple, simple to just let go of the weight on his shoulders, embrace what might be a chance at being happy. But as many things were now, it wasn’t going to be that easy.

He let out a quiet sigh as the guard of his sword clicked against the sheath. “Fine...But we do this my way, and we do this at my own pace, under my own rules.”

======

A dark chuckle echoed deep in the bowels of the tunnels, under the mask of the strange man he was sporting an unseen grin, a psychotic unhinged smile that would make even the most prolific serial killers tremble in fear.

He was keeping tabs on everything, his power allowed him to stay inside people’s minds for as long as he saw fit and he could see everything that Alex was going through at the moment,

Watching him struggle with such a simple issue was quite amusing to the man, he only wished that he made that stupid girl kill herself sooner, it would’ve made killing him even easier. But this was a new part of his plan, he already knew that he was struggling with this.

For weeks he had let it set in, listening and watching everything play out, waiting for the opportunity where he would pluck that sweet little bit of happiness away from him. It was only just after all, his brother was dead now, unable to be brought back due to his body being burned to ashes.

So why shouldn’t he take away something that bastard cares about?

It was going to be so easy the next time they met, and it made his cold heart skip a beat just imagining the look of terror that Alex would have once he saw his precious Penelope die, it sent a chill down his spine.

Then he would break, his little facade would shatter like glass and he would be completely powerless. It was almost orgasmic seeing the scenario play out in his mind. It was a shame that he seemed to be a bit more bullheaded than many people he had seen before, everyone else was so weak minded, easy to control.

But he was a different specimen, he could read his mind, but he couldn’t seem to crack it enough to bring him under his control.

Otherwise he would just make him kill the girl himself.

“Mother…” He said to the rocking chair sitting in the corner, shrouded in darkness, it seemed to actually be rocking back and forth but extremely slowly. “I know you’ve been disappointed with the way things have gone...But it’s almost time, that foolish boy...He’s got something that WE can take away from him now...It’s what Jack would’ve wanted…”

Suddenly the chair spun around like it was on a swivel, the wood scraping along the moldy concrete floor, something was facing the man. “It...Will not bring my baby back though…” A low, raspy voice broke through the dark, then it was followed by a shallow inhale. One wouldn’t be able to determine if it was actually a man or a woman though.

Its breathing just filled the room, hollow raspy breaths as if the person’s lungs were failing.

“I understand...But I promise you I will bring back his head…” Before his intentions were to prove something, to prove that Alex was just as evil, just as cruel as the rest of the survivors so he could have some sick justification for killing him, just like he had done to so many before.

But he didn’t care about that anymore, his brother was gone and now he just wanted to kill out of vengeance and it alone.

“Jack was such a good boy…” The voice in the corner said, which was then followed by a bone chilling cracking sound. “You two have been such good children in these dark times…” One couldn’t see it, but the man in the mask was practically beaming with pride underneath it.

“Make them suffer for what they’ve taken away from us.” The person said, before the chair suddenly turned back towards the dark corner.

“Of course mother, anything for you.” The man said before he slowly levitated off the ground and disappeared into the darkened hallway leading to that room.

======


	27. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You ever just meet someone that changes everything?

======

The next morning the usual group got together for the still mandatory ghoul hunts, despite the fact they’d been fruitless outside of small packs that were no bigger than normal. Madsen’s paranoia insisted that they keep looking for more of those huge hordes.

Everyone had their guns together, Penelope walked out and noticed that Alex was surprisingly absent, which was strange considering he was normally the first one out in the mornings. “Good morning gentlemen.” She said firmly, she’d gotten a bit more militant since this started.

If it wasn’t for the fact he made it pretty obvious he was going with them, she probably would’ve led them off by now.

“Where’s Alex?” She asked, to which none of the others had any idea. That was strange, it wasn’t like him to be late.

She was about to go to his house and check when his door opened up and he came out. He looked like a completely different person though.

He had his hair slicked back except for his two long bangs and he came out dressed in all black, topped off with a long coat and his sword resting around his waist rather than his back and that he was wearing his gauntlet on his arm.

She also noticed that revolver of his in a holster around his waist, the first time she’d seen him carrying it outside of his home.

He looked more militant, actually this was the most intimidating she’d seen him. Aside from the fact he looked like he hadn’t slept at all. His eyes set on her for just a moment before he quickly diverted his gaze away from her, she took quick notice of the dark circles underneath them and the intentional avoidance of his stare as he stepped off the platform.

“Is everyone ready for this?” He asked sternly, he was clearly in no mood for games today. The others nodded as he walked past them and signaled for them to follow along as they left through the gate.

There was an undeniable sense of awkwardness in the air between himself and Penelope, while the others didn’t seem to pick up on it, probably far too busy cracking jokes in their heads about the two, they seemed to be very distant from one another. 

“I swear Madsen’s looking for something that’s just not out here.” One of the others said in frustration, going through this daily wasn’t exactly his idea of a good time.

“Yeah, it happened once because a few ghouls were smart enough to get together, we’ve killed so many of them the last couple of weeks that there probably aren’t any left to form a pack that big.” Another said, to which Alex just scoffed sarcastically at.

“I doubt that, you know how many million people used to be in this city? How many of them were actually turned into ghouls?” He asked, the man thought about it for a few moments before shrugging his shoulders. “Eh, maybe you’re right, we just haven’t had any luck finding one of those huge packs like before.”

As if on cue there was a sound, the phlegmy growls of a ghoul nearby, followed by a loud screech in the air. There was only one of them, stumbling down the tunnel almost lifelessly.

One of the men stepped forward to go kill it but Alex held a hand up to stop him. “Allow me.” He said, this was the perfect chance to test his little toy out.

He walked forward, soon the ghoul caught sight of his flashlight waving in the dark and turned his direction, its eyes glowing a faint yellow as it screamed at him, spit and pus flying out of its mouth.

Then suddenly the jagged edges of the hook on his gauntlet pierced its chest, nearly knocking it off its feet, then Alex retracted the hook and the ghoul was yanked off its feet, flying towards him. With his other hand he reached through, pulled his sword from the sheath and sliced clean through the ghoul.

Like a hot knife through butter he split it in half, a grin came to his face as the two halves fell to the ground, blood pooling underneath them and he sheathed his sword. “That really made all the effort worth it.” He said to himself as he took a moment to assess the damage.

“Gee, a little bit overkill don’t you think?” One of the guys asked him, his look of shock hidden underneath his mask. “I don’t think so, just makes things a little bit easier for me.” He responded as they continued the hunt.

Things got boring rather quickly however, everything was far too quiet, aside from the occasional sound of water dripping from the ceiling or even a rat scurrying underneath something, the tunnels were as quiet as a graveyard.

It disturbed Alex, he hated when things were this quiet. But that silence was soon met with something else.

The faint, yet familiar sound of a nuclear siren blaring in the distance. Alex instinctively held an arm out to stop the group. “Shh. You hear that?” He asked, pointing up towards the ceiling.

Everyone stopped as the sound of the siren slowly but surely grew louder, not by much, it was still very faint but it was audible.

“It’s an old nuclear siren? I’m surprised any of those are still up.” One of the guys said.

“Shut up!” Alex harshly whispered, his breath catching in his throat as the sound of the siren seemed to get closer.

It was the same one as the one weeks ago, slowly moving closer and closer.

Alex wasn’t paying attention to the others as his breathing picked up, he hated this sound, it just dropped him right back to the day the bombs dropped, when he was just a small child huddled in a dark storage room somewhere.

When he was afraid and weak.

Nervously his hands started trembling as the siren grew closer, then finally it reached the point where it was coming just from overhead. The sound continued playing on repeat, followed by what sounded like one of those vocal warnings that would’ve played during a drill.

Everyone was frozen, whether it was out of fear or just genuine curiosity as to the source of the sound he didn’t know, nor did he care.

His heart was pounding in his chest, racing as the memories of years ago flashed in his mind like a broken film reel.

He wasn’t sure what the others were thinking but he knew what he was.

Him and his family’s sword, huddled in a small corner listening to the terrified screams of hundreds above him, frantic beeping of car horns, the blare of the same nuclear sirens, followed by the earth rattling shockwave of the bombs being dropped.

The sound eventually began to recede in one direction, slowly fading off into the distance as the others started to calm down, but he was as stiff as a board, every muscle in his body as hard as a rock at this point.

He felt a hand gently rest on his arm and he instinctively snapped it away from whoever it was. He looked over his shoulder to notice Penelope standing a little closer to him than he would’ve liked, a look of concern written on her face, followed by a slight frown.

“Are you alright?” She asked, reaching out towards him again, he didn’t immediately retract his arm this time. “I..I’m fine, sorry I was spacing out for a moment…” 

“What do you think that was?” One of the guys asked, sounding very obviously concerned. “I don’t know…” Alex responded, voice a little shaky.

“You think it’s someone playing a radio up there?” The same man suggested but one quickly interjected. “People haven’t been on the surface since the bombs dropped, and what radio would be loud enough for us to hear down here?” 

While the others spent a few moments throwing up possible suggestions as to what could be causing the sound, Alex was still trying to come back to reality, he could still feel his hands trembling. Shaking against his will, he took a few deep breaths to steel himself and eventually felt his hands slow down.

He didn’t want her thinking he needed help.

Unfortunately for him she was already thinking that, wondering why he just froze like that for a moment. However she easily was able to put it together without even asking him.  _ “Clearly he has something related to when he hears that sound…”  _

======

They had no luck, outside of the usual two or three ghouls that would crawl out of the woodwork there was nothing worth writing home about. 

They reached an opening in between the two lane tunnel and decided to stop for the moment, one of the guys took his backpack off and set it on the ground near some metal boxes. “Anybody up for some breakfast?” He asked, the rest nodded and everyone sat together.

Except for Alex, who decided to sit by himself, leaning back against a box on the opposite side of the opening. “Hey Alex, you sure you don’t want to sit with us?” One of them asked, he merely shook his head.

Everyone took their masks off, one was the blonde beatnik looking guy that Alex recognized, one of the others was some Hispanic looking guy with a split lip and messy dark brown mop hair, the last one was surprisingly well kept, face trimmed, hair down to a buzzcut. 

He looked like he was ex military but that was most likely impossible due to most soldiers being either on bases, tending to vaults or dead by this point.

Then there was Penelope, he made note of small things he noticed that changed about her recently, her hair had grown out just a bit, running down to her shoulders compared to it being shorter than his originally. She was far more confident about herself as well, she looked more like a soldier than that helpless girl he met not too long ago, pistol hanging from its holster and she started trying to use a rifle as well.

Still didn’t make her look any less beautiful.

And with that thought he mentally started kicking himself, this was not the time or the place for that.

As if on cue she came walking over to him, a can of something in one hand and a Nuka in the other, she had a very pleasant, warm smile on her face. Without saying anything she set the can of food and the Nuka on a box behind his head.

What was her game here?

She walked back over and grabbed a few more items, another can of food, one of water and a couple of forks. She sat in front of him and pulled the tab from her own can. “Are you going to eat monsieur?” She asked sweetly, he didn’t answer but he reached over his head and grabbed the can from on top of the box.

His eyes wouldn’t leave her however, he could feel the others staring at the two of them, waiting for something and it made him uncomfortable.

He ravenously tore into the can, which was just some pork and beans with apparently a little extra smokey flavor. Unsurprisingly he was done before she was and set the can back on the box.

For a moment he just sat there, still and stiff, almost like he was scanning her. Kicking himself again for paying attention to little things, such as when she would occasionally lick her lips after taking a bite. It didn’t take her long to notice this.

“Is everything alright?” She asked, setting her can aside. He was silent however.

“Alex?” She said again, voice slightly tense.

“You ever just find yourself confused about everything?” He muttered, making sure the others couldn’t hear him. The question got her raising an eyebrow and thoughtfully scratching her chin, she took a moment before answering. “I suppose at the beginning of this I did...But after you spend years doing the same thing it just becomes part of normal life.” After she answered she just heard him quietly hum to himself.

“I mean do you ever find something that just, changes everything?” He asked.

“Or someone?” She suddenly responded, he went to speak but the words got caught in his throat, leaving him mouth open and unable to talk.

He pursed his lips together for a moment. “...Yes” 

There was a brief silence between them, they could hear the other three casually talking amongst themselves, sometimes glancing over their direction.

“Why did you kiss me?” She asked, lowering her voice because even she didn't want certain people knowing about that.

He was still silent, honestly he wasn’t even sure how he could answer the question. Why did he kiss her?

Because a voice in his head told him to? Because he wanted to? He didn’t even know why.

He stayed silent for a moment longer, Penelope furrowed her brows in frustration. “Well?...” She said, insistent on getting an answer from him.

“I don’t know.” He finally said, he really didn’t know, that moment was just a blur in his head, part of a long night of racing thoughts that he couldn’t keep up with, lost in the ocean of uncertainty and questions he couldn’t find answers to.

Suddenly their conversation was interrupted by the sound of one of the guys, the buzzcut one, letting out a big belly laugh, apparently one of them told a joke that had him laughing.

He couldn’t help but think it was probably some off color joke about the two of them, it most likely wasn’t but her sitting over by him had him wondering what the three of them were assuming. 

After they quieted down a bit she went back to asking him questions. “Alex...What was that yesterday?” She asked again, hearing him quietly growl under his breath. He gave her an answer, what more was she expecting from him?

“I said I don’t know...I wasn’t thinking clearly, I haven’t been able to ever since you came along.” He wasn’t meaning for that to sound like he was considering her a burden, but he took quick notice of the frown plastered on her face. “It used to be easy beforehand, I just got up, did my job and went to sleep…” He continued.

She felt a sudden lump rising in her throat, why did she want to cry suddenly?

“...Do you regret it?” She asked, her voice slightly cracking.

“No, of course not...I don’t mean it like that...You just confuse me, you don’t make me angry, you just really confuse me.” He was quick to try and save that conversation.

“Just, I’ve spent so much time not caring about others, trying to keep myself distant...Then you come along and I just have this urge to make sure you’re safe.” He could see her eyes brighten a little bit, a small grin poking at the corners of her mouth.

Again they found themselves being interrupted by the rest of the group. “Hey Alex! We’re all done here, you guys ready to go?” The beatnik asked them, Alex just nodded in his direction before getting up.

“We’ll finish this conversation when we get back...I don’t think this is the time or the place for it.” He said sternly before offering his hand to help her up.

Of course the group had to say something about that.

======

  
  



	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and the gang settle an old score.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey we finally got the death of the series' first main villain, I guess I can admit now that I shamelessly used Psycho Mantis as the basis for this character, most people could probably tell by his attire and his abilities, as well as that little end bit where without his mask he can uncontrollably read everyone's thoughts.

======

Machine gun fire rang out from one of the pipe rifles, another one of the guys grabbed a ghoul by the head and smashed his knee into its face, a sickly yellow eye popped from its skull as he opened fire to finish it off.

Two more ate a bullet through the skull courtesy of Penelope, however another 3 or 4 swarmed the tunnel afterwards. Violent screams echoed through the tunnels as the sudden ghoul attack only seemed to get worse.

The group mostly stayed together but Alex had gotten lost during the attack, or more so he charged into battle like an unhinged lunatic, itching to get his hands dirty for the first time in weeks.

“What was that about the ghouls being mostly dead?!” One of the guys shouted as he opened fire on a small pack of ghouls, gunfire ripping through their fragile bodies, tearing flesh and spattering the walls with blood.

Penelope quickly switched to the rifle she’d decided to start using, there were too many for her pistol alone. If she was being honest she much rather preferred it with its fully automatic fire over firing single shots.

There was just something about mowing down hordes of ghouls that felt satisfying, like a strange sense of revenge.

They just kept coming though, pouring through nearby doorways, seemingly crawling through the walls themselves even, loud violent screams echoing off the walls mixed with gunfire, dying yells and sounds of bones snapping from the bullets impacting. 

It was complete chaos.

Interspersed with the gunfire was the sound of metal slicing through flesh, Alex almost effortlessly was cutting down ghoul after ghoul. His face contorted between a mix of intense concentration and anger.

He didn’t like Penelope being so far out of his line of sight in this situation, she was with the others though, she was mostly safe for the time being. That mostly however, wasn’t good enough for him.

His slicing became more frantic, ghouls fell to the concrete missing limbs, split down the middle. A complete bloodbath and blur of steel. Spatters of red dotted his face as the ghouls kept coming.

The numbers started to dwindle however, after a few dozen ghouls they quickly reduced to a few, then one or two. One tried to sneak attack him, he heard its foot land on the ground just for a second before he stepped to the side.

The ghoul flew past him, in the same instant his free hand reached towards the revolver on him, the ghoul rolled through but before it could even get back to its feet, half its head exploded as a .44 was sent through its skull. The body went limp and everything went silent.

Alex swung his sword to one side before sliding it back into the sheath and slipping the revolver back into its holster. He took a deep breath as he took a moment for the adrenaline to come down, his heart was pounding against his chest. He calmed himself as he returned to the group.

Everyone was just as on edge, guns still drawn, one of the guys was breathing heavily. Making Alex wonder if he was about to have a panic attack. “Is everyone alright?” He asked as he approached.

They all slowly nodded their heads, not directing their vision away from any potential area where more ghouls could come out.

Bodies were everywhere, Alex actually had to step over some of them just to get past. 

“Okay, we obviously can’t leave this many ghouls lying around, which one of you brought the oil?” One of the guys quickly waved their hand before taking their backpack off and setting it down, unzipping the top and taking out a few items, some jars of oil, matches, anything that could start a decent fire.

There was one ghoul left however, barely hiding out of their sight, the thing seemed almost afraid in a sense as it laid its eyes upon them. It settled on Penelope as she had her back turned towards it, it let out a low, clicking growl sound just out of earshot.

Then, in an instant it pounced out of its place of hiding, Alex’s eyes nearly popped out of his head from shock before he caught it by the throat just inches away from her and slammed it to the ground. The ghoul started kicking and screaming, trying to even get a scratch on them.

He just stared at the thing, a cold gaze watching it desperately kicking.

Then it just stopped, its neck started sizzling and smoke rose up from its flesh, the ghoul let out a horrific cry as blood pooled in its mouth, electricity was coursing through its body.

The ghoul died as its throat turned a charred black. Alex stood back to his feet.

“Are you alright?” He asked her, resting a kind hand on her shoulder. It was terrifying how he could just shift emotions like that.

Just seconds ago he was staring at that ghoul with a look that could kill.

“I’m fine.” She said, her heart did skip a beat from the sudden attack but otherwise she was fine, she was still breathing fast though. Her shoulder twitched slightly from his hand on it, though she wasn’t sure why.

======

It took some time for them to get the fire going, there was no way they were going to burn every ghoul corpse though. For the most part the ghouls that were mostly in one piece were the ones that went first, there was a large pile of bodies in the middle of the tracks, slowly burning. 

Alex was sitting off to himself as the guys were waiting for the current set of bodies to burn, Penelope was over in his direction, something seemed a little off about her though.

“You okay?” He murmured towards her, she was absently looking down at the ground when he asked and her head suddenly snapped in his direction.

“Oh, yes...Yes I’m fine.” She said quietly.

“No you’re not.” He immediately retorted, he could tell something was bothering her.

His eyes shifted around a bit, looking at the remaining ghoul corpses around them. “You’re disturbed by something.” He said, reading her face like an open book.

She clearly was as her eyes nervously looked in some other direction before settling on him again. “You don’t like seeing me do things like that.” He continued, she was still silent.

“Do you not enjoy killing them?” He asked, she was quiet for a bit longer.

“I...I’m not sure, I do but...They were still people at one time.” She muttered.

“Why do you enjoy it?” There was a heavy weight in the air, pressing on her shoulders as he curiously looked up at her.

“I enjoy it because I don’t want to die.” She said. “But that doesn’t mean they weren’t still people at one point.” She followed up, a small grin came to his face.

Even when they were drooling pus and wanted to tear her throat out, she still managed to find some reason to feel bad.

“Yes, they were people...But they aren’t anymore, you understand?” He said, he was unusually calm, like this wasn’t the first time he had to explain this to someone.

“They don’t care about you, they don’t care about me, the only things they care about are eating and killing whatever they can…They aren’t like me and you, or them.” He motioned towards the group, he did notice that she looked down again, her face turning red from embarrassment.

“Don’t feel bad though, it just shows that you still have a conscience.” She looked at him again, their eyes locked for a brief moment. “And you don’t?” She asked without thinking, the words suddenly coming out.

He sighed and climbed up to his feet, his eyes looked uncertain, like he wasn’t sure how to answer.

“I don’t know.” He admitted. “I’ve done a lot of stuff over the years Penelope, I’ve killed more ghouls than I can count...And I’ve uh...Had to kill a few people on more than one occasion.” It actually kind of scared her because she knew that he meant it.

He truly wasn’t sure if he was even capable of things like sympathy anymore.

“But you care about me, that means something right?” She pretty much whispered it to him.

He didn’t answer for a long while, that silence aside from the faint crackling of the fire and the group talking amongst themselves weighed down on her even more, it felt like it was all consuming.

“I don’t know, I don’t even know if I can care.” He said as he looked towards the ground. “Then why did you-” She went to ask but he cut her off, not even letting her get the question out before he went over to the group. 

“Okay, so when we’re done here we need to check our ammo.” His voice just trailed off really, she wasn’t paying much attention, she was too busy trying to piece together the man in her head. She was confused even more now, just when she thought she was putting the pieces together he managed to scatter a few more just out of her reach.

She quietly sighed as she walked back over towards the group.

======

Unfortunately after that extremely hectic battle, they found that they were a lot shorter on ammo than they had expected, and they decided that what they had killed for the day was more than enough to put Madsen’s paranoid ass to rest. 

The walk back to town felt like an eternity, after they had removed as much of the ghoul corpses as they could, the adrenaline had long worn off and most of the group was feeling the effects of it.

Everyone except Alex of course, he remained as militant as when they had left earlier, back straight, hand on his sword ready for anything.

Along with the fact that he insisted on being just a little closer to Penelope than the rest.

They just kept walking, it was monotonous, they were still a long way away from home and the tunnels just started feeling like they would never actually end. Abruptly Alex just stopped walking for a moment, the rest of the group did as well, they were confused for a moment as he seemed to look over his shoulder for some reason.

His eyes suddenly went wide as he quickly pulled his sword out and out of nowhere a thrown rock flew by the group, aimed for him.

With a clean swipe he sliced through concrete like it was nothing, the rock split in two and fell past him, everyone turned around to see an unfortunately familiar sight behind them.

That man, barely levitating off the ground, staring in their direction. 

“Well, the day just wouldn’t be complete if we didn’t get to see you again now would it?” Alex asked with a snarky tone as he stepped toward the man. Penelope could immediately feel her heart starting to race again, last time they barely managed to get away from this guy.

“How’s your brother?” Was he trying to piss the thing off? 

“Of course a creature as evil as yourself would find humor in the death of one’s family.” The man hissed at him, he could feel the glare of contempt from under that mask.

“Well, when your family murders an entire station just for fun, yeah I kind of enjoy killing monsters like that, we’ve been over this already.” Alex was quite confident here, flashing a grin towards the man despite what happened last time they met.

“You are not the one to judge what is good and what is evil, you are merely one on a once thriving world…” The man responded. 

“Nah, I think when you kill dozens of innocent people, I can say that’s pretty evil.” 

The man growled and reached to his sides, pulling out two large butcher knife like blades. “This time, I’m going to make sure you die!” He shouted towards them, the rest of the group stood by Alex, guns aimed towards the man.

“This time you deal with all of us motherfucker.” One of the guys said. 

Without hesitation Alex charged at the man, both sides trading wild swings however it seemed like the man was able to counter him at almost every turn, blades clashed and the man dodged the gunfire coming his way with no trouble. Alex was barely avoiding the man’s swings by the skin of his teeth while he seemed to avoid every hit without even really trying.

“Do you forget boy? I can read every move you make.”

That just made things almost impossible, he could dodge but not forever, the man knew every move, every bullet fired, and could reach accordingly. For them it was more like trying to fight a ghost than anything else.

Blurs of silver and the echo of gunfire rang through the tunnels but there was no progress, the man levitated around like a loose phantom, mocking them with his laughter, watching as desperate shots flew past him, ricocheting off the concrete walls, he effortlessly hurled loose rocks in every direction as well, making an already impossible fight much more difficult.

“You can’t even touch me…” The man said in a low echoing voice.

“Shit! Alex, we’re out of rounds here!” One of them called out, the man suddenly flew back, making some serious distance between them.

“Prepare…” He then suddenly connected the two blades together at the bottom. “TO DIE!” The man actually started spinning around, like a massive psychotic fan, his blades were spinning so fast they were barely visible and he suddenly shot towards them.

There was no way they would be able to sidestep that attack, thinking fast Alex was able to go over him, he fired the hook into the ceiling and flung himself over but there was still no way the others would be able to avoid that.

As soon as he landed he grabbed his revolver with his free hand, almost blindly firing it towards the man. Suddenly he let out a painful scream and the blades stopped twirling as the bullet managed to pierce right through the man’s thigh.

He stopped, Alex could feel the angry glare through the lenses. He quietly growled and tilted his head in Penelope’s direction, deciding to target her out of everyone in the group.

He turned towards her and held his hand towards her but this time something was different, she didn’t get that faraway gaze in her eyes, in fact she was willingly staring the man down.

“What?! How are you able to resist my control?!” He shouted, furious at this point.

“Because...I’m not the same girl you faced weeks ago…” She said, not hiding the confidence behind her voice.

The man growled again in frustration. “Fine! Then I’ll just kill you myself!” He went to charge at her but was quickly intercepted, a clean slice from Alex right across his face and through his mask, half of it fell off exposing his face.

He was hideous, his skin was wrinkled like the ghouls, a pale grey as well. His eyes were a dead black color and his teeth were also a rotten looking black.

The loss of his mask seemed to send the man into a panic, he grabbed the side of his head that was exposed, letting out panicked sounding gasps.

“No! No! Stop it! STOP IT!” He started screaming hysterically, wildly swinging his blades around.

They didn’t know this, but without his mask the man could hear ALL of their thoughts, all at once, and he was unable to stop them, a cacophony of multiple voices assaulted his mind, sending him into a blind rage.

“How?! How did I not predict your attack?!” He screamed, setting his eyes on Alex, he couldn’t focus though, the unrelenting attack of everyone’s thoughts overwhelming his mind.

He swung at Alex, trying to hit him but now he was the one struggling, he couldn’t predict movements now, not with everyone’s voices in his head all at once.

There were only a few brief clashes of steel before Alex delivered the killing shot, plunging his sword right through the man’s chest, he let out a cry of agony as the sword pierced completely through his body, Alex ripped the blade from him and the man stumbled for a moment before collapsing.

He just laid there for a moment, his breathing turned shallow as the group stood over him, he was still being tormented by their thoughts as blood pooled underneath him.

But he could still somehow make out Alex’s thoughts, they were the loudest, followed up by Penelope’s, the others were more so rambling, asking themselves who he was.

It chilled Alex a bit when that one exposed eye set on him.

His thoughts were...Strange, almost as if half of his mind was consumed by thoughts of the girl, the other half was desperately trying to fight against those thoughts, to remain steady and calm.

Hers were much more patient, far less frantic than his, while her mind was full of questions regarding him, they weren’t steadily consuming her like his were.

He looked at the two of them, then flashed what could probably be considered the most unnerving smile the two have seen, his one exposed eye widened and his teeth were showing. It was made worse with the fact his breathing had gotten louder and heavier.

He started to chuckle, a bone chilling chuckle, one that sent chills down everyone’s spine.

Without a second thought Alex pulled out his revolver and shot the man right in the forehead, the chuckling was immediately silenced as the bullet pierced through the man’s skull, the back of his head blowing out from the shot.

There was a sense of relief seeing the man dead, Alex could help but crack a smile at the fact he got the man back for almost crippling him, and the fact he almost killed Penelope.

He stepped over the man’s corpse towards the connected blades laying next to him, they were unusually heavy, the man himself looked like a twig so it was surprising that he could even use them.

“Hey Alex, what do we do with the body?” One of the guys asked him.

“Leave it, it’ll rot eventually.” He responded before walking over and removing the rest of the man’s mask, which was hanging on by a few straps.

“Any of you recognize this guy?” He asked, everyone seemed lost on who this person actually was.

“Hm…” He mused for a moment. “His brother was named Jack, anything sound familiar about that?” Still everyone was unsure who this guy was, it was actually a bit frustrating. Something about this guy made him not want to leave this as open ended as it was, sure he was dead but something still wasn’t right about it.

“Come on, let’s get back to town and we’ll think about it there, I need a drink after all this shit.” One of them spoke up. Actually, now that Alex thought about it, a drink sounded great after all this. 

He decided to bring the man’s blade with him, it never hurts to have something extra lying around.

======


	29. Celebration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone just decides to unwind for a bit, and it turns out Alex's little misstep from yesterday didn't go unnoticed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually really proud of this chapter, I finally introduced some new side characters that I plan on really giving their own time and it makes the story not completely Alex and Penelope centric.

======

That post fight shower was always enjoyable for him, the warm water running over his skin, washing away the sweat, the blood, giving him a sense of clarity.

Alex smiled to himself as he finished rinsing his hair, the fresh smell of his soap already filled the room. It was rare when he had these moments of peace come over him, rare but very much welcomed. His mind was silent, he was letting himself come down and relax. 

He let out a pleasant sounding sigh as he turned the water off, not wasting any time as he dried himself down and threw on a quick outfit for the rest of the day, something simple, a plain white t-shirt with a thin brown jacket and some dark grey pants. He actually felt comfortable, unusually relaxed.

Admittedly this feeling was surreal for him, then again this was becoming normal over the last few weeks.

He was just waiting now, after they returned the guys kind of dragged him into meeting them over at Johnny’s later, originally he hadn’t planned on it.

But a pair of violet eyes and a bright smile quickly ended up changing his mind, something that was somewhat frustrating to him. She still had so much sway over his actions, over his thoughts.

He sat at his desk, where his gauntlet was still sitting, he moved it aside and clicked on the radio, the song “I Don’t Want To Set The World On Fire” came on, he casually leaned back in his chair and rested his hands behind his head, closing his eyes.

Silence, for a few moments there was nothing but silence.

_ “Will you let go now?”  _ Of course, that little voice just had to find an excuse to come back. He let out a sigh, frustrated.

_ “You just have to let go child, let go and embrace freedom.”  _ It beckoned to him once again, though he chose to ignore it for the time being, just for a moment though.

“I told you, we do this on my time, when I decide to.” He said, the voice quickly went silent after that.

A couple hours went by, Alex spent most of his time tinkering with some old robots parts he had, he was fairly certain they belonged to a protectron, he was patiently working on what looked to be an arm when someone knocked at his door.

Seemed like he had a lot of people knocking these days.

He answered and it was who he was expecting, Penelope greeted him with a small grin.

“Ready to go?” She asked, there was something about her, she had a little extra brightness in her eyes.

“Of course.” He said, unintentionally giving her a smile of his own.

That idea of distancing himself from her obviously wasn’t going anywhere, he just couldn’t find the ability to do so. In fact at this point it seemed like he was doing the opposite, just continuing to get close to her. 

As they walked into Johnny’s one of the guys immediately waved both of them over to the booth they were sitting in, of course the three of them managed to cram themselves into the opposite side so they could give the “loving couple” some comfort.

At least that was the joke one of them cracked the second they made their way over there, getting him an eye roll from Alex as they sat down.

“Aw come on man, it’s just a little joke, you gotta learn to lighten up a little bit!” the beatnik said, chuckling. Though Alex wasn’t into the humor that much, responding with a quiet grumble.

“Ah Nate’s right you know? You two are always around each other, how are you not a thing yet?” The buzzcut interjected, great so this was going to end up being the topic of the evening, well at least he had a name for the beatnik. 

“Look, guys you already know how I am-” 

“Yeah yeah you keep giving us the same answer you give Johnny, but you were saying that when you were kissing her in front of the whole town.” The Hispanic man spoke up, almost immediately Alex’s face turned a shade of red and he was stuck speechless, Penelope got red in the face as well but she already knew at least one person had seen that.

“So much for enjoying being alone eh Alex?” Nate spoke up, he was of course in on the jokes.

“Well, great seeing you guys but I think I should head back.” He was starting to unravel already, stuttering over his words and acting more like some middle schooler with a crush than how he normally is.

“No no no, you aren’t going anywhere. You’re already here and you’re gonna sit down and celebrate with us.” Nate spoke up, but Alex wasn’t having it.

That is until Penelope grabbed his arm. “Don’t go…” She said, eyes silently pleading with him to stay. 

As much as he’d want to deny it, the gaze made his heart melt and he stayed in his seat, of course hearing the guys snickering at the display.

“Jeez, who would’ve thought that all it took for you to stop being such a hardass would be a cute girl?” The hispanic man said, flashing a glance towards Penelope.

For some reason, Alex immediately felt his blood start to boil and he started glaring at the man.

“Aw come on Manny, give the lad a break now.” Johnny’s voice stepped into the conversation as he was approaching the table.

_ “Oh god not this, anything but this…”  _ Alex thought as the Irishman walked over, smile on his face and an “I told you so” glance towards him.

“After all, I’m sure the boy doesn’t want to admit I was right.” He said confidently, Alex refused to look in the man’s direction. 

_ “Maybe I should’ve let that guy blend me into paste…”  _ This was beyond embarrassing now, of course he should’ve expected it after his idiotic move yesterday.

“Anyway, what can I get you?” He asked cheerfully. 

“Yeah just get us the usual Johnny.” Nate said. 

“I assume you want your usual Nuka Alex?” Johnny asked, which actually got him a few disappointed looks from the others.

“Nuka? Really? Come on man, have a beer with us or something, hell even your girlfriend there likes her whiskey.” Manny said, motioning towards Penelope.

“I’ve only had it a couple of times, it’s not like I drink it all the time.” She said, trying to ignore the use of the term “girlfriend”. 

“Actually, I think I have the perfect choice for you two.” Johnny said with a smirk before walking away from the table, Alex ran his hand down his face, irritated that he wasn’t going to hear the end of this from them.

A few moments later Johnny came back, with three beers that he placed in front of Manny, Nate, and the other guy, he gave Alex a grin because he was enjoying watching this whole thing play out. He returned once again but this time had a large purple bottle and a couple of fancy looking glasses.

It took everything for him to not just slam his head into the table, it was a bottle of some fancy wine and a couple glasses for the occasion.

“You see lad, couples usually prefer to drink this.” He teased.

“We’re not a couple you ass.” Alex snapped at him. “And I know what wine is, I’m not an idiot.” He continued.

“I dunno lad, usually the way people show their feelings are through nice gifts, maybe a heartfelt confession, not kissin’ em in front of everyone.” He could hear Alex growl as he looked away from the man.

“Now then.” He said as he popped the cork off the wine and filled both glasses up.

“Enjoy you two.” But he didn’t even get the chance to walk away before Alex downed almost the entire glass, he was going to need it to deal with these people after all.

Gradually through the influence of a couple glasses of wine and Penelope talking him down, Alex managed to actually enjoy his time with them, he finally found out that buzzcut’s name was literally Buzz, he actually was ex military, stationed at the national guard training yard up north.

Nate was a real beatnik, he spent time before the war just enjoying life, living it up and to its fullest and Manny was working for RobCo prior to things.

The alcohol was really starting to take effect at this point, he wasn’t fully drunk but he was certainly feeling tipsy, he felt relaxed and he was enjoying the presence of his group. They were cracking jokes and for the first time in years he felt...Normal.

It was just another surreal thing, he never felt normal after the war but now? Amongst people who talked to him like a normal person, being around her, things for a moment just didn’t feel like the world they actually lived in.

They felt peaceful. 

He looked over and noticed Penelope slightly swayed in her seat, she was clearly feeling the same effects as him, her eyes met his and whether it was the wine or not, he felt his heart suddenly jump.

Then she leaned over and rested her head on his shoulders, prompting the guys to let out sarcastic “Awws” towards them. For a moment he thought about moving her head off.

But he’d be lying to himself if he said she didn’t look cute resting against him like that.

Ironically this was something he imagined at least once before, if things were actually still normal that is. He actually wished at one point that he had friends, had a girlfriend, but it had been a long time since those thoughts even attempted to cross his mind.

Yet here it was in a sense, sure they were just some guys he went ghoul hunting with and she was just some girl that flipped his mind upside down, but it was probably the closest he was going to get. A small, tipsy smile came across his lips.

======

Things finally settled down, Alex was still a little blurry in his head, alcohol flowing through his system, Penelope was in the same state.

“Did you guys down that entire bottle?” Manny asked, Alex lifted the bottle up and shook it, greeted by nothing but silence. Then he just casually shrugged his shoulders. “Whoops” He said with a cheeky grin. 

He had never really been drunk or even tipsy before, everything felt slower, more calm. On the not so bright side of things he realized one of the worst side effects of being drunk.

His filter was nonexistent right now, he found himself openly staring at Penelope, eyeing her up and letting his thoughts run wild. He noticed the guys chuckling amongst themselves, occasionally glancing at him. At this point though he really didn’t give a damn about them, his eyes were set on her.

That hungry gaze of his, what was normally an attempt at apathy and distancing, was replaced by fierce desire. That part of him that he often tried to keep down regarding her, was quickly pushing its way to the surface, trying to break free even around other people.

He wanted her, he  _ yearned  _ for her.

He started sweating like a sinner in a church, brushing the back of his hand over his forehead. “I think I’m gonna head home for the night guys…” He just had to get out, before people noticed certain things about him. He was sure it was just the wine screwing with his head.

“Aw come on Alex, you can’t be done already!” Nate spoke up, but shortly after that Penelope started scooting out of her seat.

“Actually, I think Alex has the right idea…” She made it out of her seat, Alex was wanting to leave just to get away from her and now she wanted to leave too.

This was bad, he just had a strange feeling in his stomach as the two said goodbye to the guys and left.

“Alex?” She said, voice rising.

“Hm?” He raised an eyebrow towards her.

“Would...You mind if I...Stayed with you until this works its way out of me?” She asked, his breath hitched and he felt his stomach drop.

“Excuse me?” He asked with a shaky voice.

“Could I stay with you until I’m not so tipsy?...” She asked again, flashing her eyes at him.

_ “No no no no no no” _ He just kept saying no in his head, repeating it like a broken record.

“O-of course.” He ended up saying, then mentally kicked himself as hard as he possibly could.

She gave him a small, yet adorable smile as she followed him home.

======


	30. Let Me In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ....*Sigh*....Just sigh.
> 
> Remember how this is the same guy who pulled a sword out on her? The same guy who SWORE up and down nothing was gonna come of it? Well, this chapter COMPLETELY DESTROYS that.
> 
> I admittedly enjoy writing Alex as super possessive during sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I planned to end the first arc with a bang and damn it I am certainly ending it with a "bang" 
> 
> I'm somewhat ashamed that my average chapter runs between 2000 to 3500 words on average, this one? Clocks in at over 5000, because when I write a smut piece I am obligated to go above and beyond, and I haven't written one in a LONG while so I don't know how good or realistic it is but damn it I planned this since like chapter 10, if you couldn't tell I obviously lack the ability to write people having their first time which is ultimately why these updates took so long, most of the other chapters were done almost two weeks ago, just finding the ability to write a decent smut piece to wrap the arc up was surprisingly difficult.
> 
> I'm actually really glad I get to wrap this arc up as I know it's been extremely chaotic, some things are disjointed because I tried to do too much in the early goings before I specifically focused on the relationship building, since I've got a lot of things planned in order now, hopefully things seem less all over the place going into the next arc.
> 
> That being said, I hope everyone enjoys this one and consider it my Valentine's day gift lol.

======

For the first time he felt relaxed, truly relaxed. There were no nagging voices in the back of his head, no constant flashes from memories that have long since passed, his mind was empty, content. Whether it was from the alcohol or not he really didn’t care, he was going to take the time to enjoy the first bit of real peace he’s experienced in the last 5 years. He casually leaned back in his desk chair, listening to the sounds of the radio, playing a song he couldn’t quite make out. He just didn’t remember it.

It was peaceful, unusually so, but he wasn’t going to question it. His gaze settled on Penelope for a moment, laying on his couch, her coat hanging over the back of it. Her eyes were closed as if she were asleep. Her chest slowly rising up with each breath. He quickly diverted his attention when he realized he was probably spending a little too much time looking in that spot.

Maybe there was still one thing on his mind, one question that he was still looking for the answer to and it was what was different about her? What was so different about her that she was able to inch her way into his head like she did? He had spent so much time asking himself that question, trying to find an answer that seemed like it would never be there.

It was so much simpler when it was just him, when he had control of everything, when all the pieces fell together just the way he dictated they would. That was what people disliked about him the most, it wasn’t just the fact that he “came off as an asshole” it was the fact that he needed to have absolute control over every situation, every potential outcome needed to be influenced by him, everything was planned down to the slightest details to prevent any screw ups, failure was never an option even in the smallest situations.

But then she stepped in, and that control seemed to slowly slip away from him, that ability to remain isolated eroded away. He seemed to soften against his will.

And he absolutely hated it, hated how he allowed himself to become so weak around her. He hated how the simplicity of survival turned into the pathetic musings of a horny teenager. 

He noticed her stretch her arms a bit, readjusting her position on the couch before she was facing him, her eyes were still closed, still like she was sleeping. Hell for all he knew she probably did fall asleep there, he was a bit too preoccupied to really concern himself with it.

Of course he already knew the answer to his questions, there was no mysterious deeper meaning to things, nothing that he couldn’t and didn’t already figure out a long time ago, she wasn’t something different, she wasn’t special. He knew that he didn’t need her, he didn’t need anything but his own two hands, his wit, and his ability to survive.

But want? That was a different story entirely, it went against everything that made him who he was, every wall that he spent years tirelessly building up, every loss, every death, every single mistake. All of it seemed to just crumble in the wake of some girl.

Some girl that did nothing but leave him with a racing heart and a long line of thoughts that he could never share with another person, it made him angry, even through all the supposed bonding they had done in recent weeks it made him angry knowing that something he didn’t need, something that only tapped into his physical desires, brought everything down like this.

Her being there went against his self-control, it changed things that it had no business ever being around, to him it made him feel weak, no monster seemed to make him feel as powerless as she was capable of doing. His own wants, his own desires, that was what crippled him more than anything the wastelands could offer him.   
  
Of course he did have sympathy for her, he wasn’t completely uncaring, he was incapable of being like that even if he wanted to. But the aching pains in his chest and the way her presence alone changed him, he could live without that.

How pathetic...

As if on cue she let out a yawn and sat up on the couch, he quickly diverted his gaze away from her, curiously she looked around the room for a moment before those violet eyes set on him.

“You’re awake, you’ve been out for the past half hour now…” He said, now that he actually did have confirmation that she was asleep. Without reason he felt his jaw clench, the air in the room felt heavier and it felt like something was just wrapping around his neck as he nervously tugged at the collar of his shirt.

“My apologies...I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” She said, wearily rubbing her eyes. He merely shrugged his shoulders at her, trying to act as if nothing were amiss.

It only took her a few moments to fully wake up and notice how distant he was, she wasn’t that off that she couldn’t tell how much his facial expressions had changed from earlier, now he was more reminiscent of that stony, cold gaze he used to give her.

“Alex? Is something the matter?” She asked, leaning forward in her seat.

“I’m fine.” He said, without even looking at her. Through the corner of his eyes he could see a pout pressing at her lips, then the sudden feeling of his pulse picking up. Almost as if she could see through him, those glittering violet eyes even through the slight haze of sleep and alcohol.

“You don’t look fine, you look like something’s really bothering you.” She muttered, actually sounding agitated. “I said I’m fine.” He immediately retorted, she was silent for a few moments. Then followed up by the sound of her socked feet on musty carpet as she stood next to him.

His body tensed up and his heart just continued racing, he hated being loomed over, being looked down on by anyone, even her. “You know I’m really getting tired of you doing that.” She snapped at him, a brief but noticeable flicker of anger in her eyes.

“Oh? And what, pray tell, am I doing Penny?” He said her name with a little extra sarcasm. “This, you won’t let anyone help you when you need it, you never let anyone in.”

Finally he had enough of her standing over him as he turned off the radio and got up from his desk chair, but she didn’t back down, she returned his cold stare with her defiant gaze.

“I don’t need to let anyone in, because I don’t need anyone.” He said with certainty, slightly narrowing his eyes at her.

“Oh please, are you still trying to put on that act that you’re better off being alone?” She snapped back at him, not even knowing where this sudden, abrupt argument was coming from.

“It’s not an act Penelope, I don’t  _ need  _ anyone, things are simpler without others to interfere in my business.” He could see the fury flicker behind her eyes.

“Is that why you’ve spent the last two weeks with me? Letting me come into  _ your  _ home without so much as a sideways glance?” Her voice raised slightly as she was speaking.

He pursed his lips for a moment. “Just because I do not need others, does not mean I am not a kind person…” He could see her cheeks starting to flush, turning red from anger.

“So what was all that stuff about protecting me? About not hating me?” She took a step closer to him, standing nearly nose to nose with the man. Well, more nose to forehead since he had a few inches over her.

“I don’t hate you, and I do still wish to keep you safe, I care about what you go through because that’s just how I am, I never once said we were friends.” He retorted bitterly, his stare somehow managing to grow even colder. Those dark blue eyes of his practically staring into her soul.

Yet despite what he was saying she could see something else, underneath that rough, ice cold exterior he was trying to put on. It looked so much like he was fighting something, something that he was obviously trying to keep hidden from her.

“I don’t understand though...You’ve been so different the last couple of weeks, why are you suddenly like this?” 

“I did that for you.” 

“Excuse me?”

“Do you really think I enjoy being around all those people? Making up bonds that will eventually be destroyed when they end up dying when one of those ghouls rips their throat out? Listening to them CONSTANTLY ram the idea of dating you down my throat, now they won’t shut up over yesterday and they’ve probably told everyone who’ll listen by now...I did all of that for you, because...Because I didn’t want you being alone.” His own face started to turn red at this point, but that strange look in his eyes still didn’t change. She was silent for a moment before she spoke again.

“Then what was yesterday? You never answered my question…” She managed to get out, her voice starting to crack and tears pressing at her eyes. As cold as he was being, he didn’t want to see her cry. He just wanted her to see things from his point of view just for a moment, to understand where he was coming from. He didn’t want to hurt her, not in the slightest.

He grimaced, slightly leaning away from her, nervously his eyes looked towards the floor for a moment. “I...I don’t know what that was, it was just a moment in time that shouldn’t have happened, I wasn’t thinking clearly.” He half lied to her, he was thinking somewhat clearly, he certainly could’ve resisted the urge, he could’ve let her leave and just gone about his day.

But he took that risk on a whim, he stepped on the line on his own choice.

She was silent for a moment, still fixing him with that defiant stare that made his insides jump. The air in the room felt even more stifling than it already was, it was like her eyes were trying to stare a hole through him. They were full of hurt, desperately wanting answers to questions that he wasn’t entirely sure he was ready to answer. He took a deep breath, just trying to calm himself down a bit, his eyes softened considerably and he looked far less angry.

“Penelope...You have to understand what I’ve been through since this started, I can’t let anyone in, for my own sake…” He murmured, never taking his eyes off of hers. She broke the contact as she looked down at the floor, then she gently grasped his hand into her own.

“So if I wanted in...You wouldn’t let me?”    
  
“I-...” He couldn’t get any words out. “It’s okay to let people in Alex...We’ve all lost people, how many of us do you think lost our families? Our friends? I...I understand what you’re going through...Do you forget what I’ve been through as well?” She started holding his hand with both hands this time, looking up at him through pleading eyes.

“Penelope…” He still couldn’t speak, feeling himself slowly losing that control that he fought to keep, that control that she was slowly stripping away from him. There was a long silence between the two of them, her eyes continued silently begging for him to let her in, to let those walls down even for a minute.

“It’s...Not that easy. Honestly I wish I could just...Accept people.” He mumbled, then he felt his hand nervously twitch in her grasp. “It...It’s a lot easier to just keep my distance from everyone, that way it doesn’t hurt when I end up losing them.” 

“And I understand that...That’s why even when you’ve tried to make me go away I always insist on staying.” 

“But why?...What about me specifically makes me any different than anyone else? I mean aside from the fact that I don’t ogle you like a dog in heat?” A warm smile came to her face and he heard her quietly chuckle.

“Honestly? I don’t know...You’re right that by all accounts I shouldn’t want anything to do with you, I mean they say that first impressions are everything and you weren’t exactly too fond of me when I first came around…But I didn’t take everything at face value.” Her thumb began gently circling around the top of his hand. “There’s nothing special underneath it either, there’s a pretty good reason that people don’t want to speak to me.” He said solemnly, directing his sight to his hand as he took a moment to think. “Everyone else, they’ve managed to cope with this, look at Johnny, that guy is always happy, I don’t think I’ve ever seen the man not smile during my time here...I’m not like that.”

“Then why don’t you find a way to be happy?” There was an uncomfortable unease between the two of them after she asked that.

“Because chances are they’ll just end up being taken away from me if I did.” He finally said, letting out a brief sigh afterwards.

“You’re just wasting your time honestly, even if I wanted to I can’t just let people in, I’ve spent so much time trying to keep people out because they always end up-” He was suddenly interrupted when she cupped his face in her hands and kissed him, it was soft and gentle, the complete opposite of his own. His heart immediately jumped into his throat, time slowed down to a crawl for him. One of her thumbs gently stroked his cheek as she pulled away from him.

“I’m not going to be like the rest of them...I promise…

“You shouldn’t say things like that…” He muttered, knowing she shouldn’t make a promise that would be impossible to keep.

“I wouldn’t say that if I didn’t mean it...I’ve seen you out there and I know what you can do...I trust you…” She suddenly leaned in and kissed him again, her lips against his had his heart nearly jumping from his chest.

“You don’t have to let anyone else in if you don’t want to...But at least let me in…” She cooed, between her words, the gentle motions of her thumbs on his cheeks and her kisses, he quickly felt himself unraveling, any control that he had left was quickly slipping away from him, falling right between his fingers as he wanted to drop everything, drop it all and give in to the nagging feelings in his stomach. It was taking every bit of restraint he had left, restraint that was quickly wearing thin.

She kissed him yet again. “You know, you’re not the only one with feelings to hide…” That broke him, the last wall he had crumbled as his arms wrapped around her in a tight embrace, she let out a surprised grunt as his lips crashed into hers. Their kiss was hungry, chaotic, all that pent up frustration was finally having some kind of outlet.

She felt weightless, the back of her head fit perfectly in his hand, loose black strands of her hair felt like it was melting between his fingers, every fantasy he had paled in comparison to the real thing. Their kiss had a hint of desperation behind it, as if either one of them would disappear if they broke away from each other. They finally had to separate to breathe. “Alex, I-” She was cut off when he kissed her again, she returned it with a hunger that almost matched his own. He pressed his hand against the small of her back, desperate to have her as close to him as he could, his other hand continued to gently cup the back of her head. Her body just seemed to mold to his, as if she were made just for him. Her lips felt like absolute paradise, they made everything fade away, every bad memory just melting into a blur as he lost himself in her. She broke away just for a moment. “Wait...What if someone hears us?” She asked. “Who  _ cares _ if they hear us?” He didn’t let her get anything else out before he pressed his lips back to hers, he didn’t want to be away from her for too long.

His tongue gently pressed against her lips, silently begging for entrance that she gladly allowed. She let out a quiet moan into their kiss as their tongues awkwardly tangled together, the experience was new, the blood rushing through them an almost foreign feeling. Her fingers dug into the collar of his shirt, she took a step back, trying to pull him over to the couch but his hand pressed against her back didn’t let her move. Instead her arms slowly wrapped around his neck, tightly embracing him as she let his tongue taste every corner of her mouth. They finally broke their kiss again to breathe, a thin line of saliva kept the two connected for a moment.   
  
They pressed their foreheads together for a moment, breathing heavily, their eyes traded lust as the line between them quickly blurred, getting even fuzzier as their lips came together again. His hands rested on her hips this time, tugging at the bottom of her shirt to pull it off, this gave her the chance to pull him over to the couch, she coaxed him over and didn’t even let him sit for a moment before she situated herself into his lap, her hands cupped his face and she softly kissed him again. “Dieu comment j’ai voulu cela…” She muttered, something about her speaking in her native language was much more arousing, they kissed again, then he trailed a couple along her jaw, then slowly down her neck, she let out a quiet moan as gentle kisses turned into the feeling of his teeth grazing along her neck. Her body tensed up a bit as he bit and sucked on her neck, her fingers gently brushed through his hair as he was doing it.   
  
His hands rested on her hips for a moment before sliding up the back of her shirt, his assault on her neck suddenly stopped when he realized something. She actually wasn’t wearing a bra at the moment, he curiously raised an eyebrow at her but she didn’t say anything, merely she returned it with a coy smile and a chuckle and she raised her arms for him to slide it off. With a quick motion her shirt was off and tossed to the floor, he froze for a moment, taking in the sight. The girl he’d spent weeks fawning over, that had taken up almost every thought he had, was now sitting in his lap shirtless.   
  
God she was even more beautiful than he could’ve imagined, her skin was flawless, there wasn’t a scar to be found, not a single flaw or a single scratch, she was so pale compared to others but it didn’t make her any less amazing. She was so different from everyone else, everything else was flawed, damaged, but she wasn’t. He just sat there, dumbstruck for a few moments at the sight, a small grin came to her face as she bit her bottom lip, she reached down and slowly guided one of his hands towards her breasts, he gently cupped one in his hand, his thumb brushed over her nipple before she suddenly dove in to kiss him again, pinning his shoulders to the couch, his arms tightly wrapped around her as he let her take control of the kiss this time.

Honestly, the two hadn’t the first clue what they were doing. They were essentially acting on instinct at this point, desperate to release all the pent up feelings. They broke apart just for a moment before he suddenly sank his teeth into her neck, she let out a low moan and a chill shot down her spine, his teeth against her skin just felt so amazing, the bites turned into gentle kisses, then those kisses slowly moved down her neck, sweet little nips on her collarbone then she felt his lips latch around her nipple, his tongue slowly twirled around that sensitive spot, she continued to let out quiet little moans, sweet noises that sounded like music to his ears and only drove him to be a little more aggressive, one of his hands slipped in between them, into her pants.

He was disappointed to find out she was still at least wearing panties, however that didn’t stop him from teasing her, she let out a few shaky breaths as his finger slowly circled the outside. It was torture for her, his movement was slow and methodical, he could see her jaw clench as he traced little circles, she looked up at the ceiling with her eyes shut, her breathing still shuddering. “Alex please…” She said in a whisper as she slowly began rocking her hips towards him, Her quiet moans became even quieter whimpers, desperate little sounds that were quickly wearing him down.

This was just as bad for him as it was for her, his heart was pounding out of his chest, his own arousal was poking hard against his underwear almost to the point it was becoming painful, his blood running hotter than any fight could ever give him, but part of him just enjoyed this sadistic little game, watching her want him as much as he had done to her. Finally he slipped that finger in her panties, he watched her breath hitch in curiosity as his finger travelled over her lips, then a quiet squeak as it pressed inside of her. Her fingers dug into his shoulders as that one continued to plunge into her at what felt like a snail’s pace.   
  
Her whimpers became more insistent, wordlessly pleading with him to stop torturing her. He slowly slipped a second finger into her and she suddenly attacked his lips again, hungrily kissing him like a thirsty animal desperate for water. Gradually his rhythm started to pick up as their kiss blurred his mind, making him forget about his game. She let out quiet moans into their kiss and started rocking her hips against his fingers, their lips broke off and her moans got much louder without anything to muffle them, he roughly bit into her neck again, taking note of the small marks that had been appearing. “Oh god Alex…” She muttered breathlessly. “Mine...Fucking mine…” He growled into the nape of her neck, his other hand suddenly digging his nails into her thigh. “Oui, je suis à toi.” 

Almost every sense she had was under attack, his hot breath on her neck along with the occasional sharp pain of his teeth, his fingers slowly stretching her out, her mind was a complete blur, filled with nothing but pleasure from everything he did. She was more than content just letting him do whatever he pleased at the moment, she grabbed the collar of his shirt, motioning to try and pull it off. He slipped his fingers out of her, much to her dismay as it left her with a noticeably empty feeling, he barely had his arms up before she frantically tried to rip his shirt off, he found it amusing that she was trying so hard, he lazily lifted his arms and she nearly yanked his shirt off and threw it aside. She stopped for a moment to take in the sight, she’d never seen him without a shirt before, she wasn’t aware of how toned he was.   
  
One of her fingers lingered on his stomach for a moment, slowly trailing its way up to his chest, then his neck. Their eyes locked for a moment, that look of raw desire in her eyes had his blood running even hotter, their lips came together again, her breasts pressing against his chest, nothing in the world would’ve tasted better than her mouth. By this point the pressure in his pants started to become unbearable, all the teasing wasn’t doing him any favors, then it only got worse when she started to buck her hips against him, slightly grazing that sweet spot causing him to start letting out quiet moans into their kiss. She broke away for a moment and looked between them, then a sly smile came to her face. She slowly climbed off of him and made her way over to his bed, she sat on the edge for a moment, eyes silently enticing him to come over. The color purple couldn’t have been any more beautiful to him than right then, he stood over her, gently brushing his thumb over her bottom lip.   
  
He lightly pushed her onto her back, allowing her to lift her hips up and he got her pants off, his heart thudded against his chest at the sight in front of him. Even the most vivid fantasies he had paled in comparison to this, she was more beautiful than anything his mind could’ve put together, and she was all his. She propped herself up on her elbows, watching his hands fumble with his belt for a moment, almost like he was hypnotized by her, the sound of leather rubbing against fabric followed by the clatter of the buckle sent a sudden chill down her spine, a bright blush came to her face as he allowed his jeans to fall to the floor, somewhat relieving the pain he was feeling. Then his thumbs hooked into the hem of her panties and in one swift motion he pulled them off and threw them onto the floor, as he climbed on top her legs wrapped around him and their lips clashed together again, tongues darting forward and twisting together, she quietly moaned as she felt his cock brush against her.

“Alex, please...I’m done with all this teasing.” Almost desperately she used one of her feet to try and hook her toes into the hem of his boxers, she impatiently groaned before finally finding some success, he didn’t really say anything, instead deciding to let her have her way for the moment as she managed to slide them down his legs just enough for him to pop free. He finished kicking them off and resituated himself to line up with her. He could feel her tense up a little as his head pressed against her entrance, her breathing suddenly got shallow and her eyes were a mix of anticipation and nervousness, he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. “I know it’s a bit late to ask...But are you sure you want to do this?” He asked sweetly.    
  
“Oui, s’il vous plaît.” He didn’t exactly know French but he knew that “Oui” meant yes so he took that as approval. Her breath hitched in her throat as he slowly inched himself into her, he felt her nails start digging into his back and he winced a bit, she quietly whimpered as a mix of pain and pleasure flooded her mind, it ached but at the same time she’d never felt better, he heard her muttering something in French that he couldn’t exactly make out, he gave her gentle kisses on her cheek as she relaxed a little before he continued. Those quiet whimpers quickly gave way to loud moans and cries of pleasure, it still hurt but at the same time it was pure bliss, something she didn’t want to ever end. Alex had lost any sense of being gentle, any sense of rhythm was gone, replaced by an almost animalistic enthusiasm, he hadn’t even spoken, rather he continuously let out quiet growls. She noticed his eyes had changed as well, he had this dark, possessive gaze. He was practically staring into her soul with every thrust, she’d never seen him carrying a more intense look.

“Mine..You’re all fucking mine...Only mine…” He growled against her neck, she couldn’t say anything though. Her mind was starting to go, everything started to slow down and it felt like she was quickly starting to fall apart. “Oh my fucking god Alex…” She moaned, before suddenly crying out as he slammed into her a little harder, her saying his name like that only served to egg on his enthusiasm. Her body started to go tense, her mind went blank as her first orgasm slammed into her, a tsunami of pleasure crashing into her. Alex didn’t slow down however, he got quiet however, solely focused on finishing. Penelope didn’t care, he could take all the time in the world if he wanted to. She heard him growl again, a lot louder this time before he suddenly pulled himself out of her, she was confused only for a second before she’d seen him cum, shooting his seed onto the boxers that he’d luckily not kicked onto the floor.   
  
He got quiet for a moment before sitting up on his knees, he directed his eyes towards the boxers before casually tossing them onto the floor. “I can always clean those later…” He muttered in between heavy breaths, his head suddenly snapped towards her, his eyes were wild, screaming with desire still, his body was coated with a thin layer of sweat much like hers was. His eyes softened a bit as she pulled him down into another kiss, their tongues gently twirled together, it was such a jarring action from just a few moments ago but there was so much electricity between the two of them, once they had calmed down they had simply cuddled up to one another, she was warm, her presence in his bed made everything different, It didn’t take long for exhaustion to eventually kick in and she was asleep, peacefully nuzzled against him, as he himself was drifting off he started thinking about something.

This was what it meant, letting go of everything, allowing it all to just disappear, embracing that freedom.

======

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Dieu comment j’ai voulu cela…” = God how I've wanted this...
> 
> “Oui, je suis à toi.” = Yes, I'm all yours.
> 
> “Oui, s’il vous plaît.” = Yes, please."


End file.
